Bright eyes started to sting with dust, tears, and whatever else was being kicked up around the battlefield. That’s what war does to boys; chews them up and spits them out and leaves them wondering why they’d been so excited to throw themselves into this hell. Even as a general, Thor had felt excited to launch into battle, to prove to those confederate assholes that they were weak and pathetic. But right now, he felt the weakest he ever had.
He remembered slamming his arms against the chests of his brothers, shoving them down to cover as a storm of bullets exploded over them. He couldn’t even hear their screams over the thundering firepower, ears ringing and vision twisting and shifting around him. He knew some of them had gotten hit. But he didn’t turn his head. They’d all learned not to ever turn their heads.
The metal on his gun was hot in his grip, callused hands burning under the heat. He stood up, sticking close to the ground as he pushed himself forward, boots kicking sand up behind him. He was teetering to the side as he ran, slipping and propelling himself forward. The jolt of his gun firing echoed through his bones, every vibration reminding him what he was doing. He was reaping.
Sweat made dirt and sand stick to his face, peppering in his beard and making the fresh gashes on his face sting relentlessly. He had to push forward; that was the thing they’d all learned. No matter how much his knees would buckle in protest, no matter how many screams sounded behind him; he’d signed up for this, and he had too keep going.
The explosions were like booming footsteps, getting closer and closer. It felt like Thor was running from them, the ground shaking under him with each fresh eruption. He stumbled forward, head whipping down as he gripped his gun to his chest, tripping over his own feet as he sprinted. For a few moments, those explosions were all he knew. The only thing he could hear over his ringing ears was the detonation of each bomb, closer and closer and closer.
He felt dizzy. The picture of the battlefield before him was shifting around. One moment, it felt as though he was running forward, when he was really stumbling to the side. Medics were rushing passed him, bumping into him as they picked up his fallen comrades. There were so many of them, white clothing splattered with blood, sweat dotting their brows as they lifted wounded soldiers out from the dirt and the sand. He fired at the enemies around him, trying to give a clear path for the medics to get through. The explosions kept thundering forward, but Thor had stopped, focusing on firing as each coming bomb got even closer.
He could hear it coming behind him, but he didn’t move. He’d been an idiot, breaking the one rule they all had learned; he looked. He looked over at his fallen friends, and at the medics saving them, ignoring the yells of alert behind him before the loudest explosion ripped through his ears and tore through his body. It was so quick, he couldn’t even feel the pain.
-
He couldn’t lie, he was surprised when he woke up. It was always surprising, even when he couldn’t remember what had even happened before. His ribs ached, and he felt bandages wrapped around his head and arms, the unsettling feeling of blood soaking into them. His throat still felt dry, as if he’d swallowed a gallon of sand.
The sky was dark above the tent. That was the first thing he saw. His eyes peeled open, stinging with fresh tears from all the aching he woke up to. He let out a pained groan, starting to push himself up before he felt a hand on his shoulder, gently laying him back down. He turned to the side, smiling when he saw Banner, one of the medics who’d been here since the beginning. He’d known Banner since they were children; at first, they both wanted to be soldiers, before Banner had realized he didn’t want to hurt people.
“Your ribs are broken. Almost all of them this time. Stay down, soldier,” Banner gave him a small, seemingly fake smile as he gently pat his shoulder. Thor nodded, moving his head back down and smiling at the medic. His voice was so hoarse he could hear himself breathing; his breathes pained him, as if each one he took was driving a knife deeper into a ribcage. “You’ve also got lots of flesh wounds...Y’know, the usual.” he said sadly, grabbing a damp towel and sitting next to Thor.
He coughed, feeling his neck split in pain as he turned to look at Banner. The medic looked distressed, almost worried as he pressed the wet rag against Thor’s forehead. “D-Did we win, Doc?” he asked breathlessly. He looked at Banner, sorrow in his eyes as he smiled again. The doctor’s smiles were always small, always something you had to search for. Thor never had a problem finding them.
“You did,” Banner answered, gently moving the rag to Thor’s cheek. He drew in a stuttering breath, the warm water feeling nice against his raw, scraped up skin. “You’re...You’re a lucky man, Odinson.”
Thor coughed again, each wheeze lurching him forward. Banner laid a hand on his chest, gently ushering him back down and gently shaking his head, eyebrows furrowed in worry. “Y-You call this lucky?” His voice was so rasp that a small cough escaped him between sentences. “I-I’ve got n-no friends out there, no real friends, I mean. Except you. B-but whenever I see them die it still feels like...It f-feels like-” He paused, coughing again and closing his eyes. “Like I’ve known them all my life. L-like it’s my fault...M-my fault that they came here.”
“Thor,” Banner’s voice was so soft, Thor’s ears that had once been pounding being soothed by the low hum of the doctor’s tone. “You didn’t start the war. You didn’t make their decisions for them.” He was gently moving the rag up and down his cheek, wiping blood and dirt away.
Thor tried taking a deep breath, but he just wheezed, head shooting up as Banner moved his fingers down, massaging the side of Thor’s neck. It helped, God, it helped so much. Before Banner could pull his hand back, Thor took it, gliding his fingers along Banner’s knuckles. His skin felt so soft under Thor’s rough hands, rubbed raw from war. “B-Banner,” Thor muttered, opening his eyes and looking up at him. “Bruce. You shouldn’t be here. You’re too fragile...I-I don’t want to-” he was interrupted with another wheezing cough, catching his breath before he continued. “I-I don’t want to lose you. I know I’m not supposed to say that.” He didn’t know why he said it. Honestly, his head felt fuzzy, and words were spilling from him, cheeks tinted red as he felt Bruce squeeze his hand. He kept moving his thumb along Banner’s knuckles.
“Nah...This, this is the only place I can be,” Bruce answered, his voice somehow softer. Thor laid his arm down over his chest, taking Banner’s hand with him. “This place is so chaotic it makes my mind feel like paradise.” Thor knew Bruce was brushing the thought off, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Medics were in the battlefield just as much as soldiers, and the thought of seeing Banner fall haunted him.
Thor instead just chuckled at the tone he used, nodding and smiling up at him. The scars on his cheeks stung whenever he did, but it didn’t stop him. Bruce would always hold such a special place in his heart, a place he could always seem to escape to. Bruce was a safe haven, even in war, even after an explosion. “You should be nicer to yourself, Banner,” Thor said softly, lacing his fingers with his boyfriend’s. He coughed again, this time having to gasp and wheeze to catch his breath. “Wh-what will you do if I get killed, and there’s no one to praise you anymore?”
“Trust me, if I lost you, I’d lose much more than praise,” Bruce admitted. Thor felt the sting of tears in his eyes, and he squeezed Bruce’s hand tighter, a hoarse cough choking out of him. He remembered all those nights, when he or Bruce had broken into each other’s arms, promises to stay alive being exchanged back and forth. Thor felt Bruce’s hand move out of his grasp, instead cupping the side of Thor’s least bloodied cheek. “What was that thing your dad was always sayin…”
“B-boys don’t cry,” Thor sputtered out, a fond smile on his face as they both let out tired chuckles. “But we do a lot of things most boys don’t do.” Thor coughed again, leaning forward and gripping onto Bruce’s wrist. It hurt, each wheeze and gasp scraping through his throat.
“That was it,” Bruce remarked, his voice just louder than a whisper as he gently stroked his finger under Thor’s eye. Thor felt his face flush as tears ran down his cheeks, a quivering smile on his face as he looked at Bruce. “You think he’d be mad to see you now?” Bruce asked.
Thor just took his hand, turning his head and pressing a gentle kiss to it. “I-I don’t think I’d care.” he beamed at the pink that rose on Bruce’s cheeks, feeling his heart flutter as Bruce smiled down at him. There were tears in his eyes as he cupped Thor’s cheek, each cough and wheeze from the soldier making him wince.
“I think he’d be furious,” Bruce decided, wiping tears from Thor’s face. “It makes me happy.”
Thor just coughed, smiling and gripping his hand. “Y-you’re odd, y’know that?” Bruce just let out a small chuckle, closing his eyes. His smile was quivering, more tears welling up into his eyes until he suddenly put his free hand over them, sobs starting to rake out of them. Thor’s heart dropped to his stomach as he squeezed Bruce’s hand. “Shhh, Banner. I’m alright. I’m alright, my love.” Thor wanted to hold him, to kiss him until it all felt ok, but he could barely move without a sharp pain exploding in his chest.
“I-I don’t think I’ll ever get over how small you look, when I pull you out of there...I-It’s not you. It’s not,” Bruce sniffled, collecting himself quickly; he always did. Thor knew it had been something he’d learned very young, turning off emotions like a faucet. He opened his eyes and started stroking Thor’s cheek with his thumb. “I know you’re okay. And God, I know I’m not supposed to say it, but I love you. I love you, Thor, and I don’t want you to die…”
Thor reached out, holding Bruce’s face in his hands and pulling him closer until Bruce was leaning over him, forehead against his. “M-my Bruce,” he whispered, containing any small coughs that threatened to come out. “I love you too. So much. J-just don’t cry...That hurts more than any of this, okay?”
Bruce nodded, a small smile breaking through his expression as he planted a kiss on Thor’s forehead. “You need rest, honey. Doctor’s orders.”
Thor let his eyes flutter shut, running his fingers through Bruce’s curls, his coughs becoming more shallow and weak. “C-can’t argue with that.”