TVs, Books, and Acceptance
After Charles left, we spent the morning running around the estate, Raven and Charlie played around with their mutations. I suppose it was Raven’s way of testing out the limits of Charlie’s transitions. They tried everything from the water of the lake to the bricks of the manor. Every time, the material took over his form, even the water stayed intact, though you could poke right through him. I had never seen him so happy to be using his gift so freely and to be with someone who was gifted just like him.
Lunch time came and went. We settled down in the living room with plates of sandwiches and potato crisps. When we walked through the living area earlier that morning, Charlie noticed the television set. This house held many things we couldn’t own and the TV was one of them.
“Mommy look! They have an actual television!”
He pleaded with me to watch something on it, but quickly realized I wasn’t the one who he needed to ask. He then turned around to plead with Raven who more or less gave in after his fourth or fifth please in a long string of pleases.
She laughed and said, “Of course we can, but let’s wait until we settle down for lunch. There’s still more to see.”
He accepted the deal and we moved on to grander parts of the manor. But just as Raven promised, when lunch time came around, we sat with our plates in the living room and watched whatever wacky show just happened to be on at that moment. Charlie was digging every second of the luxury.
We spent the rest of the afternoon in the study where Raven and I talked about random things such as actors that we found attractive, interesting things to do in the area, hobbies we have, Charlie, and other miscellaneous things. Charlie was laid out on the end of the couch with his head resting in my lap and his legs propped up over the armrest. In his hands was a decently sized book of Dr. Seuss stories, why they had children's books in their study was beyond me, but we had no complaints. He was currently reading Green Eggs and Ham aloud. Raven was sitting in an armchair against the window watching him and listening to the record playing music playing softly in the background.
The record player was another of the many things he begged to take part in during the tour. We peaked into the study earlier and he immediately noticed the expensive looking machine sitting in the corner of the room, next to a small bookcase filled with various vinyl albums. An extensive collection that contained popular artists like Frank Sinatra, Doris Day, Dean Martin, and even Elvis. Suffice to say, Presley had been playing loudly through that floor of the mansion for the first 20 minutes.
I was running my hands through Charlie’s hair and helping him flip a page in his book, his sweet voice ringing through the room as he giggled about that silly Sam-I-am. I looked up at Raven whose eyes were closed now. She was leaning her head into her hand, her legs were crossed but her short dress showed off her legs brilliantly. Just as my mind wandered with her beauty, Charles Xavier moved to stand just in front of the doorway. Not one of us noticed him as his eyes scanned the scene. A smirk formed on his lips when he noticed my gaze and the PG thoughts of approval going through my head. Charlie had just finished reading the book and as he closed it, his eyes caught the movement at the door. He looked up to see Charles leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets, the man's gaze moved from its former point of interest to Charlie.
“Hey there kiddo”, he finally announced his presence.
My attention snapped to him and Charlie sat up properly, placing the book down beside him. Raven rolled her head back to rest on the chair and focused on him.
“Welcome home, Charles.”, she smiled. He pushed off from the door frame and walked in, just past the arm of the couch and turned around, ruffling Charlie’s hair with his one freed hand.
“And I’m happy to be.” He smiles, “You three seem to be getting on quite well”
“[F/n] and Charlie are great company.” She sits up and leans into the conversation.
“Raven is an amazing host.” I state. Charlie nodded his head in agreement.
“Of course she is or I wouldn’t have left you with her.” He looks between us then down at the pile of children's books on the floor.
“Charlie read all of those.” Raven pointed out.
He looked impressed as he leaned down to lift a rather thick book and place it back down, “Did he now?”
“I began teaching him how to read from the moment he could say mama.” I looked down at him with pride, “He picked it up fairly quickly.”
“I’ll say...”, he pauses for a second before holding his arms out towards Charlie.
Charlie promptly stood on the couch and wrapped his arms around Charles’s neck. He lifted Charlie to himself, “Alright Charlie boy,” he looked him straight in the eyes, “how would you like, after supper, I show you my favorite book?”
His eyes lit up, “Please?”
Charles laughs, his eyes moving to meet mine for a moment, waiting for a look of approval before turning them back to Charlie’s, “Of course, in fact, I’ll have you read it to me.”
Raven stands and waves me over, “Looks like we should get dinner started then.”
“I’ll help!”, Charlie states excitedly and all but jumps out of Charles’ arms.
He quickly grabs my hand and pulls me after Raven. Charles stood back, gesturing for us to pass by before following in tow. We walked into the kitchen and Raven gave Charlie three aprons for the rest of us. He handed Charles his apron before handing me one. I laid my apron on the counter and leaned down to help him put on his apron. They didn’t have one to fit a child so his was a bit big. I placed it around his head and folded the bottom up, so that it didn’t drag on the floor, then tied the string around him. Charles walks by us towards Raven, he busies himself like her, pulling ingredients from the cabinets and fridge. The man addresses us as I stand to grab my apron and Charlie walks over to them, “I apologize, there hasn’t been a child in this house for nearly two decades.”
Raven speaks up as she lifts Charlie to the sink, “Well, besides a few house parties, but there’s never been a need for a child’s apron.”
I finish tying my own apron and make my way over to the sink as well, “Really, everything is perfect.”
Raven leans over the sink with Charlie as they wash their hands. I looked over at Charles who had just finished placing down the last ingredient on the counter and was looking over at us, “Charlie and I will do well with whatever you can spare.”
He chuckles and makes his way around us, pausing momentarily with a hand placed gently on my upper back, “We have lots to spare.”
The touch had caught me off guard, but it didn’t burn like it usually does. I’d realized it wasn’t the first time he had touched me and my body hadn’t reacted negatively, as it usually did to men. The kind old couple that took us in, Benjamin and Georgina... Old Ben wasn’t even allowed too close. He was like a father to me, a better one than my own father had been. I was always sorry that I couldn’t hug him or even hold his hand. So it was strange, I didn’t know what made this man different.
Charles moves on placing a hand on Raven’s back to catch her attention, “Raven, love, remind me next time we’re out to fetch a child’s apron.”
I washed my hands and Charles eventually came back around to wash his. We all talked about the best kind of apron for the child. Charlie spoke up, hinting that his favorite color is green and Raven made a mental note. Sure enough they would come home from an outing several days later with a child’s green apron.
The preparation of the food didn’t complete without shenanigans, started surprisingly by Charles and young Charlie. Although we cleaned up afterwards, there would still be some flung food hidden somewhere to be found later that week by a bushy-tailed bandit, that found its way through the less than extensive security measures of the manor.
Supper was about as rowdy as breakfast was. Charlie fit right in with them as if they had known him all his life, but I was still a little cautious. I didn’t want to do anything to put them off as we still hadn’t discussed whether staying with them was appropriate. Maybe if they fell in love with Charlie first, they’d be more inclined to help us. I sat back and watched as they talked about their childhoods and played with their abilities, only talking when spoken to. I was sure Charles could sense my slight discomfort as much as I tried to hide it. He didn’t have to be telepathic to know that I wasn’t used to this atmosphere, neither did Raven. They were kind enough not to force me into the conversation, not ignoring my presence but also not putting me on the spot.
After supper, Raven insisted that Charles and Charlie go ahead to his office. Charlie was very excited to show off his reading skill to Charles, so she remained behind to clean up what was left. I stayed behind with her; it was against my principles to leave her there to clean on her own. I took over cleaning the dishes, not only because I was a little more experienced with it, but also because she had on a really nice dress. It didn’t make sense to let her dress get messy. While I washed, she dried the dishes I handed over to her.
I had just handed her the last cup and was starting on the last utensils left when she let out a breathy chuckle. I glanced her way and saw her looking at me as she was working to dry the inside of the cup. She watched me as I nervously fumbled with the clean fork, placing it on the counter. She placed the cup down and shifted her stance,
“[F/n], why are you so uncomfortable all the time?”
Her question takes me by surprise even though I knew I didn’t conceal my discomfort well during supper. I let out a nervous laugh focusing on over cleaning the utensils, telling her that I wasn’t sure what she meant.
“Let me rephrase the question” she said with no hint of animosity. “Why do we make you uncomfortable?”
“I—uh...”
“[F/n] calm down. I’m not trying to make you more uncomfortable.” She chuckles gently, “Charles trusts you both, so I just want to know if there is anything we can do to make you more comfortable. Charlie gets along with us really well, but you are more reserved, why is that?”
“I’m just not used to all of this. I have a hard time trusting people, even those I should be able to trust.”
“I see...”
“You’re taking a gamble on us.”
We both stand there for a moment and I address her again after a moment, “You aren’t completely comfortable with us either.”
“What do you mean?” she questioned defensively.
“I’m not a mutant... And we’re still strangers. You trust Mr. Xavier’s opinion of us so far, but you don’t trust me yet.”
She stands, herself in stunned silence, and I continue, “It’s understandable though. Humans are probably the worst things on the planet, with our inferiority complex and fear of what we don’t understand.”
Suddenly a flash of a memory overcomes me. The memory of the fateful night in the garden, pinned down, muzzled, and helpless; the beautiful moon illuminating one of the most despicable acts of humankind. Coming back to the present, shakily I start again,
“I.. I myself have been at the mercy of humans.”
Her gaze was skeptical, wondering what could have happened to make me so turned off by my own kind. Not wanting to force any information out of me she decides to enlighten me to her struggles with humans.
“Have you ever been called a monster and made to feel worthless no matter what you did just because of how you looked?”, she sighed before continuing. “ Because I have.”
I looked at her confused. She shifts to stand straight and the blue aura overtakes her form once more. Suddenly, the Raven we’d seen from the beginning had disappeared. Her skin was a dark blue and her hair was dark orange, though it must have been the dim lighting of the kitchen that gave it that hue. Her eyes changed to a dark yellow as well. Quietness settled between us but this form didn’t startle me.
“Raven, you aren’t a monster...” I broke the silence with hints of anger in my voice, “You’re absolutely beautiful! Anyone who says otherwise is an imbecile.”
She was at a loss for words. She must not be used to that kind of reaction from a human or anyone at that. She was beautiful, truly. Not conventionally beautiful as society would dictate, but a far cry from anything resembling a monster. A term that should never be used for physical attributes so much as they should be for personalities or actions.
“I’ve met true monsters, not one of them were mutants. Not one of them looked like you...”
The ends of her lips pulled up before she reached out to grab my hand, which was sitting, balled up, on top of the sink. Her skin, warm and soft, no different than if I were holding hands with a human. But she was much more than that and it made her extraordinary. I smiled at her warmly and turned my hand over to grasp hers. She nodded slightly, acceptance in her yellow eyes.
“You ladies have been in here for a while. What are yo—“, Charles walked in cutting through the calm, headed straight for the fridge, but caught sight of Raven, “—you.. you’re...” he clears his throat and sets his focus to the fridge avoiding the sight. Raven snickered and changed back to her preferred human form. She let go of my hand and faced him, gesturing to her figure.
“Is this better, … master?”
Charles popped his head out of the fridge with a distressed look, pulling a bottle of wine out with him, “Raven, you know that’s not how I meant it.”
She sighed, shaking her head, and turned to put away the clean plates. He cautiously went over to grab a glass for his wine and I chuckled. Once he’d successfully secured a glass, he escaped back out of the kitchen. She glances over at me and we begin to laugh.
We finished putting all the dishes away and she turned to me placing her hand on my shoulder. She gave me a sincere look.
“I like your company. I hope we can be more comfortable with each other from now on.”
I smile, “I do too.”
Her lips pull up into a smile and she squeezes my shoulder before walking past me. She stops at the entrance to the hallway, “Thanks for your help.” She turns back to me, “Good night [F/n].”
I wish her a good night and she walks out of the kitchen. I take the apron off, fold it and place it in the drawer. Their relationship made me envious; it was something I could never have with my own brothers, especially my older brother. I walked down the hall until I came to the door of Charles’s study. It was the only one in the long hall with light radiating out of it. Walking up to the open door, I spotted Charlie sitting in Charles’ lap. He had Teddy sitting just beside them and a nice medium sized book in his lap.
Just as I was wondering if I should sit with them, Charles looks up at me and waves me in. I walked in and sat opposite them in the other armchair. The story was about a young superhero with extraordinary powers. I had entered just as the young boy was using his power of flight to dodge the attacks of an evil scientist. Charlie, stumbling over words, here and there, was aided by Charles in sounding them out. He’d also explain what each word meant, expanding the child’s vocabulary, for which I was grateful.
I sat and listened for a while until the clock chimed to alert us that it was 9 o’clock. Charles raised his hand to rustle Charlie’s hair after he’d finished the sentence he was on.
“Alright kiddo, I think that’s enough for tonight.”
Charlie looked up at him, quite disappointed and Charles laughed,
“Oh come now, none of that.” He set Charlie down on the ground and slid to the edge of the chair, handing Teddy over making sure Charlie kept eye contact. “We can continue tomorrow night, if you’d like.”
Charlie clutched the bear to his chest and spoke up, “I’d really like that.”
Charles smiles and caresses his hair, “That’s a good lad!”
Charles looks up at me as I move to stand up from the seat that had held and comforted me over the last half hour, and he joins me in standing. I move over towards them and squat down to Charlie’s height. Looking him in the eyes and rubbing his arm, I gently address him, “It’s about time for bed now too. Do you have anything you’d like to say to Mr. Xavier before we go?”
He turns to look up and meet the smiling eyes of the man, “Thank you for letting me read with you.”
The man’s gentle blue eyes softened looking into the sincerity of my child’s own blue eyes. He nods with resolve and bends down to pick Charlie up. My eyes follow them and I stand wrapping an arm around my torso and gripping my other arm.
It was a sweet scene, the man holding my son and stating how it was his own pleasure. Charlie never had a gentle male figure, not one that he would remember well – for that matter, I hadn’t had a gentle male figure either for the majority of my life. I wanted this for Charlie, a kind mentor, but the comfort I found in this caused me distress. I barely knew this man; he gave me no reason not to trust him, but the man from so long ago seemed trustworthy to my parents too... The one who haunted my nightmares.
Perhaps my mental pause was long enough to cause concern as a voice entered my mind and interrupted my deteriorating thoughts.
[F/n], love, are you alright?
Instantly, I snapped back to reality to find two pairs of blue eyes on me. I chuckle nervously and scratch the back of my neck, apologizing for zoning out. Charles reaches out and gently touches my shoulder, “ I was just saying that I’ll walk you both to your room.”
His hand still on my shoulder was quite comforting, he jerks his head towards the door and a small smile graces my lips as I head in that direction. Xavier follows after with Charlie on his side and we walk down the hall and up the stairs towards our room. They spoke in hushed tones about the book they had just read the entire way.
Once we reached the door, I grabbed a sleepy looking Charlie out of Charles’s arms and held him against me. He nestled his head into my neck and I smoothed his hair to comfort him. Charles’s gaze felt heavy on my face and I glanced up at him.
“Thank you Mr. Xav – Charles, for everything.”
“It’s honestly my pleasure, dear.”
The ends of my lips pull up until I remember that I need to speak with him. I can’t do it in front of Charlie and not alone so late at night. However, it had to get done sooner rather than later. My second mental pause for the night, caused by my internal fight, was interrupted again by Charlie gently nudging his nose into my cheek. I give him an apologetic look and my head snaps towards Xavier.
“Charles, I—“
“Let’s talk in the morning, [F/n].” He cuts me off, “I have the day off tomorrow so we can finally address whatever has been bothering you. How does that sound?”
I sigh with relief, letting out a small chuckle.
“That sounds wonderful.”
“Alright, then. Tomorrow after breakfast. Until then, rest well.” He reaches out and pets Charlie’s head before nodding at me and turning to walk back down the hall.
“Good Night, Charles.” I call out before he turns down the stairs.
“Good Night.” He echoes back before making his way down the stairs.
His footsteps growing distant, I turn to enter the room with Charlie and lay him on the bed. He could barely keep his eyes open. I helped him change into an adult t-shirt masquerading as a nightgown for the small 5 year old. He laid curled up with Teddy and holding onto my hand, fast asleep, as I sat in a chair next to the bed. Nothing in this world calmed my soul like my son. Watching him at night as he sleeps makes it easier for me to fall asleep.
There is no freedom from the nightmares— I know because I’ve tried everything I could, but they don’t seem as powerful when my soul is calm, when Charlie is at my side. It’s been this way since the day he was born. Suddenly, having him in my arms made even the most painful memories disappear, if only for those moments.
Feeling the ever present exhaustion veil over me, I slide carefully into the bed next to my sleeping child, his hand still holding on to mine tightly. I curl up with him and run my hands through his hair, gently. The subtle fragrance of his shampoo wafted out with every stroke of his hair. He slept peacefully with a lovely smile on his face. His mutation, to become whatever he wants by touching that object, I wondered sometimes if he held onto my hand at night so that he could become my peace.
I sigh and quiet my thoughts. I had to go to sleep at some point, no use in delaying the inevitable. His quiet breaths and the feeling of his soft brown hair between my fingers lulled me to sleep in moments and I faded into the darkness and moonlight again.