All I Want

Steve felt an invisible wall standing between him and Tony, he is used to silence, Bucky isn’t that talkative and Natasha isn’t always around but he never felt like this to them. He doesn’t seem to deliberately ignore him, probably thanks to Peter who seems to be a lot more trusting than he thought the boy would be. He is as much of talker like his father, and he played and laughed with anyone. However despite all of those times, Tony would rarely ever speak directly to him. The brunet kept his side reserve to himself and Peter and that caused Steve to feel this massive gap between him and Tony.

It isn’t as if he expected for Tony to simply simmer and grow warm on him after everything that he went through to Iro but he felt more like he’s place in Tony’s mind is along with the Obidiah Stane and it made Steve’s stomach churn. In the dead of the night when he is alone in his room waiting for sleep to get him he would hear Tony’s words in his head and the look in his eyes when he said those words to him.

He sighs dropping the fountain pen to the side of the table and leaning against his seat, it has been two days since he last saw Tony or Peter, affairs of the state has finally caught up to him and news about Iro’s situation has been topic of numerous councils. Many other kingdoms are quite shock to see citizens of Iro coming to their borders begging for temporary homes in return of their hands as labors. Many had refused which made Steve’s heart sink to his guts.

He tried to urge them but many had argued for the fear of their own resources may not  be enough. He wished he could take them all but such act may raise suspicion, especially given his history with Howard. Bucky had already told that Obidiah may have thrown Tony to an exile but the possibility of that man returning to find evidences of Tony’s death in not entirely impossible. With that in mind he couldn’t really make a big step to attract attention.

Steve however hasn’t lost all of his options yet. He looks down on the letter laid before him, Acrimea may be too known and will surely attract attention but surely Wakanda won’t. The young King of Wakanda has been a good friend, he’s also known for his charitable works, they’ve become home for those who had been victims of wars all over the regions.

The King’s sister, Princess Shuri, Steve remember her very well during one council meeting between leaders when a war sparked between two Kingdoms in the East that affected many civilians causing these people to flee away from their homes to find refuge. Despite everyone else telling it is impossible for them to take so much number of people and expect to be fed, Shuri argued with an analogy he was sure Bucky would have applaud for if he was there. The Princess argued that when it is one’s birthday celebration and people come along with friends who weren’t originally invited, people don’t tell these people to go away, even if they have a fix number of food prepared and instead they improvise to cater to everyone in the room because at the end of the day the more the merrier.

Steve has sent Bucky to Wakanda to deliver this plan and explain the said reason behind his decision. His presence influencing the King’s decision may still even be traced to him and then Tony, it is a risk he really can’t afford at the moment.

Steve closes his eyes intending to take a short nap when a soft knock breaks the silence of the room.

“Come in.” he says as he sits up and waits as the door reveals whoever it is.

Maria Hill slips in with a tray of tea and a plate of sweets with her. She quietly sets them to the table.

“I assume you would like to have something to eat between your work.” She says. “You’ve kept yourself in here for days Your Highness.”

“There are a lot of things to tend to.” Steve simply answers, “I was busy.”

“You weren’t for a long time.” she answers making Steve look at her with confusion, “Not until Mister Stark and his son came.”

“I hope you’re not implying that their stay has burdened this palace.”

She chuckles as she pours some tea to a cup. As soon as it is filled she walks up to Steve’s desk and gently placed it over the vacant space just a few centimetres away from the man’s hand.

“No. Burden is a strong word Your Highness, a crude one at that.” Maria says as she steps back a bit head low but not entirely looking down. “You relish their presence, I must admit it is also a fresh change for the whole palace, and for you too. You’ve been distracted is what I think is the right term.”

Steve stares at Maria for a moment before turning away to contemplate her words. Distracted, was he distracted? No, he can’t pin this on Tony’s words or the man’s mistrusts, this is his own behaviour but why? Well he does enjoy Tony’s son’s small talks, his enthusiasm almost about everything made Steve’s chest warm, he sees the life in his big brown eyes, innocence and love. He couldn’t help but think how good Tony is to Peter that even despite everything that they went through, he could smile like that.

Tony is a kind man despite his sharp words, his cold shoulders and averting gazes.

“It is a good change.” Steve says in a hushed voice, “It’s been less…cold.”

Maria smiles kindly to the man. Steve reaches to the cup of tea and takes a generous sip.

“How are they?” Steve asks, “I’ve heard from others Tony has been teaching Peter geography the last time I saw them.”

“Peter had finished memorizing the geography of Acrimea the same night, they’ve moved on to the map of the Eastern Hemisphere. He’s a very smart child, Your Highness.” Maria says to which Steve nods with a smile. “Ah, but Mister Stark has not left Peter’s room since last night.”

Steve frowns at that, he looks up to Maria.

“What do you mean?”

“It seems that the young Stark has contracted a sort of fever.” Maria says, “Mister Stark hasn’t allowed many people around, a few attendants had helped him but he’s mainly the only one whose taking care of the boy.”

“Why I was not informed of this?”

Maria blinks at that, Steve’s tone has changed from soft and understanding to a firm tone.

“I am not aware that it must be known to His Highness, it is not within the priority—“

“The child is within my care as much as Tony is.”

Maria’s eyes widen at Steve’s use of the exile’s nickname. Steve abandons his desk and reaches for his jacket.

“Is Tony still in their room?”

“Y-Yes, Your Highness.” Maria replies.

“Alright, please call Doctor Banner as well, tell them to see us in Peter’s room.”

Maria bows her head in a mute agreement as Steve head out of the room.

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Steve stills before he reaches the room, concern has filled him the moment the news reached him. He couldn’t imagine Peter, the cheerful and kind boy is down and burning. Humans are fragile, he had learned it the hard way, a small cut that can get infected and rot, then kill them, a fever could sent their bodies shaking for days until it’s too tired to  fight and then just that their heart would stop beating. He has seen those images unfold before him too many times in his long existence, he couldn’t bear to know one may happen again right before him when he knows well he can do something about it.

He knocks as soon as he calms down but there is no answer, he opens the door and finds Tony holding Peter in his arms with the boy’s cheeks flush red. A pale in a corner of the room is set that stinks of the scent of puke but Steve dismisses it. Tony turns to him and his expression doesn’t seem to change much.

“Weren’t you supposed to be working with the affairs of your Kindgom?” Tony asks.

Steve nods as he takes the lack of Tony’s protest as a permission to step in the room. Tony’s hair is tousled, his white tunic is stained with food and all sorts of things. His eyes has bags under them and his exhaustion almost rivalled of his.

“They told me he’s unwell.” Steve says as he looks at Peter.

The boy stirs in his sleeps and glassy eyes opens to look at Steve. The boy blinks his tired eyes and reaches out his tucked hands to Steve.

“Steve.” He says in his small and hoarse voice.

Steve’s heart instantly melted to the boy’s voice, he walks up to him and takes the boy’s outsctreched hand.

“I am here Peter, how are you feeling?”

“’m tummy hurts.” He says in a small whine.

Steve purses his lips, he instinctively pulls his hand from Peter’s hold to brush the boy’s hair. He feels the boy’s temperature is indeed high which made him even more concern.

“How long has this been going?” This time Steve addresses Tony whose expression almost mirror’s Steve’s concern if not double.

“Almost two days now.” Tony answers.

Steve sighs.

“Why did you not inform me?”

“For what?” Tony asks with a clip in his tone, he moves slightly away from Steve as if the blond’s presence burnt him.

“To help.” Steve says, “I can help.”

“You don’t have to.” Tony says moving further away from Steve and towards the window of the room.

“But I would like to.”

Steve is surprise when Tony turns to look at him with a hard expression, and there it is again, Steve thought, in the light of the day he can see clearly how Tony’s chocolate eyes gleam with hurt.

“Why do you even care? Just leave me alone!”

Tony’s outburst made Peter flinch in his hold and the child begins to cry, Steve’s eyes widen in panic and he finds himself rrushing to their side.

“No!” Peter exclaims, “Daddy, don’t fight! Steve don’t fight!”

Steve sighs, he looks at Tony then to Peter.

“No, I am…we are not fighting, Peter.” He says in the most gentle tone he can muster. The boy begins to sniffle and before Steve could even say anything else Peter pushes himself a bit off from Tony and reaches out his arms for Steve.

Steve hesitates, he looks at Tony and the man sighs and gives a quiet nod. Steve carefully takes Peter from Tony and to his hold, he gently pats the boy’s back as his tears were reduced to sniffles. He begins to rock Peter gently and that seems to lull the boy to sleep. Tony sighs and takes a seat in a nearby stool with his eyes still trailing the two.

“I’ve called Doctor Banner, he’s…”

“A doctor?”

“Yeah, but not a physician kind but close enough.” Steve says, “He’s a very trustworthy person. I know you wouldn’t want a lot of people to know about you and Peter at the moment so I…I resorted for Doctor Banner, he’ll be able to at least tell you what’s wrong with your son.”

Tony nods as he watches Steve rock Peter to sleep in his arms.

“You said you’ve never had the chance to take care of kids.” Tony says, “But you do better job than me. You managed to get him to sleep in seconds, while I’ve been trying to do that for an hour now.”

Steve smiles ruefully, “Before everything, my mother used to carry me in her arms like this. She would rock me to sleep whenever my body would remind me of my fragility. I was sickly as a young boy, small too.”

“You still remember her?”

Steve hums.

“I do. And a lot more things.” He answers.

Tony is quiet for a moment before he begins to speak.

“I have no idea what I am doing.” He confesses, “Peter’s a great kid, but I…am I feeding him right, is he playing enough, am I giving him enough?”

“You’re in a very complicated position Tony, it is not your fault.”

“Is it though?” Tony asks before sinking in silence.

Moments tick as Steve marvels in the smallest details of Tony’s tired face, his tousled brown locks and bags under his eyes made very little difference in making the man himself look any less. Perhaps it is a Stark thing, or maybe it’s partially because of Tony’s mother.

“I…I’ve known Howard only when he was young and unmarried.” He says trying to get Tony to forget his worries about parenting. “I am glad he’d come to marry and have a family.”

Tony scoffs, and he looks up at Steve and the King doesn’t expect that hurt expression to return in Tony’s eyes.

“Oh you tow knew each other?” he asks in thick lace of sarcasm, “I wouldn’t know, I mean he never mentioned you, maybe only about a thousand times.”

“W-What?”

Tony shakes his head, as soon as he abandons his seat he begins pacing the room.

“Every single damn day, you were always the good one, the best. No one could ever be greater than the King of Acrimea. Your face was hung on the wall of my father’s office and I…I was never better than you.”

“Tony what do you—“

“Steve?”

Steve stills and so does Tony, the two’s attention turns to Peter, who has woken up. Steve tries to smile for the boy who looks up at him with teary eyes.

“What is it Peter?”

“I don’t feel well.” Peter answers in his small voice.

“Yes, you have a fever, son you need to rest.”

“No.” Peter whines, “My tummy feels bad and I—“

The next seconds is too fast for Steve, all of a sudden Peter vomits on him from his chest to his shoulder and sadly some on his hair too. As soon as Peter has emptied his stomach on Steve, he stares at Steve and he begins to cry. Steve quickly tries to reassure him and thankfully Tony is fast enough to take Peter off from Steve.

“I-I didn’t mean too!” Peter cries loudly. Steve  turns to him with an understanding smile and waves his barf covered hands.

“Its not your fault Peter, it happens when you’re sick and you tried to warn me that’s very kind of you.”

“B-But S-Steve’s—“

“No, Steve’s not angry.” Tony reassures him and kisses his head. “We’ll change your clothes and Steve will change too, and maybe bathe too.”

Peter looks at Steve and the man gives him a smile.

“It’s okay Peter. I am alright.”

“I-I am not…bad?”

Steve laughs and shakes his head, “No, you’re okay.”

Tony kisses the boy’s head and the adrenaline seems to disappear making the boy sleepy again. Tony sighs for the umpteenth time before turning to Steve.

“You should really take a bath now.”  Tony says cringing at the smell. Steve laughs in agreement.

“Unfortunately.”

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Steve tries not to think too much about it but now that Tony has spilled a few words, he couldn’t help but want to know more. Could this be the reason behind Tony’s hostility? What exactly does he mean by his words?

Steve inhales the steam of the tub but it does nothing to relax him, Peter is sick and that makes him worry as well, and Tony’s words too. He takes a handful water and splashes it to his faces down to his short hair, why is this bothering him so much? Why is Tony’s hurt expression bothers and gets all the best of him in a matter of seconds? Steve hears the door creak from behind the divider of the bathroom, he has called one attendant to bring him a simple change of clothes and some towels to leave by the small counter in the bathroom.

“Please leave them there, I will be out in a few.” Steve says to the presence but instead of leaving he hears the footsteps come closer to the divider.

Steve pulls himself up a bit and to his shock a mop of short brown hair emerges from behind the divider and he finds Tony Stark walking up to him with a change of clothes and towels.

“T-Tony!” Steve exclaims in surprise as he tries to angle himself to not show too much to the other.

Tony rolls his eyes and sets the fabrics on the small table beside the tub.

“Steve!” he exclaims in mockery at the other’s surprised gesture. “Come on, I’ve got the same junk, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before Captain.”

“Tony I am in the bath!” Steve exclaims again, “What are you doing here?”

“You’re fine when some lady brings towels over you when you’re bathing but not a guy?”

“I told them to leave by the counter outside.” Steve says.

“Oh.” Tony says with wide eyes, “Oh, uhm…yeah sorry.”

Steve sighs and messages his temples. Tony looks at Steve again before averting his gaze, Steve thought this is Tony’s gesture when he intends to tell a lie, people often do it when they lie but not Tony. Not always. For Tony averting hiss gaze meant something else, it meant he is about to say something he’s not very comfortable addressing. The gesture made Steve relax his posture.

Tony looks at Steve for a moment and there it is again, he sees not the man in the painting in his father’s portrait but the man who had kindly sat down with his son to have a chat whenever the child spotted him, the man who knelt down to gently wipe off the mud from his son’s cheeks whenever the kid became too indulged in playing in the green house, the man whose blue eyes shined under the sun’s gentle caress in the morning. His muscles are toned and firmed that were muted under his royal garbs, his blonde hair darker soaked with warm water. There is tenderness that Tony has never seen before in the portraits his father kept of the Immortal King.

“Thank you.” Tony says in a hushed voice.

“For?”

“For Peter.” Tony says, “I…he likes you, very much. He’s scared that you were disappointed with what happened but you…you reassured him.”

“It really isn’t his fault.” Steve replies, “I don’t think its right t have a conversation on the bathrrom.”

“I don’t…” Tony purses his lips and gathers up all his courage. “I don’t think I can say this again, so its now or never.”

The brunet’s words silenced Steve.

“Howard…he’s never been like that to me, I never had someone to model being a father from and that made me very scared. I am still.” He confesses. “The Howard you knew, and the Howard I know are different. Maybe once he is this amazing man, someone you would imagine to raise good kids but from where I sat I was just not…”

Steve’s eyes widen, Tony’s cold eyes slowly melts into something genuine and sad. For the first time since Tony arrived he saw him truly and it made his chest ache so much. The scars beneath the brown pools are so great and deep that Steve is frightened he may just get drowned in them.

“I don’t want Peter…I know what it felt like to feel not enough for that one person who matters most to you and I don’t want to happen to Peter, he’s…everything I have.”

Steve’s heart sinks.

“Tony I…”

“No.” Tony shakes his head, “You’re…not, you’re not who I thought you were.”

“Who you thought I were?”

Tony swallows hard. He remembers every single time he hated Steven Rogers, the Immortal King of Acrimea. He had lost when it begun, he used to look up to him, he read stories of him and listened to his father boast about the undefeated King, his unrivalled strength, his famous blond hair and blue eyes. He imagined meeting him, looking at his bright blue eyes and marvel in presence. He studied hard and trained harder hoping to be a King like the Immortal King, maybe not as great but enough for his father’s compliments but it never came.

He never casted a glance his way, he always, always reserved all of it for Steve. He looked at him like he is the greatest thing that was his even when the other is away.

His adoration turned to jealousy and something close to loathing.

Steve took all the love that he felt he deserve and he wasn’t even there, he left his father, he never returned and yet he valued him, missed him more than anything and Tony, Tony is never good enough, never better than Steve, never will be.

“Father…Howard is right.”

“Tony, you’re…you’re a good father. Whatever he said—“

“You are a great man.”

Steve’s words die down in his tongue as Tony said those words in the gentle tone, he has only heard Tony speak in such tone with Peter. The weight of sincerity made Steve’s heart swell pleasurably in his chest it almost made it hard to breath. His blue eyes caught in the depths of Tony’s brown, it reminded Steve of the color of earth, generous and ever nurturing.

His eyes widen and his mind quickly empties when he feels Tony’s chapped lips press against his moist cheek.

“Thank you, Steven.”