Chapter 36
While the men were getting ready and busy redressing in their German uniforms, Tony and Dean stood in a corner observing while Sydney moved around checking everything out.
“So, what happened between you and Steve earlier?” Dean asked while looking around.
“What? Nothing happened. Why do you think that something happened?” Tony countered, looking defensive.
“I saw Steve when he was talking to you a few hours ago, and since then, you look disoriented and distracted while Steve keeps staring at you with a contemplating look in his eyes. What did you say to him?”
“Nothing, dude. Don’t worry I didn’t tell him he was going to commit suicide by sending a fucking plane into the ocean and be frozen for seventy years inside it.” Tony sighed tiredly, but didn’t meet Dean’s eyes when he turned to look at him.
“What did you say?” Dean raised an eyebrow at him, obviously will not back down until he gets an answer.
“Fine. He asked to see the two pictures in my wallet and I couldn’t say no to him. He asked a lot of questions I didn’t how to answer and I just told him he is going to have a family and a nice life.” Tony looked away nervously. “And I think he suspects that there is something between me and his future self.”
“Dammit, Tony!”
“It is not my fault! Each one of the four of us in the picture is wearing his dopey, lovesick face! I am pretty sure Steve knows how his lovesick face looks like.”
“Which was why you shouldn’t have shown it to him in the first place.”
“I never was able to say no to him.”
“Tony.” Dean sighed before facing him dead on. “We can’t mess with the past even more. Everything we’re doing here is affecting the present one way or another. As much as it hurts, Steve is a very important part in history. We’re already messing with how his life should have went. The only way to salvage it and try to put him right back to the road to his fate, is for us to get rid of Holdstein and get the hell out of here, so Steve can go back to what he was doing safe and sound.”
“And to his painful fate.” Tony twisted his lips in sadness.
“To his family.” Dean corrected firmly.
“And what about him?” Tony gestured towards Bucky who was laughing about something with Sydney and Steve. “He didn’t deserve his painful fate. He didn’t deserve to lose his life, his arm, his friend and himself. The only fault he did was following his best friend in trying to save the world. He didn’t deserve such fate.”
Dean looked at Bucky sadly. He really liked the guy. He didn’t deserve what happened to him.
“You’re right. He didn’t.” he admitted with a sigh. “But we don’t know the consequences of erasing the Winter Soldier from history, Tony.”
“You know what would happen if he was erased? Lots of people would have been still alive! Including my parents!”
Dean stopped and looked at Tony’s desperate face. Tony told him about his parents’ death. That it was by the Winter Soldier. Steve told Tony about it when he found out. Told him before asking for his help to track Bucky down. Tony forgave him. He knew that he was mind controlled then. But sometimes it still hurts to think about it.
For all his issues with his dad, Tony still cared about him. He’s been conflicted about that all this time, and never had a chance for any closure. Because Howard died before that could happen, and before Tony could prove his worth to him, as all sons wish to do.
Imagine living for 20+ years with the notion that your dad was driving the car when it ran off the road and killed both him and your mother. Imagine blaming your dad for that, and feeling awful about that, but knowing your dad’s reputation for drinking, going back to blame him again. And well- Tony had issuesTM going into all this at age 17.
Steve thought that he deserved to know. Deserved to know that his father wasn’t to blame. At least for this one horrible last thing. Even though, it meant 20+ wasted years. Literally, because that tragedy plunged young Tony into his era of alcoholism and fecklessness. Of feeling helplessly conflicted and enraged at Howard. All because the story Tony Had believed was wrong.
He forgave Barnes the moment the man looked him in the eye when they found him and told him he was sorry. That if he wished to kill him right then and there, he won’t fight him.
Tony forgave him. For himself. And for Steve.
For the first time ever, he was glad for Bucky’s hazy memory in the present. From what he gathered, a large amount of his life he still didn’t manage to remember. He probably won’t notice the change of those memories right now since the old ones weren’t stable enough in his mind in the first place. So he wasn’t suffering in the present from their presence here.
The only one suffering from this was his Steve.
“I understand, Tony.” Dean murmured sadly. “I do. But we can’t. I’m sorry, but we really can’t. That could fuck up our present. We might go back and we won’t recognize our own home. It might be no longer there.”
“I know.” Tony bit his lower lip bitterly and looked away. “You’re right. We shouldn’t. I guess there is things that are just meant to happen.”
Dean looked at him sadly for a few seconds.
“Why did you forgive him?” he whispered softly, looking genuinely interested in knowing Tony’s answer.
“He apologized.” Tony just shrugged, without meeting Dean’s eyes. “He was sincere about it. And he was Steve’s friend for all his life. I wasn’t just going to murder him after Steve just got him mostly back. He didn’t deserve that.” Dean was smiling at him in wonder which made Tony look at him in confusion. “What?”
“You have a good heart, dude.” Dean grinned at him. “Don’t believe anyone who says that you don’t. You might be a pain in the ass and a little shit. But you’re one of the best guys I’ve ever known.”
“Don’t get all sentimental on me, Chisel Chest. Next thing I know, I’ll find you hugging me or something, and then we will braid each other’s hair.” Tony snorted but he was just trying to hide how Dean’s words affected him and he knew Dean understood what he was doing.
“Just take a compliment, Tin Can.” Dean rolled his eyes with a shake of his head.
“Do you want me to do your make up too, Ducky Lips?”
“Shut up, Little Prick.”
“You’re hurting my feelings, Buster Brown.”
“How the hell do you come up with all these nicknames?”
“It is called a talent, Kin doll.”
Dean’s response was cut off when Steve approached them, smiling an amused smile, indicating that he caught the last parts of their conversation.
“Hate to interrupt that very nice conversation.” He started in amusement, a very nice smile on his lips. “But I came to tell you that everyone is ready to move.”
“Perfect.” Dean straightened, getting back to the situation at hand. “You and Sydney should probably head out with your group of men to your position.”
“Will do.” Steve nodded, his eyes trailed over towards Tony and hesitated a little before reaching over to touch Tony’s wrist lightly. “Be careful out there.” Steve whispered softly, eyes trained on Tony’s face.
Tony looked up at him in shock and felt the familiar electricity and thrill that always came from Steve’s touches, rush through him.
“You too, Cap.” He also whispered with a small smile.
Steve nodded at him and gave him one last long look before stepping back to head towards Sydney to move out.
Dean trailed his eyes between Tony and Steve’s retreating back and sighed heavily.
“God, I miss Cas.” he murmured sadly. “You and Sydney each have someone who actually cares about you right now, and I am considered the third wheel.”
“Why would this Steve care about me?” Tony asked in confused sadness as he also stared at Steve. “He barely even know me. Besides, he has his eyes on-on Carter anyway. He was just being nice.”
“You’re really dense, sometimes.” Dean just shook his head and headed towards where Alain and Bucky were waiting for them.