In the end, Steve Rogers spends three days in Wakanda.
On the evening of the first, Steve and his soldiers-no, team mates- no, comrades- no-
Steve and his friends eat in the company of T’Challa inside of the palace. Wanda, straightjacket long disposed of in favor for some clothes gifted by Shuri, sits next to Clint. Instead of joyfully digging into the food with some relentless sense of jovial goodwill like Scott, his worry can be seen in his furrowed brow and white knuckles. Sam himself sits at Steve’s right hand as he listens to T’Challa’s retelling of the story of the Black Panther.
And yeah, maybe Steve has always had a hard time coming down off of a battle high, but that doesn’t even compare to the head space he is in right now because Bucky is here, with him. And sure, they both almost died, but they wouldn’t be little Stevie Rogers and Bucky Barnes, or even Captain America and Sergeant Barnes, without some sort of fighting. But Steve is soaring, absolutely floating, and Jesus- is this the first time he has breathed since he woke up? Or even since 1945?
It doesn’t matter though because if Steve Rogers’ life has taught him anything, it is to beware the halcyon days. And so later that night, just before leaving Bucky in front of his bedroom for the night, Bucky tells Steve that he intended to return to Cryo freeze in order to have Shuri and all those other science whizzes down at the lab figure out how to make him him again.
And really- what was Steve to say? Bucky was here, leaning against the doorframe, his only arm tucked into his back pocket, long hair combed and pulled back into a bun at the back of his neck by Wanda, smoky blue eyes peering up at Steve. Blue eyes- Steve had thought he forgot their color. Maybe he had, if he is being honest. When he woke up, Steve didn’t bother looking at any photos of Buck or the Howlies. Only when Nat gifted him a picture for his birthday a few months after New York did he know photos could be colorized. His excitement only lasted for so long- when he returned to his apartment, the light in his bedroom clearly showed that Bucky’s eye in the image were brown. The glass of the picture frame broke in his hands, and everywhere he looked, colorized images showed Barnes with brown or dark eyes, but never his blue, even though the goddamn coat Steve had got for him from Howard always turned up blue in the photos and Steve had made sure that the coat was to match his fucking eyes.
It didn’t matter though, because Steve couldn’t recognize the Soldier’s eyes always, on the roof, or when he tore the goggles off after Nat’s bullets had shattered the lens.
(It was his lips- that’s what Steve honed in on. By the time his eyes focused on his jawline, his furrowed brows, his nose and cheek bones, the blue, a single Bucky? had already poured forth from his mouth.)
But now he has his blue eyes in front of him, and this time he won’t forget them. But how is he supposed to deny a man who doesn’t think of himself as human the dignity of choice? Steve made it clear to Bucky he was safe, that he was free. Steve is many things, but never a liar. And so, he nods his head, a sharp jerk. He leaves after giving Bucky a pat on the back and squeeze on his shoulder; and for a moment, a kiss of his thumb moving softly up and down over his collarbone.
Of course Buck. Anything you want.
Back in his own room, mindful of the beautiful furnishing of the room and price tag of that lamp that seemed to be begging to be knocked over, Steve takes a hot shower. Any burns from the hot water fade away before there is really anytime for them to hurt, and the crescent shaped cuts from his fingernails on the sides of Steve’s head never really existed at all, despite the blood underneath his nails.
Steve goes to sleep.
The second day, Steve watches as Bucky enters the Cryo tube, hand steady, shoulders back, and chin up. Regardless of what Steve wants, Bucky does not look back at him from inside of the tube- his eyes stay closed from the moment he steps in, until the frost covers the front of the glass.
Later, T’Challa offers him a place to stay for the foreseeable future. It is a fake invitation- T’Challa knows Steve will not except the invitation, just had Steve knows he does not belong here. Steve has brought enough darkness to Wakanda already, and to stay feels and awful like impeding upon the king’s hospitality. After all. T’Challa is doing enough for Steve already.
Steve goes to find Clint.
This means he goes and waits in his room for Clint to find him, which he does, surprisingly quickly.
Clint’s eyes are bloodshot, under eyes a rather fantastic shade of purple. Steve understands at once- his family. Clint had no way to reach them, even in this land of technology beyond what Tony Stark could dream of. Laura, as per Clint’s instructions for a subcategory four code red (i.e- apocalyptic-esque event, and Clint becoming an international fugitive definitely fit under that umbrella) has evidently torn out all telephone wires from the house, smashed and drowned her cell, and unplugged all routers. The Barton home has become completely, irreversibly, radio silent. Of course, Clint had built in provisions to his instructions should anything ever happen to him- Nat was supposed to act like a messenger of sorts. However, Nat is gone, and Clint is alone.
He explains this all to Steve, with his head lolled back against the wall from his spot of the floor. Steve, who was standing, can’t find it in himself to do it any longer and sits on his bed.
I got to go Cap. I’m too old for this shit, and Laura can’t raise three kids on her own. I miss them.
And Steve understands this, he truly does. He knows Scott has a daughter, too, and that while the guy might be bubbly and stars truck in his presence, Steve knows that he spent the night roaming the palace with dead eyes. Steve is many things, but he is not blind. He knows grief, and sorrow, and knows that these two men will begin to wilt away the more time they spend without their family. He knows that he cannot and will not keep them from their families. Steve hasn’t really had a family since 1945- he has had coworkers and allies and comrade-in-arms and now friends- but he remembers the feeling well enough. The blind devotion, the need to be close, the incompletion without them. His only family might be in deep freeze somewhere in the palace, but just yesterday he was able to be there with him and-
So yes. Steve understands Clint and Scott’s pain just as well as he is accustomed to his own. And even though they all maybe lawless war criminals on the run, he is still their Captain, so he will lead them. They are his friends, so he will protect them.
I know Clint. And I will get you home.
A few hours later, Steve stands in a plainly decorated room that could be an apartment in Boston, a hostel in Nice, or an underground bunker in Moscow. With Shuri’s help, Steve starts a video call to Ross on a computer with an untraceable VPN and scrambled router and a computer program that keeps sending out an ever changing encrypted location. All of this could have been done with Nat, his computer girl, but even Clint doesn’t know where she is. Needless to say, Shuri did offer to set up a hologram call or some sort of extremely advanced technology to communicate, but Steve did not want to implicate Wakanda in anyway, even though the rest of the world was still ignorant of their technological superiority.
So, Steve gets on Skype in a room that could be anywhere, with a system that any grade-A hacker or commuter whiz could have set up, sending out several different locations every few moments for some CIA intern to break within a few hours to negotiate the homecoming of Hawkeye and Ant-Man.
To say it goes completely, horribly, unpredictable awful would be an understatement. While Steve hasn’t slept in days, and maybe a few bruises are still visible on his face and neck, Ross looks like he is one moment away from collapsing and impaling himself in the eye with the nice fountain pen he is waving around in a fit of anger.
Good Lord, even that time when Steve came home with a busted lip and two black eyes from getting whaled on by the McNerry kid from Vinegar Hill just a few weeks after pneumonia the veins on Bucky’s forehead didn’t stick out as much. And he doesn’t remember Bucky turning purple in the face either. But, damn, Ross has done both in the fifteen minutes he has been screaming.
Steve has half the mind to ask if Ross has a stress ball somewhere or some blood pressure meds he can take because Steve is genuinely worried about the guy.
Steve knows how he has to play this, knows that if he wants Clint and Scott to be able to go back to their families he will have to haggle with Ross and whatever other government asshole he has to go through, just like he did for art supplies back in Brooklyn, and with the other soldiers to get some D-list chocolate rations for Buck. And so, once Ross has come up for air for the first time and the vein on his forehead has stopped pulsing, Steve looks him dead in the eyes through the computer camera and starts with his opening price.
I want Clint Barton and Scott Lang to be issued an official pardon by the President of the United States.
It took every ounce of super solider strength within him not to laugh at the face and strangled sound Ross makes.
By the end of the day, Steve Rogers has spoken to the Director of the CIA, Director of Homeland Security, Secretary of State, Vice President, and even President Ellis (who could never clear time to meet with Steve after the ice, or even after New York or the fall of SHEILD- Steve supposed promising vague threats of destruction and chaos, while still have his Captain America persona on full display could be a little scary, and therefore a strong motivator.) However, it is more logic than intimidation that helps Steve win his case.
Do you really think that putting Hawkeye- one of the best assassins and spies in the world- and Ant-Man- who can grow several stories and shrink to literally the size of an ant- is a good idea? Especially if they are determined to be with their families? You will get more trouble out of the two for the few days they are in prison before they manage to break out than they are worth. You all said the raft was inescapable, just like Alcatraz. Look what happened with both. You will not be able to contain the two, and when they break out, which they will, that is going to drag your name through the mud. If you let those two go home, just to their families, you will never hear from them again. Just, please, let them go home.
In the end, Steve takes care of his friends, just like he promised he would. Clint and Scott, while not granted pardons, are to be put on house arrest. When Steve tells them at dinner, Scott launches himself up and over the table to grip at his shoulders. Steve may feel some wetness collect at his collar, but he doesn’t show it. Scott does not ask how long he will be under house arrest, but from the look in Clint’s eye, the marksman knows. He hauls Steve up by his shirt to hug him.
That night, before Steve had the chance to open his bedroom door, Clint catches up with him. For the first since before Sokovia, Clint has a small smile on his lips.
Anytime you need a place to come by, to rest, or whatever, I will make sure the door will be open. Hell, that is if you can get through the door without Laura attacking you with a bear hug.
The corner of Steve’s mouth twists up- just for a moment.
C’mon Clint. You know you are going to be under government surveillance till the day you die now. You sure as hell are never leaving, and none of us are every going back in. Sorry about that by the way- your family is no longer a secret, and they know where you live. At any rate, you will always be there to protect them.
Clint looks up at Steve, and for a brief moment- thinks that he can understand the Captain. What is a captain without a war, or troop to command? At that moment, Clint knows that if he wanted to, Steve could find a way to visit Clint, or to have a family of his own, but Steve won’t. Maybe he can’t live without war, or maybe he thinks that he does not deserve peace, but Clint knows that because of whatever darkness is within him, Steve will keep fighting. And for a moment, before Clint can stop it, sadness takes control of his features because he understands something that Steve never will. Steve will die in war and will never know the peace he fights so hard for. Maybe not this time around, maybe not the next battle, or the one after that. But Steve will meet his end on some war torn plane.
Clint clasps Steve on the solider one last time and hands him the Kimoyo beads gifted by T’Challa.
A gift from Black Panther himself, Cap. Both Scott and I got a pair. Shuri can show you how to use them. Just please- keep in touch. At least, try to be safe.
Steve nods and watches as Clint walks down the hall to meet Scott for their flight out of Wakanda. As far as Steve’s understanding goes, they will fly out of Wakanda to Hong Kong to get on a plane and several car rides latter show up at Heathrow for extradition to the States, upon where they will return home.
Steve goes to bed.
On the third day, wakes up painfully aware that his team has been cut in half. He joins Sam for breakfast.
After the fall of SHEILD, when Steve introduced Sam to Tony, the billionaire was unsure of Sam’s allegiance to Steve. Actually, unsure might not be the right word- Tony was downright rude to Sam, and his taunts and extremely violent jabs at the man made Steve feel the burning need to sock the fucker right in his face.
What so you meet this guy on a run? And then when he shows up at your door, fully acknowledging the fact that everyone is trying to kill him- and oh! Let’s not forget the crazy ASSASIN- and you cook him up some tasty home fries? The fucks wrong with you? Damn, you might be the wrong kind of crazy.
And so Sam meets him head on, chin up, shoulders relaxed, and feet shoulder-width apart.
Soldiers’ loyalty man- probably not something you’d know anything about. Besides, was I supposed to turn down Captain America?
Even Steve knows that might not necessarily be true- Colonel Rhodes is Tony’s best friend after all- but it still makes him smile.
But Sam’s devotion cannot be entirely built on whatever loyalty he had in Steve as his CO, and for the first time, Steve is truly afraid that he will lose Sam’s friendship. Sam, whose time at the VA allowed him to read Steve like no one else could, saw Steve’s fear in the furrow of his brow and downturn of his lips.
There are a few things that Sam will never tell Steve.
Firstly, Sam was just as lonely as Steve when they ran into each. Sure, Sam had his Mama, and she made sure they talked on the phone several times a week and that Sam came by for dinner on Sundays, but he was alone. Sure, he had his people down at the VA, but hanging out with Louis from the PTSD discussion group didn’t bode well with him, professionalism and all. He had no sweetheart, and no desire for one. Sam may be the poster child for a well adopted vet, but the Reilly- shaped hole in his heart still feels more like a scab than a scar most days, and one those days risked be torn off to expose the gruesome mess underneath.
Second, Sam likes it. He likes the feeling of flying, of soaring through the air. He likes the feel of a gun discharging. He likes fighting for a cause, especially now that he takes his orders from a friend he trusts, and that he is not really taking orders, but fighting as an equal. And for some fucked up reason, Sam likes being second in command to Captain America. So what, it makes him feel special and all fuzzy and warm on the inside.
Lastly, Sam remembers the reentry into civilian life. He remembers the nightmares, the insomnia, the dark circles under his own eyes. He remembers the flinching, the paranoia, the moments when something completely normal seen out of the corner of his eyes causes his heart to plummet to his stomach and panic to climb up his throat. Sure, he was able to find his way out of the darkness and back to some sort of normality. He did so well, he thought himself good enough to have the authority to help others. (If he is not lying to himself, maybe he thought it was his job, or his divine gift, or whatever. He survived, and Reilly didn’t, and he was ok now, he had adjusted, and there were people who hadn’t.) Sam was strong, but he wasn’t that strong. And he didn’t want to test if he could pull himself back together again.
In short, Sam liked the fight. And he liked being at Steve’s side. So, by the time he met Steve for breakfast in the dining room of the west wing of the palace, where T’Challa had graciously put them all up, he was waiting for his Captain with his mind made up and a cup of black coffee, three sugars.
I don’t know if you still want me Cap, but let me make it clear to you- before you start with any of that self-sacrificing shit- I want to go with you. Wherever you go, I will follow. That is of course, if you still want me. I know without my wings I’m practically useless, but man, you still need someone.
Steve takes his coffee from Sam with a small smile and proud shake of his head. Steve was alone for the first time in his life for several months after he came out of the ice. It was perhaps, the first time that he truly had no one- and Steve knew that breaking punching bags over and over again in the gym and the burning hot showers and the restless nights were hallmarks of something much darker than pure loneliness. But then he and Nat were assigned as mission partners, and then he met Sam on an early morning run, and suddenly mission partners and running buddies were more than just acquaintances, they were friends.
Just yesterday, Steve let Bucky go, but he wasn’t ready to let the rest of his family that he fought so hard for go, too. Steve’s hand came down to squeeze Sam’s shoulder, and Steve knocked back his coffee in one go, causing Sam to shake his head in snort.
You know I couldn’t do it without you Sam. And hey- if you really want some wings, I think we are in the perfect place to pick up so new, fancy toys, no?
Sam and Steve find themselves in Shuri’s lab, where Sam immediately commandeers her attention from Wanda to begin talks of possibly constructing Sam a new pair of wings. Steve was under the impression that Shuri would be happy to help, as her brother assured him that she was anxious to get her hands on their tech and upgrade it- T’Challa was adamant that Shuri found this stuff fun, and took personal pleasure in running circles around American and Stark technology. Something about personal fulfillment and the inability to control herself. Sam reasoned that if Bucky got frozen and his brain “unblended”, and if Scott and Clint got to take one of those super cool Wakandan planes to China to get on their flight that he should get something cool, too. He was, after all, Steve’s second at the moment (a spot he was going to enjoy while it lasted, thank you very much).
Sitting on a stool next to the lab counter where Shuri had been working was Wanda. On the counter sat a plate of cookies the two had been sharing. The two girls had seemed to get on quiet well together, if the sound of the laughter that poured forth from the lab when Sam opened the door was anything to go by. Steve was relieved- no one at the compound had been near Wanda’s age, and he didn’t even know if the girl was able to hang out with another girl her age before. Hearing Wanda laugh was nice, as the sound filled the air with a warmth that licked at Steve’s fingertips.
At the compound, Wanda’s sources of laughter included, but did not exceed: watching Nat kick the shit out of Steve on hand to hand combat training days, getting videos of little baby Nathaniel Pietro learning to walk or gurgling out his little sounds, and flirting with Vision, just enough to get him flustered.
Wanda is happy here, and she could stay here. She likes Shuri, and being surrounded by people who are not afraid of her is a nice change. However, Shuri is not her family and Wakanda is not her home. Then again, her home was effectively blown to bits and her brother was pumped full of bullets. She is only 17, but she is so tired. Wanda does not want to fight, does not want to hurt anymore people, does not want to become the monster everyone says she is- but she might have given up any hope of a peaceful life when she followed Clint out to help Steve become and international fugitive. But, at the same time, she trusts Steve.
Back at the compound, when she and the rest of the new Avengers started training, and Steve and Sam left for weeks at a time on some missing persons case, Wanda was left behind a lot. During training, Falcon and War Machine and Vision would take to the skies and leave her grounded. While she would be in her room, the others would enjoy a beer out in the kitchen. Clint, the only other who had some personal stake in the morning of her brother, was far away spending time with his family. So, Wanda mourned in silence at first, until she no longer reached out with her mind to feel her brother when she first awoke, and stopped attempting to hide behind a back and whisper into and ear that simply wasn’t there anymore.
However, when Steve was there, she had a friend. Someone who could take a hit from her and stay standing (most of the time). Someone who shared ice cream with her, right out of the carton, while they watched Disney movies instead of sleeping. Someone who called her kiddo in a way that made her smile and feel like she belonged.
If her life has taught her anything, it is to not trust men with weapons. Those who wield bombs, or needles, or scalpels, or knives, or guns are all the same. Wanda trusts Steve because he wields a shield.
So, when he comes up to her inside of Shuri’s lab, and leans his back against the counter, hands in his pockets, and dimples down at her, Wanda asks if she can take one more hot shower before they all leave.
Before Steve has time to open his mouth, which has quickly downturned, Wanda hops up off of the stool and makes her way to the door.
Please- if you think I am not going with you, you are wrong. You are the only safe place I have left. Besides, you promised me a gift for my birthday! Which is in a few weeks, you know.
Steve chuckles and lets her pass by him. On the way out the door, she stops to give Shuri a hug. On Wanda’s left wrist is a pair of Kimoyo beads, just like the ones Steve has packed on the bottom of the bag given to him by T’Challa. Steve follows her out, passing by Sam who is still prattling on about the wings, and Shuri, who has long since stopped listening.
That night, after saying their goodbyes and thank yous, Sam, Steve, and Wanda leave Wakanda. They will be back soon, though- after all, Sam needs his wings, Wanda should get to visit her only friend, and Steve just left his heart and home deep within the palace’s labs.
They were able to take the jet- which had been effectively wiped of any locators or bugs by Clint before Steve and Bucky had left the airport. From there, Steve proposed a week stay in Albania, then a jump to Italy, and Austria.
They didn’t make it to Austria (Steve had been there a lifetime ago, September, 1944) before they found themselves heading back to Wakanda.
Come Quick! My brother- he has been killed! We have lost Wakanda.
Shuri’s projection from Wanda’s kimoyo beads flickered dangerously in the low light of the abandoned industrial building, and as soon as it disappeared, Steve and his team made their way to the jet.