Chapter 3
He's in yet another infirmary, this one of Camp Lehigh's under overnight observation.
They attributed the break to shellshock syndrome from Azzano, and left it at that, only after Bucky's repeated swearing of absolute certainty he was fine. He knows now, and then, he never fully recovered from that time.
The moonlight hits the laminate of the floors, glistening dimly against a worn waxed floor. Against the snores and quiet breathing of baby-faced recruits who would understand later what it meant to be whole, yet disassembled.
He's never really told...anyone about Azzano. Dugan knows some pieces, given he was walked past the room a few times he was told. But not what went on.
If he's dead, he still isn't sure no matter how odd or nonsensical that is, then he would imagine all his memories would be back. Every haze he's hidden behind a protective fog. But it still... Isn't there. He looks out of the window. Maybe it's for the better.
If he thinks hard enough, he can remember snatches, glimpses of Zola over him and blue pain. He remembers fever images and things that weren't there. Numbers floating as pain came through and the fear he was never going to come home.
"Can't sleep either?" He turns, surprised out of it, to a soldier in another cot.
"...Yeah."
"Neither can I."
"What's your name?"
"Monroe, Jack Monroe."
"...Bucky."
"Damn, Bucky Barnes?" He says, sitting upright as he whispered into the moonlit darkness.
"Yeah."
"You're a hero."
"....Not really." He answers.
"How, man? You helped save the world. Reap the benefits."
The pseudo-world almost felt like a ripple inside of it. A reminder from his consciousness. "Maybe one day."
Jack looks at him curiously. "One day? Why not now? Don't get lost in here." He taps at his head.
A part of him wants to stop fighting, just accept this Heaven or Hell or whatever the damn thing it is and leave the rewards.
That quiet part again feels the ripples, that something still isn't quite right, not to settle.
He listens, at least partly. "I've found my way before. I'll find it again."