Chapter 1
”Don’t you dare be late. You hear me Stevie. If you’re late I’m kicking your ass.” Steph let out a watery laugh.
“8 right? The old apartment, you can teach me how to dance.” The line crackled and you could hear voices yelling in the back.
“... Don’t be late.”
“I won’t be —” the line cut out “I love you, I love so much —”
The line went dead.
A sob followed.
“I love you more, Stephany Rogers.”
Stephany Sat in the living space on her floor. The room smelled of drying paint, Several pieces of Furniture covered in plastic.
She was tired and cold...
Cold
Cold
Cold
Cold
Cold.
She couldn’t seem to get warm.
No mater what she did.
Her fingers gripped the pencil a bit tighter.
Her movements across the page were harsh and rough. A hand stretching forward, reaching out to something not there. The edges blackened by charcoal, creeping in on the image. A valley pulling across the page, it was detailed yet blank.
Her hands covered in black smudges.
Her hands tightened even further around the pencil.
A bit to tight
Crack
Stephany stared at her hands the two pieces sat in her surprisingly small hands she let them roll on to the floor.
The clattering echoed around her like tapping on glass. Rolling under the couch. The leather sketch book followed hitting the ground with a loud Thwack on the hard wood floors.
Stephany’s Hands curled into her hair, a huff of air left her lips, along with a silent sob. She tugged at strands of blonde locks, tears spilled over her stormcloud blue eyes.
She slid off the small loveseat pulling her legs to her chest. Not caring that she was sitting on her notebook. Not caring
NotCaringNotCaringNotCaringNotca—
“Captain Rogers, are you alright?” JARVIS’s voice cut through the air, Steph only curled tighter together.
Cantbreathecantbreathecantbreathe
Her mind was so far under water. A curl of cold settled around her shoulders, numbed her limbs like freezing water, her head felt cold and stuffy like it was trapped in ice.
Suddenly the cold was gone, a burning felling spread across her skin.
Nonononononono
a noise too much like explosions echo in her ears.
Deep and Rattling.
Even if it’s only in her head, it’s there it shakes her bones. A flick and it’s a lab, and Steph feels like screaming.
And maybe she does because someone clearly is.
It shakes her soul, growls and claws at the bars of its cage desperately trying to get away.
Away.
Just get away
A Voice is joining her pleading for them to stop and let go.
A softer voice.
A Concerned Voice it’s soft, and a bit echoey.
A voice she had long ago locked away in her mind.
then the softness was gone.
“You lied. Said Tell the end of the line. You lied Stephany.”
“You told me you Loved me... was it just a lie?”
Stephany cried harder.
Stop please.
Just stop!
I didn’t mean to.
Please.
Don’t leave me Again.
“Spangles?”
Everything crashed down, walls falling in on her, worlds spun just out of reach.
Faces
words
Cold hearts
Home.
Home.
She just wanted to Go Home!
She wanted something that was familiar...
“Stephany!” The Voice was distant but there. Far but Close.
Stephany blindly. Tried to dig herself out of the rubble that was her mind, pulling pieces down as she reached for them.
She was pulling apart at the seams, tugging and pulling herself apart involuntary.
“Stephany.” The Voice was closer, Yet she pulled everything apart.
A soft I’m sorry filled her ears.
Two soft, and warn hands clasped her cheeks.
Warm
Warm
Warm.
Like a rope tugging around her middle.
She blinked, tears fell.
A soft blue light blinded her eyes.
She doesn’t remember shutting them...
”Stephany,”
Stephany blinked again. Dark chocolate, Warm, Worried Eye Met her dark storm cloud blue hues.
“Hey, you with me Spangles?” His voice was soft, Tears spilled over. Hands curling curled around Stark’s shirt.
“Tony?” Her Voice was rough, like she’d been screaming. The Genius let out a sigh of relief, “What?” Tony ran a hand through his hair.
“JARVIS said you were Screaming.” Steph stared at him, she could feel a warm liquid run down her arms.
She looked down, nail marks clawed up and down her arms. Blood bubbling up in their wakes. “Oh.” She whispers.
Tony really didn’t now what to do, he wasn’t good at this. And seeing Stephany so confused was knew, she wasn’t ever one to look lost.
Cap was a Fucking Mountain.
This wasn’t normal.
Nothing bothered her.
It took a fucking lot to get under her thick ass skin.
But her sitting on the floor crying was not something that Cap was supposed to do.
Stephany and Tony stared at each other.
“Sorry for interrupting your night... I’m going to bed.” Before Tony could open his mouth Steph stood on shaky legs and was out of the room.
Tony reached down, fingers curling around the sketch book she left behind.
He placed it on the coffee table.
“J?”
”Sir.”
“Tell me if this happens again.”
Stephany stared at the wall, the sky line was halfway finished. Her clothing covered in paint, a streak of pale blue running down the side of her face.
She rubbed her face spreading multiple grays down her face. A small frown stretching across her lips.
Something was missing...
missing
Missing
missing....
Putting down the paint brush she crossed the room picking up the red, dipping her fingers into the paint. Rubbing the gray and red together.
A rusty color coming to life on her middle and pointer finger.
Bitting her lip. Her spread it across a colorless building, before frowning deeper.
Missingmissigmissing.
Sighing her whipped her hands on her jeans. “J, what time is it?” She said to the air.
“It’s currently 5:38 p.m. Captain Rogers.” Stephany huffed out a breath of air, “Thanks J.”
Stephany closed the paints, picking up the paint brushes from the jar she kept them in. Walking to her bath room rinsing the brushes before Shedding her clothes.
Turning the water on hot, before stepping in. The scalding water hit her back, making her hiss softly.
Though she didn’t dare turn the water down. Hands scrubbing her skin raw, as if she was trying to remove something from her skin.
Running her hands through her hair, she sighed softly.
Talking quietly to herself.
Names
Dates
old mission plans
new mission plans
listing the paints she was out
then a list of groceries that they were out of.
She turned the water off, grabbing the gray towel hanging out side the shower door.
“Captain Rogers, Sir would like to inform you that it’s your night to cook.”
Stephany hummed instead of forming a proper response to the AI.
She walked into the bedroom she was staying in tell she was down with the paint in her actual room.
Grabbing a sports bra and underwear. She trailed over to the dresser, opening the top drawer.
She huffed grabbing a pair of black leggings, CAPTAIN in bold avengers blue, going down the side.
And a plain gray hoodie. Slipping the clothing the hoodie slipping off her shoulder and covering her hands.
She ruffled her hair with the towel.
Leaving it damp, and to spiral into its natural mess of untamable curls.
Stephany walked out of the elevator, the TV going and the kitchen empty. ”She Lives!” Clint yelled Stephany’s lip curled. ”Afternoon to you as well, Barton” Stephany walked over to the kitchen, pulling out ingredients as she went.
Opening cabinets pulling out a pot and a cutting board. Stephany chewed on her bottom lip.
Mumbling the list in ingredients she needs.
As she opened the fridge she sighed. ”And we're out of eggs, and butter..” she began putting things back. Pulling out her phone she pulled up the pizza place they all Liked.
Reading over the list of pizza’s they got that was tapped to the fridge. She grabbed a sticky note from its place next to the fridge.
’Tony and Natasha’s turn to Go Shopping.’ In her neat script. Before sticking I next to the ice cream sticky.
She walked back into the living space, rubbing at her eyes. Sliding on to an empty seat, They Gathered Avengers Stared at her.
”I’m not going to the store.” was all she said. ”I’ll cook tomorrow.” she then grabbed her Stech Book off the Coffee table.
She flipped to a blank page, reaching over to grab her pencil only to stare at the two half’s laying there, mockingly.
Steady hands suddenly became unsteady.
Before she could truly think about it, she snatched up the blue Ballpoint pen sitting next to a coaster. Popping the cap off, she picked at her paint stained nails.
She very, very carefully sketched out the starting of a pair of eyes.
Rolling the pen she barely noticed Bruce get up to go get the pizza.
She worried at her lip as she tried to keep the eyebrows neat and natural.
Without sharpening them out to much.
She fingers cramped, thumb trying to work around old wounds. “Cap, are you going to eat?” Stephany looked up, blinking at Natasha.
The red head gave her a light look. Stephany set her Sketch book down, leaving it open so the ink could dry, on the coffee table.
Stephany grabbed corner of the cardboard box that hadn’t been open yet. She smacked Clint’s hand that came a bit to close to the still warm pizza. Shooting the taller man a sharp look, pulling a piece out.
Stephany, bagged up the slim amount of leftovers they had. Placing them in the almost empty fridge for Clint or Tony to eat later. “Hey, Spangles whose eyes are these?” Stephany freezes. Tony held the leather book, more careful then she’d seen him hold anything. “No, No ones.” Clint blinked at her. “Then why are there two years in the bottom left corner? Also did you order bread sticks because I didn’t see any.” Stephany reached over to snatch the sketch book out of Tony’s hands.
Back
give
it
back...
“No, I didn’t. Because you don’t like their Bread sticks and every time we by them you end not eating them. Give me back my book Stark.” She growled out.
Please...
just give me the book.
Stark huffed, “Ask me Nicely.”
Stephany reached out to take it, Natasha grabbed it from Tony’s grip. Studying the eyes. “These look like Director Carter’s Eyes.” Stephany sucked in a breath, “Give. It. Back.” The ex assassin, raised a perfect eyebrow. “They are aren’t they?” Stephany’s lip curled, “Yeah Fine, they are Peggy’s eyes, Now give me, My Fucking Sketchbook back.”
The Russian handed the book back. Stephany snapped it shut, moving out of the room like she was on fire.
She stepped into the Elevator, keeping her back to the doors.
When they shut, Stephany sunk against the wall, Hands tucking into still damp hair.
She slammed a fist into the floor. The book laying open a drawing on Peggy and Stephany lay on the floor.
Stephany’s face had been scratched out.
Four dates lay on the page.
1921-2013
1920-1941
Across Stephany’s Scratched out face, where eraser lines,
Alive?