Thank You
After the team got cleared, and shield was no longer a criminal institution things for Leo fell apart. He'd spent six months that in prison focused on one thing, bringing the team home. Then days in the future on the run, barely stopping, constantly moving. Then when they returned to their timeline that were attempting to hid from the government. But once things we're settled the demons came, the nightmares returned, and all the heartache that came with them. Leo tried to hold it inside, tried to push past it but he couldn’t he grew closed off from everyone, even jemma. There were nights that he would wake from a nightmare, and she would attempt to wrap her arms around him lovingly but he’d harshly pull back and tell her not to touch him. He’d be in the lab and storm off without anyone knowing why he left. Jemma once found him in the training room, he was hitting the punching bag, she thought id be a good way to relieve stress and left him to it however when she came back and hour later his knuckles were covered in blood and tears were streaming down his face. However he didn’t talk to her. Instead he dried his eyes and walked off leaving her heart broken. He eventually stopped sleeping at night as long, he’d go to sleep at 1 am and be up at 4, back in the lab going through every design he even had, fixing any and all mistakes they had. He stopped going to dinner with the team, he’d occasional go 48 hours without eating or sleeping and would pass out. Over the 2 month period he’d been to the med bay 7 times do to his body giving out, however nothing jemma said, or the team did helped to ease his mind.
One day Jemma forced him to go to dinner after one of his small hospital stays, Leo reluctantly agreed and sat down at the table. He kept his head down nibbling quietly at his food as the team talked. “Turbo are you alright?” Mack asked even though everyone knew he wasn’t. “Can you stop calling me that Mack? My name is Fitz” He said barely meeting Mack’s eye. “Alright Fitz. Listen i get the framework was hard on you believe me it’s hard on ALL of us” Mack said defensively. “Mack” Elena muttered. “In fact i think it’s harder for me because I lost my daughter” Leo felt anger boiling inside of him. He always had anger problems but since the framework it was much worse. “And i killed people!” Leo responded standing up. “And don’t think that staying in the framework would have kept your daughter safe because she was someone hydra kept their eyes on, she would either work for us, or die. You were the exact same way” Leo snarled. “And it was /me/ who order hydra to watch you two” he said. The team glanced between them “You think it was hard losing her, now imagine being the one who was planning on kidnapping, possible torturing and killing your daughter and being expected to look you in the eye the next day. Imagine having to look Daisy in the face after you beat, tortured and experimented on her. And Elena ya in the framework she was being experimented on. Imagine being responsible for the death of Jeffrey Mace. Imagine waking up from a virtual reality and wondering who you love more, a woman you have been with since you were 16 or someone who planted fake memories into you and manipulated you all your life. And Imagine still wondering what would have happened if i made a different choice and choose the second one. Imagine living an entire life wishing you had been good enough for you father, wishing he stayed and then when you finally get that chance to see what would have happened you are a monster. Imagine hearing screams from the people you tortured! And imagine that sometimes it sounds good” Leo said his voice breaking as tears poured down his face.
The team remained silent. “Im...imagine missing what it felt like to be the monster… Imagine having someone who is a dear friend walk into the lab and your first thought is she should die because she’s inhuman. Imagine waking up next to the person you love and on a rare occasion wishing you saw a different face” he muttered his voice trailing off as he glanced away. “Imagine wishing every second of the day, that you had been killed because that would be less painful. Imagine feeling so helpless and worthless that nothing anyone says helps. Imagine being just like the person who you hate the most and there is nothing you can do” He said. By this point the team was silent. Tears burning in Jemma’s eyes and Mack glanced down. “You don’t know what it’s like. Because you weren’t the demon that you always feared you’d be” elo said before walking from the room drying his eyes. Jemma attempted to follow but she remained still. Unsure what to do or say. “I didn’t mean…”Mack stammered. “It’s not your fault” May said. The team sat around the table silent for another 30 minutes before jemma finally left to speak to Leo. However when she didn’t find him in his usual spots she went to the team in a panic. “I can’t find Leo anywhere, and...what…. What if he did something to himself” Jemma said and Coulson grabbed her shoulders. “He will be fine. We’re going to find him. Split up, we will take walkie talkies, when you find him let the team know” Jemma nodded gathering her composer. “Okay, ya lets...lets find him” She said taking a deep breath
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leo sat on the roof of the base, his feet dangling over the edge as he looked out over the city, his face red from crying. It had been over an hour since he stormed out of the team and he didn’t feel any better. He heard the door behind him open and his stomach turned. “Please leave” he said before it closed. “I’m not leaving” He was surprised when he heard May’s voice. “Jemma’s worried. Come back inside” She said softly. “No” Was Leo’s short response. “Alright, then i’m staying” May said sitting next to him. Over the walkie talkie daisy’s voice came across. “Anyone have a report?” Leo glanced at the walkie talkie and May looked at her. “I don’t want to see the team right now. So go back inside, say you found me, and don’t say where, please and thank you” May glanced at the walkie talkie “He’s safe” she responded. “Where?” was Jemma’s immediate response. May glanced at Fitz and he shook his head quickly. “It’s classified, i’ll watch over him, we will join you guys when he’s ready” the team began responding with please to tell them where he was. May glanced at the device in her hand and chucked it off the building and the two watched as it crashed into the ground breaking apart.
“There, now it’s just us, so talk to me” May said softly “Why do you even care?” he asked. “I remember sitting in my cubicle and Phil Coulson coming to me saying he needed to drive the bus” May said softly. “I walked onto the plane and saw these two, practically children, standing in the lab unloading things. And this one in particular stood out. He was trying to organize things and would occasionally get frustrated. I immediately read him right then and there. Hard childhood, where he was moved from foster care, lost a parent or was abused.” May said “I saw the potential he had, both good and bad.” she took a deep breath. “And now, i’m looking at that same innocent scientist and it’s a spinning image of me” Leo watched tears fill her eyes. “Tired of fighting, tired of hurting, and relieving one moment over and over allowing it to haunt you”she said and Leo nodded lightly. “You are me after Bahrain” she said a tear dripped off her cheek. “And it hurts me...so so bad to see you suffer Leopold. You are the son i never had, and now i see you hurting the way i have hurt for years” she said cupping his face as a tear rolled down her cheek.
“I just…..I hate it, i hate what i did, I hate who i am” he cried and she pulled him into a tight embrace. “I know Leopold, I know you’re hurting, and i know that this may not come out right” she said pulling back. “But i’m not” She softly smiled through the tears. Leo’s brow furrowed as if saying how is this supposed to help. “I hurt for years, ever since i had to kill that girl in bahrain. I would see the image of me shooting her every night, and after the framework...I’m not hurting, i know i did what needed to be done. I found peace, because of you. You saved me, you saved my life and i can finally be me again” She said cupping his face once more. The two where fixed on each other and didn’t hear the door open and Phil come through, he paused contacting The team immediately who rushed there. May’s voice changed tones into a serious yet caring one as she stared into leo’s shattered and hurting Blue eyes. “The truth is that man is inside of you, the bitterness and the anger he has will affect you” She said placing one hand over his heart. “But you will win, because The one thing i knew about you from the second that I saw you, was that you were strong, you were a fighter and you will beat this” Leo nodded as he leaned into her arm which rested on his face. “You’ve always been stronger, I see it, Jemma sees it, the team sees it. Now it’s time you see it.” Leo nodded “Okay” he stammered and May ran her thumb along his cheek wiping the tears. “Thank you” he whispered. “Any time” May smiled. Standing up and stepping from the ledge helping Leo down. “And if it’s any consolation, i view you as my son, and I am so so proud of you” Leo nodded as May wiped his tears once more. “Now, let’s get you back inside okay? It’s cold out here and you’re exhausted” May said standing and pulling Leo to his feet. Jemma rushed up to the two and gave May a soft smile ‘Thank you’ she mouthed taking Leo’s hand and leading him back inside the base, Leo glanced back at May once more smiling at her before heading inside. “What did you say to him?” Coulson asked and May glanced at him. “What i needed to say, and he needed to hear” May smiled