Chapter 1
"How do you feel about roleplay?" Peter asked after too many days spent stewing on the problem.
The problem, of course, being that the Avengers were busybodies who had a lot of opinions on Peter and Wade's personal lives but still lacked a lot of information.
"I am A+ for sexy nurses," Wade leered.
"I was thinking more: you be Spider-man and I'll be Peter Parker and that will both prove that I'm not Spider-man and also suggest that we are in a fair and balanced triad and not a unbalanced pressurey thing like everyone seems anxious to believe."
"You would never be my side ho, Petey-pie," Wade vowed earnestly. "Also, double the Peteys, double the fun!! I only wish I could be there too."
Peter had stopped being reluctant about being charmed by the weird but nonlethal stuff Wade said. He smiled soppily. "You'll be there in my heart, 'Pool. Both of them."
"Awwww," Wade cooed, and made a heart sign with his hands.
****
Peter had gotten greedy. He and Wade had met as Deadpool and Spider-man, and that was how they'd gotten to know each other. Peter was paranoid about telling people his secret, but Wade had slowly wormed his way inside Peter's bubble of trust. He'd told Wade his name before they'd started dating, and Peter had never once regretted it.
It was when the dating started that Peter got sloppy. When Peter hung out with Wade before, he was either in costume or they were somewhere private. Deadpool's suit was part of Wade, and he wore it pretty much all the time. Peter put his own suit on when he had work to do, but mostly he was just Peter. He didn't want to have to be Spider-man to go out with his boyfriend, so he just didn't. Peter was dating Wade, and Wade was the only one who needed to know who else Peter was.
That was fine, but Peter didn't stop loving Wade when he put his mask back on. Peter was still Peter, even when he was being Spider-man, and Wade was always the same Wade. So maybe sometimes Spidey and DP flirted. And maybe Spider-man let Deadpool grope him when the occasion came up. And maybe, most damningly, he'd just had to do the big, dramatic thing Wade gushed over where he dropped down from a web and gave Wade an upside down kiss without noticing there was an Avenger watching.
And yeah. Maybe he hadn't been discrete enough about any of it, because suddenly his boss was in his lab, telling Peter that his boyfriend was a two-timer and showing him the video of the kiss that must have come from Iron Man's suit.
"Can I have a copy of that?" Peter asked before he had a chance to engage a brain filter. See again: greedy. Kissing upside down was actually kind of awkward, but Wade was right; it looked damn good.
"Are you going to confront him with the evidence?" Tony asked.
"Huh? Oh, no, I know about," Peter waved his had at the image vaguely.
Tony stared at him for a long moment. "Take it from me, kid," he advised in a gentle-for-Tony tone (Hah, Tony-Tone. Wade would love that) "A guy who cheats on you isn't worth it."
"Uh." Peter kind of stalled out. He liked Tony and Bruce and all them, but they had not joined his small circle of trust, so he was not going to be explaining why Wade wasn't a cheater. (Here. With relationships. Wade was a cheater at almost everything else and YOU CANNOT ROB THE BANK IN MONOPOLY, WADE!) But Peter also didn't want to not defend his boyfriend and he also also did not want the Avengers to have another reason to look down on Spider-man. "I- we're good," he stumbled. "No cheating happened here. Everybody's fine."
Tony looked at him pityingly, but thankfully let it go for the moment. Peter wasn't dumb or optimistic enough to think that was the end of it.
*
He was right, sadly.
"You're not dating anyone else," Tony accused, walking into the lab.
"What?" Peter asked.
"This open relationship thing, with Deadpool. He's with you and the other guy, but you're just with him. You only talk about him, you're not on any dating apps, and when people ask you out you turn them down. He might not be cheating on you, but he's clearly taking advantage."
Peter wasn't sure he would accept this argument even if he wasn't both boyfriends in this situation. Sure, maybe it looked a little one-sided, but maybe Peter was picky! Maybe he was happy with what he had and didn't need to actively look for someone else. Maybe, and by maybe he meant actually and obviously, he was a really busy person and barely had time for all the commitments he already had! Heck, Peter probably wouldn't manage to be a good boyfriend to even one person except that Wade spent a similar amount of time waiting around on rooftops and kicking ass, and had seriously low standards when it came to dates.
"You didn't know he was dating Spider-man until you saw them," Peter pointed out. "Why are you so sure about me?"
Tony scoffed. "It's Spiderman. He's been around for years and I don't even know his name. There's no way there's someone else that paranoid for you to date."
Peter shrugged. Sure, he had a lot of baggage, but it fit very nicely with Wade's.
Tony narrowed his eyes. "Really," he asked flatly. "You're trying to tell me you're also dating the web-head."
Peter hadn't been, but it seemed like a better excuse than anything else he was going to be able to come up with in the next five minutes.
*
"I don't believe you," Tony announced semi-triumphantly the next time he walked into Peter's lab.
Peter sighed. "Is this about science or are you here about my love-life again?"
"You've never been seen with Webs. You've never even been in the same room."
"You know I do have a job," Peter pointed out. This was getting uncomfortably close to his secret. "One that you pay me for."
Tony waved that away without blinking.
"Spider-man is, as you said, paranoid. Getting caught with Wade wasn't something he was happy about, but he's Deadpool. I'm a civilian. Spider-man stays anonymous as much to protect the people in his life from backlash as to protect himself. You're not going to find a trail, because that would make me a target."
Tony narrowed his eyes.
**
First they try a sex tape. Wade wears the costume, but he can't shut up long enough to be a convincing Spider-man. Then they try a sexy photo shoot, but anything intimate enough to be believable requires exposing some skin, and Wade's skin is a dead giveaway.
Plus, it's awkward. Peter is trying to take compromising shots of him with himself, to give to his boss, who is also a superhero. Luckily, it's Tony Stark and not (godforbid) Captain America or J. Jonah Jameson, but the whole thing feels weird and inappropriate.
It's Wade that comes up with the perfect solution.
"Spider-babe, we have been doing this all wrong," he lamented. "I have an image inducer! How about you wear the spandex, and I'll be your friendly neighborhood science twink."
Peter rolled his eyes, but Wade was a genius.
*
Wade looked a touch smirkier than the average Peter Parker while he lounged in the alley, but the image inducer was fully functioning and Wade knew how to commit to a role.
Peter used all his old paparazzi skills to take the perfect shot of their upside down kiss. It was weird to look at himself but feel Wade, but Peter was glad his lover wasn't completely hidden under the illusion. Peter would feel awkward about actually getting hot for himself, but Wade was Wade was Wade. (Peter was also super into getting to feel Wade's bare skin in public. Wade had stopped being so shy around him, but he was still cautious about his looks. This, with Deadpool, felt more risque than actual outdoor sex.)
The photo was great, of course. It was obviously romantic, clear who both figures were, and wasn't anything Tony hadn't already seen. Wade had a surprisingly good eye for composition, and he had once again been right about how striking they looked together.
"I'm going to jack off to this for ages, baby boy," Wade complimented.
*
Peter gestured at the folder when Tony came into the lab the next time. "You cannot keep this, make copies, or preferably ever bring it up again, but here. Proof."
Tony's eyebrows went up and up as he looked at the photo, but in the end all he said was "Damn, kid," and "okay."
"We good?" Peter asked. "Are you going to quit stalking us now?"
He handed the folder back (handing things off was apparently not part of his phobia) and shrugged the whole thing away. "I stalk because I care," he drawled.
Peter laughed. "I think I've heard my boyfriend say the same thing," he joked. "Seriously; thanks for caring, please stop anyway. Buy my love with fancy lab equipment, in the good name of science and productivity. Deal?"
Peter was used to looking at cheerful masks, so he saw the little bit of honesty that slipped through Tony's usual bravado. "Sure. That's more my style anyway.
*