Riley was dead.
It had been 2 weeks and 6 damn days. She would have come back by now, she would have come back by now if she wasn’t dead. Because if she was still alive and breathing that meant she didn’t want to come back, or couldn’t. And Ellie didn’t know which was worse.
It wasn’t like they had forever anyways. Riley would have been nearly 17 and would have been sent off to go lead soldiers or some stupid important shit, while Ellie stayed at school. And she didn’t feel the same way as Ellie. It wasn’t ever going to work out, so in a way Riley being dead was better. At least being dead meant no more time in the hole. Where Ellie was now, a place that fucking sucked.
It was literally just a fucking hole filled with damp dirt and mud that you sat in for allotted time while a guard stood by. And for Ellie that time was 5 hours because “an hour proved to not be enough”. She was pretty sure it would be over soon, in all her time down here she’d gotten pretty good at telling time. And just how much the soldier was judging her for constantly being here, not like everyone was a goody miss two-shoes.
```
“God could you stop acting like such a goody miss two-shoes?”
“I am not!”
“Compared to me you are”
```
The memory came to focus clearly in her mind, something about the hole always made her memories clearer. Riley and her had been stealing something, whatever the thing was Ellie couldn’t remember, but she’d been arguing back. Telling Riley that they needed to leave some of it or else it would be suspicious. But Riley said that she was saying that because she was a goody miss two-shoes. She’d argue that goody miss two-shoes didn’t get put in the hole, if Riley was still around to hear her arguments.
“Alright your time’s up.” The soldier called out, dropping down the latter to let her out. As she climbed up the soldier decided she still felt like talking. “And you stop fucking up already? Most kids don’t ever come here and if they do its a one time thing, you understand? You keep this up and FEDRA’s gonna fuck you over.” It was funny coming from her, Ellie was sure she hadn’t been the best behaved kid to get this job.
Ellie continued up the latter, pushing herself off the damp dirt. “FEDRA’s gonna fuck me over either way.” She muttered, walking past the soldier. She was meant to say that the time in the hole helped her realize she was sorry and that she didn't mean what she did, but it was a bunch of bs that no one really cared about. So when she walked straight out the soldier didn’t do anything about it. She’d gotten out of some of her later classes for it at least but missed dinner too. And they definitely hadn’t saved her anything, meaning she was going hungry for the night at least. Hopefully they had some actual food for breakfast.
RIley would have had food, she would have had a stash that she’d pull out when Ellie got back and complained about being hungry. But RIley wasn’t here and she wouldn’t be. That was Ellie’s new fucking life, one without Riley.
-----------------------------
“Me and Ellie can go together.” She argued, they’d accepted a 16 year old as a firefly so why not a 14 year old? They would be fine, they had been raised in a FEDRA school where you learned how a gun worked before how to write. But Marlene wasn’t gonna let it happen for some stupid reason. “Riley I told you no and my decision isn’t going to change. It’s a no.” The woman was standing across from her, arms crossed. Riley let out a frustrated sigh at that, Marlene had that tone of someone who wasn’t gonna budge no matter what. But she continued pleading, she wouldn't give up easily either.
“She’s good at fighting, and she’s sneaky too, just like me. And I’ll keep her in line, she listens to me. She would be really useful for the cause, so just- please?” She begged, she hated being in this position. Begging and pleading was for people who were already gonna lose, and that was not RIley. But it also wasn’t Marlene, the leader of the fireflies. She knew she wasn’t gonna win from the start of this argument but god dammit she had to try. Ellie needed to come with her, because she missed her. But more importantly, because no one else could keep her safe like she could, she wouldn’t let anyone else.
“Listen to me RIley,” Marlene turned to her, stepping a bit closer. “It’s not. Going. To. Happen. Ellie’s safety would be risked.” They were face to face for a second, and RIley’s hopes started to rise. Marlene certainly wasn’t convinced yet but she was clearly angered by her challenging her decisions. She was getting a rise out of her. But then Marlene seemed to become aware of her stance and stepped back, sighing. Moving back to the end of the room, by the door.
She acted as if Riley didn’t know it was dangerous, of course she was aware it was a dangerous choice. This world was made of them. But Riley wouldn’t let anything ever happen to Ellie, it didn’t matter what it cost to keep her safe. “She’d be safer with me. I can protect her I swe-” She started to promise, she’d promise anything to Marlene if it meant Ellie saying safe. She didn’t even have to make that promise to keep her safe when she had already made it to herself, it wasn;t anything new.
“No you can’t. She’s safe in that FEDRA military school.” Marlene picked up her jacket, ready to head out. Riley was on limited time and her next choice of words was probably was not the best in the rushed time limit. “I thought you hated FEDRA.” She spat out, silently cursing herself. The words came out like a dirty accusation. She wanted Marlene to like her and see her as rational and reasonable, not someone questioning her.
“Of course I hate FEDRA Riley, don’t play stupid. And definitely don’t try to trick me or turn this into a fight.” Marlene matched her energy. Then, as she was turning to walk out the door, sighed and turned back around to look at her. “Look, I know you like Ellie, but if you really care about her then you need to accept that the best choice for her is to stay in that school.”
And with that she turned out of the room. Riley knew that the adults thought the school was safe. They thought it was this little paradise on Earth for orphans. That they should be grateful for the place to keep them out of trouble and give them “consistent” food. However anyone who actually went to the school could tell you it was a lie. The only thing that could protect Ellie was Riley, but she hadn’t been even doing that for the past couple of weeks. Wouldn’t even be able to now that she was leaving. And she had all these plans too. She was going to show Ellie the mall, she was going to give her the book, she was going to tell her-
She cut off that line of thought. Because that wasn’t going to happen now. And it wouldn’t happen ever because Ellie didn’t like anyone like that and she was leaving so there was no point to it at all. But she could see her. One last night together, one last night which would be Ellie’s best night ever. The best night of her life, and the best night of Riley’s.
-----------------------------
The storm stalled Riley from crashing her dorm, or Ellie’s dorm now she guessed. She was glad for it honestly, normally she’d hate the weather messing up her plans to sneak out, but she wasn’t sneaking out for just fun today. Eventually she’d have to break the bad news. The bad news that she was leaving. To stall the time by not thinking about that last fact, she was double checking the mall. But there was nothing that needed to be done. She’d already made sure all the electricity worked, she made sure the lights wouldn’t be seen outside, she made sure the coin machine was broken. And soon enough the rain was letting up and it was time to her to go.
She was completely freaking out. You’d think that she could handle seeing her friend, her friend who she lived with and slept in the same room as. But the longer she was away the harder it was becoming for her. How was Ellie going to reach to her coming back? What if she refused to go with her? What if she had realized while she was gone that she didn’t like Riley at all?
But the closer she got, the more excited she got too. Of course Ellie would want to go with her. She knew her girl, she couldn’t be able to say no… even if she wasn’t happy to see Riley. She had it all planned out. She’d pull the window open, get inside the dorm like she’d done a million times before. And she’d clamp Ellie’s mouth shut, who’d at first freak out, and then erupt into a ton of giggles because it wasn’t some psycho but Riley, her best friend.
She stood outside the window, the cold night air seeping into her bones. She’d missed when she would sneak out with Ellie. Ellie always complained about the night air, always going on and on about how she’d never go out with Riley again because of it but the next time Riley brought up sneaking out she’d agree after just a moment of hesitation.
Taking in a breath, she pulled open the window, turning towards Ellie’s bed because even in the darkness she knew where Ellie was, she knew how she slept, she knew that she tossed and turned all night and that if she was really happy she’d talk in her sleep. She knew her girl. However she was completely silent tonight as Riley reached her hand over the girl’s mouth. She made contact with the warm skin for a second, just long enough to wonder what it would be like to kiss those lips. And long enough for her to scold herself for the idea because then Ellie would know she was one of those people and she’d lose the last friend she ever had before she properly got to say goodbye.
Then Ellie fought back against her. She grunted, grabbing her hands and pushing them away. Her legs started kicking, tossing Riley to the floor. She backed up as a pain in her leg grabbed her attention, when had Ellie become such a good fighter? Ellie switched on the light, grabbing the switchblade beside her bed to threaten her. Riley lifted up a hand, realizing this could quickly go south.
She tried to lighten the mood at Elllie’s aggressive face. Letting out an “Ow!” sound to break the tension.
Ellie realized who had broken into her room. “Riley!” Ok way too loud for Riley’ liking, but fair enough response. She let out a small shhhh to calm Ellie down.
“Where have you been? What the fuck is wrong with you sneaking up on me like that?”
“It was a joke, ok? I thought it would work better. In my mind- you loved it.” Which was clearly not how Ellie felt in reality. Right now she was staring at her like she was still deciding whether or not to punch her.
“So… how's it going?” She started, waiting for a response which Ellie wouldn’t give. Instead she decided to keep staring at her as if her face had started to turn into Bethany’s. “Ok its bad.” She concluded.
“I thought you were dead! You’ve been gone for three weeks.” Riley hadn’t ever really considered that outcome, which was a bit dumb looking back. Ellie knew she liked to sneak out and disappear for a bit, but she supposed sneaking off from 3 whole fucking weeks did make it seem like she was dead. “I should’ve fucking hit you.” Ellie told her.
“Well, I appreciate your mercy.”
Ellie’s face had lost the aggressive expression, now sporting a concerned look. “Are you ok?”
“Im fine! I just ran away for a bit that's all,” It wasn't exactly true but it wasn’t exactly false either. The assignment she’d been given by FEDRA had certainly upset her but it wasn’t anything bad enough she’d come crying to Ellie about. It also wasn’t the sort of thing to make you join the fireflies over she guessed.
Ellie didn’t seem to think that was the end of the story. “If you’re going through some shit you're supposed to i don't know- talk to your best friend about it?” She considered it for a moment. She could tell her about the position she’d been given and how that made her spiral. How the fireflies had found her and chosen her. But then she’d have to explain that she was leaving, which she was going to have to do either way she supposed, but this way she could at least have one more night of fun before telling her. No, she wouldn’t tell her anything yet, otherwise her last memory with Ellie would be a fight. Thought that might happen either way.
“I came back.” She started, then noticed a reddish spot of skin by Ellie’s eye. Wait, who gave you the black eye?”
Ellie didn’t give her any information useful for who Riley had to beat up. “Tell me where you were,” was all she said.
“Give me a name and I’ll fuck ‘em up.” Who’d decided to beat her up while Riley wasn’t there? Was it because Riley wasn’t there?
“It was Bethamy and I already fucked her up.” Now that was new, Ellie wasn’t the kind of person to beat people up. She was rude, stubborn and aggressive but she didn’t beat people up, Riley did. “ Where were you?”
Riley realized she wasn’t going to stop pressing the issue, which she guessed was deserved. Well, she hoped this would go over nicely. “I joined the fireflies.”
Ellie didn’t waste a second before laughing in her face. “Oh fuck you!” But when Riley didn’t break into any giggles she sobered up. “I'm not in the mood for this Riley. I’m really not in the mood.” If she wouldn’t take her word for it then she’d show her. Fireflies didn't get tattoos or anything, that was stupid and pointless. What wasn’t pointless was a gun. So it was well known that every new member of the fireflies received a gun. It was practical enough to have but also common enough and if FEDRA questioned you on it it could be explained away as you just keeping yourself safe. So, to prove her point, she lifted up her shirt to reveal a gun tucked into the hem of her pants.
Now Ellie seemed to catch on. She stared at the gun for a few seconds, confirming Riley’s suspicion that by showing the gun Ellie would figure it out. FEDRA school certainly didn’t give their students guns despite teaching them how to shoot them from the age of ten. “You’re a firefly?!” She practically yelled.
Riley put her finger up to her mouth, telling Ellie to shut up. “Jesus! I told you i’d fucking do it.” She had told Ellie, but in Ellie’s defense she hadn’t even been sure if she’d go through with it either till they seeked her out.
“Talking about liberating the QZ is not the same as- Fuck where did you even-”
“Slow down slow down! I will tell you everything,” And she would, just some parts of the truth later than others. “But first you have to promise me something. Sort of crazy and you’re gonna say no, but then you're gonna say yes” Or at least I'm praying you’re gonna say yes after. Ellie was looking at her curiosity, so she continued with a bit more confidence. “Come with me for a few hours and have the best night of your life.”
Her response was quick. “No.”
“Ok, now say yes.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you. It’s- great it’s 2 AM and in a few hours I have drills where we learn to kill fireflies.” She made sure to hammer out the tone of the last words, bringing the gravity of the situation to Riley. But she had never been one to care about stupid things like drills and rules. And neither did Ellie when she was around.
“Get dressed.” She told her, giving her a pair of clothes to change into.
“So stupid” Ellie muttered, but she said it while grabbing the clothes. This was gonna work, they were gonna have the best night ever. And then never see eachother again. Ellie snapped her out of that thought. “Turn around” she told her, as she turned to the corner to change.
“You’re so weird about that.” Was all she said, but her head was filling up with senses of dread and excitement.
-----------------------------
Riley was alive and the best fucking friend ever. Ellie was already giddy about the events of tonight so far. Jumping the roofs as she got further and further away from QZ with Riley was something she had just started to accept was never going to happen again when Riley came back. And they hadn’t just done that, they’d found a bottle of wine, old world wine, the good shit. And now she was staring at a fully fucking lit mall and she was begining to question whether or not she’d passed on in her sleep and somehow made it heaven.
The mall was a long multi story building with colorful lights all around her. Because it had been abandoned years ago it was ridden with vines and broken glass. But compared to the rest of the QZ, a place of a gray landscape with mud and roaming FEDRA soldiers,the mall was paradise on Earth.
“So, what do you think?” She heard Riley’s voice call out to her, as she joined her at the railing.
“Its fucking- wait,” She began, before panic hit her. It was the middle of the night and they had lit up a whole mall, someone was gonna see and come. “The lights.”
“We’re fine! You saw outside, it’s like a big bunker. No one can see shit but us. Just me and you.” Riley assured her. “Aaand you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Tonight I’m gonna show you the four wonders of the mall.” She told her, jazzing out her hands and making a big show of it all. Ellie’s heart soared, Riley had been thinking of her while she was out. Had even planned stuff for them, stuff she knew Ellie would like because oh my fucking god they were in a mall, a working mall.
“You planned stuff?” She asked, turning to RIley. Who only let out a giggle and grabbed her hand, leading the way to a fancy staircase. But the staircase was moving, moving by itself.
“No way! Electric stairs!”
“Escalator?” Riley corrected.
“Escalator?!” There was even a big fancy word from the privileged old world for it. Ellie moved towards the thing, RIley just stood on it, letting it carry her down, but Ellie was too excited for that.
“No way! Check me out man.” She said, jumping from between one step to the next and back. This had to be the first of the four wonders. “So this is the first wonder right?” Riley let out a laugh, amused by Ellie’s reaction. “Uhh yeah, there can be five wonders of this mall.” Holy shit was the only thought that Ellie processed about that.
She kept jumping up and down the stairs, playing with the way the stairs carried her down to her advantage to run back up it. Keeping her in the same place. Soon that jumping on just one step turned into running. She’d fly up 5 steps and then down 5, RIley, who was watching her while laughing her ass off, made sure to climb the steps every now and then so as to not reach the bottom before Ellie.
Which turned out to be a good decision when Ellie tripped. She only fell a few steps, but a wave of fear settled into her. But it was fine, because Riley caught her. And then that was what was freaking her out, RIley was holding her and Ellie felt like if she continued to hold her she’d reach up and kiss her, and she couldn’t do that. She pulled back as fast as she could. Barely processing that Riley was checking to see if she was good.
“Ye- yeah I’m fine I just tripped.” Fuck. This was embarrassing, she’d fallen down some stupid electric stairs. She climbed onto the ramp as they got close to the bottom, showing that she was totally fine and not hurt at all. Her freak out was over Riley, her best friend and nothing more, holding her because she was lame and stupid.
“See? Ta-da,” She beamed up at Riley, showing off her pose.
“Oh, you are just a graceful ballerina. But chop chop, we’re on a schedule.” And then Riley was pulling her off the machine and towards the mall.
She turned to explore the mall as they walked. Many of the stores were littered with broken glasses from their windows. Looted of all or most of their stuff. Some stores were worse off than others, like a store full of sneakers being completely looted but a soap shop being fairy untouched. There were often certain sections left alone while other ones were completely gone. But Ellie wasn't paying much attention to the signs of looting, she ‘d grown up in the QZ and was quite familiar with that. What she was interested in was the stuff. Candy, teddy bears, food stores, clothing stores, and a clothing store called “Victoria’s Secret” that had fancy bras and underwear. Ellie assumed it was probably for rich people.
Riley had also turned her attention to the store, following Ellie’s line of sight. “I don’t get how people back then wanted all this stuff.”
“Do you need me to explain it to you?” She honestly didn’t fully understand it herself, but she could take a guest what people wanted to do with it.
“Ha ha, I know why. It just- looks uncomfortable.” Ellie agreed there, she could imagine the small tight red underwear made out of lace wasn’t the best for running drills in. “Yep.”
Riley giggled, snapping Ellie’s attention to her and away from the display. “What?”
“Nothing I was just, trying to imagine you wearing that.” Ellie felt her cheeks go red, as she too was now picturing that. “Shut up!” She yelled at Riley, who had already started to walk away.
“Alright come on, we’re almost there.“
She turned her attention back to the display one last time. Catching the reflection of her face in the window. It wasn’t a pretty sight if you asked her. Her hair, which was tied back in her normal ponytail, had tons of loose pieces falling out. Her skin was bloachy and there was that big stupid black eye fucking Bethany had givin her. She tried to tuck some of the hair behind her ear.
“Ellie!” Riley called, she had turned around a bit ahead of Ellie, waiting for her to catch up.
“I’m on my way!” She called back, as she tried to catch up to her. But just as she had caught up Riley turned around to face her. “Stop right here, close your eyes.” And then she asked if Ellie trusted her. As if her sneaking out with her after she disappeared for 3 weeks despite Riley telling her she was a firefly wasn’t proof enough.
“With my life apparently?”
A look that Ellie recognized as the one that Riley often had before cracking a plan to sneak out set out on her face. “Oh well then give me your hand.” Ellie hesitated for a short second, she had already freaked out on the electric stairs but on the other hand she'd get to hold Riley’s hand again. But before she made a decision, Riley reached forward and grabbed it from her. Tugging her along. “Come on.”
It was a short walk. Which Ellie was grateful for so she didn't have to wait too long for the 2nd wonder. And how she was holding Riley’s hand. “Open your eyes!” Riley told her.
Ellie was now officially convinced she was in heaven. There was a full ass carousel in front of her. There wasn’t anything torn off of it or destroyed. It was in nearly perfect shape, for what was considered perfect shape nowadays anyways.
“Shit.”
But that wasn’t it. Riley walked forward, not all caught up in the sight of the carousel. She stopped at a big metal box and, flipping a switch, the whole carousel lit up.“What? No way!” Ellie was definitely dead, there is no way this shit was real. She kept walking forwards it, faster this time, like the whole thing was suddenly going to disappear. She liked the way walking on it felt, she could walk against the movement it was turning in and stay in the same spot while the horses moved around her. The horses nowadays would have worth at least all of Ellie’s ration cards ever. They had barely any paint on them chipped or missing, if any at all. She turned from one to another. Had colors this vivid been so easily available? And wasted of shit as stupid as this? She settled on a white horse with spots, watching as Riley sat on the taller white horse with black legs next to her. She turned to look at her, finding that the older girl was already staring down at her. “What!?”
“Nothing.” Riley said, letting out a giggle. She turned her head away from Ellie, facing outwards. It reminded her of the tipsy men and women talking outside a bar, which then reminded Ellie of the alcohol they had. “You’re drunk!” She accused, to which Riley denied immediately. She insisted again, to which Riley asked for the bottle.
Riley pulled off her backpack, taking out the drink. All the while stealing glances at Riley. She struggled to open it for a minute, trying harder to pull it open when Riley asked her if she needed help with it. And as Riley took a sip,she decided that she didn’t care too much about being a FEDRA officer as long as Riley stayed with her. Didn’t care if she even joined the fireflies if it meant keeping Riley with her.
-----------------------------
“Strike your best pose!” The machine rings out. Riley wasn’t actually sure how this one worked. Unlike other parts she’d saved this one for just her and Ellie together. Only checking it out long enough to figure out what it was.
“Oh fuck you!” Ellie yelled at the machine when it asked for 5 dollars. The money of the old world. But Riley had come prepared, she wasn’t going to let something as stupid as money stop her fun. “Well look at that, I came prepared.” She pulled out the 5 dollars, showing Ellie before inserting it into the machine.
“Have you done this before?” Ellie asked.
“No idiot, I was waiting to do it with you.”
“Let’s go bunny!” Ellie slammed the machine and before Riley had time to prepare, the first photo had been taken. One that probably wasn’t the best. She rushed for the next couple of ones, trying to make them turn out better. Bunny ears, back to back, and scary.
Riley leaned up against Ellie on that one, using the excuse to put her arm around Ellie’s shoulder. They growled at the camera, or, Ellie growled at the camera. Riley just leaned further and further into Ellie. And before she knew it the camera-bunny thing had taken the last photo.
“Oh yeah, get off me.” Riley was reminded of the scenario they were in. She wasn't dating Ellie and Ellie didn’t like her like that, Ellie didn’t even like girls. And she was leaving tomorrow. “Oh ok yeah, I gotcha.” She moved off of Ellie, staring straight at the machine to keep herself from being more embarrassed. The photos started to print out, Riley reached out, hovering over them til they were finished. “Oh yeah- There we go.” She pulled the photos from the machine, bringing them closer to Ellie. They weren’t great, the photo quality wasn’t great, not even by the QZ’s standards. Riley’s poses weren't even that good, but Ellie’s were.
“That one’s not bad.” Ellie said, pointing to the photo of them back to back.
“Hmm you like it, it’s yours.” It wouldn’t have to be hers if Riley was staying. It would be theirs to share. But she had made the decision to leave, she had nothing else here and Ellie knew that now. In there argument of just minutes earlier, where she revealed the position as a soldier she’d been given. Ellie hadn’t handled it well, not at all, and it made Riley dread telling Ellie about her leaving more. But she’d have the photos to remember Riley by at least.
-----------------------------
Riley broke open the machine, spilling out hundreds of the much needed coins Ellie wanted. “You asshole.” She told Riley, her voice giving away any harshness she meant for it to carry by letting out a laugh.
“Yeah I’m the same asshole who spent an hour yesterday breaking this fucker open.” She told her, picking up the coins for her and Ellie to use. She had a whole entire fucking bowl of them. Ellie was losing her mind.
Riley walked off from her, and Ellie followed, realizing she had a specific place in mind. And then Ellie saw it. “Dude. Dude! Oh my god.” They had the game Mortal Kombat II, the one she and RIley had spent weeks and months obsessing over.
“You ready?” Riley asked her, putting a coin in. And then they were off. Riley beat her ass at first, it was completely unfair because Riley had lied to her and had time to practice. While Ellie had zero experience, so Ellie really won in the end. They played again and again, even switching to a few other games when they got a bit bored, or too competitive.
But the more they played they more Ellie realized how late it was. She had to get back, so she wouldn't get in trouble again. Not if she wanted to become an officer.
“Uh it’s getting late… I have to get up and make my bed soon. So…” She started but couldn’t finish. She didn’t wanna rub the whole ‘hey I might have a shot at becoming an officer and you don’t’ thing in Riley’s face. But Riley seemed to piece together what she was saying anyway.
“Wait- we still have a few hours left though.” Riley told her. Right, there was still one wonder left. Ellie was tempted to stay to see it, but she had to get back to QZ, even if she much preferred staying here with Riley. There would be tomorrow though. She could explore whatever the hell the last wonder, as if anything could top the last four. And then she could come back the next night. And the next.
But not tonight, she had responsibilities. “Yeah I- I just can’t get in trouble again.” Riley didn’t respond. “But I'll meet you here tomorrow.”
Riley continued to not say anything for a minute. Then, “I got you a gift.”
She knew that this was Riley trying to get you to say. There had to be something else at hand, why Riley was trying so hard to get her to stay. But if Riley wouldn’t bring it up head on then she wouldn’t either. Not yet at least, but she did like the idea of getting a gift. Maybe it was even a dinosaur. “Oh, I mean… I do like gifts.”
Riley led her to a shop, a taco shop, as she kept guessing what the thing was. A dinosaur? A taco? Maybe her own gun? She doubted that last one. But Riley wouldn’t reveal anything to her. She hopped the counter to the taco shop, heading towards the back. And Ellie followed her. “Is this where you’ve been staying?” She asked, looking at the sleeping bag. It couldn’t be that comfortable, had she really left Ellie for this? The mall was fun in all but it seemed loney Ellie realized. All by yourself. And Riley had a friend at the QZ, they were friends and she left it behind for this?
“Mostly,” Riley told her, brushing by her in order to grab something and not discuss her sleeping habits. Ellie wanted to press the issue, but then Riley was showing her the gift she’d gotten her. “Ta-da! Volume too!” It was a book, in a bit of bad shape but when were books not nowadays? It was fairly short, and Ellie immediately recognized the purple cover with the words “Pun Book” written on the cover. But unlike the book she had hidden away in her dorm, this one had the words followed by “Volume Too” like Riley had said.
“Shut up! They made a second one?! Where did you get that?” Where the fuck had Riley managed to get this? Ellie had searched high and dry for another pun book after finding hers. But she hadn’t found any, she barely found any books at all. The ones she did find were boring ones titled things like “The Bible”, “1984”, “The Giver”, or “Lord of the Rings.” And they’d all costed like a million ration cards because people were stupid.
Then Riley was searching the thing for puns. In the other one she had, which she’d had for nearly 3 years at this point, she’d memorized nearly every single pun from it. Puns which she’d tell Riley whenever they were running laps or some shit the FEDRA school thought was good for them. She flipped to a random page, reading off a random pun while scanning the others. Then Riley did the same to her, fresh new fucking puns, a whole entire book full. Normally the only new puns she learned were from old people, and they were normally pretty lame or they only had one or two real good ones.
She looked around the rest of the room while Riley flipped to a new page for a pun. So this was what Riley had left her for. A cold dark spot in the mall. Filled with nothing but her sleeping bag, bunch of metal shelves and-
Ellie spotted a white sheet tossed over something.The sheet was purposeful, it was hiding something. She flipped over the sheet, what was underneath was handmade bombs. Handmade bombs that were made by fireflies. By fireflies to kill FEDRA soldiers, the thing Ellie was training to become.
And then Ellie remembered that she had to be up in like an hour or two to make her bed, before going to drills. Drills where she killed fireflies. And Riley would stay here in this cold ass room making bombs to kill the soldiers that Ellie was training to become.
“Did you make these?” She asked, but she knew the fucking answer.
Riley turned her head away from the pun book, seeing what Ellie had been investigating now. “...Yes Ellie put that down.” She told her.
“To kill soldiers?” She asked, god she was stupid. Riley hadn’t found this fucking place and wasn’t chosing to stay in it. She had been assigned here by the fireflies because now she was the thing that Ellie was trained to kill. “You didn’t find this mall did you? They posted you here, a new recruit guarding their stash?” Of course the minute Riley had joined the fireflies they made her start making bombs. All the stupid propaganda she had been fed about them were true.
“We would never use them on you or anywhere ever near you. I would never let them do that.” Riley told her. Like she had any choice in what they did. She was just a lowly soldier who didn’t get any say. She’d probably die in a few weeks anyway, caught up in some fight between FEDRA and the fireflies. It’s not like she would have more say if she stayed with FEDRA, a small voice reminded her. But she’d be with Ellie, fuck Ellie would have left with Riley if she had just fucking come back and asked.
“You would never let them? Right and you think they're gonna listen to you?” She argued back. No one listened to them, they had known that since day one. When had Riley thought that changed just because it was the fireflies and not FEDRA? “I mean I guess we’ll find out.” She told her, turning to leave. Guess they’d find out when Ellie died on a battlefield from some stupid bombs made by Riley. If Riley wasn’t dead already by that point.
“Ellie!” Riley started.
“It's ok I'm going.”
“Ellie!” She called after her, and then again as she followed Ellie out back into the rest of the mail. The mall seemed a lot more bleak now, Ellie noticed more of its imperfections now. With the dirty ground littered with dirt and glass, the vines growing around the walls. And the sound of Riley’s fucking voice.
She called her name again, like she expected Ellie to be happy about the whole blowing up FEDRA soldiers. “None of this shit was even about me!” She kicked over a trash can, adding more trash to the ground. Fuck the floor, fuck the mall, fuck the fireflies, fuck Riley, fuck this whole thing-
“Would you stop?” Riley had some fucking nerve to say that, considering she was the one with hidden fucking bombs.
“Fuck you!” She didn’t turn back around, just picked up her pace to get out of the mall.
“Elie! Ellie I’m leaving.” That made her stop. And turn around. Riley had stopped too, and was just kind of… staring at her. As if she’d been the one to say something so completely shocking. “They’re sending to a post in the Atlanta QZ.” Ellie said nothing. She couldn’t actually be fucking leaving her. She hadn’t meant her goodbye, it was just her leaving for a few days, maybe a week. Just like what Riley had done to her. But what RIley was telling her sounded like a pretty permanent fucking goodbye.
“I asked if you could join so we could go together. But Marlene said no.” She continued. So she had tried at least, to keep them together.
“Who the fuck is Marlene?” Was all Ellie managed to get out. She felt that if more words came out she’d say something she’d regret. Whether or not it would be because it was really fucking hateful or desperate.
“Marlene is the lady that helped me get- it doesn’t matter.”
“Ellie I tried.” She was pleading with her, god that had been what the whole thing earlier with the gift thing had been about. It was a way to get her to stay, because she was leaving the next day. She had lied to her, the whole fucking night. “Tonight’s my last night in Boston.”
“Why did you bring me here?” Ellie asked. To make this whole thing even harder? Was that Riley’s fucked up way of trying to say sorry for the news?
“Because I wanted to see you.”
“And?” Ellie wasn’t sure what she was hoping for but she was hoping for something. Anything to hint that Riley felt the same way.
“And… “ Her eyes glanced to the side, away from her. “and I wanted to say goodbye.” She looked back when Ellie didn't say anything. Riley really was leaving. She’d been gone for 3 weeks and decided the only day to come back was just HOURS before Riley left forever. Not even in the way that she was going to be sent off to be a FEDRA officer like they had planned. In that plan she was in the same QZ, and they would meet up, even as a firefly they could have still met up in this stupid fucking mall. But she was going away for good. “This isn't easy Ellie.”
She didn’t have fucking make that fucking decision, she had been the one to join the fireflies in the first place. Ellie was the one who had to actually say goodbye, and she could do that just easily.
“It actually is. You just did it.” She could do it just as easily as Riley could.
“Goodbye.”
-----------------------------
Riley pressed the stupid machine before she even thought about it. It was just some stupid way to get Ellie’s attention, some weird store filled masks and fake blood and shit. Ellie would love it. So, she pressed the stupid machine to fill the air with screams in hopes that Ellie would come back, the curiosity part getting the better of her. And she did come back, running and yelling for Riley. Shit, she’d probadly thought the dumb fucking scream had been hers. And then Ellie was in front of her yet again, seeming scared for Riley’s sake.
She was sat leaning up against the counter of the store, Ellie looking down at her from the entrance. “Surprise.” She let out, repeating her jazz hands from earlier in a much less enthusiastic tone. Ellie didn’t say anything again, that seemed to be a theme as of lately. “The fifth wonder. I thought you liked this one the best so I saved it for last. I’m fucking stupid.” This whole night had been fucking stupid. Ellie came over, slowly, before sliding down next to Riley. Not close enough that she was avoiding her but not as close as they normally were.
“Gimme the book.” Of course, she just wanted the book, then she’d be off again. But she stayed there afterwards, the silence wrapping around them.
“So you leave me. I think you’re dead. And all the sudden you’re alive. And you give me this night, this amazing fucking night. And now you’re leaving again. Forever. To join some cause I don’t even think you understand. Tell me I’m wrong.” Ellie didn’t look at her and Riley didn’t look at her. But she knew it was her turn to speak and for Ellie to actually listen.
“I think… that you don’t know everything. You don’t know what it’s like to have a family. To belong. I mean, I didn't have them for long but I had them.”
~~~
She remembered a few things clearly about her childhood. The rest were just guesses and facts she learned over the years. The things she knew clearly becoming smaller and smaller each year.
Her mother’s voice. The way she stood to the rest of the world vs the way she stood with her. The slight curve her lip got when she was upset with her, which wasn’t often, but RIley wasn’t exactly perfectly behaved. The feeling of her hands in her hair. Her laughter with her friends when they were over. The way that she belonged to them. In all her memories she remembered that most.
The way her stupid kid drawings hung on the wall, the way she had a spot at the table in a broken rotten pink chair. The room of hers next to her parents. The way that she crawled into their bed every night til the age of seven. The way her and her father had inside jokes, the nicknames he had for her. Her mother’s books she let her borrow, the serious talks they had about how to stay safe in the world. Something Riley had made sure to cherish.
She had been a part of that world, it had been her world. And then they had died. And she could block our seeing their dead bodies and she could block out all memories of that night. But she couldn’t forget how that belongingness and that warm fuzzy feeling from her childhood were taken away from her in just one fucking night. And no matter what she and Ellie did, whether it was sneaking out or doing drills or nothing at all, she would never get it back.
~~~
“I belonged to them. And I want that again. Maybe the Fireflies aren’t what I think they are, but they chose me. I matter to them.” And it will never be as perfect as what I once had but it’s fucking something. It’s more than what FEDRA gave me.
“You mattered to me first,” was all Ellie said. She didn’t know what to say to that. How did she explain that she loved Ellie so much and so deeply she’d do anything for her? But that it wasn’t the same? That Ellie was her whole world but that she was leaving her? She didn’t even understand it herself, was she leaving her because of her feelings? Was she leaving her because she thought that she got Ellie in too much trouble? She didn’t know this stupid shit and the only one who would possibly make her understand had died nearly 9 years ago.
“Goddamn it I wanna punch you so bad.”
“If it makes you hate me less.” It was the best she could offer Ellie, a weak way of saying sorry.
“And you’re sure about this? About leaving?”
“Yeah.” She had to be, she was leaving behind the last thing she gave a shit about.
“Okay. And I’m not staying it all pissy and shit. You’re my best friend,” And she would always be Riley’s, she wouldn’t let anyone replace her, wouldn’t give anyone the chance. “And I'll miss you.”
“Well, night’s not over yet.” They still had the 5th wonder, they still had one last thing. And despite the fact that Riley had picked out this stuff for Ellie it was for her that she asked her to dance. To give her one last good night before she left the last thing that mattered to her. She wanted to dance to Ellie’s stupid little headphones while wearing stupid little masks for her own sake.
And so they did, Ellie was admitting a far worse dancer than her, but she didn’t care. If anything, when the song was over she’d make fun of her about it. And then they would dance again and Riley would teach her how to dance better, and then they would do something else before she left because she couldn’t think about how she had to leave yet-
These were the thoughts going through her head as Ellie pulled off her mask.
RIley stopped, pulling off her mask. Was something wrong? “What?”
And Ellie was looking up at her, and she was looking down at Ellie. Ellie sucked in a deep breath, “don't go,” Ellie asked. And she wouldn’t, maybe if Ellie had asked her at the start of the night she would have told her no, that she still had to go. But she couldn't look Ellie in the eyes and leave her anymore. “Ok.” Was all she managed to get out, her head spinning. She didn’t want to say goodbye so she wouldn’t, she would stay.
Then Ellie kissed her.
Riley thought that when she first kissed someone she’d have a million thoughts per second. But she only had one thought during her first kiss with Ellie, which was that that idea of hers was wrong. Then Ellie pulled back, and the sitution of who the fuck was kissing her became known to Riley. Ellie had kissed her right? Had Riley kissed her instead? No, Ellie had kissed her, and was now looking very freaked out.
“I’m sorry” Ellie said.
“For what?” She should have said more, explained that Ellie had done nothing wrong, if anything she’d done the best thing for Riley in years. But ‘for what’ was all she could manage.
But it seemed to be enough for Ellie. Ellie, who was still training for FEDRA was staring up at Riley, who was still a firefly, in this stupid lame deserted mall. “What do we do now?” It was quite the question, Riley couldn’t exactly go back to FEDRA. But she was now abandoning the fireflies so she wasn’t actually on good terms with either of the two groups in this war torn city. “We’re gonna figure it out.” And they would, they were in a motherfucking apocalypse, she wasn’t going to let FEDRA or the fireflies be the thing to fuck up her life.
And then they heard it. The clanging of metal, no human was that fucking clumsy nowaday, but an infected was. Shit. Riley reached for her gun, oh thank fucking god for the gun.
“Get ready to run.” She told Ellie, and then the thing came barreling out towards her. Her aim wasn’t fucking good, her hands kept shaking, and Ellie wasn’t fucking leaving. She hit the infected, giving her just enough time to turn around and push Ellie, telling her to go. She followed after her, knocking down parts of the shop, anything to buy them some fucking time. And then the thing crashed into them, and they hit the floor, and all Riley could do was hope that Ellie was able to get up. She took a second, a second to get up, a second which they didn’t have. She ran towards Ellie, who had been knocked to the ground by the stupid infected, hitting him with a pipe. But soon enough the thing had her trapped and she just hoped that Ellie wouldn’t try to anything stupid and would just fucking run.
But she didn’t, she killed the thing with her knife, because she was amazing. And they were safe. They were safe all thanks to Ellie and her geniu-
They weren’t safe. She felt a sharp pain in hand, one she had felt once before. When she was five, her friend and her had gotten in a fight, to which he had decided to mimic the infected and had bitten her hard enough to draw blood. As she thought of the pain in her hand now she could only think of her old friend’s face. She had been bit.
And then she saw Ellie’s, Ellie who she brought to this fucking place because she wanted to give her one last good night. Had wanted to give herself one last good day. But instead as luck would have it, the day was their last day of all days. “Ellie,” she croaked.
They were going to die here.
-----------------------------
“What?” Riley had asked her, and she should have grabbed her hand and ran. Should have fled that fucking mall, should have never kissed Riley in that moment. But instead she had begged her not to go. Had asked her to stay, and she had said yes. She’d chosen her. There was nothing else she cared for, besides one thing. And that one last thing was to kiss her. If Ellie had any common sense left in her bones she would have stopped herself. But Riley had planned out this whole night for her and had chosen her and all that had been holding her back was that Riley was going to leave her, and now she wasn’t.
It had been a glimmer of hope for Ellie, one that was snatched away when the infected attacked. But they had won, she had killed the thing. So why was Riley looking at her like that?
“Ellie.”
But she saw her bitten arm and Riley raised her bitten hand up, then she understood. This place was going to be their graveyard.
At first she had been angry. Of course she was, she had a whole entire life in front of her, one that she could actually do shit with. She could have been a FEDRA officer, she could have ran away with Riley, she had a purpose and meaning. She had someone she loved, someone who loved her back. And it had been stripped away by one fucking infected. But she couldn’t keep the anger for long and soon enough she slipped down beside Riley.
“What are we gonna do?”
“Way I see it we got two options. One, we take the easy way out. It’s quick, painless.” Riley was talking like she was trying to convince herself more than convince Ellie. “No… no I don’t like option one.” Ellie didn’t either, not if Riley didn’t.
“Option two, we just keep going.”
“What are you talking about Riley? It’s over.” Her whole life just fucking snatched away because one fucking infected pierced her skin.
“It will be, but not yet. It ends this way for everyone right? Some of us just get there faster than others. But we don’t quit. Whether it’s 2 minutes or 2 days, we dont give that up. I don't wanna give that up.” She looked at Ellie, voice cracking and eyes full of tears. “We can just be all poetic and shit and use our minds together.”
But Ellie didn’t want that, she and Riley had lifes in front of them. They weren’t those old sad men and women who had lost everything in the outbreak. Their homes, their partners, their daughters, everything they loved and were just moving along now dealing drugs or beating people up. Ellie and Riley had things to do, things to live for, they have each other to live for. “What’s option 3?”
Riley’s voice was cracking and Ellie’s were blurred with tears. “Im sorry. Im sorry.” Was all Riley could manage to get out. And Ellie put her face in Riley’s lap. Fate had been so fucking cruel to them, but it was never Riley’s fault. They would die here together, then if by some miracle there was some heaven or afterlife then they got to be together there. This wasn’t the end of their relationship, it couldn’t be.
-----------------------------
Riley’s whole body was trembling. She was shaking all throughout her body. Hours ago, it was only just starting to be a real sigh. Hours before that she could have blamed it on nerves. But she was turning, she only had an hour left at most.
And Ellie should have been the same, maybe slower because this world was mean, but she should have been turning. But she wasn’t, wasn’t even fucking trembling slighty. And Riley realized what was happening. Somehow, in some- in some fucking impossible way, Ellie was fine. She had been bit, but she wasn’t turning.
“Riley- Riley what the fuck’s happening? Why aren’t I turning?” Ellie’s breath was shaky, her tone scared. She knew what was happening, she knew she hadn’t shown any sign of being infected in the past day and a half, and she didn’t want to accept it.
“Ellie-” She began, but Ellie didn’t wanna hear it, didn’t wanna hear it the second she heard the tone of her voice. “Dont- dont fucking tell me something bad please.”
“Ellie you’re not turning.”
“Why the fuck am I not?” She yelled, her eyes brimming. “I can’t not be turning Riley, you’re turning, why am I not turning with you?”
She choked back a sob, she knew what had to happen. Ellie truly wasn’t affected at all. She would be able to move past this, she’d be able to do something, to move on and belong to something. She could keep leaving. “Maybe you got lucky.”
“I don’t want lucky, Riley. I don't want it if you’re going to turn, I can’t let you become infected without me.” It was time. She’d been thinking about the options she’d proposed yesterday, the ones she proposed when they were first infected, how Ellie had asked for a third option. There was a 3rd option for Ellie, to go on with life like none of this shit happened. But first, she’d have to kill Riley.
She’d have to kill Riley because Riley could feel the thing taking over, felt the way it wanted to come and tear Ellie apart. Felt the way that Riley was slowly losing the fight against it. Ellie had to kill her soon.
Maybe it was selfish, Riley could tell her to leave now. She could turn away in peace and contain herself long enough for Ellie to get out before she succumbed. But she didn’t want to succumb, not without Ellie. Ellie was going to have to shoot her.
“So don’t Ellie, shoot me.” Ellie snapped to look at her now, blinking away the tears. “No Riley I’m not-”
“You’re not turning, Ellie.” She pleaded to explain, as Ellie turned away. She watched Ellie from the back. Fighting the urge to run at her, fighting the way her body twitched towards her like she was going to jump her. Then she heard her crying. “Ellie…”
“Why aren’t I turning Riley? Why is it taking so long?”
“I don’t know, I don’t know…”
Riley wasn’t just trembling, she was coughing, her eyes bloodshot, her nose running with blood. She could feel the paranoia setting in, the violence the infected craved. No matter how hard she tried to keep it at bay. It wasn’t long before she attacked Ellie. And maybe Ellie truly wasn’t not going to get infected, but she wasn’t going to tear her best friend, her best something, apart. “I’m not fucking shooting you Riley I’m not-” Elli turned back to look at her, her face tear streaked with new tears.
“Ellie-”
“Don't. Just- Please don’t”
“Ellie I'm coughing, I’m trembling. It’s been a day-'' Ellie covered her face in her hands, Riley continued. “And you are completely unaffected Ellie. I’m unable to- I can’t hold it off any longer Ellie. I’m gonna end up attacking you.” It waa the last words she was able to get out. It was the last words she’d say, because all the will-power she had left went to not attacking Ellie.
Ellie sniffed, “Riley-'' But whatever she was going to say was cut off by Riley lunging. She fell halfway through, because Riley was able to stop it. But soon enough she was up again, and she had lost full control. And Ellie knew it. “No- no no RIley I can’t no-”
But Riley could barely keep control, she had spent too much time fighting it off to tell Ellie to shoot her. At least she could hope Ellie got the message.
Ellie had gotten the gun and was backing out of the shop, that was good, open space would make it harder for Riley to kill her. She just hoped that Ellie was able to get out if she wasn’t going to shoot her. But she hoped she’d shoot her. She didn’t like this, she didn’t like being able to see what she was doing but not being able to control it, she didn’t like seeing how freaked out Ellie was. She just needed to think about it rationally. She told Ellie to kill her, she knew she needed to kill her, and knew that Riley was ok with it. So she’d do it right? She wouldn’t be fucking stupid enough to let Riley tear her apart.
Ellie kept backing away, not fucking fast enough. Riley could keep herself from running but she was still going fast. Fast enough that the gap between her and Ellie was closing. Ellie lifted the gun, holding it in front of her.
“Riley I don't want to-” She whimpered, her hands shaking, but not because she was infected. She needed to shoot her, she needed to do it so she could live. And so Riley wouldn’t have to watch herself tear Ellie apart.
But Riley couldn't stop herself. And she watched as she got closer and closer. Ellie kept backing up, hands trembling on the gun. It’s ok Ellie, she wanted to tell her, that she’d be doing her a favor. But all she could do was watch as her body kept hurling itself towards Ellie, as she lost the ability to slow it down more and more.
Ellie was practically running backwards now, but it was no use and she was realizing this. Her hand tightened around the gun, her eyes brimming with tears yet again. “Riley I’m so- so so sorry.” She whimpered.
And then the gun went off.
Riley felt it hit her, felt her body fall to the floor. Ellie was a much better shot then Riley, had hit her somewhere near her heart. Enough to leave her twitching on the floor for a minute, before trying to raise again. Oh god, Ellie shoot me again- she wanted to beg, but she wasn’t able to form words anymore. Her voice was just a low groan of pain. But Ellie understood, whether that Riley was inside there and was in pain and wanted out or if she had to kill the infected before it recovered she wasn’t sure. But she knew that Ellie knew she had to shoot her. Her eyes were blurry, she could barely make out the details of Ellie’s stance. But she knew that it was one of someone who was uninfected. No bloody noses, no twitching, no coughing, no violent behaviors, she would be fine. Riley could die just fine as long as she knew that.
“I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry.”
This time she didn’t miss.
-----------------------------
Ellie was out of the QZ now. She had let out a small giggle when she had realized, which Joel had looked at her weird for, but that the whole thing Riley had been planning to do weeks earlier was now happening to her was funny. She was the one leaving the QZ behind because of the fireflies in the end, not Riley.
Of course that thought process was followed by why. By the fact that Riley was dead now, dead because of Ellie. That Ellie was only leaving because she had been bitten and had been immune. Ellie wished she had just fucking known at the time, she could have taken that infected, could have gotten bitten a million times and would have been fine. She should have never let Riley push her, never let her fight the infected herself.
But, she told herself, blinking back the tears, that wasn’t what had happened. Riley had died, Ellie had lived. All she could do now was try and do her best to remember her.
She’d told Joel and Tess she just had to pee, so she didn’t have long. The fireflies had taken away Riley’s gun from her, leaving her with only her headband. The thing was dirty and bloodstained, and at first Ellie had wanted to keep it, but the more time since Riley had died passed, the more Ellie felt its weight grow. So she decided to use it to remember Riley. Riley had always hated the QZ, wanted to help it or leave it depending on the day. It made sense that Ellie’s grave for her should be outside of it.
She had picked the spot. There was a tree they’d passed. One that Ellie could climb and that had a branch at the top taller than the rest. She’d reached it now, sizing it up to climb. She slided Riley’s headband over her head, the last time the thing would be used for that purpose. Then she started to climb, settling down at the top of the tree, taking the headband to hold in her hand.
She’d had plenty of time to think about that night over the past weeks. Plenty of time to think about just Riley, most of the time those thoughts just made her angry. Riley was meant to get more time, there was no way it was fucking fair for Ellie to keep living when Riley hadn’t gotten to. Not when the one thing Ellie had been hoping for had come true. They could have had so much fucking time together. Ellie should have told her how she’d felt months ago. But they had been so fucking stupid and dumb, and now Riley was dead.
She remembered a lot about that night. She wished that she remembered the games and the photobooth and the kiss the most. But instead it was Riley’s body being lifeless because of her. And that thought was followed by the way Riley had lunged at her, how Ellie watched her become more and more infected.
Then Marlene had found her, she hadn’t known it was Marlene at the time, only saw this tall lady walk in. She’d freaked out and had tried to attack her, which hadn’t exactly gone over well. She remembered the way the expression on her face went from anger to understanding as she spotted Riley’s body. Luckily she hadn’t tried to comfort Ellie or anything, just told her to follow her. And that’s how she had ended up here, the one who had left the QZ instead of Riley.
She blinked, pulling off Riley’s headband. She was about to tie it around the tallest branch but pulled back for a minute. She lifted the thing to her nose, breathing in the smell one last time. It barely smelled like Riley anymore, more so Ellie at this point. And Ellie liked that, The idea of both of them being tied to this headband, it was like Riley’s final goodbye. First goodbye in a way, they’d never gotten to say their official goodbyes in the end.
“Ellie?” Shit, she was running out of time. “I’m almost done!” She called back to Tess, trying to keep it from cracking. She buried her face in the headband, staying that way for a while. Finally she pulled back, lifting the handband to the branch and tying it in the best knot she’d learned as the sky turned orange.
Riley was gone for good and maybe, that was for the better in this world.