This Is How A Heart Breaks - BB x R
You sat on the soft red couch, the remnants of this evening's hurricane behind you in the kitchen. Whenever anyone poked fun at you and Bucky's fights you simply replied that while you fought hard, you loved harder.
Today the fighting had eclipsed everything else.
If someone asked, you wouldn’t be able to tell them why you’d started fighting in the first place.
Your favourite mug lay in pieces on the tiled floor, coffee seeping out of it like blood after Bucky had thrown it against the wall. You weren’t innocent in this, the evidence on the stainless steel fridge that now bared a dent in the shape of Bucky’s shoulder.
The day you’d moved in together had been so joyous, the apartment full of warm golden light while you set up your new life together. Now there was nothing but darkness, no light even from the open windows leaving the once happy home grey and bleak. The second hand piano he’d bought you for your birthday looked tarnished and worn, the rug showing the ink stain you’d made a few weeks ago like a gunshot wound.
Tears prickled in your eyes as you sat on the edge of the cushions, hands covering your face. There was a dull ache radiating from your right bicep where Bucky had grabbed you too hard. On any other day you’d have comforted him when you saw the shock in his eyes, reassured him that you were fine, it didn’t even hurt. But today you couldn’t bring yourself to lie again.
If you hadn’t been hiding your eyes, you would have seen Bucky standing in the shadow of the hallway, watching you carefully. From the way your shoulders shook he knew you were crying, but something held him back from comforting you. His heart ached and burned in his chest to be standing back, doing nothing while the love of his life sobbed a few feet from him, but tonight it felt different. This was the same fight the two of you had been having for months, only to reconcile in kisses and soft words, but tonight there were none left.The two of you had been fighting so hard against each other that neither of you had the strength to fight for anything anymore.
Tensing his jaw, Bucky turned on his heels and walked silently back into your shared bedroom. Grabbing his rucksack from the back of the wardrobe he started haphazardly shoving his clothes inside, too upset and blinded by tears to worry about his things creasing. He turned to his nightstand and his eyes fell upon the myriad of photos you’d placed there for him over your time together. Photos of the two of you and the team, a photo of you on the beach when you went to Spain together, at your cousins wedding. The Bucky and (Y/N) in the photos were sparkling and happy, but seeing those faces only reminded Bucky that neither you had smiled like that in a long time.
Pausing to roughly select one and tuck in inside a crumpled up jacket, Bucky shouldered his bag and walked back through the hall to the front door. He let his footfalls be loud enough that you could hear them, and your head snapped up as he stood in front of the door.
On shaking legs you stood up, arms wrapped tightly around your chest. His blue eyes fell to the red and purple marks on your arm and he felt bitter hatred rise up his throat. Too many times. Too many fucking times, he thought angrily to himself, putting his hand on the door knob and turning it. A beam of yellow light moved across the hardwood floor as it swung open and Bucky stepped out in to the hall. As his boots crossed the threshold you took a small step forward, your mouth opening to say something. You swore you almost saw hope in Bucky’s saddened eyes, but staring into his blue eyes the words caught in your throat.
The super soldier felt his heart fall and his mouth twisted up into a half smile of goodbye before closing the door behind him, leaving you standing alone in the empty apartment.
Gingerly you stepped towards the door until you were pressed up against it, forehead resting on the faded wood. Your hand ghosted over the silver handle as you fought to make a decision. You loved Bucky more than you’d ever loved before, but your hand eventually dropped down to your side, closing the book on that chapter of your life.
On the other side of the door Bucky waited, every cell of his body screaming in protest and praying to any deity that would listen for you to open the door, pull him into your arms and whisper that you’d get through this, because you always did.
That was what you did - you fought.
But all he heard was the ticking of the clock in the empty hall mocking the uneasy rhythm of his heart.
As Bucky finally turned and walked down the hall, leaving the best thing he’d ever had behind, he knew his heart would never beat the same again.
He thought he’d known heartache falling from the train, or looking at his missing arm, or realising what HYDRA had taken from him.
But he was wrong.
This was the worst pain of all.
This was how a heart breaks.