Certifiable Genius

3.

Having the abilities that Natasha Romanoff had was a blessing and a curse.

On one hand, you were a self sufficient human weapon who could hold your own fighting against gods and aliens. On the other hand, you were often used for your language and people skills in inconsequential situations.

Not actually inconsequential, of course. Avengers PR events and board meetings were an important behind the scenes necessity for saving the world. Keeping the ship sailing and engines going. That didn’t mean she had to like it, though.

Stark already handled almost everything related to PR for the group. Something having to do with it being a natural extension of his duties at SI, SHIELD explained. But, a quick chat with Fury months ago had revealed that they knew he already had the social standing and experience to be the best at manipulating the press, if need be.

The spy thought that calling it outright manipulation was a bit of an overstatement. Pepper Potts seemed to be one of the few people in charge of directing whatever he said. And even then, he’d go off script and tell divisive jokes or aggravate some important person. There was always a bad newsreel or article piece about Stark circulating somewhere. So really, how good could he be doing?

But the Russian spy had to admit that the Avengers platform was nearly always squeaky clean. There would always be naysayers or devil’s advocates. The overall consensus, though, was that the group were heroes that the Earth were indebted to. She could definitely live with that mindset staying in place.

That’s why waking up with a horrible headache on the morning of one of the group’s biggest international conferences made her infinitely frustrated. It was a quiet Monday morning, but it felt as though someone had given her a concussion the night before. She padded to the kitchen in her silk slippers and actually hissed at the sunlight streaming in from the huge windows. It wasn’t often that the enhanced human became sick. Sickness and injuries just seemed to avoid her, as if she could swiftly dispatch them like any other enemy. Moments like these proved that she could not.

She was only halfway through digging the tiny bottle of advil out from the back of the cupboard when her best friend came storming in. “NA TASSSH AAA,” Clint yelled in a sing song voice.

“Quiet down!” She insisted. Her hand was still fumbling around in the cupboard. The medicine probably wouldn't even help, but she'd be damned is she wouldn't try.
“What’s wrong with you today?” Clint still had that teasing tilt to his voice, but Natasha could already sense the unease he was trying to cover. She wasn’t always in the best mood, but she didn’t often show it so plainly as this. To the archer it was… unnerving, in a way.

“I’m fine. I just don’t want to do this today.”

Clint raised his eyebrows but hummed an amicable response. He was already settling in at the dining table with a box of sugary cereal and a jug of milk. “I hear that. Wanna skip out and find some fun in a foreign country?” He offered the red head a small smile and began unceremoniously pouring milk into his bowl.

Natasha turned as a gasp sounded from the hallway behind her. “You heathen! Are you putting milk in before the cereal?” The assassin rolled her eyes as Stark rushed into the kitchen next to her. The billionaire looked absolutely scandalized at the SHIELD agent’s behaviour. It was the most awake Nat had ever seen him without his morning coffee.

Clint started obnoxiously chewing in their direction.

“You’re really going to show up in my tower with my food and eat it in front of me like that? No class, no shame.”

"No class and no shame sounds awfully familiar."

"Are you implying what I think you're implying? Cause if so then-"

The bickering continued for a few more beats until Nat had enough.

“Both of you shut up.” She said it with so much disinterest and calm that anyone else might not have even heard it, but the two other avengers immediately fell into silence. She was glad that she never had to raise her voice, she didn’t think it was even possible right now. Her throat was so sore…

“Natasha, are you alright?” Steve asked as he entered with Thor and Bruce at either side. All three men were dressed in fitted black suits with polished shoes. The captain gave her a quick once over. Seeing that she was still in her sweats and slippers, his eyebrows drew together in concern. “We have to leave for the conference in an hour.”

For Steve that translated to: we have to be in the car in no less than 30 minutes.

The spy felt her cheeks nearly flush at his outright scrutiny. Which was… odd. She never cared about others assessments of her like this. Except when her mind was bogged down by fatigue that wasn’t easily pinned on exhaustion or an injury. In fact, she had no idea what was wrong with her right now. Her advanced immune system usually could fight off any potential illness. She had not accounted for this.

“Yeah Natashalie. Today’s your day to shine. Thank god. I finally have a break from wrangling the toddlers.” Stark quipped. He was currently warming his hands on his fresh cup of coffee, gray suit and black sunglasses in place. Natasha noted that he still had not cut his hair as Pepper had requested a week ago.

She huffed in frustration as he smirked across the kitchen at her. “Shut up Stark. I always handle this conference because you aren’t capable of it. Stop acting like you’re the only one who does anything around here.”

This international meeting was only held so often, depending on the current political climate and latest disasters. Representatives from every country interested in the Avenger’s affairs attended via video call or in person gathering. No press or civilian news outlets were allowed on the premises. And, due to the delicate nature of the topics being discussed, no staff below a level 8 clearance were privy to the information. That meant that Natasha was the sole speaker for the entirety of the conference, since she speaks nearly every notable language. SHIELD had insisted that in order to remain in good PR standing with these people, they would have to be as welcoming as possible. That meant accommodating each leader with a presentation in their respective language.

The whole ordeal was long, repetitive, and frankly- very boring.

If Natasha were not a mastermind of composure, she surely would have broken down and insisted that she couldn’t do it anymore. But she never was one to complain, especially to Fury. And especially when this provided her with enough leverage against Stark to show him that he really wasn’t the big hotshot negotiator and businessman he thought he was.

The Russian watched with a tinge of satisfaction as Stark’s smirk twisted into an irritated scowl.

“That wasn’t what I was-”
“I don’t think Tony was-” Bruce began to interject when Steve cut the two off.

“Just make sure you’re ready. Today’s important, like Tony said,” Steve quickly glanced over his shoulder at the mentioned billionaire, “But we can’t be arguing. We have to show a united front going in.”

Tony seemed to only become more irritated. “But I wasn’t-”

Bruce also stumbled out a reply to the Captain. “Let’s not take his words out of co-”

“Aye! I agree with our captain. We will enter as one, and endure this test of patience.” Thor agreed with genuine cheer and resolve. Clint startled as the God’s hammer flew across the room into his outstretched palm.

Steve sighed heavily. “You can’t do that in the hous-”

“Um, just to clarify still, I really wasn’t-” Tony interrupted.

“Shut up! All of you!” Natasha ordered. But she raised her hand to her throat in clear surprise as her voice came out weak and inconsistent.” All of the team’s eyes landed on her in quick succession. Clint slowly stood up and walked toward his friend.

“Hey… are you okay?”

If it wasn’t for her great control over her expressions, Natasha would have been bright red with anger. She wanted to leave the room with one last biting remark about not treating her like a piece of glass and ‘would they just stop staring at her!’ But she didn’t trust her sore voice not to crack. With her huff she strode out of the room to go change.

“Well that isn’t good.” Bruce commented, stirring his tea with a nervous glance to the other men.

Forty minutes later, Natasha was standing in the foyer of one of the city’s largest skyscrapers. Outside she could still hear the buzz of the media swarming the area. They may have been prohibited from entering, but that didn't mean they'd just give up. They were like mosquitos attracted to the smell of potential prey. She pulled out a small compact mirror from her handbag and slightly adjusted her simple black dress. The rest of her team were waiting with her. Everyone was dressed and groomed to impress.

Her earlier irritation was replaced with a calm façade meant to radiate confidence. It was admittedly difficult to appear so indifferent. Her head was pounding with the unfamiliar pressure of a migraine. Her throat felt swollen and raw in an amazingly uncomfortable way. The assassin had barely spoken a word since she had joined the others in their sleek limousine, hoping to conserve her energy for the real event.

Stark had been sending her sidelong looks ever since she had rejoined everyone. He still seemed to be caught up on her harsh words in the kitchen earlier, but for what reason, she failed to understand. If she cared enough she could just look over and observe him long enough to find out what his deal was, but she didn’t bother to spare him the time. His pride and petty arrogance over not being the center of attention could wait.

Steve, Thor, and Bruce had been pointedly remaining silent in her presence, probably to avoid one of her earlier outbursts. It was smart of them, she thought. Their self preservation skills were clearly functioning.

Clint, on the other hand, she wasn’t so sure. The archer was taking any chance he could to stand in her direct line of sight and catch her eye. At first it was with a look of childlike petulance, arms crossed and bottom lip seeming to subtly stick out in defiance. Defiant in an utterly juvenile way. Then, it turned into a look of true hesitation. He knew something was off. Something that joking and teasing couldn’t fix.

Nat coughed into her fist and smoothed out the fabric of her dress. What was up with the colorful dots blurring her vision all of a sudden…?

Startling at the feeling of hands grasping her upper arms and wrist, she furiously blinked up at Steve and Clint. “Woahh there!” Clint said frantically. He tightened his hand on her wrist as Steve let go of her arms and took a wide step back.

“Are you alright?” The super soldier asked. Now Thor was crowding closer too.

Why was everyone getting so near? Why couldn’t they leave her alone, and stop making this headache worse?

“You know Tash… if you aren’t feeling up to it today you don’t have to do this.” Stark said in a rushed whisper on her left. Someone from within the awaiting room was using a microphone to announce that it was time to be seated.

Natasha couldn’t believe his audacity. To insinuate that she wasn’t capable of doing her job, all because he was insecure that he wasn't as needed as he had previously assumed? What a child! Nat opened her mouth to say as much, and was horrified to find that only a small scratchy sound came out. “I- I..” she struggled to annunciate, before she felt her vocal cords give out like a collapsed building. Her lips opened and closed liked a mime, until she could only peer up at her fellow Avengers with a truly disgruntled expression.

Bruce was finally pushing forward between the much taller men to make his presence known. He didn’t hesitate in raising the back of his hand to her forehead in a very professional manner. “God Natasha. You’re burning up!” Bruce flipped his palm to press flat against the top of her head in an uncharacteristic show of concern. He hadn’t ever seen the spy show any signs of physical illness in all the months that he had known her. “You can’t even speak. Your throat too? Let me see.” The doctor demanded in that anxious way of his. It seemed like the word 'fever' was on the tip of his tongue.

The spy pushed his hand away and took a wide step backwards to escape everyone’s stares. Once again she failed to speak. Furiously she took out her phone and typed out a flurry of words. She shoved the phone into Banner’s outstretched hand.

Adjusting his polished glasses, he began to read aloud. “ The conference is starting any minute.”

“How will the brave lady warrior serve as our translator if her voice has been taken by illness?” Thor questioned. The god appeared to be very worried at this unusual turn of events. Nat snatched her phone back and typed out another message.

“I have to somehow,” it said.

Steve leveled his blue eyes at her in sympathy. “You can’t without your voice…”

The assassin was now becoming resigned to the situation at hand and was working to devise a secure course of action. She typed again. “Get a translator up here immediately.” She hated to be reliant on someone else, but she was in no condition to perform her job today. The least she could do was find a reasonable solution.

“No one is allowed up here. Not even the lower SHIELD personnel is here. Who can we get?” Clint asked quickly.

“5 minutes!” Bruce announced, staring wide eyed at the expensive wrist watch Tony had gifted to him a few weeks ago.

“The one eyed director seemed adamant that we attend to our own needs in this assembly,” Thor recalled from a few months earlier, when Fury had explained that all of these international PR events would be handled by Romanoff herself.

The hum of voices behind the awaiting double doors seemed to increase with the rising anxiety among the group. “We’ll just have to postpone this.” Steve said regretfully, knowing the ramifications this would have on them all. This could tarnish their image in the eyes of these important people. Natasha tried to protest through her inability to speak.

“God! I’ll just do it! It’s fine, come on, would you?” Stark exclaimed in exasperation, fidgeting with his cufflinks and striding off towards the conference room. The others followed after him in a bustle of movement. "Schmoozing is my bread and butter."

“Tony! Wait! This isn’t like all the other media events! You can’t just snark your way through this!” Steve insisted, rushing to stop the brunette from barging in.

“You can’t even translate, Tones!” Bruce exclaimed.

“Don’t make a fool of yourself!” Clint called out, dragging Nat with him. Thor followed in an equally apprehensive fashion. Their wealthy teammate was already clutching the glass door handles as if he was steeling himself up.

The engineer took a breathe and whispered minutely,"And a three… two… one.”

The superheroes' panicked frenzy dissolved into professional smiles as the hoard of people behind the door was revealed. Screens depicting the faces of dozens of world leaders lined the room, and several more were seated behind long tables decorated with plagues announcing their names, country, and relevance. The Avengers made their way to sit in their designated seats behind the main podium facing the crowd.
This time, however, Iron Man stood behind the display instead of the Black Widow.

“Hello, hello! I hope everyone’s doing well today, or tonight depending on the time zones.” Stark started, flashing his beaming smile. Clint made an imperceptible groan as Steve stiffened in anticipation. “We’ll begin with the specific presentations we have been asked to put together, as well as review the latest skirmish in Manhattan. We will then take individual inquiries.” He continued.

Romanoff listened to the familiar generic opening, knowing that beyond this, Stark was done for. This was the only part of the day that English was expected. Everything from here on out was supposed to be a long winded appeal to each country that had requested a specific analytics and strategy update from the previous meeting. In other words, the part where the spy started hurriedly speaking in foreign languages that no one else on the team could understand.

A couple of seats to her right, Dr. Banner had placed his elbow on the table and was rubbing his head, as if he had a worse headache then her. His friend was about to screw up big time, all to be prideful. Admitting defeat was not his strong suit.

“Ambassadeurs de bienvenue, je voudrais commencer par expliquer comment l'équipe a amélioré ses techniques de combat individuelles depuis notre récente bataille en France.” Tony effortlessly said.

Natasha’s eyes flew across to the man standing at the podium, narrowing skeptically. The rest of the team sent her a confused look of surprise, trying to gauge her reaction and see what their teammate had done. Stark continued, unaware of the stir he had caused amongst them.

“Is he.. Is he really speaking French?” Clint whispered to her in disbelief.

Alright, so the rich guy spoke French, she should have suspected that from day one, she supposed. It wasn’t exactly unusual for someone of his status to pursue mastering such an elective. Alright.

As the businessman approached the end of his speech, Romanoff steeled herself for his inevitable fall in composure. Now it was time to address the Chinese president’s officials.

“我知道復仇者獲得資金的地方有一些擔憂，請允許我解釋一下......”

“How on Earth..” Bruce trailed off, obviously listening to the bits and pieces that he understood. He was amazingly proficient in Chinese, thanks to his studies abroad. But Tony didn’t even stop to second guess what he was saying. Natasha curled her hands into fists beneath the table cloth and listened. Not only was he communicating, but the content of what he was saying was correct. Exactly what Fury had advised her to say in their recent meeting. She hadn't even realized he was paying attention. Everyone zoned out when Fury was debriefing her, especially Tony. He'd sit in his swivel chair and tap away at his tablet without a care in the world.

As the minutes ticked by, the team watched in disbelief as Tony carried the event with the composure and grace of any of his other PR sound offs, minus the inappropriate jokes and jibes. Well, except a few. Natasha gaped openly when he breezed through the Vietnamese portion, and clenched her jaw as he navigated the sharp rises and falls of her own language, Russian. So, he understood all those unexplained murmurs she'd make around the house... She tried to suppress a pang of envy as he conversed in confident Wakandan with the king himself. That was a language she had never bothered to study. Steve had caught her eye back when he was saying something off handedly in Irish, and it appeared that he was trying to validate that this was, indeed, happening. She could only shrug her shoulders and offer a sharp smile.

Finally, it was time for direct questions for the entirety of the group.

“De ce nu este ms Romanoff actorul dvs. astăzi?” Why wasn't she speaking for the group, someone asked in Romanian. Tony replied on her behalf, after sending her a small smile. He assured the audience that it was nothing more than a case of a weak voice. A murmur made its way around the room, making the spy want to glare at each and every occupant. 'Weak' should not be uttered in a sentence referring to her.

After a few questions for Steve about the extent of his military expertise and how he was incorporating such skills into the team’s tactics, and some pointless jabs aimed at Thor about how they could be sure he truly had Earth’s best intentions at heart, Tony tried to wrap things up. “One more question.” He announced in English, probably for the benefit of the group more than anything else. They were all getting antsy waiting around now.

A well dressed man who had attended in person, stood up and asked the final question of the evening in Italian. “ Sembri abbastanza bravo in lingue, Mr. Stark. Qualche altro talento nascosto?” Natasha stared at the back of Stark’s styled brown hair, waiting for his answer. Any other hidden talents? It appeared that he had managed to charm even the world’s politicians with his quippy banter. A good natured chuckle came from the audience members who understood what was being asked, a few delayed as personal translators caught them up to speed.

Tony grinned and replied with a faint air of bravado. “Immagino che dovrai solo aspettare e vedere. Ma grazie, sono sempre stato appassionato di italiano.” The man who had asked sat down with a laugh as Tony told him that he had always been fond of his language, and Natasha’s eyes widened a bit. Tony rubbed the back of his neck self consciously for a moment, as if feeling her eyes on him, and spun his cufflinks once again.

Despite hearing him so briefly, the spy already knew that Tony sounded like a through and through native Italian speaker. He had sounded perfect in everything he had spoken, but it was somehow... different. Alarm bells sounded off in her head. She pushed aside her feverish symptoms and assessed the man in front of her. Anxiety levels: suddenly spiked without apparent cause. Behavior: fleetingly bashful. The billionaire dismissed the assembly and made his way to the exit, not waiting for the others. Natasha added that to her mental file. Avoidance tactic being utilized. Reason for suspicion?

Clint tapped the back of her hand and made to stand up along with the others. Steve was focused on where Stark had disappeared into the empty foyer.

“I’ll go catch up,” Bruce volunteered, rising to swiftly follow.

“That went remarkably well!” Thor said heartily, clasping Steve’s shoulder. “I did not know the Man of Iron possessed such capabilities."

“Neither did I.” Thor’s pleased look did not diminish, and the others tried to replicate it. But watching Tony leave without them was a bit worrying. The team hurried out.

Bruce and Tony were speaking in hushed tones near the wall length windows. Natasha ducked her head as they approached the two scientists. “How’s your voice?” Tony asked, his face barely distinguishable in the low lighting. A wave of what felt oddly like shame passed over her. She simply shook her head, avoiding eye contact. “Oh,” he replied eloquently.

Natasha rubbed her hand down her arm. Guilt creeped up on her. She was pretty sure she could form a solid sentence or two by now, but what would she even say? All these languages, and what was she to say?

“You did amazing, Tony.” Steve said earnestly, his voice matching the quiet tones they had all taken to using for no particular reason. Tony seemed inexplicably somber, and it just didn’t make sense. Why wasn’t he bragging and snarking and saying ‘I told you so’? Natasha’s train of thought suddenly hitched as she realized something. Why would he be? How many situations had he really acted that way before? Except for when they were in front of a villain, or Fury, or some other political asshole who was trying to stir up trouble? When had she taken to assuming that Stark was just some shameless show off?

Oh.
Oh.

“Thanks,” Tony said.

“Where did you learn all that?” Clint asked, spinning an arrowhead on his finger that he had tucked away in his shirt pocket.

“I just picked it up gradually,” the philanthropist replied. He turned to gaze out over the skyline, hands tucked away in his pockets. He really did seem put out from all those hours of networking.

“ ‘Just picked it up’?” Bruce repeated. Tony shifted and huffed a bit. After a moment he seemingly decided to make the decision to expand on his vague explanation.

“When I was younger I started studying as many languages as possible to prepare for taking over the company. Whenever I sat into Howard’s meetings someone was always speaking in something we didn’t understand. I assumed it was an inconvenience for both parties involved. I decided to just be ready and make it easier for me in the future. Cut out the middleman, as they say.”

“Then why doesn’t anyone know you can speak so many languages?” Clint asked, recalling how the audience seemed to be just as surprised as the rest of them. The archer leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, ready to listen.

“When I got older he explained that one of the first rules of business was to never accommodate. If the other guy has to do more, it means your valuable enough for them to go through the trouble to work with you. Weird philosophy. Obvious power move. But I used it. Never really spoke another language like that in front of a negotiator again.” He explained. “To be honest, I think he was just to prideful and wanted to be as difficult as possible with people.” Tony admitted. The corner of his mouth turned down in a sour frown. “I mean, really. It’s not like it was hard for us. We might as well.”

Natasha noted how Tony seemed to avoid referring to his immensely high intelligence in whatever way possible, simply alluding to it. That’s when her brain seemed to short circuit. He’s not even just saying it outright. He’s a genius, in fact, his whole family are geniuses. And he’s not even willing to articulate it out of politeness and - no- bashfulness?

Wow.

“Really, thank you for handling this today. We appreciate it.” Steve persisted.

“It’s no problem. I already do some of our PR, no reason I couldn’t step in.” He assured.

‘Some’. Nat thought. No, he does basically all of it besides this one conference. All of their PR and all of SI’s. Constantly. He doesn't even mention it. And he did it well, incredibly well. They were virtually scandal-less and untouchable. Idolized by the world.

Oh.

She mustered up the courage to finally speak up. In a halting voice, she stated, “You speak Italian.” Everyone turned to look at her.

Tony’s eyes found her’s and he tilted his head. “Um, yes. I thought we established that I have a rolodex of dialects here.”

Her eyes narrowed in annoyance. Her voice was still sore and she did not want to speak this much unnecessarily. “No, I mean, you speak Italian. That’s your first language.” She stated confidently, ignoring the wavering quality of her voice. She fixed him with a look to further drive home her claim. It wasn’t a hunch, all of her spy training was telling her that it was an absolute truth that should be taken as fact.

The engineer’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second. He brushed back his hair and looked back at her, not saying a word. “Isn’t that right, Jarvis?” She said louder, peering at the smartwatch that was on Tony’s wrist.

“Indeed, Ms. Romanoff.” The British A.I answered. Tony furtively clasped his hand over the watch and looked at it traitorously.

“Wait, how do you speak Italian?” Steve interjected. He was properly shocked now, attentive and intrigued at this influx of information about one of their most secretive teammates. “Howard never spoke Italian.”

Tony started untying his tie and stared at the floor as he did so. “My mom spoke it. A lot of our staff, too. Learned it first, technically. Lived in Italy for awhile while Howard was off on… expeditions…”

Steve’s eyes sought out the billionaire’s, who refused to reciprocate.
“How long?” He asked in a hoarse whisper.

“Didn’t properly live here until I was about, eh, four?” The forced casualness of his voice made Steve visibly recoil.

The group lapsed into a stunned quiet. “Tony-” Steve started, only to be cut off by Jarvis’ crisp accent.

“Sir, your car is waiting downstairs.” Tony looked thankful for the interruptance.

“Of course. Tell the driver we’re coming.”

“Certainly, Sir.”

With a nod to the others, Tony took off towards the elevators, gently pulling Bruce along with him like an anchor. The team took up their pace.

As the super powered group left the elevator and stepped out into the darkened garage, the Russian spy tugged the genius off to the side.

"Grazie, la tua genialità ci salva sempre la giornata."

Thank you, your genius is always saving the day for us.

Glancing between the Avenger’s walking ahead of them, and back to Natasha, Tony smiled.