Prologue
What is the purpose of life?
That’s probably one of the biggest, unanswered questions in the world. Why are we alive? What is the point?
Tony Stark, for a long time, described that question with one simple answer: To suffer. There’s no point in life but to suffer. If you think about it, the concept of life, the concept of time… it all just doesn’t matter, does it?
He’s lived quite a life, if he has to say so himself. People often tell him that he has nothing to complain, that he’s had life handed to him on a golden platter or whatever else it is that people say about him. And in a big part he agrees with those people.
He’s never had money to run out of. Never had to worry about having food in the fridge, having a bed to sleep in. He never even had to worry about his parents, because they barely seemed to worry about him.
Okay, maybe that’s harsh. His mother did care. His father, in a way, did too. But… for a long time, Tony believed that carrying the name ‘Stark’ was meant for being incapable of love. Or… no, we’re explaining it wrong.
Tony has tasted love. Has known his mother telling him the three words. On some extremely rare occasions, even his father uttered them out, though that was mostly whenever Tony outdid himself in something scientific or whatever.
He tasted love with Jarvis, the man who took care of him whenever his parents weren’t available, which was a lot. Peggy loved him, too, and so did Daniel and their children. Tony’s little family. Once upon a time, when he was really, really small, he thinks Natasha might have loved him, too.
He thought he had been loved by Obediah. Turns out that wasn’t exactly what he’d hoped for. Rhodey, though… he was someone he could lean on whenever things were bad. He was the one who had Tony’s back, who took care of him whenever life turned out to be too heavy for him. Then came Mary. Kind, sweet, smart Mary. She had been beautiful, reminding him of the bright colors of autumn with her dark brown hair and those brown eyes. She had been around his age, had her own little quirks that came with her, such as never wanting to wear high heels as they always gave her blisters, or unintentionally making Tony fall in love with her.
And that’s true. He did love her. She must have been the first person in Tony’s life that made him think: ‘I want to share my life with them’. But it wasn’t meant to be. She took off, and Tony took the shortcut to a rehabilitation center when he realized that death sounded better than having to wake up alone one more time.
And he got himself sorted out. He met Pepper, went back to inventing, fell in love with Pepper, actually dated Pepper. Life had ended up being much better after a while.
He likes to think that there are a bunch of people out there that love him, now. Steve, he’s sure of. The guy tells him every day before they go to sleep, and each time they wake up. The rest of the team… well, they’ve never particularly spoken out the words, but neither has Tony, really. They care about each other to a point where Tony might figure he’s loved as much as he loves the team in return.
But the best part of love, he finds, is in Peter. His beautiful, wonderful, incredibly smart twenty-year-old son who is too good for anybody in this world with a heart as pure as gold and a soul shining so bright despite all the hits it’s taken. Out of all the people that Tony loves, he knows that Peter could be the only one who would make him do something incredibly stupid if anything would ever happen to him.
Which is kind of why he’s here, isn’t it? Though, where is here?
Maybe we should start from the beginning.