February 1554, Whitehall
There was horror, screams and betrayal. A rebellion was coming, however the Lady Clarenceux didn't think they would reach London. After that glorious and touching speech of the Queen, many surrendered and declared they were loyal to the crown. Susan thought even Wyatt himself would give up on his traitorous act. He clearly had not.
"I am trying not to be, but I am terrified, my Lady Susan. I do not know what shall we do. What shall the Queen do for most importantly?" She heard the Lady Dormer asking.
"She is talking to Renard and he is most possibly advising her to stay here, as he should. This is the wisest to do, otherwise, she may lose her kingdom." Clarenceux took a deep breath and licked her dried lips. "She knows that, that is why she will take his words and stay in Whitehall."
"So she shall stay instead leaving somewhere safer? I get where her behaviour is coming from however, we are just defendless women by our nature. What she will do? Take a sword and fight like men do?" The Lady Jane placed her hands on her slender waist.
"The Queen, our good lady, may not have been trained to fight with a sword unlike the kings who came before her yet, she is aware of the importance of words and she is good at using them. The Queen shows her bravery and chooses to stay near her people and home, my good friend Jane. She is not being stubborn, she is being the daughter of these sacred lands."
Lady Jane didn't say a word again and left Susan with her own anxiety. Yes, she knew her friend, the Queen would survive this but she was afraid that this betrayal would take an irrecoverable damage in her pure heart.
Susan waited a while longer at the queen's door. Knitted, read and talked with other ladies. After hours, finally Renard left the Queen's chambers and she asked for Susan.
"You must have many questions.. about everything. I can see that in your eyes, my lady." She said. It was like it had been years since Susan heard her voice. While nothing diminished from her beauty, her darkened eyelids and red pupils showed that she had not slept for a while now.
"I cannot lie to you, not solely because you are my one and only queen but also you are my dearest friend. I wonder what is crossing in your mind however I do not plan to ask you about such trouble matters. Everyone is already waiting to see you like hungry vultures. I shall not be a burden to you."
Mary smiled at her and with slow steps, went to her bed. "Come here," she said, "I need to meet with some vultures very soon. But before that, I need space."
Susan took off her hood and lay down beside Mary. That was something they often did since they were small girls. She wondered if they could do this again after Mary shared her plans to marry. She wasn't willing to do this, no, not her Mary, but she knew that was her duty.
That was all that matters. Duty. A simple word. It was somehow everything to her queen. She fought for duty, she put her head at risk for duty, she obeyed for duty.
"I miss my mother." She talked at last. "I miss my Lady Salisbury. I miss being a little girl. I miss everything from my childhood." A tear escaped from her grey eyes but she wiped it quickly.
Clarenceux took her pale hand and kissed it gently. She liked doing it. Her hands were always so soft, so kissable.
"I am not going to abandon Whitehall, not now." Mary said as Susan already guessed. "But you are free to go. And I suggest you to leave. You can go to your home."
"You know that the only thing can make me leave you is death, madam. Do not say such thing ever again. I am staying with you."
She approached Susan gently. "I knew it." Clarenceux started stroking the Queen's hair.
"Do you want me to prepare you on my own or should I bring the others?" They both didn't want this moment to end but they had their responsibility. There was a rebellion that had to be suppressed after all. And then there was this Spanish Prince. Susan had to learn her place and keep herself away from the Queen's bed. She was to be his, very soon and this bed was about to be his bed, if he didn't not change his mind about coming England after all of these.
"You're enough."
Susan was the one who got out of the bed and opened the wardrobe. "What about this dark blue one with the pearls? It would look good on you and you didn't wear it before.
The Queen nodded and let her lady to undress her. She sighed when she felt Susan kissing her shoulder.
"I really need to go. You know that..."
"Yes, I know. I am saying goodbye."
Mary turned to Susan. She brought her closer to herself. "I do not know if my cousin still wishes to marry me. I do not know if I want to marry him."
Susan averted her eyes from her. She sometimes hated how Mary was so skilled at reading people's minds.
"What I know is that I shall love him as a wife loves her husband since this is what I should do. But, know that neither him, nor any man or woman will be able to replace your place in my heart. There is a special place I hide at the deepest of my heart, and it is yours."
She placed her hands on her cheeks. "Now that, will never change. You and me. It is forever."
"I am afraid, Mary." She whispered.
"Don't be. It will eventually be over."
"That is not what I meant."
"I know..."
"I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of dying with regrets." She said, looking directly at Mary's eyes.
Susan pulled the Queen to herself and put a long kiss on her lips. Her heart was beating so fast that she was sure she was going to faint or die. This excitement only got bigger when she clumsily kissed her back.
"Now this is for forever." A whispered was heard but Susan wasn't sure who said it. It didn't matter.
It was forever.