Using the last bit of functioning tech he had left, Tony recalculated the form and put priority on his right arm, leaving his left open and exposed. The nanoparts designed a heavy duty spike, the only thing he had left in close combat without the repulsors working. He was in a death grip and human Tony couldn't possibly break that...but Iron Man might have a chance. He had to try; they had to win.
He thought it would work.
He was wrong.
Taking the arm, he tried to jab it into Thanos, but the purple giant had other plans. Anticipating his move, the alien stopped him in his tracks, grabbing him by the wrist and snapping the nanotech spike right off his iron fist.
And then, he was numb. Tony didn't feel the stab until far after it happened, but the wind was knocked out of him immediately. He gasped, trying to suck in air, and his eyes widened when he realized what happened. Then he stumbled back on his feet, feeling his head lifted by the foreign hand holding him upright until he set him down on the ground, letting him lean against the rocky floor the planet provided.
And that's when the pain hit him. When Thanos let go of the spike and the blood started dripping out of Stark's mouth. When that little bit of release let the spike move just enough to send the searing pain up and down his left side. His ab muscles were spasming, his hands shaking as they gripped the weapon he was punctured with in silent debate of weather or not to remove it or leave it and see how long he lasted. But he couldn't make the decision. No, his mind was stuck somewhere else as he stared blankly ahead of him, choking on his own spit as he struggled to regulate his breathing.
Stuck on...a lot. That thing about life flashing before your eyes as you're dying? Yeah. That's what was happening. A lot, really quickly. He wasn't sure how much time actually passed, but it was enough to ask a lifetime's worth of questions that would never be answered.
The universe. Earth. If he's out...who's going to protect Earth? Would they lose? What happens now? Everyone he knew, everyone he loved...gone, wiped away. But would it really matter? If he died, he wouldn't be around to witness that pain, anyway. He could escape the goodbyes...the weird awkwardness of knowing someone's going to die and having to spend every last minute making up for lost time...
The company. The tower. The Avengers facility. Stark Industries as a whole. Everything he had worked on...everything he had done or created to make Earth safe... None of it mattered. He failed, didn't he? If nothing could protect the world from this.
The kid. Peter. God, he brought Peter here. He told him to go home, and he didn't listen. But was it the kid's fault? No. Stark brought him into the superhero gang in the first place. He recruited him. The kid just wanted to be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Yet here he has...out in space, God knows how far from home...and if he did make it back...if May was still alive...this would fall on Tony's shoulders. He should've never given him that suit.
Steve. Nat. Rhodey... He put them all in danger. He drove them away. He could've been a better friend. Less of an asshole. They could've worked around the Accords. He shouldn't have taken them for granted... Shouldn't have skipped out on all those awards Rhodey tried to present to him, shouldn't have hated Cap so much for getting to know his father when he couldn't.
Shit...his parents. His parents, would they hate what he became? Did he do enough to make them proud? Would he get to see them again, after so long, wherever he was going? Probably not. Surely, he was going to hell. But if he did...would they welcome him? The beard, the suits, the arc... He was probably nothing like they imagined him. Would they even recognize him? Would they want an apology, for not being a better son? Or would they let him have that hug he'd been imaging for so long. That kiss on the cheek that he use BARF to reconstruct. How would he explain why he wore a metal suit around, why the family company wasn't in weapons manufacturing anymore...fuck, why he didn't even have a family.
Family. Pepper. The last thing on his mind before he was kidnapped, and the last thing on his mind right now as he started to see spots. The only thing on his mind in between. God, how he hated himself for almost everything in their relationship. She deserved better. She deserved not to be left on roof, not to be drug into his battles, not to feel so unloved that she needed a break... And just when they were planning a wedding; a wedding that she deserved. Just when he decided it wouldn't be so bad to have a Stark junior running around...
"You have my respect, Stark," he heard, bringing him back to the present as his head was turned back toward Thanos. "When I'm done, half of humanity will still be alive."
And all he could do was blink; he couldn't think. The pain was overpowering, and his lungs had stopped functioning. He was dying, and it was worse than any of the times the arc had been ripped out or he had been bruised beyond repair. Worse than watching Rhodey fall or watching Pepper walk out the door after Ultron. Worse than knowing he would never be able to give her the baby she really did want...the normalcy that she wanted and begged him for daily... They could have had it all, if he just stopped putting on the suit.
"You're going to kill yourself, Tony," her words rung out in his head, from so, so long ago. "And I'm not gonna be part of it."
He made her part of it. He promised her it was to better the people he had wronged. And he wronged her in the process.
"I hope they remember you," the giant sighed.
But Tony didn't panic. No, there was nothing he could do. As Thanos lifted up the glove, he came to terms with it. Tried to make it peaceful by focusing on the only thing that would make him die happy: Pepper. Her smile. The way she blushed when he danced with her at the benefit for the first time. The way she scolded him for leaving her just before he announced he was Iron Man. The way she laughed when he was overly eccentric and how she had cried herself to sleep too many times to count, and when he finally, finally decided to blow up the suits and she didn't leave him to the couch. God, the way her blue eyes sparkled when he woke up from the surgery after the arc was taken out, the way she kissed him when he proposed, and that brief second of happiness they had in the park. The idea of Morgan...and the made up scene of a little red head holding onto her mother as she smiled her gorgeous smile at him after a long day...
Just...Pepper. And everything that he had taken for granted for so long. God, he was so sorry. So sorry for it all, and so sorry that he'd never see that smile again...
"Stop!" Strange brought him back to reality. "Spare his life, and I will give you the stone."
He briefly looked at Thanos, then managed to turn his blurry vision to Strange to his side.
"No tricks," the purple alien agreed hesitantly.
"Don't!" Stark sputtered, dripping blood once again.
He frantically tugged at the spike, slicing through his abdomen as he removed it in a hurry and a hope to do something...anything...to stop Thanos from getting the time stone.
But it didn't matter. The wizard made the green gem appear with his weird hand movements, and then it was being added onto Thanos's gauntlet as though it wouldn't mean the end of half of the universe.
"One to go," he hummed in his deep voice, and then he was gone.
Before anyone else spoke, Quill flew back into the picture, nearly giving Stark another heart attack. "Where is he?" he called, then looked around in despair. "Did we just lose?"
But Tony ignored the comment and focused on using the time without Thanos to have the last of his suit's power patch his wound up...at least temporarily. And then he could breathe again. He gasped, sitting up, and blinked everything into focus.
Did they just lose? Would Pepper even be there when he got back? If he got back? Maybe he was better off dying...