Chapter 3
That evening, they go home to Coulson's place, and they finally talk.
Clint tells him about how lost he feels, and admits to how he shoots his bow too long too fast on purpose until it bleeds. Phil listens to him, not judging, and gently redoes the bandages for him. While he does, Clint tells him about how lonely he feels at the tower, despite having all those people around him.
Then Phil tells him how angry he was with Fury for not telling him in advance that Clint would be on the initiative, that he wanted to tell him about it beforehand but didn't want Clint to get his hopes up in case the Director decided otherwise... And that he missed Clint on his missions, but knew that Clint was meant to be doing greater work than that. That he threw himself into his work thinking that Clint didn't want to see him any more at all.
"How could I not want to see you? I thought you wanted to get rid of me!"
"Never, Clint. Never."
While hurting for the other man at that last admission, Clint kind of feels better about himself knowing that Phil missed him, and lets it slip that he missed the other man, too. They sit in silence for a while after that.
Then Phil tells Clint that if he wants to, he can stay at Phil's for a while. Clint knows they both need the company right now, and gladly accepts.
Days turn into weeks, and they keep each other sane.
Clint still goes to the range some evenings, but mostly it's the one at SHIELD, where the possibility of other agents seeing his self-destructive tendencies restrains him. And if he does sometimes go into a bad place of mind and stays a little too long, Phil is there to help him out of it, taking the bow from his shaking hands. And knowing that Clint needs him to be okay, Phil makes sure he doesn't stay in the office for too long, makes sure to actually catch a few hours of sleep each night.
They're still dancing around the issue of how much exactly they like each other and in what way, but just being together a lot and emotionally healing together is enough for now.
Sometimes they stay at Phil's, sometimes in bed-stuy where Kate is still sleeping on the couch most days, sometimes Clint goes to the tower when Phil has to stay on base or is out on a mission.
They both still hate not being on the same team, hate not being able to watch out for each other, but spending the evenings together makes it a little easier.
But when Coulson gets clipped on the arm during a shoot-out, things change.
Clint's exhausted. The night before, he stayed up late waiting for the news on just how badly Phil had been hurt, and then got up in the middle of the night to take Phil home from HQ, knowing that the other man hates it there nearly as much as himself, despite never complaining or breaking out the way Clint does, and that the docs wouldn't have let him go and drive home alone.
Now, Clint lies in his bed in Phil's guest room, staring up at the ceiling, and he’s angry with Ward and Morse for not taking better care of Phil, and something just snaps. He knows he's too tired and not thinking straight, but he can't help it, he gets up and walks into Phil’s bedroom, slides under the covers and draws Phil to him, holding him in his arms to reassure himself that Phil is fine and alive and still there. Phil sighs and melts against Clint.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
Clint's words are soft and gentle, and filled with longing and regret.
He still doesn't know exactly how Phil will react, despite thinking that he has a chance with the other man with how close they've gotten again in those past weeks.
But Phil understands exactly how he feels, and turns in Clint's arms so they are face to face.
Looking at Clint for permission, he slowly leans in, and Clint closes the gap between them so their lips meet.
It's a chaste kiss, they're not even moving, but Clint still closes his eyes, savoring the feeling of Phil against him.
Satisfied that they are both on the same page here, they wrap around each other and finally go to sleep.