Chapter 33
For a second or two, the situation was completely frozen in that small street in Paris.
Tony saw Dean was about to raise his gun but he stopped him with a hand on his arm since he knew it will be a massacre.
“It is funny running into you here.” a British, female voice said from behind one of the guns which made both Steve and Bucky relax immediately when a short, pretty brunette stepped into the light.
“Peggy.” Steve murmured with a smile as he walked towards here.
Tony’s blood ran cold and he felt his heart shatter as he immediately looked away from the smile on Steve’s face.
The smile that was usually directed at him.
Steve didn’t feel any spark or anything towards him. He was probably just curious about the strange future man.
That shouldn’t hurt him like that. Steve wasn’t his in here. But his heart couldn’t really handle all of this. Couldn’t handle to see Steve smiling his special smile to someone else that wasn’t him.
“You were late.” Peggy said with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, things got a little complicated.” Steve shrugged sheepishly.
Brigitte, suddenly, appeared from behind the now lowered guns and rushed to wrap her arms around Sydney, ignoring everyone’s looks.
Sydney froze in surprise, but then also wrapped her arms around her with a small smile on her face.
“What the hell is going on?” Dean asked while looking around in confusion. “Who’s she?” he pointed at Peggy then at Brigitte. “And who’s she?”
Tony looked up and realized that the men dressed in German’s uniforms were in fact from the French resistance, when he looked back at Steve he saw him talking with Peggy quietly with a fucking dopey look on his face.
Tony looked away again to face Dean who noticed his crumpling face.
“These are the French resistance.” Tony explained to the still confused Dean.
Dean looked over at Brigitte and Sydney with a raised eyebrow then back at Peggy and Steve. “And she is?”
“This is… Steve’s first crush or love, I don’t know.” Tony shrugged casually, trying to look nonchalant about the whole thing and failed miserably according to the look Dean was giving him.
“Dammit, Tony.” Dean gave him a pained look that Tony immediately looked away from to see that Peggy was approaching them with Alain and Steve while the former was glaring daggers at Brigitte and Sydney.
“Sorry for scaring you earlier. We weren’t sure who you were from the darkness.” Piggy addressed them with a smile. “My name is Peggy Carter. I hoped to meet in a better situation. What should I call you?”
Tony just stared back. He knew he didn’t have the right to hate her. She didn’t do anything wrong. Steve wasn’t his yet. He needed to keep reminding himself of that.
“Dean. This is Tony and Sydney.” Dean introduced for the second time today. “Sorry to point this out but I think we shouldn’t stay here for long.”
“You are right. Come on, we will take you to a safe place.”
***
They managed to reach the Resistance’s hideout in record time.
The moment they were safe, Brigitte took Sydney to a secluded corner and were talking while standing very close to each other.
Meanwhile, Tony was sitting in another corner, hugging his knees close to his chest as he stared at Steve who was laughing and smiling brightly with Bucky and Peggy.
Steve’s smile was… brighter somehow. His laughter was easier and lighter. Looking to be more free and cheerful. It ached Tony’s heart.
This Steve didn’t have the lingering sadness and grief in his eyes. His smile was brighter and lighter.
This Steve didn’t have panic attacks from the cold. Didn’t have the overwhelming weight of grief from losing his world on his shoulders.
This Steve didn’t need Tony.
Tony felt dread spreading through him. Suffocating him.
Steve would have been happier if he didn’t get on that plane. Would have a much better life than the one he had with Tony.
He would have been better without Tony.
“I can literally hear you think and I am telling you to stop.” Dean interrupted his thoughts while sitting next to him on the floor.
“I am not thinking about anything.” Tony muttered without meeting Dean’s eyes.
“Yeah, I totally believe you.” he snorted and Tony could literally hear his eye roll.
Tony sighed and was quiet for a few seconds. “If-if you knew that Cas would have been happier if he never met you and you have a way to go back in time and do it. Would-would you?” he asked, still not meeting his eyes.
He could feel Dean’s eyes trained on him intently.
“Probably.” He finally answered shortly. “But I know for a fact that Cas wouldn’t have been happy.”
“How’d you know?”
“Cas would have rebelled one way or another, even without my interference.” Dean explained with a soft smile. “He is different than the other angels. He never felt that he belonged with them. He actually have a heart. His heart didn’t came from me. He always had it from the start. A heart that always loved humans. So, he would have rebelled sooner or later. At least, when he rebelled for me, he eventually had a home and a family that loved him. If he rebelled on his own, he wouldn’t have lived long.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.” Tony sighed and looked back at him sadly.
Dean nudged him with his shoulder gently. “And you? You actually think Steve would have been happier without you?”
“Look at him, Dean.” Tony looked down depressingly. “Look at that bright, beautiful smile. Sure, my Steve smiled a lot, but you can always detect the glimmer of sadness in his eyes.” he hugged his knees closer to his chest. “Steve isn’t always alright. He sometimes panics when the cold air of the freezer hit his face! That’s why he never opens it anymore and I know you noticed that since you cook with him every day. He sometimes feels like the future is rejecting him. During one of his attacks he told me that he should’ve died in that crash. Sure, he said that in his first year after he was defrosted, but that sentence keeps echoing over and over again in my nightmares.” He gazed up at Dean hesitantly. “I have a chance to take away Steve’s suffering if I told past him to avoid getting on that plane. Even if it meant I will lose the love of my life.”
Dean stared at him intently while biting his lower lip thoughtfully. “Tony, you can’t make that decision for Steve. It is not fair.” Dean started gently. “Do you have any idea what will happen if you changed such a major thing in the past? Steve’s discovery in the ice was one of the most important occurrences in the present. What if without Steve, the Avengers will lose in the battle of New York because their leader was never there? What if there was no one to stop the three helicarriers from killing millions of people? What if because you never had Steve in your life to anchor you, you will end up as a super villain or something that destroyed the world? Can you imagine the amount of things that could end differently and badly? This isn’t just about you, Tony. You can’t change the past. No matter what your reasons are.” he took a deep breath before continuing. “How’d you know that Steve would be happier in the forties? We both know by now that Steve wasn’t exactly straight even in the past. Yes, he would have married Carter at some point and would have been happy enough. But he will always hide that part of himself. Or maybe he will die of a disease that its treatment was yet to be discovered, a few years after the war.” He turned fully towards Tony and made him look into his eyes. “Every one of us faced a tragedy that proved to be a turning point in our lives. Changed us into better versions of ourselves. If I never sold my soul for Sam and went to hell, I would have never met Cas. If Cas didn’t rebel, he would’ve probably died in the apocalypse later. If you weren’t kidnapped in Afghanistan you wouldn’t have been the man you are now. You wouldn’t have been Iron Man. You would have never met Steve and your family. If Steve never went on that plane, he would have never met you. Believe or not, you guys are the happiest couple I ever met. I even dare to say that you are soulmates and that shit. Everything that happened in both your lives was to lead you guys to each other. How can you not see that? And why would you ever want to fix something that isn’t broken?”
Tony was staring at Dean with huge eyes. Dean never talked that much. Never talked about feelings. Dean believed every word he was saying and it was blowing Tony’s mind.
Dean’s eyes flickered to where Sydney was, who was still talking quietly with Brigitte. Both of them with soft smiles on their faces and absolutely no space between them.
“Looks like our grandkid is as straight as a slinky.” Dean commented with a smirk making Tony let out a chuckle.
“Yeah, it is probably something in the genes.” Tony chuckled as he too stared at her.
“See her?” Dean leaned towards him while looking at Sydney with a soft smile. “She is brilliant. Amazing. A badass. We made that. We made her.” He turned his eyes back to Tony. “This is a good thing, Tony. She is a good thing. She is our future. An amazing future. You change that, she will be erased along with her father. You will destroy a perfect thing trying to fix something that doesn’t need fixing. We all have our own set of issues, problems and panic attacks, but we will be fine. Steve is strong. With you, he will be fine. Without you? You will both fall eventually even if you were separated by decades, one way or another.”
Tony watched Sydney as she laughed about something. She had Steve’s laugh, Dean’s expressive eyes, Castiel’s warmth and his own smile.
She was perfect.
Dean was right. She is a good thing. He had an amazing future waiting for him with Steve by his side.
He wanted that future. His Steve was waiting for him back home to have that future with him. And he damn will have that future.
Dean was right. They will be fine.