Jungney
Jungney was on her way back to the temple when she spotted a distressed bison. Crying and taking a couple of steps before stopping again. She stopped and looked around. Where was the rider?
A bison without its rider meant that something bad happened.
She ran over to it with her hands up. “Hey, hey,” she tried, and the bison curled up around… something? And growled at her. “It’s okay, what’s wrong? Where’s your rider?” Its fur was darker than she was used to. The arrows were a more potent brown and the white fur a cooler colour than the bright white she knew of. It almost looked gray from certain angles.
This… wasn’t a normal bison. It didn’t come from the four temples. None of the herds she knew looked like this one. The rider came from another temple, didn’t they?
Did she come across the aftermath of something bad?
That didn’t matter. The bison was distressed and clearly stressed about something. She’d help. “Where’s your rider? Are they okay?” The bison’s eyes narrowed and eventually stopped growling. She kept still as the bison stared her down. This was a test of some sort. Jungney was intent on passing it.
The bison huffed and took a few steps back. It’s then she noticed the blood on the fur around its legs, and on the grass. Was it the bison’s blood? The bison took another few steps back and- she gasped. The bison had been protecting someone. Was- was this the rider? There was so much blood!
She crouched and checked for a pulse. Weak. They’re alive. Okay, she could do this. She’s a decent healer. And she knew the plants and what herbs could help. Jungney turned the person over to check for injuries and paused when she got a look at their face. The person wore a black samurai mask- a menpo?- ordained with bright yellow lines. An infamous mask that terrified the most powerful nobles. She’d seen it on wanted posters around the Earth kingdom and Fire nation.
This was the Ghost. A felon.
She’d never thought an air nomad would be behind the infamous Ghost persona. Much less that an air nomad would be a felon. But then, she’s not familiar with the practices of the other temples.
Her hand trembled when she removed the mask.
It’s a woman. A rather… beautiful woman.
“Stop it!” She shook her head. “Don’t let your feelings for women get in the way, Jungney.” And besides, this was a combat nun. Their philosophies were opposites. Friendship or a relationship of any kind was likely to never happen. She put the mask aside and continued removing parts of her armour and the odd amounts of threngwa she wore.
A nun’s duty was to help others relieve suffering, and that’s what she was doing. She’s merely doing what she was supposed to. (Even if the others back at the temple would raise hell if they found out she did this)
She moved a hand over her chest, using her chi to check for internal injuries. Her brows furrowed, possibly broken ribs. She couldn’t really tell. Maybe fractured ribs? There was some sort of injury there. Moving her hand down, there’s a stab wound on her thigh and one deep wound on her side.
Okay, she could do this.
“You’re just treating a human, Jungney.” She mumbled beneath her breath as she removed her outer robe and began tearing it up as a substitute for bandages. First stop the bleeding, then look for herbs and plants to help with the pain. “An ordinary human, a completely ordinary human…”
Sonam never thought she’d be allowed on the Eastern temple grounds in her life with her past and all. People knew who she was.
She took a second to look at her surroundings. Healthy nature, colourful murals, and tall pagodas that reminded her of the temples back home.
It’s quite beautiful.
Torma used to say that there was an art to seeing. Few mastered it. He always used to look at his surroundings whenever they were out on missions with this mesmerized look on his face. Sonam never understood it then, her mind too loud and body too impatient to sit still for long periods of time.
She understood now, wiser with age and after honouring her friends’ deaths. The simplest of things were beautiful if you’d look close enough.
Sonam kept her distance from the others. She wouldn’t want to insult anyone with her existence. They were already doing a lot with allowing her in here. So instead of bothering them, she found herself a spot away from people in a small meadow. The sight from there was so beautiful!
The tall misty mountains, all the vibrant colours in the sky, and that one cloud that looked like a pouting panda. She hadn’t written a haiku since she left, but she might write a one about this. Sonam closed her eyes, feeling the rays of Amaterasu hit her face, inhaled…
… “I promise you that nothing can beat this sight!” He’d been so insistent on showing her. Sonam had given into his insistence with a fond eye roll and let him lead the way. Climbing to the top of Mt. Hiei was so normal to her now after years of training. A usually boring task, now made fun when the person she loved the most was by her side. The sight, when they’d gotten to the top, left her breathless.
Kushi had the best nights, and the Western temple had the best days. But this… this was something else. The sunset was so red and full. Not a single cloud in sight. There’s a floating feeling in her stomach and she had to look down to make sure she was actually on the ground.
Arms wrapped around her waist, and a head rested on top of hers. “Soo? What do you think?” She scoffed. He already knew what she thought. She turned in his arms, pinched his cheek until he pouted and kissed him. Pulling away and resting her forehead against his, she said under her breath. “It’s the best day of my life…”
Sonam opened her eyes and exhaled. This sunset was nowhere near as vibrant and full as the one on top of Mt. Hiei, but it’s still beautiful.
A wind blew at her back, wrapping around her loosely like a comforting hug before moving on.
Kumo stayed close to her for the entire stay. She had to bargain with her to stay with the other bison when she went inside to sleep. Yes, it surprised her when they gave her a room to stay in. She came fully expecting to sleep outside. They’d shown enough of their dislike of her already.
She pitied them to a small extent. To hold such contempt for someone would only tire her out in the end. There were individuals she wouldn’t be able to forgive- she knew it wasn’t very nun-like-, but she wouldn’t treat them like she was treated.
Kumo huffed and nudged at her with her snout. Sonam laughed and leaned into her. “I’m okay. Thank you for checking. Will you watch the sunset with me?” Kumo rumbled, gave her one lick and turned toward the sunset.
They admired the sunset for at least ten minutes until she heard quiet footsteps approaching her.
Who wanted to speak with her?
Did she do something that offended the temple?
… did some super ancient, out of practise rule only apply to her?
“Are you So-,” it’s a nun. How curious. She turned to look when the person was close enough and she’s pleasantly surprised. The shock was apparent on the other nuns’ faces.
… She wasn’t aware that she was awake. Sonam didn’t expect a nun- an Eastern nun? She’s not familiar with the robes here- to be the one healing her. The nun was missing her outer robe. Did she use it as a substitute for bandages? She kept still and observed her work. The nun was mixing something together. It smelled like medicine. Sonam was curious enough to not say anything and simply observe her work…
“It’s you!” She said and moved closer, keeping a respectful distance between them as she sat down. “You’re Sonam?” Her reaction was so innocent. She had to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling.
“Did you expect me to be anyone else?” The nun stuttered and waved her hands in front of her face. “O-of course not!” She exclaimed. Sonam didn’t miss the glance at her torso. Her injuries were fine. “It’s just- the last time I saw you, you were bleeding out in the valley down from here. I didn’t expect ever to see you again.”
“Well, now you’ve seen me.” The line of the nun’s shoulders tensed, startled? The nun looked at her, hesitant. And Sonam concurred that she’d never seen such soft gray eyes before. “Is there something you want? Did I break a rule that only applies to me and no one else?”
“N-no, I- uh,” was she blushing? “I admire your writings.” She said. “It’s a privilege to get to approach the author when they’re alive at the same time as you.”
“Oh,” that’s surprising. “They’re not banned here?”
“They’re quite popular.” With how they’ve acted towards her, she would’ve thought otherwise.
She smiled, feeling an odd sense of humour from the situation. “I didn’t expect that.” Honestly. “What’s your name?”
“Jungney.”
“You already know my name. What about my writings do you wish to discuss?” And Jungney’s eyes lit up. “Ohyes, I was curious about ‘the way to solitude.’ I’ve never read something like that before. How did you come to such a conclusion?” Sonam’s mind drifted.
My friends died. The person I thought I’d spend my life with died. I’m alone. It’s quiet. I had to deliver their mangled and bruised bodies back home. I have a daughter I can’t face because I’m too angry and not healed. My presence would only damage her. It’s loud. So, so loud. My thoughts scream at me and hold me captive on the worst days.
She huffed a laugh. “Well, where do I start? It’s a bit of a story.” She said, trying to discourage her. Sonam wouldn’t want to hold Jungney back from her other duties. Jungney, on the other hand, shifted a little and placed her hands in her lap. She smiled at her. “I have time, you can tell me.”
So.
Women.
Women were pretty. Jungney, who was a woman, was pretty. This was a new discovery on her side. Sonam only found men attractive in that way before and she’d only been with a man, too. (Sonam had kissed women before, mostly because of Ashina’s influence. It was a way to comfort someone and appreciate them, regardless of what others often said. She knew how to flirt when it came down to it, but it wasn’t like this.) She spent time contemplating what this meant when she first started noticing the attraction.
She tested it, meditated on the inner conflict to try and figure it out. So far, she hadn’t experienced any attraction to other women besides Jungney. The monks here weren’t exactly her type, but they were attractive. It’s not like she’d say no if any of them got the courage to approach her.
Ashina would’ve laughed at her for being so hesitant. She would’ve already made a move by now if she were alive. She knew what she wanted and never hesitated. Fearless and unpredictable like winds and ocean waves on a storm filled night.
Sonam wasn’t Ashina. She could never be Ashina. When Ashina would loudly announce her presence in front of the enemy, Sonam would prefer the stealth route until she couldn’t.
Gin would agree with Ashina. He’d probably say something like ‘you should always try something new,’ or maybe ‘learning something has more value than you know.’ She remembered he picked the dao swords out of curiosity when they were children and he became the best at them until he died.
Pursuing this interest she had wouldn’t hurt. It felt wrong, sure, because she still loved Jigme, but she could try. Small steps. Start with accepting the idea that she could love someone new. Small steps. Jigme would be angry with her if she never moved on from him. He said so before he died. The futures of warrior nuns and warrior monks were always uncertain. Grief and death were always on the horizon.
Jigme would always have a place in her heart, but she would move on and live her life to the best of her ability. She still had her life. She’d live it for herself and for her friends.
A familiar laugh entered her ears. “There you go!” Oh, Ashina. “Process starts with something small. A small swirl always has the potential to become a ruthless storm.”
She breathed in, out. Alive. It’s good to be alive.
It’s a very beautiful day today.
… she grounded the herbs together. She had to pause and look away because the powerful smell made the back of her nostrils sting and eyes tear up. Taking a couple of breaths, she resumed her work and added a little bit of water for moisture.
Okay, done. You did well, Jungney.
She glanced at the Ghost- Jungney didn’t know her name- to check on her and had to look again because she was awake. Staring at her. How long had the Ghost been awake? The intense focus on her look made Jungney feel small.
Such dark eyes! Gray like the refined steel weapons she’d only seen on rare occasions on travels. Jungney had only gotten attention like this once before, and they had the exact same eyes as her.
Were they related? Was dark gray eyes a trait of the other temples?
“I, uh,” her voice failed her, and she looked away and forced away the blush she felt coming. She forced away her thoughts as well. “Will you drink this, please? It’ll help with the pain…”
Sonam wasn’t like how her teachers portrayed combat nuns and combat monks to be.
“They’re violent, ruthless, and barbaric!”
Sonam was quiet, kept to herself most of the time, kinder than most people she knew and never rose to the barbed and backhanded words of the people she grew up with.
That required a lot of discipline and compassion, something that Jungney clearly lacked, as she’d gotten angry on Sonam’s behalf a couple of times. She’d always grabbed her hand when she noticed her rising anger. Sonam had grabbed her hand a lot more recently now that she thought about it. Grabbed it with no other intention than holding it.
Jungney put her brush down, rubbed her face, and sighed harshly.
She’d noticed the longer looks, lingering touches and words that could imply more, that she always pushed to the back of her mind when others were around. And she’d be a hypocrite if she denied not thinking about her in that way as well; Zopa had caught her looking at Sonam one too many times and had a blast with teasing her about it.
Jungney was lucky enough that Zopa didn’t know she was the one to start testing the waters. Sonam never really expressed any interest in others until she started noticing some sort of reciprocating to her testing the waters.
The time they’d spent had been some of the most memorable in her life. Jungney wanted. She looked forward to every time Sonam would grab her hand.
She wondered what they’d feel like in other places. They were rough and calloused from training, larger than hers and gentle. Always gentle.
Light tingles went up her hand.
Her face warmed, and heart skipped a beat. (The elders would be so angry if they found out.)
The brush and piece of paper laid untouched on her desk; Sonam could wait a little longer for her letter.
Sonam grinned as she snuck up behind her until she stood right behind her, leaned close to her ear and her hands hovered over her waist.
“Boo.”
Jungney yelped and would’ve jumped ten feet in the air had she not grabbed onto her first. She snickered, feeling her squirm, and tried to turn around. Just to be extra, she lifted her off the ground. The small gasp she heard went straight to her head.
“For Chenrezig’s sake! Sonam!” She laughed. “Put me down!”
She smells nice. Sonam held her for a little longer before reluctantly putting her down. It felt nice to hold her. She wanted to hold her more.
To her surprise, Jungney spun around and threw her arms around her shoulders and pressed herself against her. Definitely not what she expected, but she delighted in the warmth that radiated off of her.
She hugged just like Ashina.
Jungney lightly hit the side of her head when she pulled back with a pout and furrowed brows. Was she trying to look serious? “Don’t do that again.” Her arms stayed around her shoulder, much like Sonam’s arms stayed looped around her waist. Shouldn’t they have pulled away by now?
She and Jigme always hugged like this after long days.
“I can’t promise anything,” what would Mikoto say? “Bribe me with something nice and maybe I’ll stop.” Jungney turned a lovely shade of pink, hit her shoulder, and moved back from her. She’s smiling though, that’s what counts.
A way better result than Kaito burning himself while working because Mikoto said ‘bribe me with kisses.’
It’s distant, but she heard clapping and a “move closer! Do another line!”
They held each other’s gaze longer than normal. Jungney looked away, smiling. Tension. Sonam hadn’t felt it since Jigme. “I was looking for you.”
“Oh?” Some of her hair was out of place, Sonam pushed it behind her ear. “What can I do for you?” Jungney blinked, eyes wide, and Sonam really wanted to pinch her cheek. “Uh,” she looked down after soundlessly moving her mouth and failing to form a response. “I forgot what I was going to say.”
Now, she heard laughter along with clapping. “Be romantic!”… who was that?
She gave into the urge and pinched Jungney’s cheek. Adorable.
“Would you like some tea?” Jungney grabbed her hand when she let go of her cheek, leaning into her palm and closed her eyes.
In, out. Could she feel how fast her pulse was beating? She could with how she held her hand, Sonam knew she could. She really wanted to kiss her. It’s been a while since she’d kissed anyone. How did she approach this?
Jungney nodded after a couple of seconds, and Sonam remembered where they were. “I’d like some tea. Maybe it’ll jog my memory.” She held her hand to her cheek a little longer before they walked to the kitchen.
Their fingers grazed against each other and Sonam grabbed her hand, and Jungney intertwined their fingers a couple of seconds after.
Jungney knew she had a small crush on the Ghost. It went away after a month because she thought she’d never see her again.
She remembered her eyes, though, having burnt them into her memories.
But since the Ghost was Sonam, and she spent a lot of time with her, that small crush came blazing back, burning brighter than any of her previous experiences. Light flirting from her side slowly turned into casual flirting from both sides and casual became this.
Prolonged eye contact. Wandering eyes and hands. Smiles, longer hugs and touches. Hand holding, more affection than considered normal and almost kisses. There’s been a few of those.
Each side knew, and yet neither side acknowledged it.
So, of course, she fumbled so badly with her words one day when Sonam helped gather the books she needed for a study session. Sonam held a book out to her. “Is this right?” She asked. “I found a couple of more versions, but you said this one.” It’s the right one. Jungney grabbed it. “Oh, I could kiss you.” She hugged her. “Thank you so much!”
…
Jungney felt her face burn in embarrassment and she tightened her grip on her. She said that! She actually said that! How humiliating! Jungney nuzzled into her shoulder, hoping to hide from the world.
Sonam’s shoulders started shaking, and this beautiful sound left her throat. It took her a second to realise that she was laughing. Jungney never heard her laugh before, only a chuckle or giggle, never laughter. The sound was so foreign to her.
“Well, I won’t say no if you want to.” She teased and pulled away from the hug. Jungney wanted to keep her head down, but a finger underneath her chin prevented it. And she’s forced to look into eyes that have left her stumped more than on one occasion. Sonam smirked, and it sent her into a fit of internal panic. If she removed the finger beneath her chin, Jungney was sure she’d fall flat on her face with none of her air nomad grace.
“Surprise me.” That- that could mean a lot of things. “Uh, um, okay.” She managed to squeak out, and Sonam laughed. Again.
She removed the finger from her chin and Jungney wobbled on her feet and fell into Sonam instead of the floor. Which was better, but still humiliating.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just lost the feelings in my legs. I’ll be alright.” Sonam picked her up, her strong hands holding her thighs, “wait- what are you doing?” And carried her over to a nearby table.
“There, you can sit while I look for the books you need.” Jungney stared at her, feeling the all-encompassing feeling coursing through her body. She was falling in love with her, wasn’t she?
She observed quietly as Sonam looked for her books, humming an unfamiliar song under her breath. Jungney felt the warmth in her gaze whenever she looked over at her, down to her very nerves, tingling. A numb weight settled across her chest. She really wanted to kiss her.
“This is it, right?” Sonam approached her holding the three last books. “The eight stanzas of thought transformation, the way of the bodhisattvas and the lamp for the path to enlightenment.” She looked up at her when she didn’t respond.
“Jungney?” They were the right books, but they weren’t important right now. She got off of the table, walked up to her, grabbed her by the neck and kissed her. Going by the sharp inhale she heard, she surprised Sonam.
She liked it. Jungney wanted to hear more of it.
She immediately missed the warmth when Sonam pulled away. Fear clambered at her heart. “What’s wrong?”
“Um,” she’s blushing. “It’s nothing.” She looked around, took two steps over to the table behind them, put the books down and went back to her, arms settling around her waist. “There, can I ask for more kisses?”
Jungney giggled and looked around briefly to see if anyone was nearby before leaning in to kiss her again. “Of course,” she said right before their lips touched, “you can have as many as you like.”
They almost got caught making out in the library, much to her embarrassment. Sonam only laughed, grabbed their outer robes and teleported them out of there.
Yes, she’s surprised that’s actually possible.
They continued where they left off in the privacy of her room. Her previous embarrassment quickly disappearing at the thought of kissing her again and tracing her tattoos. Touching her in general. Jungney couldn’t get enough of her skin. Lying on their sides in Sonam’s bed, she paused when she got to her stomach, noticing faded marks that hinted at something that Sonam hadn’t told her. Her curiosity while tracing those marks must’ve been loud enough for her to notice.
“I have a child,” she said, a hand brushing through her hair. “A daughter.” Jungney looked up at her- ignoring how her chest wrappings that still hadn’t come off yet- eyes wide. She didn’t know that. “You do?” With who? “How come I didn’t know?”
Sonam’s eyes were downcast, expression solemn. She didn’t answer her.
“Hey,” she moved up and cupped her face. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Even if she really wanted to know, she wouldn’t pry. Sonam sighed. “It’s something precious to me. I don’t share it with just anyone.” She said. “I haven’t told anyone here either…” Jungney heard the unsaid ‘I don’t trust them,’ loud and clear.
“So I’m the first to know?” Sonam nodded. “And you were sort of inspecting the area. You were close enough to make the conclusion yourself.” Sonam trusted her enough to tell her something so important to her?? Jungney’s stomach fluttered. She leaned in and kissed her nose, smiling when it scrunched up in the adorable way like it did when she was laughing.
“She’s four years old now. Some of my old friends write letters about her every week. She sounds…” Jungney watched as Sonam got a distant look in her eyes. “A lot like her apa.”
She knew Sonam had a close group of friends and a partner before and that they died. Jungney knew of Ashina and she knew of Mikoto, but she didn’t know the boys in her friend's group outside of brief name mentions and anecdotes. “Did you love him?”
She watched the pure grief wash over Sonam’s face. A quiet act and yet loud and clear. Sonam nodded slowly. “I did.” Jungney felt the weight of those two simple words. “More than life itself.”
Jungney wanted to hide from the way Sonam looked at her. So much warmth… love.
A hand slid up her arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake, slid up to her shoulder and her jaw. “Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting them,” she said. “I will always love him, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be anyone new.” She sealed those words off with a long kiss and rolled on top of her.
“Now,” she moved a hand up the side of the breast, her eyes lingering as she rolled a nipple in between her fingers. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“… really?” Sonam’s been doing well so far. Like, really well. Better than most of her previous experiences; the slickness between her thighs spoke for itself. Sonam shook her head, looking sheepish. “No, I’ve only been attracted to men before and I’ve only been with men, so,” she leaned down and kissed her, “tell me if I’m doing anything wrong, okay?”
Jungney didn’t think Sonam would ever do anything wrong.
She brushed some of Sonam’s hair behind her ear, her hand moving down to her neck. She leaned up and pecked her lips.
“Okay.”
She heard her jog and the robes rustling. “Sonam, wait-,”
“You can call me Maya, you know.” She turned and said, Jungney’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. It’s a privilege to have permission to use someone’s first name. “We’ve done enough stuff together that allows that.”
Jungney stuttered. “I-uh, well,” cute. She’s blushing. “Then you can call me Jampa.” Loving kindness? Fitting name. A very fitting name. “Stop, don’t look at me like that. I was apparently a very affectionate baby.”
“It’s a fitting name though,” she put an arm around her waist, pulled her close to kiss her forehead. “You are affectionate.” Jungney kissed her cheek just as she said that. “See?”
Jungney glanced around before she grabbed her by the chin and kissed her. “You like it though, don’t you?”
Who wouldn’t like it? “Of course.”
Sonam had created a small memorial for her friends in the mountains. Two earthbenders came from Kushi when they got wind of it and created statues of them.
They deserved more, but this was all she could do.
She lit the incense and sat down to meditate. They talked to her occasionally, never showed themselves, but she could sense them and hear their voices.
“You’re allowed to move on,” Mikoto, oh how she wanted to hug her, “we want you to move on.”
“I know.” She didn’t open her eyes in case that would make them disappear. “But it feels like I’m forgetting you sometimes, even though I know I’m not.”
“As if we’d let you forget us,” she struggled to keep her eyes shut, laughing as she imagined Ashina’s hard eye roll. “Water always remembers. It never forgets, regardless of what shape it takes. You’ll never forget us, Sonam.”
She never called Jigme nyingdu-la when he was alive, even if he was. They never married, even if he planned for them to. Hanjo solemnly told her that Jigme had planned on giving it to her after the mission. On their anniversary.
All of it was too late.
Sonam didn’t want to be too late this time, but what if she was? Losing someone she loved dearly again. Her eyes stung. She wished she could hug them again.
“It’s going to be fine, Sonam,” they said, and she felt them huddle around her in a hug. “you’re strong, you can survive this. We’ll always be here for you.”
Jungney noticed her red eyes when she found her in her room. “What’s wrong? Have you been crying?” She hugged her, nuzzling into her shoulder.
Jungney was the first one to say ‘I love you,’ and Sonam remembered the guilt she felt when she couldn’t say it back.
“I,” Jungney pulled back to look at her. “Hm?” It was hard to breathe for some reason. Maybe it was the way she looked at her or it was just the fact that Sonam absolutely adored her, but it felt like she’d just climbed the old pass back at Kushi.
She hadn’t felt such strong feelings ever since Jigme died.
“I love you.” A weight lifted off of her chest. As the words sunk in, Jungney’s eyes widened slowly. “I love you.” A smile made its way to her lips. She moved her hands to her jaw and leaned in, and she said it one more time before their lips touched.
“I love you.”
Sonam said it multiple times after that, kissing it into her skin, among other things, showering her with all the love she felt coursing through her.
Jungney shook apart in her arms. Sonam murmured comforting words into her ear to help her come down.
“I’ll protect you.” I love you, I love you. She hugged her close. “From anything. Just tell me.” Sonam revelled in the hands stroking through her hair. She hadn’t felt so much love in a long time.
Jungney laughed after getting her breath back, her fingers scratching at the hairs on the back of her nape, making her shudder. “My personal little spirit guardian?” Sonam smiled. Being called that by Jungney felt much better than the title Hanjo and the others back at Kushi wanted to give her.
“Of course.” She moved her hand in circles on her back. “Anything for you.” And Sonam wondered just how far she’d go with those words. Jungney grinned, their next kiss a bit more teeth than lips. She made up for it by angling her head and meeting her lips in another wet slant.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you-
“I’d prefer you’d not get into harm’s way on my behalf.” The chances of that were small, because of the pacifism at the temples, but Sonam would do that with no hesitation. “But I’m grateful for anything you do for me.” Jungney rolled on top of her and she couldn’t resist the temptation, and let a hand drift up and cupped a breast.
A blush rose to Jungney’s cheek in response to the act. “Are spirit guardians supposed to fondle air nomad nuns?” Sonam broke out laughing, testing the weight in her palm. “Only this one. Unless you have a problem with this specific spirit protecting you?”
Jungney leaned down, smiling- loose hair suited her, she should really keep her hair like this more often- nudging her nose against hers. “Of course not.” She bit her lower lip and pulled.Oh, that did things to her. “I’ll worship you more if it gets me extra protection.”
“Oh, you’re breaking the rules of the eightfold path-,”
Jungney shut her up with another passionate kiss and marked purple bruises into her neck. “Good, that’s good…” Sonam had nothing else to say that night.
Jungney felt bad about keeping their relationship a secret and there was the fact that she didn’t want to keep it a secret because someone like Sonam didn’t deserve to be hidden, but she didn’t have a choice when it came to the Eastern temple’s elders and then there’s the mention of her standing at the temple…
Sonam gave her some of her robes to keep in case they went long without seeing each other, and Jungney gave her some of hers in return. The real thing was always so much better, though.
She hugged her behind some of the temple pillars and since there were people nearby; she opted for a quick kiss instead of a long one. Jungney kept her forehead against hers, breathing her in. “I missed you.”
Sonam pressed a kiss in between her brows, right at the tip of her arrow. “I missed you too.” She pulled back to look at her. “Nothing went wrong on your way here, right?”
A nun had asked a particularly pointed question right when she was about to leave. “Oh, are you going to visit her again?” It left an unpleasant taste on her tongue.
“No, it went fine.” She said, “will you help me with my things?” Sonam grabbed them out of her arms, smiling. “Of course.”
Sonam assured her she was okay with the secrecy, but Jungney felt guilty hiding someone as kind as her. Someone as warm as her. She glanced at her side profile, feeling the warmth in her expression all the way down to her heart.
I’m scared of the others finding out, but I love you. I love you; I love you more than I’d ever loved anyone ever before. I love you, I love you, I love you- “Are you hungry?” Sonam asked, turning to her, “there’s freshly steamed momos in the kitchen, you’re free to take some of you want to.”
She’s a little hungry. Some food would be good, and she ended up grabbing herself a plate.
Sonam stole a momo even if she said she wasn’t hungry and winked at her. Jungney only rolled her eyes in retaliation.
Sonam worked in the dead of night, sketching out original designs for a marriage wrist band. The long robes of the Eastern temple would make them easy to hide.
She would be early this time. She’d already called her nyingdu-la, so she was ahead. Jungney burst into tears when she first called her that.
“Can I call you that, too?”
She turned to look at her. Jungney was still asleep. She turned back around and continued working.
Kaito and blacksmith Hotaru back at Kushi taught her how to handle metals because of how often she broke her naginata while out on missions. She could make this herself.
Sonam settled for something simple. It would be silver, a symbol for their airbending. And it would have a clip-on function so that she could take it off and hide if the situation asked for it and she’d engrave it with her name. She smiled as she wrote their names. Fancy writing or simple writing? Eh, she could think of that later.
Sonam looked forward to being able to carry Jungney’s name around her wrist all the time.
All things were impermanent. All things were impermanent.
She’d been so secretive about it. So secretive. They’d managed to stay hidden for four years. A whole four wondrous years were it was just them.
And yet, someone caught them, told the Elders and now they were demanding her to end it. The position she’d worked towards would be given to someone else. All her work would be for nothing.
Zopa told her to do what she wanted. Follow her heart. She’d always support her.
Jungney wanted both. The position she’d worked so hard for and the person she loved, who helped her get to the place she was currently.
They wouldn’t allow her both. Jungney had kept her head down as they berated her for being with someone like Sonam, and how could she lower herself to be with someone like that?
“What do you have to say for yourself?”
She loved her. That was it. Jungney relished in the warmth and her love, and how the fire- her love for Sonam- burning inside her turned into a blazing inferno. It felt good.
“End it and you’ll get your position.”
And when the day came, how Son- Maya. How Maya lit up when she saw her. All her resolve crumbled. Jungney held on tighter as Maya hugged her, trying to imprint the feeling into her mind.
“What’s wrong, Jampa?” She felt sick. She didn’t want to say it. Jungney looked up at her, and how much of a mistake that was. “I-uh…” She gripped onto her forearm to steady herself.
She felt extremely sick.
“They have offered me a higher position at the temple.” Maya grinned. Her chest hurt. I love you, I love you- “That’s great news!”
She tried to smile. It was too painful. “It is…”
“Have you accepted it yet?”
“No,” she shook her head, and Maya tilted her head. “Why?”
She didn’t want to say anything. She could feel cracks form in her heart. “I’m-,” speak, speak, speak! “I’m not allowed to accept it because I’m with you.”
She immediately regretted her words when Maya’s expression fell. I love you, I love you-
“You’re ending it with me.” Jungney couldn’t look at her. She couldn’t. The back of her throat stung. “Say it.”
I love you. She had to force the words out. “I-I’m ending this….” Maya stared at her, waiting as if to see if it was a joke, and took her arms back from her grip, and took a step back. “Well, I wish you happiness in your life.” Don’t go. Maya took another step back and turned around, looking at her from over her shoulder. Please don’t go. I love you. She wanted to reach out, longed for it. Don’t go.
They could go to the library here and study like they always did and pretend like this never happened. Maya could put her head in her lap and talk about her days as she braided her hair. They could share gentle kisses by the waterfall as they watched the sunset-
Maya walked away from her, leaving her cold and missing her warmth.
Flying in the air on Kumo felt a lot like she was dancing on emptiness.
She stroked a finger over the metal of the band, over Jungney’s engraved name, a heavy feeling settling on her chest.
Again.
She could’ve been difficult and done something drastic and something only a jaded ex partner would do, but she wasn’t like that. Sonam wouldn’t be difficult or use force, that would be proving the other nuns at the Eastern temple right.
She accepted it, even if those weren’t Ja-Jungney’s words.
It hurt. She never reacted like she was supposed to in situations like these. Her reactions were always… slow, in a way. So she expected to be a crying mess when she reached the privacy of her own room back at the Western temple.
Again.
… was there something wrong with her? It’s clear that she couldn’t take care of anything. The people she loved died. Jigme died. The new person she thought she’d be together with for life chose a title and position over her. So there must be something wrong. Everything else in the world was more desirable than her. No one wanted her in the end.
Sonam sighed and put the wedding band away.
Jungney couldn’t simply forget the relationship as easy as she’d liked. (It wasn’t as easy as the elders said, either.)
The fire now burned in a way that hurt. All the love she still held for Sonam had nowhere to go. No letters, no visits and no kisses.
She had unsent letters that she’d written to get all the thoughts out of her head; one or more a day was the norm. Sonam never asked for the robes back, and Jungney never asked for hers. A part of her hoped Sonam sought comfort in them like she did.
Her eyes stung as she wrote, her hands shaking. “… that I cling to this love is what causes me suffering. I know that if I let go, the suffering will recede, but I can’t. Nyingdu-la, I’ve never loved someone like I’ve loved you. The love I have burns my entire being. It’s painful…” A tear dropped onto the paper. She wiped her eyes and tried to continue, only to have more tears falling.
Jungney put the brush and paper aside and used her arms as a pillow to rest her head on the desk. She’s tired. So so tired.
She’s too exhausted to care when arms settled around her shoulders. Who snuck in when she wasn’t paying attention? Or was this her imagination playing tricks on her?
“It’s okay, don’t cry,” it’s a woman. The warmth radiating off of her was comforting. Who was she? “It’ll be fine.” She said and pulled her closer. Jungney could feel a heartbeat, not as strong or steady as she’d expected, but maybe this woman was sick?
She snuck a peek at the arms hugging around her. The woman was a nun. Her arrows were not blue and not quite gray, a colour somewhere in between. She could see long strands of red hair in her peripheral vision. There were intricate lines on her arrows, prayers in both fire speech and air speech, and parts of the lotus sutra written were down from her bicep to upper forearm.
She’d seen and traced the exact same prayers and parts of the lotus sutra on Sonam as well.
Who was this woman?
“It’s all going to be fine.” Maybe it’s how she said it, but it had Jungney believing in her.
Someone tugged on her robe. She looked down to see little Yutso frowning up at her.
“What is it?”
“You’re sad.” She said, “why?”
“I’m not-,”
“No!” Yutso stopped her foot and Sonam cursed how observant she was. “You are. Don’t lie to me.”
Sonam sighed, not soothing the ache in her heart. “I- I just miss someone, I guess.” She never looked forward to the trips to the Eastern temple now. It just wasn’t the same.
Jungney went out on the nights she couldn’t sleep, which happened more and more in the recent months. She could see it becoming a norm.
A man- a spirit- had kept her company on those nights. He even gave her his red haori, which she didn’t expect to be there the next day.
With Tsukuyomi high in the sky, an airball was held in her line of sight. She looked up to see the man looking expectantly at her. “Wanna play?”
He’s probably one of the few men in the world she could see herself with. She smiled, rose up, and accepted the offer.
She tried to narrow down the temples he could be from as they played. He wore a variation of gray coloured long robes, along with a brown rakusu. He had curly and messy hair, and what she thought was a master tattoo on the front of his hand. The robes were popular in the Earth kingdom. The rakusu were popular in both the Fire nation and Earth Kingdom temples. From how he moved and the forms he’d shown her, she guessed he was from a Fire nation temple.
The ball shot past her head. He’s ridiculously fast. He laughed. “That’s nineteen to fifteen! You have to hurry if you want to catch up!”
Sonam would admit, if anyone asked her, that she stared.
Where did she get that haori?
Where did she get that haori?
She didn’t approach her out of fear of maybe jeopardising something. Probably something regarding the image when it came to her position at the temple. Sonam wouldn’t be difficult. She wouldn’t destroy something Jungney worked so hard for, just for some questions.
Valid questions because, to her knowledge, that haori was in the deepest parts of her closet back at Kushi.
She stared, though. Longing. She always averted her eyes when an Elder glanced her way.
There’s only certain nights were Jungney wouldn’t go outside when she couldn’t sleep.
Distantly, the wind carried the remnants of a flute song, mellow and soft. The song brought pleasant memories back, flooding her body with comforting warmth.
Next, the wind carried the sound of a goepo- no… she’s wrong, that was a shamisen. Calm, skilled plucking, joining in with the soft flute playing. It lulled her to sleep with warmth and dreams she longed to be a reality again.
Sonam didn’t expect to meet old friends at the Eastern temple. Nor did she see herself bursting into tears the moment she saw Pema again, but she looked so much like Jigme.
He’s not completely gone. Parts of him lived on in Pema.
“Kaito-san says you’re my amma,” she said, looking up at her. Oh! She had his eyes! “Are you?”
“I-,” her hand trembled. Why was it difficult to breathe? “You look so much like him.” She crouched down, drying her tears with her left sleeve. “Um, can- can I hug you?” Something equally painful and loving twisted in her chest when Pema grinned. She threw her arms around her shoulders. “Of course!” Sonam held on tightly, fearing that she’d disappear the moment she let go.
“I’m sorry for not being there for you.”
“It’s okay,” Pema’s small hand patted her back. “Head priest Hanjo said you were really sad and angry and had to heal your heart first before meeting me.” Of course he’d say that. She chuckled. “Hanjo always knows what to say.” Pema pulled back, still grinning. “Yeah! He does.” Then her face softened, and she reached up with a hand to wipe her tears. “Don’t be sad. I’m not angry at you.”
Some of him was still here. Jigme was still here.
Sonam felt a pair of eyes hit the side of her head. She already knew who it was- they could look from the distance all they wanted- but she didn’t turn to meet their eye as Pema dried her tears.
The meeting was supposed to be serious, but the spirit standing behind Nyima was distracting.
Jungney kept glancing over at the spirit- a black-haired woman who had the fiercest scowls whenever Tashi talked- and struggled to keep her composure. The spirit made faces and did horrible (extremely good) impressions of the nuns around her.
The spirit didn’t do an impression of Zopa though. She’d looked at her with this appraising look in her eye. “Ooh, I like you.”
The spirit met her eye when Elder Dölma finished talking. “I’ll poison her for you if you want, seriously.” She leaned across the table, as if it made a difference. No one could see her. “I’ll deal with all the spider-bat happiness sucking individuals too and, like, help you get a happy ending.” Jungney’s eyes lowered. Her happy ending had long passed. “Hey, I’ll think of something. You deserve it.” She pulled back and hummed in thought. “Ooh, I can so get Ashina in on this.”Mikoto? This was Mikoto as in Sonam’s friend? The statue and the real her were different. She turned back to her again. “I’ll leave something scorched as a sign.”
Jungney, as an emotionally exhausted nun, couldn’t bring herself to care properly when Elder Dölma, Elder Karma and a handful of other senior nuns passed ‘peacefully in their sleep’ in the span of a five months..
There’s been a few moments throughout the years where they’ve been alone together and Sonam had been… pushy. Not disrespecting the boundaries, but purposely pushing buttons to get Jungney to think.
She didn’t know what to expect when Yara came with a letter saying it was from Jungney. And then there was her silly name slip up, too.
A short and simple letter- and so typical Jungney- that she read in the privacy of her room.
“Are you available during the spring festival? Will you please meet me at the meadows where we used to hang out? I’ll be there from afternoon until dusk.”
Jigme’s spirit urged her to respond, and Mikoto was disappointed that she even hesitated. And so she wrote that she’d come and sent it off with a lemur she’d grown fond of.
And when she arrived at the Eastern temple, she waited until the last moment to go and meet her. She wasn’t exactly sure why. Murder was past her unless the situation demanded it, but some small pettiness wasn’t. Jungney hurt her and it gave her some psychological problems to work through afterward.
The words ‘I’m sorry’ could either be comforting or extremely infuriating to hear. It had always been either or before, but now it was a mix of both. She grabbed her wrist. She wouldn’t hold her hand just yet.
“That’s it? You asked to meet me just to say you’re sorry?” It didn’t take back the hurt she felt and the anger about how it all went down.
Jungney shook her head and put her other hand to her temple. “N-no, I had this whole thing I wanted to say, but I don’t remember any of it.”
“If you think that will fix it-”
“I don’t and I don’t expect it to,”… smart words. “I just want to be around you again.” Sonam wouldn’t be lying if she hadn’t thought of the same thing. She’d enjoyed the years with Jungney and appreciated every single moment they spent together. How she slowly helped her build everything back up after it being broken for so long.
“… we’re old now. It won’t be the same as back then.”
“I know,” Jungney said, eyes downcast, and nodded. “I know.”
Sonam’s chest was heavy- it’s been a long while since she’d felt that feeling- as she stared at her. Jungney looked up in panic when she pulled her hand back. “You know, I wanted to give you this on that day.” Maybe she kept the engagement bands for some nostalgic reason. Of a life that could have been. She still didn’t know.
And maybe she brought them with her just to make this meeting a bit more painful and make Jungney hurt as much as she did back then.
“You… you wanted to…?” She trailed off, looking on the verge of tears, her fingers cradled the band as if it was the most precious thing she had.
“Yes, I did,” Sonam said, and it’s the first time she admitted it out loud. “but you cowered to your elders and so it never happened. I was hurt for a very long time.” Angry too. Angry at the world.
Jungney grabbed her hand and wiped at her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Sonam always thought she’d maybe get a sense of schadenfreude from this, but she didn’t. She never liked seeing Jungney cry before, and she didn’t now.
She pulled her into a hug, feeling her hands clutch at her sides hard. It felt nice to do this again, that she’d admit. Sonam held her until her crying calmed down.
“I still love you, you have to know that.”
“… I know.” She said, leaning into the side of her head. “I know, Jampa.” Torma taught her all about body language when he first got accepted into Kushi’s assassin order. It was easy to tell. In the circumstances they were close enough for it to happen. Sonam would give her hand a supporting squeeze or say politely encouraging words. She saw how Jungney grasped at each word and comforting gesture she offered her way. Oh, and like that one time, Jungney and some other nuns had taken their classes on a trip. Sonam had followed them from the branches above and saved them from a large angry saber-tooth moose lion.
Jungney had known it was her, and when everyone was asleep, asked her to show herself. After sharing some words, she’d given her a long hug that Sonam still felt the remnants of.
Sonam didn’t know the extent of her feelings at the moment. She didn’t really want to pry into that because she didn’t trust Jungney like she used to. She didn’t want to get hurt again.
Jungney pulled back from the hug. “Can I make it up to you? I know you don’t trust me.”
“It won’t be like before.”
“I know.” She opened, and then closed her mouth, leaving it unsaid.
“Will you cower again?”
“No, I am an elder now. I have some sway to do as I like.”
“… will I regret agreeing to this?” Biggest question of all time.
“No,” she shook her head, “you won’t.”
Sonam thought about it. “… okay, you can make it up to me.” Jungney hugged her again, making her stumble backwards. She’d missed this. “Thank you, Maya.”