Chapter 4
Even under the strictest questioning would she ever admit it, but of all of the morally dubious actions she'd preformed and orders she had followed, this sat uncomfortably on her wobbly conscience.
From the looks of it, Steve and Bucky felt the same way.
Was it wrong?
Definitely.
Was that enough to shut everything down?
No. They were in far too deep to turn back now.
Hundreds upon hundreds of newspaper clippings. Video footage as well as audio snippets popped up holographically on the large coffee table, sending vague shadows of light across the living room.
They had been at it since five in the morning, only narrowly getting through Tony’s crazy firewall into the main system.
That was an hour ago.
Peter had left for school, and Bruce had joined the team shortly after, looking more than a little uncomfortable as he realized what was going on.
“It makes sense now.” Nat said, clicking through the numerous newspaper articles.
“Howard was such a great guy. I can't believe…” Steve flicked open yet another CPS form and winced.
He hoped it wasn't what he was seeing because what he was seeing was a rather deep looking bruise on kid Tony’s left arm.
Bucky nodded. And while he hadn't really forgiven himself for any of the wrongs he had done, he was a bit ashamed to say that the burden of Howard's assassination sat a little less heavily on his conscience now..
Picture after picture after article swirled around the frame, all looking equally conspicuous.
“What surprises me the most is the fact that he hadn't ever been kidnapped. I mean, it would have been so easy if Howard was the way the articles say he was.” Bruce chimed in, flitting through the massive archive.
“because Howard never reported any of them.” the four froze at the sudden icy answer.
And lo and behold, there Tony was, clad in sweatpants and an old long sleeve shirt drinking one of his green smoothies as he leaned against the door frame, seeming to have appeared out of nowhere.
He did not look happy.
“But then again, I'm sure you'd come around to that little note eventually once you dug deep enough.”
“Tony-” Bruce began apologetically.
“I'm sorry, I don't remember asking for excuses. You can zip it.” Bruce shut his mouth.
“Why didn't you say anything?” Nat asked softly.
“What was I supposed to say? Sorry I'm such an asshole. It's because my dad hated me as a child? Does that sound about right to you?”
He continued.
“I'm pretty sure his happiest day right behind when he found spangles was when he shipped me off to MIT. He didn't like me, and he certainly didn't love me. He had more important things to do.”
Steve lowered his gaze.
“No .” Tony crossed his arms. “You don't get to feel guilty because that wasn't you. That was all on him. He chose what was important to him, and it just happened to be you.”
“And you” he laid his eyes squarely on Bucky.
“I don't hate you. I wish I did, but I don't. That wasn't on you either. It was shitty he left early, but honestly it was for the best.”
“Tony. You can't just keep all of this bottled up. This was abuse. He was abusive.” Bruce replied.
“I've survived until now. Haven't dropped dead from the utter soul crushing sadness over the fact my dad never hugged me.” There was a thick coat of sarcasm covering what sounded like real bitterness.
Tony walked over to the hologram, bringing three pictures to the center before widening them.
It looked like a strange age progression, starting from what Bruce guessed was eight to one at thirteen and another around age eighteen.
“officially, I was kidnapped three times. But we only really counted the big ones.”
“Big ones?” Nat kept her eyes glued on the holographic photos.
“The ones where I was kept for more than three days.”
Bruce and Steve shared a concerned look.
“He had a ‘No pay policy.”
Tony tapped the photos to enlarge them.
“They caught me after school. Threw me into the back of a van. They wanted money, Howard said no. They got pretty angry but I got away. Same for thirteen. This time was a bit more… violent, but Howard was dead set on not giving a shit so it was an entire week spent with the psycho. And then I got kidnapped at MIT. That was the one where Howard came to see me in the hospital.”
“He came to see you?”
“He came to tell me how idiotic I was for letting it happen three times.” Bruce winced.
“all of this, it's personal. I made a personal decision to bury everything.” he shut the holograph.
“So the next time you feel like digging up private information, don't. It was buried for a reason.”
He didn't want to admit It, but internally, the revelation of his past to the team was far less of a blow than the pity looks he was garnering.
He hated it.
“I'm not going to be a changed person just because you all figured out I had a shit childhood, so you can wipe that look off of your faces.” he glared a moment before turning to exit, hesitating momentarily.
“And don't you dare tell Peter about this. He already stresses enough about everything.” and with that, Tony left, leaving the team in icy silence.
Tony stared down at the holographic blueprint of the newest spider suit prototype he was working on, ideas racing in his mind but his attention was shot. He had known it would happen eventually. But it was nothing near what he had anticipated.
It had hit him harder than he liked to admit, and for that he was angry.
Angry at the situation. Angry at his crappy childhood. Angry at Howard. But mostly, he was angry at himself.
He couldn't save himself this time. There was no talking his way out of the situation he had been in. He was angry that the layers and layers of secrets and hurts he had painstakingly buried had been dug up and practically paraded around as they tried to analyze the entirety of why he had become what he was.
And to be honest, the answer was pretty pitiful. Contrary to belief, who knew Tony Stark, resident genius and all around sarcastic asshole had such a shitty childhood and that his snarky smartass persona hadn't been the default. It had grown on him as a defense mechanism, hardening over the years as a last grasp on holding on to whatever power and protection he had left in fending the backbreaking legacy left behind.
But that was then and this was now. He was a grown adult who dealt with his demons years ago, albeit in an unhealthy manner. But he was still alive and kicking, which was what was most important.
Not to mention that he had no time to wallow in self pity. Not with a kid around.
Technically not his kid, but a kid nonetheless. One that had grown on him and made the bad memories stay away on most days.
The team had all joked about It, but the more time passed the more it seemed true.
He was the dad figure in the kid’s life, and it changed him. He wanted to be a better person. Someone he needed when he was younger because he would rather die than continue the vicious cycle, pulling Peter in to the traumatizing life he had been subjected to.
He may have never really been loved by Howard, but he was dead set on making sure Peter never felt that way either.
Maybe that was why he didn't say anything about the sabotaged museum. He didn't care if all of the pictures burned. Lost forever? So be it. He'd take new ones and make happier memories.
After all, falsified realities weren't real in the first place. So, that was what he was going to do. Go forward and not look back.