Wolf Like Me

Fatin POV (Age 15)

One thing the pair always had was their balance. Over the years since they became mates, they had always been the calm to the other's storm. It was a weighing scale they perfected, evening one another out with ease. When one would fall the other would lift them with a soft hand and a bright smile.

However, all scaled eventually caught a wind that tilted them albeit briefly. 

And Fatin’s tipping point? That was certainly today. 

She had woken up in the wrong mood, having only gotten two hours of sleep as she tried to nail a cello piece that had been driving her gradually insane. It was more complex than her usual pieces, but her music teacher had wished to test her in hopes of getting her onto the next level. They were pieces that no other person in their school would even attempt at eighteen, let alone fifteen.

Fatin was stressed, tensed out by third period, and beyond exhausted by fourth period. A migraine began to settle behind her eyes and she felt her resolve slowly slipping away. 

It also didn’t help that soccer had been cancelled for two weeks as their coach was ill, meaning Fatin had a hoard of energy stuck in her that remained unreleased. It piled up until it was too much to handle.

She trudged out to the empty parking lot, feeling her emotions easing marginally when she saw her mate there. Leah’s house luckily was close to the high school, only forty minutes on foot. Fatin was counting down the days until she got her licence like clockwork.

“Hey cutie.” Fatin smiled, bracketing Leah against the tree as she leaned down to kiss her. 

“Hey.” 

“Let’s get home, I’m so fucking tired.” 

Leah smiled, linking her fingers between Fatin’s. 

“What did you want to do? The new season of Dickinson or tackle a film?”  

Her hand was warm in Fatin’s own, their bond a mellow and content thrum between them.

“I thought you wanted to grab a coffee?” Leah said. 

“Oh, no. I’m tired and we need to save our energy for Mariah’s party tomorrow.” Fatin currently was too tired to even think about it, but Mariah always held the biggest party of the year. She was richer than Fatin and her parents went all out, even hiring caterers. 

A hand tensed in her own. “About that, I can’t go.” 

She stopped in the middle of the path, dropping Leah’s hand. “What? I thought we agreed that we’d go together a few weeks ago?” It had been exciting that Leah said yes. Her mate only agreed to a handful of parties but always stuck to her word. 

“I did, but it turns out I now have this huge bio quiz and I need to study. I’m seriously behind and it’s on Monday.” 

“You’re picking bio over a party?” Fatin said with enough judgment in her voice that her mate flinched. 

“I’m not picking it; I don’t have a choice.” 

“It’s literally one night!” She raised her voice, feeling the annoyance seep in. 

“You can go without me. I’m not saying you shouldn’t go I just can’t.” 

“But you can,” Fatin said, tensing her jaw. “You just hate Mariah.” 

“My like or dislike of Mariah has nothing to do with it,” Leah said, voice monotone as she sunk into herself. “I need to study; this quiz is graded and it’s a large percentage. If I fail this, I could be removed from honours bio.” 

“Oh, because you so need it.” Fatin laughed coldly. “You’re in top classes for everything. I know you’re a perfectionist, but you don’t need to kill both of our social lives to succeed,” Fatin bit out as she snapped. The anger settled under her skin, annoyance building truly for the first time with her mate. They argued on occasion, but never seriously. Things were resolved immediately or they had been too young and the arguments were over silly things like crayons and friends. 

“I don’t know why you’re being so hurtful right now, but I’m not standing here for you to yell at me,” Leah said, her voice thick with emotion. 

Instead of mollifying the situation Fatin doubled down, irritation coursing through her. “I’m in the wrong? It’s one party and you said you would go.” The words kept falling fast and loud from her lips. “I know you don’t give a shit about having friends, but most normal people do!” 

Leah froze, swallowing thickly as a tear fell down her cheek that she quickly swiped away. 

It was at that moment Fatin felt her mate’s hurt like a wave through their bond as the words that had left her mouth finally registered. Everything darkened, her heart thudding persistently as she stared at her mate who was breaking before her. “Leah, shit I didn’t mean-”

She swiped at her cheeks again. “I need to go back to school. Grab some things I forgot.” Her voice was raspy the same way it was whenever she cried. “You should head back to mine; Mum will be able to give you a lift home.” 

“Leah I-”

“Don’t.” Leah shook her head. “Please don’t.” 

Fatin felt the world dimming around her as her mate turned around and left her on the sidewalk. She felt her words cutting and bitter floating around her like a reminder of what she had said. Though the words hadn’t been meant like that, it was exactly what they were. Words Fatin knew Leah had heard time and time again from students who teased and ridiculed her for being different. 

‘I know you don’t give a shit about having friends, but most normal people do!’

Tears ran down her cheeks as she tried to catch her breath, feeling Leah’s pain like a blow to her stomach. Her mate’s anxiety ran through her, as did her hurt and betrayal. She sucked her lip between her teeth, biting down until she drew blood. 

That was no small mistake. 

She managed to gather herself after thirty minutes, fixing her makeup in a mirror before returning to Leah’s. Leah must have been sitting in the school because she hadn’t come out and Fatin knew she didn’t want to see her right now. Going in there would only hurt Leah more. She wanted space, and the anguish on her face when Fatin had said those words still sat there in her mind for her to see. 

Maryann rose a brow in question when Fatin arrived at her door without Leah. She didn’t question her when she could smell the distress on Fatin, it was also written across her slumped shoulders as much as she tried to hide it. 

The car journey was silent, Fatin thanking her before she went into her home. 

“Fatin, honey, I thought you were over at Leah’s tonight?” Rana asked as she walked in. 

Fatin ignored her, heading straight up to her room where she changed into one of Leah’s hoodies and sobbed under her covers. The emotion became a physical pain that radiated across her abdomen. She knew it was Leah’s too; hurt she had caused over something so entirely ridiculous. 

Her mate had done nothing wrong, yet Fatin had ripped into her with so much hate. So much anger. And Leah had taken every word on her chin until the last one was angled directly at her heart, forcing a response. 

A few hours later a fist banged on her door.

“Fatin, can I come in?” 

“No.” 

She heard her door opening anyway, then shortly after felt her mattress dip slightly as her mother perched on the edge. 

“Do you want to tell me why I just got a call from Maryann asking where Leah is?” 

Fatin sat up, mascara running down her cheeks in thick black streaks. “She’s not home yet?” 

“No.” 

It wasn’t like Leah to disappear. She always kept her mother and Fatin notified where she was and fell into a routine that meant Fatin knew regardless of the text. Today she would normally be at home with Fatin studying and watching a film. 

Swallowing the guilt lodged in her throat she stood, grabbing her phone. “Can we drive to the school?” 

“Yes, but may I ask why we’re driving there?” 

“We had an argument,” she admitted, blotting her tears with the sleeve of Leah’s damp hoodie.

“You two never argue.” 

“I was tired. I was really stressed and then Leah…” Fatin swallowed down the bile that rose in her throat at the memory. “I said something really hurtful to her.” 

Rana nodded, following Fatin down and grabbing her keys. She texted Maryann to let her know and then started the car. 

“Can you text your mate? Maybe she’ll reply to you.” 

“I doubt it.” 

“Fatin whatever you said couldn’t have been-”

“I said she didn’t give a shit about having friends because she wasn’t normal.” 

Rana froze, hands tensing on the wheel as she shook her head. “And what made you say that?” 

“She didn’t want to go to a party because she needed to study for a test.” 

Her mother’s silence was more than enough of an answer. She was disappointed, angry even, at what she had said to Leah. She had felt her mother’s disappointment before, but normally when Fatin became overly protective or jealous. This silence was different. It was rare to see her mother this disappointed, so much so that she had no words of advice or to scorn her with. The quiet echoed her thoughts more than any verbal reprimand could. 

“If she is there, I will call Maryann. It’s probably best she picks her up.” 

Tears streaked down Fatin’s cheeks as she nodded.

“Did you raise your voice at her?” 

“Yes.” 

“Was it just that or did you say other things?” 

“Other things.”

Shaking her head, Rana turned down the next road. “Regardless of your alpha standing, it does not give you permission to treat your omega poorly. It does not give you standing to sit there and ridicule, especially when Leah has done no wrong.” 

“I didn’t mean to.” 

“I know.” Rana sighed. “I know. But you need to be careful. Leah takes everything on board a hundred times more than anyone else. She will take what you said so strongly Fatin. I don’t know what poorer words you could have chosen.” 

“I really didn’t mean to. I just want to get her home.” She cast her eyes out the window, scouring each pavement they passed for Leah’s brown cardigan.

Rana’s shoulders fell slightly, and she squeezed Fatin’s knee. “Keep an eye out the window for her. We’ll find her.” 

They checked the school and surrounding roads; Leah wasn’t there. They even checked both routes back to Leah’s she could have walked, as well as the café nearby. 

Panic rose in her, bubbling up so quickly that Fatin felt suffocated as if a weight was sat on her chest. Her hands shook, gnawing her lip as she searched for her mate who was nowhere to be seen. “We have to find her,” Fatin said. “We have to,” her voice broke, gravelly as she began to grow fearful. 

Anything could have happened; Leah could be anywhere and it was all because she couldn’t treat her mate as she should. Fatin had acted like every asshole alpha she detested, snapping at her mate with venom for no reason. 

“Honey, you need to calm down and breathe for me. Maryann is making some calls now, okay?” 

“Why wasn’t she at the school? What if something happened?” 

A call came ten minutes later, those minutes passing as if they were hours. Maryann had found out that Leah had walked to the library. 

It should have made her feel better, but the panic was there. 

“The library is a two-hour walk from the school,” Fatin said. 

Sighing, Rana started the car. “Maryann is picking her up. She wants some space.” 

Fatin winced, sinking into her seat as she watched the condensation forming on the inside of the windows from her breath that fell too fast. 

The next day Fatin received a text from Maryann, letting her know that Ian’s aunt was picking Leah up. 

It felt like a knife to her ribs, prying between them as the tears formed yet again. She had let her mate down. Worst of all she had hurt her the way so many others did. 

She got dressed, feeling exhausted from another sleepless night as she tugged on yesterday’s clothes. Putting on basic makeup, she tugged her hair up in a ponytail not bothering to wash or style it. It may have been weak of her, but she placed one of Leah’s hoodies in her bag. The scent settled her as she climbed into her mother’s car. 

Her breath hitched when she saw her in the corridor at school. She looked tired and small, her cheeks were reddened and puffy. Leah caught her eye, pulled her books tight against her chest, and turned to walk back the way she had just come from. 

Fatin’s chest lurched, the sinking feeling pulling her under as Leah’s feeling of hurt pierced their bond again.

The same happened when she sees her at lunch, Fatin snapping at Colby when he made the mistake of joking about it. 

“Shit, did you piss off the missus?” 

“Fuck off,” she said, pushing his tray off the table. 

She skipped the party, not wanting to be around anyone. Her thumbs danced across her keyboard, typing out another apology even though fifty messages before it had gone unread. 

That one went unread too. 

The weekend is the same, her calls going straight to voicemail, and then Monday Leah doesn’t even go in. 

Fatin knew that she fucked up massively, and feared she’d ruined all the trust Leah had in her. It was a few words aimed to harm and achieved exactly that. It left the bitter taste of regret in her mouth, sour and persistent.

By Tuesday, she couldn't even bring herself to get out of bed. Nausea stirred in her stomach, leaving her heaving over the toilet. Her cheeks grew puffy, and she had barely eaten since Thursday; every plate her mother left at her door went by barely touched, rice rearranged, a bowl of pasta picked at, naan nibbled at the edges then discarded. 

Rana switched to bringing her smoothies that her daughter stomached barely.

“Get up,” her mother said, chucking one of Leah’s hoodies at her. 

Fatin was certain Rana and Maryann had been swapping the girl's hoodies between them to help their daughters with the distance that they hadn’t experienced before. Scent helped hugely when suffering bond sickness and Fatin was sure most of these hoodies hadn’t been here days ago. She didn’t complain or question it, taking the hoodie that smelled like vanilla and books in her hands each day with her nose pressed firmly to its collar.

“Get dressed. We’re going out.” 

“I’m not going to school.” 

“I didn’t say you were.”

“You have work,” Fatin groaned. 

“I took the day off. Now get your rear end out of that bed and downstairs. You have a mate to apologise to.” 

She stared on in shock as her mother shut the door, leaving her with a hoodie that smelled like Leah in her hands. The scent was strong as she pulled it on and buried her nose into it, feeling calmed slightly by it. 

In the end, Fatin didn’t bother with makeup or fancy clothes; pulling her unwashed hair up and a pair of jeans on. It had been far too long since she showered but her mother didn’t say a thing as her nose wrinkled. 

“Where are we going?” 

“You decide. It’s your apology.” 

They ended up going to the mall. Fatin got her a plant because Leah loved greenery but didn’t like that flowers were temporary. Often, she preferred something she could nurture and grow or research and learn about. After that, she managed to find a The Last of Us Carhartt jacket in one store at a whopping three hundred dollars. She bought it without a second thought. Leah loved the games and would love the tan jacket. 

Finally, she chose to do something new, venturing into the jewellery store. 

“Can I help you?”

“Do you have any plain rings? Maybe men’s ones but in smaller sizes?” Leah would likely hate anything scratchy or things with jewels that would catch on her cardigan sleeves. However, it was a promise to her mate, as well as an apology. 

She looked at the plain silver bands, seeing one with a wolf's head on the front that was smoothly polished. It had a ring through its nose that could be rotated around like a fidget. “That one is perfect. Do you engrave them?” 

With that Fatin packaged them in the gift bag along with a single signed copy of a sapphic holiday romance and some Kinder Buenos which Leah loved but were a total bitch to track down. 

“Ready?” 

Swallowing the lump in her throat she nodded. She wasn’t. “Yeah.” 

Her mother at least dropped Fatin off at the end of the road so she wouldn’t have to watch Fatin’s grovelling. It was a small mercy but did little to quell the raging tide within her. 

Fatin’s fist rapped on the door, not knowing if Leah would be in school or not. 

Though, her question was quickly answered as Leah opened the door, peering around it in her pyjamas. The cookie monster print covered her pants and shirt, Leah paling as she took in her mate. She retreated slightly behind the door, barely peering through it. 

“Leah, hi,” Fatin’s voice broke as she spoke, throat dry with emotion.

“I have work to do.” 

“Five minutes?” Fatin asked. “Please.” 

Leah paused and then nodded weakly, letting the door fall open with a frown as if it pained her to be around her mate for even a second. 

She led Fatin up to her room, sitting on her bed as she played with her fingers. 

A nervous habit, one Fatin hated that she had caused to flare up.

Fatin held the bag tight in her hand. “I’m sorry for what I said the other day. I was a total cunt, like a major bitch and you were nothing but polite. I was in a mood and nothing you said deserved that, nothing you could ever say or do would ever deserve me shouting at you, and what I said last-” Fatin felt the tears falling down her cheeks as Leah wiped away her own. “That was cruel of me. I didn’t think about my words, and I did not mean that.” 

“But you did,” Leah rasped. “You were right. I hold you back.” She chewed her lip. “You’re normal. And I-I’m-”

She shook her head, ignoring her thoughts as she walked over and pulled Leah into a hug so tight that she knew it was probably hurting her mate. Her tears soddened Leah’s hair as she shook her head, nose brushing her neck. 

“Don’t ever say that. You’re perfect and I could never adore you more. In fact, if you weren’t you I wouldn’t adore you as I do. I love your differences just as you love mine. I mean I spend eight hours some nights playing cello while everyone’s partying so I’m really not one to say anything.” 

“You don’t have to hide that it upsets you.” Leah dropped her chin as Fatin pulled back slightly to look at her face. “I know I’m not popular and social and I know you don’t like it. I’m sorry that-” 

“Babe.” Fatin cupped Leah’s chin as the word fell from her mouth for the first time. “I mean it, I promise you, and I’m sorry I made you feel like you’re the issue. I have no problem with you wanting to stay in. I woke up in full bitch mode before the day even began you could have said anything and I would have snapped. I treated you poorly with no excuse and even if I had one, I still should never have said those things or yelled at you like that. I’m so sorry Leah. I didn’t mean to make you doubt yourself. My words were wrong, they were incorrect, and they were said only out of spite in my mood. Not because of anything you said or did. I was horrible and bitter, and I’m sorry.” 

Leah finally broke down against her, crying so much that Fatin’s hoodie neck grew damp. She held her in tight arms, her mate trembling violently as she grappled with Fatin’s hoodie tugging her closer. 

“I missed you so much,” Leah sobbed. 

“I missed you more than I ever thought possible. I don’t want to fight again. Leah, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. For everything. I should never have raised my voice with you either.” She carded her hand through Leah’s hair. “Is it okay if I stay for a bit and hold you? My mum is waiting just in case you kick me out again. It’s okay if you need more space though.” 

With a sigh, Leah nodded. “Please don’t go.”

She curled up on the bed beside her, forgetting about the gifts as she pulled Leah’s form against her. Both lay there for thirty minutes crying and nosing against one another’s necks to get their scent. 

“Fatin?”

“Yeah?”

“When was the last time you showered?” 

Clearing her throat, she averted her eyes. “The day we argued.” 

“Fatin.” 

“I know it’s gross. You know I’m a dramatic bitch when it comes to you.” 

“Go shower, I’ll text your mum and ask her if you can sleep over.” 

“I don’t want to move yet.” 

Leah broke free of her arms, rolling off the bed to grab her fresh clothes. Over the years the girls had acquired just as many of each other’s clothes in their room as their own. Half of Leah’s dresser was filled with Fatin’s things just as Fatin’s was filled with Leah’s. 

“You’re cute but you really do smell. Didn’t you have gym on Friday?” 

Feeling her cheeks heat -because yes she did- she swallowed and took the clothes from Leah. 

As much as she begrudged parting from her there was something settling about showering and cleaning away the days of tears and grime. She groaned when she took her t-shirt off and smelled herself, knowing she would never go days on end without showering again if she could help it.

Eventually, she stepped out and pulled on Leah’s pyjamas, inhaling her scent again as she walked back to her room. It made her smile that Leah had gathered her own clothes instead of Fatin’s, even though she had plenty here. “Did you bring homework?” Leah said, looking at the bag.

“Oh, no, this is for you.” 

She handed the big bag over watching as Leah peered in. 

“Well open them then!” 

Leah went for the largest one first, methodically opening the paper and ensuring she didn’t tear it. Gently she pulled out the Carhartt jacket, looking at the small ‘The Last of Us’ text logo on the right breast pocket. 

“This looks expensive.” 

“You remember the part where I was a massive dick right?” 

Rolling her eyes, Leah pulled it on and smiled as she fed her arm through the sleeve. “You got the size right.” 

“They only had the one there so I was seriously hoping it fit.” 

“It’s perfect. Thank you.”

“There’s more.” 

The next was the book which Leah placed on her bedside table to read later, then the pastries and cookies from the bakery, Kinder Buenos, and then the next was a small velvet box. 

Leah’s lips parted in shock as she opened it, staring at the wolf head ring. 

“It looked smooth so I’m hoping it doesn’t catch on your knit cardigans. I didn’t know if it was too big though then I had to guess your size and-”

“I love it.” Leah pulled it out, trying her fingers until it finally fit on her ring finger. “I’ll put it on my other hand so Mum doesn’t ask us if we secretly got married.” 

“The nose ring spins.” 

Flicking it, Leah watched as it spun with a smile. “It’s perfect.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Leah moved, straddling Fatin as she leaned down to kiss her. However, unlike their usual kisses, pecks, and brief ones- this one was more. More as Leah pressed in instead of retreating. More as she took Fatin’s lips with a passion unlike ever before. It was so much that Fatin felt her heart pounding, her stomach warm as Leah bit her lip. Her mind fell silent as Leah slipped her tongue into Fatin’s mouth with a slight sound of need. Fatin felt it too, unlike ever before. The craving to be close to Leah. To hold and care for her. 

At that moment the need came in the form of Leah’s lips on her own, her hand bunching in her pyjama shirt as she finally pulled away. Both of their breaths fell heavily from their mouths, panting as they stared at one another with dark eyes and a newness to their kisses that wasn’t there before. Not like this. 

“Oh,” Fatin said. 

“Oh,” Leah echoed, before leaning down to meet her lips again.