Chapter 2
peter
Peter was actually having a good day, up until now. He only got punched once last night, so his body feels better than it has in years, and he spent most of the day hanging out with his best friends. And even though he feels incredibly guilty about it, the best part of the day was when he was taking care of MJ. He misses being close with her.
The second best part of the day was when he saved the people on the bridge from the Green Goblin. It was exhilarating. One of the best fights he’s had in a long time, and on top of that, he didn’t lose anyone. He did, however, take off his mask so a child wouldn’t be scared of him, but Peter was fine with that.
Gwen, apparently, isn’t.
“You’re Spider-Man?” She is standing underneath the street lamp outside his apartment building, and it looks like she’s been crying.
Peter is relieved that this is what they’re talking about, and not his other secret.
“Excuse me?” Peter is keeping his distance from her, for several reasons. She’s stated multiple times that she hates how her father is always in danger because of his work as a police officer, and also the Stacy family pretty much hates Spider-Man’s guts. Peter has tried to avoid the topic as much as he can.
“My dad was on the bridge today. This kid was stuck in a car that was going to be plunged into the water, and his dad was freaking out. My dad came over to help, and when he looked down, he saw you, Peter Parker, in the Spider-Man suit. Do you want to explain that?”
He was going to tell her eventually. Peter doesn’t know exactly when, but he was. Maybe. “Is he going to tell anyone?” was what Peter said to her, not having an explanation that will satisfy her.
She stepped back, furthering the distance between them. She’s hurt, Peter can see that even with the poor lighting. “No, he won’t. I begged him not to. I can’t believe this.” Gwen ran her fingers through her hair and sobbed, “My boyfriend is Spider-Man. The vigilante is Peter fucking Parker, who I--” She stopped herself before she could continue.
“Who I what, Gwen?” Peter steps forward, wanting to comfort her. This isn’t the easiest news to handle, he knows. “Also I’m an Avenger, not a vigilante.”
“Don’t make jokes.” He wasn’t kidding, but whatever. “Spider-Man has been a pain in the ass for the last three years and I’m fucking in love with him.”
Shit.
He knows how much it hurts to tell someone they love them and them not saying it back, but he doesn’t want to lie to Gwen. Peter doesn’t love her, no matter how much he wants to, or should. “I’m sorry, Gwen,” is what he said, and her tears become more frequent.
“Don’t call me, Peter.” Gwen wipes the tears from her eyes and starts to walk away from him. Peter starts to say something, but she yells, “And I won’t tell anybody your goddamn secret!”
Peter sluggishly walks back to his apartment. He should’ve just lied to her, because now she hates him and knows that he’s Spider-Man. Gwen isn’t the kind of person to get revenge on someone, but Peter broke her heart. Maybe she is.
The worst part is that Peter can’t stop thinking about MJ. He couldn’t tell Gwen that he loves her because he’s still in love with Michelle, and it’s so unbelievable that he does. It’s almost been a year since they broke things off, and they broke things off on terrible terms, so he should be over her. But his body stiffens everytime she sits next to him, his heart races everytime he hears her laugh, and he dreams of kissing her, just one more time. May would smack him if she knew what he was doing.
MJ doesn’t feel the same, though, and he knows that. So now the girl who does love him is pissed at him, and he might not be able to repair things with her.
God, he’s an asshole.
He bangs his head against his bedroom door because he’s so stupid, and is surprised when he hears a voice behind him, “Peter? Are you okay?” Fuck, he forgot MJ was in his bed.
Peter turns around just as she turns the lamp on. His heart skips a beat as he registers how pretty she looks, sick or not, and then he wants to hit his head once more because he has a girlfriend. “I forgot you were in here, sorry, M. Were you sleeping? Y’know what, I’ll leave.”
“Peter. What’s going on?” Michelle demands, and Peter thinks of the last time someone found out he was Spider-Man. But, unlike Gwen, MJ was happy when she found out.
“Gwen knows. And I need your help, because she hates me right now.”
Fear runs through MJ’s eyes. “She knows what, Peter? Be more specific.”
“That I’m Spider-Man.” He sees Michelle relax, and remembers that he actually is a terrible boyfriend. “And then she told me she loved me, and I didn’t say it back.”
___
michelle
“You didn’t?” Peter shakes his head. “Why not?”
“Because…” he hesitates, and Michelle doesn’t expect him to say anything significant. They don’t talk about him and Gwen, because it’s uncomfortable and Michelle would rather not be reminded that Peter is happy and she isn’t. “Because I’m not. In love with her.”
Does it make her a bad person that she wants to smile right now? Definitely. She’s a terrible person. “You’re stupid. How can you not be in love with her?” Michelle hopes he says because she’s not you, but she knows he won’t. Oh god, she really needs help.
“Gwen is a terrific girl,” Peter starts, and makes his way across the room to sit at the end of the bed. Michelle brings her knees to her chest. “Probably one of the best that I know, and I really want to love her but I don’t. I can’t really explain it. You can’t force love, you know? If you don’t fall in love because you want to, you fall in love because that’s the person you were always supposed to love.” He looks at Michelle. “I must sound really stupid right now.”
“You’re always stupid, Parker, but not right now. I know what you mean.” Michelle smiles reassuringly and wonders if he’s regretting sharing that with her, because his face is blank. He basically just said he was destined to fall in love with her. So now, they’re staring at each other, and Michelle is wishing she could read minds or could share her feelings or something that would make her life easier. “Uh, anyways, why do you need help?”
“Right,” Peter says in a raspy whisper, like he was caught off guard. “She said she wasn’t going to tell anyone my secret, but she hates me right now and I can’t just text her about it. I guess that’s where you come in.”
“But then she’d be mad at me for knowing about it.”
“I’m not asking you to flat out say, ‘Hey, are you okay with Peter being Spider-Man?’ Just ask her why she’s mad at me and go from there.” He sees the reluctance in her face and adds, “Or I can do it myself.” Peter lunges for Michelle’s phone, and she can’t believe she never took his thumb print out of it.
“Peter Parker, give that back,” Michelle tries to say sternly, but she’s laughing as she wrestles for her phone back. If he was weaker, this would be no competition, but he lifts cars on a daily basis, and she can hardly lift her ten pound cat. She stands on her knees and reaches across Peter’s body as he extends his arm all the way out, and his hand makes his way to the curve of her back and Michelle is surprised at how easy it is for them to act like the Peter and MJ from a year ago. Peter then raises the phone above his head, and as Michelle goes to reach for it, she falls backward unexpectedly, taking Peter down with her. She lands wrong and groans.
“Are you okay? I forgot you were sick,” Peter’s eyes are wide and he’s hovering over her.
“Yeah, I’m…” Michelle opens her eyes to see the position they were in. His hand was still holding her back, he’s propped up and inches away from her face, and her legs are in between his. Kiss me, kiss me, she’s thinking, not really caring about anyone else. “I’m really good.”
Michelle watches as his eyes go down to her lips, but they don’t make it that far before he sits up and clears his throat. She immediately misses the weight that was on top of her. “I’m sorry, uh, about that. Here’s your phone.”
“I was going to text Gwen, but I’m not sure you deserve it anymore.” Michelle is still going to, but it’s not like Peter knows when she’s lying.
“Oh, I already sent it.” Michelle’s jaw drops and she throws a pillow at him as he dashes out of the room, and his laughter doesn’t quit until he gets to the kitchen. “I’ll warm up some pizza for you!” he shouts.
MICHELLE: peter told me u guys are arguing? are you guys good?
GWEN: idk m, i cant look at him the same anymore
MICHELLE: jesus, what’d he do
GWEN: basically tried to lie to my face and then told me didn’t love me
GWEN: tell him i said fuck off he needs to hear it again
MICHELLE: i’m sorry :(
MICHELLE: what’d he lie about?
GWEN: nothing. nevermind i gtg
“Hey, Peter?” Michelle shouts, and he rushes into the room a minute later with a plate of warm pizza for her. “Thank you,” she says as she grabs the plate from him. “Oh, also, fuck off.”
“What?” He questions, visibly offended.
“Gwen told me to tell you that. So, fuck off.” She smiles and takes a bite of the pizza, finally able to enjoy it, and Peter sarcastically laughs. “She wouldn’t tell me that you were Spider-Man, so I think you’re in the clear. Can’t be sure until I see her in person, though.”
“Thanks, MJ. God, it was so much easier when you found out.” Peter throws his head back in relief but Michelle chokes on her pizza, because she can’t believe he just said that.
___
one year ago
If it was any other boy, Michelle would have dumped him already. She cooked dinner for him, and it had been sitting, untouched, on the dining room table for two hours. The only time her parents were ever out of town, and he doesn’t show. It’s not as if Peter didn’t bail on her on multiple other occasions. He did, and it always bothered her, but tonight she was officially over it.
Forget the fact that she was the happiest she’s ever been, it’s getting ridiculous. If Michelle wanted a flake, she would have picked any other guy at Midtown.
Her phone started to buzz repeatedly, and it was Peter texting her over and over and over again. He’s sorry, and he knew tonight was important to her, so he was going to make it up to her. As if Michelle was going to give him the chance.
A few minutes later, Peter was knocking at her door.
“Michelle! I know you’re in there. Please open up!”
She wasn’t going to respond. Her blood was boiling and she didn’t know what she was going to say if she talked to him.
“I’m so sorry. I know you made a whole elaborate thing and I know I probably ruined it, but I have flowers and-and chocolate and you can beat my ass, I really don’t care, just please open up!”
Her neighbors were going to think Peter was insane, or call the cops. Probably the latter, so she swung the door open. “Go to hell, Parker.” Michelle took the chocolates from him and tried slamming the door in his face, but he was too fast and too strong for her to do that.
“You look beautiful, M.” Michelle was wearing the yellow dress she wore to homecoming, because it was the only one she had, and she remembered a few days after the dance Peter telling her she looked nice in it.
“Don’t try sucking up to me.” She threw her whole weight into the door and he still didn’t budge. Damn he was strong. Michelle would think it was hot if she didn’t want to hit his pretty face.
“I have an actual excuse this time! Listen, I was on my way over here when--”
“When what, Peter? When you got mugged? Or saved a cat from a tree and the family was so happy they invited you over for dinner and you couldn’t say no? You’re two hours late! What possible excuse could you have?” He looked dumbfounded, and Michelle knew she got him.
Michelle’s parents lie to her constantly, every day, and Peter wasn’t going to do the same anymore.
“Have a nice life, Peter,” Michelle said. He lowered his hand from the door so she could finally close it, and as soon as she did, Michelle let out a loud sob.
She wanted Peter to argue, to bust the door open and tell her the real reason he was late. But, he never did, and Michelle cried on her couch, thinking about how she pushed Peter away like she does everyone and--
Her window started open. Michelle darted up and grabbed a knife from the kitchen, shouting, “Who’s there? I’ll fucking kill you!”
“No, you won’t,” said a voice Michelle recognized greatly. And then she saw him, crawling on the ceiling and then lowering himself down. Spider-Man was in her living room. “Michelle, lower the knife.”
Out of shock, she dropped it. It was about to hit her foot when Spider-Man caught it with his web shooters. That was Peter. There was no misplacing his voice. She heard it whisper sweet nothings into her ear every day. “P-Peter?”
He took the mask off. First she saw the soft lips she dreamt of, then the nose she once elbowed and made bleed, and the eyes she never wanted to forget. His brown curls escaped last, and Michelle was in complete awe. “This is what I was doing. There was this lady whose purse got stolen, so I chased the guy until we got to an alley. Turns out, it was a set-up, and fifteen guys came out of the darkness and started hitting me, trying to take my mask off. It took me a while to get out of there.”
Michelle then saw the cuts across his face, and the bruises that were starting to develop. She couldn’t believe she didn’t see it before. “And you do this every night?” She walked up close to him. Her hands were examining his suit at first, and then the injuries on his face.
“Since freshman year. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, MJ. It’s just, no one can know, otherwise I’d never find time for you.” Peter laughed, but then winced. His ribs must’ve been broken or something.
“That would mean you’d have to find time for me now.” Michelle was cradling Peter’s face in her hands. Peter kissed her left wrist and looked deeply into her eyes, and she was so ready to be mad at him for the rest of the summer. How could she be, when he saved lives on a daily basis? When he was a hero?
“I’m sorry, Michelle. Please forgive me.” He was kissing her right wrist now, and then her forearm, and all the way up to her jaw. “Please?”
“Spider-Man has always been my favorite Avenger.” Michelle moved Peter’s head so she could connect his lips with her, and as soon as she did, Peter hugged her body tight against his. He grimaced in pain, but tried to ignore it so he wouldn’t have to break up the kiss. He wanted her. Motherfucking Spider-Man wanted Michelle Jones. It was insane.
And Michelle wanted him back.
___
It isn’t the fact that Peter said that it was easier when Michelle found out. It’s the fact that he said it at all that surprised her. They don’t talk about their relationship, or frankly, anything that you couldn’t find out on their Twitter page. They aren’t friends who have deep conversations, not anymore.
They especially don’t talk about that night, when Peter kind of blew her brains out. So now, she is thinking about that as Peter is trying to help her not die.
“Wrong pipe,” Michelle says when she finally manages it down. “Well, I think it’s because my dad isn’t a cop who hates Spider-Man. Maybe that’s why it’s harder this time.”
“Maybe… Hey, what does your dad do, anyways?” Peter’s asked before, but Michelle has never given him a straight answer. She hates talking about her parents.
“I don’t really know, Peter, nor do I care.” And just like that, she shut herself off again, crossing her arms and not looking Peter directly in the eye.
___
peter
He hates it when she does that. She looks so sad, and he wants to comfort her, but he doesn’t want to touch her again because he’s afraid he might do something stupid.
It’s about one in the morning now. Peter is sitting next to Michelle on his bed, wishing he warmed up a slice of pizza for himself, and also thinking about what he should do next. He should break up with Gwen, that’s the logical move. Break up with Gwen, try to do it in a nice way so she doesn’t tell everyone, and then ask MJ to be his girlfriend. That’s what he wants anyways.
Peter knows better, though. MJ is never going to say yes, and if she did, Gwen would be pissed once she found out and would probably tell everyone anyways. It’s not like Michelle is the easiest person. And Peter has never been good with words-- he’d mess up breaking up with her before even getting to her house. And also, he likes Gwen. Not in the way he’s supposed to but he doesn’t want to hurt her more than he already has.
At first, he asked Gwen out because he wanted to. It was right after they got out of school, and Flash Thompson was throwing a summer bash party. Peter, Ned, and MJ showed up together all wearing matching tops that creatively said, “Fuck Midtown!” MJ cut her’s into a crop top.
He had known Gwen for a few months before that, but always thought she was kind of stuck up and prissy. She still dressed like she went to private school and wouldn’t talk to Peter if MJ wasn’t there. At the party, though, she was a completely different person. Peter’s world shifted, and the past two months had been fun with her. But that’s kind of all they were: fun.
At some point in the last few weeks, him being with Gwen had turned into something else. It turned into him wanting to be completely over Michelle, and he’s been trying really hard-- but it isn’t working. Peter knows, deeply, that he’s a terrible person for using Gwen like that.
He isn’t sure when the shift occurred. Maybe it was last week when she didn’t have enough money for ice cream, and the guy behind her paid for it. After, he turned to Peter and whispered, “Give her my number, will you?” He didn’t. Or, maybe it was the week before that, when he was having a sleepover with Ned and Michelle climbed into his window in the middle of the night, her cheeks tear stained, asking to talk to May. His first thought was that he wished she asked for him, instead.
Peter feels horrible.
“I don’t want to go back to school, Peter,” Michelle says randomly, stretching her whole body across the bed so her feet are in Peter’s lap.
“We still have two weeks,” Peter says. Two weeks for Peter to figure everything out before he has no clue what he’s doing.
He needs more time.