Chapter 10
Thor woke up. Loki was whimpering in his sleep.
He turned over and over a couple of times, still whimpering.
He then throws an arm over Thor's chest and then moves further over until his head is on Thor's chest. Thor looks down surprised at suddenly being a pillow, but tries not to move.
Loki, still whimpering, starts talking in his sleep.
"Papa" he says "Papa please."
Loki is having a nightmare about his father.
He is back in Johtuheim and standing beside his father. But his father has not seen him.
"Papa" he says as he is about to take his father's hand but his father walks away from him.
Loki watches as his father walks further away.
He can see his brothers and then watches as they all embrace.
Loki starts crying and drops to his knees, sobbing.
He cries out. No! Papa! No! He cries out so loud he wakes himself up with a fright.
He realises he is lying on Thor's chest and panics.
"No, no, no!" he cries and tries to move away.
"Hush Loki" Thor says and brings his arms around Loki to stop him from moving.
"Hush Loki" he says again gently.
"It's alright."
Loki stops struggling and drops his head back down too tired and upset to fight.
But now he's crying and trembling.
He can feel Thor's heartbeat and finds it comforting.
"What was the nightmare about, Loki?" Thor asks stroking his head.
Loki shakes his head and whimpers. "No."
Thor doesn't press further and Loki continues to fret until he relaxes enough to fall asleep again.
Thor falls asleep too.
Next morning when they both wake there is not a lot of conversation. It's a quiet breakfast.
Loki tells Thor "I'm sorry about the nightmare." Thor asks "Do you want to talk about it?" "No" Loki says, trying to avoid Thor's eyes.
So Thor doesn't push it.
Thor tells Loki, "I'm going to speak to my father about your visit with your family."
Loki looks at him shocked! Then blurts out "I can't go!"
Thor reassures him. But Loki starts to get agitated. "I can't go!" Loki says again.
Thor can see that this what the nightmare was about.
He says to Loki "You don't have to go. I thought you would be pleased?"
"No!" Loki shouts, near to tears.
Thor tells him "I have to go and tell Father so a message can be relayed to your father."
Thor looks at him concerned. "Will you be okay on your own?" he asks.
"Yes" Loki says.
Thor leaves.
Loki then has a thought. What if the All Father doesn’t agree and says Loki has to go because it has been arranged and cannot be changed.
Loki is scared of this and it begins to build up in his mind until it takes over.
He's worrying about it and starts panicking and before he realises he's pacing around the room getting more and more anxious.
Thor comes back and finds Loki in his chambers shouting and throwing books about.
"Loki! What are you doing?! Thor shouts.
Loki jumps with fright. He stops and looks at Thor, then looks about, suddenly shocked, as if he didn't realise what he was doing.
He is crying and he drops the books he is holding.
He falls to his knees, ashamed. "I'm sorry," he sobs.
"I can't...I can't...I can't...!" he tries to say, shaking his head.
Thor kneels down beside him and holds him while he sobs to the point he can't breath.
"Stop it." Thor says gently, rubbing his back, trying to calm him.
Eventually Loki calms enough to speak.
"I'm sorry" he says in a whisper, still tearful.
"What was that about?" Thor asks.
"I'm sorry about the books" Loki whimpers.
"And?" Thor asks.
"I...l...I don't want to go." Loki manages to get out.
Then he takes a breath and says "You said it would be okay, but I can't go, please don't make me go, I don't want to go." he says, the words all rushing into one, because if he doesn't say it quickly he won't get it out.
"You don't have to go if you don't want to, but don't you think your brothers will want to see you?"
"No, they won't care, I don't want to go there ever again."
"Loki tell me about the nightmare. I know it was about your father" Thor asks.
"He doesn't want me!" Loki cries. "He never did! I don't want to see him again!"
"But what about your brothers?" Thor asks.
"No! It doesn't matter, you're my brother now!"
"Alright, then you don't have to go." Thor says.
Loki looked at Thor, his eyes questioning. "Y...You promise?"
"Yes, I promise." Thor says.
Loki thought for a long moment. "Thank you." Loki whispered, relieved.
Loki got up to pick up the books. "I need to go to the library, Asta will be waiting for me."
Thor got up too. "Go and wash your face first and then I will walk with you there."
They get to the library and before they go in Thor puts his hand on Loki's shoulder and looks at him and asks if he is okay.
"Yes, thank you." Loki replies.
They both go into the library and Loki heads over to one of armchairs and sits down, while Thor speaks to Asta, who was sitting at the big table.
"Loki has been upset about his family" Thor explains to Asta. "And I think some quiet, calm time would be good and if Loki doesn't want to talk about it, please don't force him.
"Yes, your Majesty" Asta says.
"Thank you Asta." Thor tells her. "You're a good friend to Loki."
Thor then leaves them both.
Asta glances over to Loki sitting in the chair, his eyes down, looking very sad.
Loki suddenly couldn't breathe and needs to be outside so he gets up and without speaking to Asta heads out to the gardens to his spot within the trees. He just wants to sit and think.
Asta follows him and finds him there.
He looks up at her as she nears him.
"Do you want to talk?" she asks him.
"No." he says.
"Alright." she says and sits down near him.
He really wanted to be on his own but he is happy she is there.