‘Mr. Stark, sir. I must remind you. You’re due at the Potts mansion in a half hour. For the dinner party, sir.’
Tony had completely disregarded the dinner party invite when it had arrived two days ago. One glance was all it had been worth then, before he’d gone back to tinkering with his latest machine. He’d had no reason to cease since.
‘Yes indeed, Jarvis. I must dress. Ready the carriage please?’
‘Of course, sir.’
Tony hated dinner parties. Sitting in a room with mind-numbingly boring figureheads for hours upon end was exhausting. Not once had Tony come across an interesting individual that attended dinner-parties. He doubted that would change tonight.
Tony would gladly refuse the invite but for one reason. He was courting Miss Pepper Potts, the host’s daughter. She was an attractive girl, with brains to match her beauty. Tony enjoyed her company immensely. Therefore, because Tony hadn’t done right by God, she wouldn’t be present tonight.
A month into their courtship, Tony had been greeted by the sight of Miss Pepper’s lips on a Miss May Parker’s.
Tony recalled the moment as he returned to his rooms. He had been taken aback at first. Not because Miss Potts had been commiting indecent acts with a woman, in the eyes of the public and her father, but because he hadn’t believed Pepper unfaithful. Tony was the heart breaker. The women he’d loved only for the night stayed with him like an unrelenting shadow and tarred his reputation.
On the day, or rather night, of his discovery, Pepper’s hair had come loose and fallen around her shoulders. Miss Parker was in solely her corset and undergarments. Tony had caught them just as they had fallen onto the four-poster.
His shadow at the tresh-hold had caused them to sit bolt upright in sheer terror. The price they’d pay at being discovered was high enough to scare anyone. Tony had been as kind as possible to the ladies, assuring and reassuring them that he could keep a secret. Tony had had dealings with the same sex himself, he knew how it felt.
He had loved a man. Once.
What good had it done him?
Tony continued to “court” Pepper. After the revelation they had become close friends. Tony was happy to pretend with her. His father didn’t come knocking on his door asking if he had found a woman before his good looks faded. As if they would. He was twenty-seven and free. He could have anyone he wanted.
Tony slipped into his suit and paused. He gave himself a once-over in the looking glass. He smoothed down his lapels and tried to make it appear as if he’d slept in the past 48 hours. He was fine. Everything was fine.
He glanced at his timepiece before rushing out the door. He leaped into the carriage, past the helping hand of Jarvis. Tony settled into his seat and retrieved the paper from where it had been discarded yesterday. The carriage jolted along on the cobblestone pavement. Tony passed the time by trying to devise better ways to pave the streets. Or an apparatus that would help the wheels absorb the jerk.
As Tony distracted himself with his thoughts, the carriage pulled up at the mansion steps. ‘Have a good evening, sir.’ Tony smirked. ‘As if I could, Happy, with those insufferable bastards.’ Tony tilted his head and paused to enjoy the lilting laughter of the driver as it rolled across the manor gardens.
Turning his back to the sprawling grounds that lay before him, Tony gathered all of his bravado. The old men liked him because he was a “bright, young spark” and because he was the only flavour in their tiresome lives. He may as well put on a show.
The butler greeted him at the door. ‘Mr. Stark. Straight on towards the dining room, sir.’
Tony nodded at the old man. He really was too ancient to be working. Tony pushed the thought to the back of his mind. This evening he had to be the bright joker who was satisfied with life.
Tony entered his prison of the next few hours with a smirk plastered onto his face. Mr. Potts rose to greet him. ‘Anthony Stark. Always a pleasure.’ A man seated three seats from where Tony stood choked on his drink. Tony glanced briefly in his direction. He’d grown a beard that aged him terribly. He was undeniably the one person Tony had never wanted to lay his eyes on again. In this life or the next.
‘Steve.’ Tony whispered. ‘Not Steve fucking Rodgers.’
Steve was the man that Tony had loved so fiercely. Their romance had been brief and intense. It had blazed bright and strong, but even the strongest of flames must die sometime.
Steve had lit up Tony’s life and then left, leaving Tony soaking in despair. Tony threw himself at his work. Then he met Pepper. He adored her. But he had still been healing. Now that he had let go, Steve had made his reappearance.
‘I’m sorry Mr. Stark, I didn’t quite catch that.’
Tony painted his smile back on.
‘The pleasure is all mine Mr. Potts. Where shall I be seated?’
‘Across from Mr. Rodgers, if you would.’ He pointed to a seat beside a handsome man with incredible cheekbones. Tony recognised him as the surgeon from the papers. He nodded curtly in his direction.
Tony felt Steve’s eyes monitor him as he strode towards his seat. Of course he was opposite Steve. This evening was going to be just wonderful.
Tony sat between Dr. Strange and an elderly man with white hair. Mr. Potts introduced his guests as they awaited the first course. The man next to him was Captain Potts. And on his right was the famous Dr. Strange.
Stephen Strange.
How fitting that the extremely attractive man next to him was a Stephen. Not a Steve, but close.
Tony faced the man on his left. He had the poise of a retired soldier, never quite relaxed, always on the alert. Even after all these years, he seemed prepared to spring into action at a moment’s notice. Tony attempted to converse with him; if he launched into a long winding story, as soldiers often did, he’d have time to think.
‘Good evening, sir. I’m Anthony Stark, son of Howard Stark.’ Tony spoke formally and slowly. Older men were often deaf and were definite sticklers for formality.
‘Ah, I knew your father years ago. When you were a baby yourself. He was so proud of you. He may have spoken of me?’
Tony had no idea who this gentleman was. He spoke with an American accent that Tony couldn’t quite place.
‘I remember him speaking of an American aquaintance, sir. Captain Potts?’ Tony pretended like Mr. Potts hadn’t just introduced them.
‘Quite right. Captain Stan Lee Potts. Father of Mr Potts. I fought with the British in the war, boy. Moved here when it ended.’
Steve was a Captain. Tony had called him Captain America, to annoy him. He’d moved to England after the war, just as Stan had. Tony had no idea where he went when he left. He obviously hadn’t gone far to be here tonight.
‘Did you know a Steve Rodgers, Captain?’ An off-chance, Tony knew. There was a chance they hadn’t even fought in the same war.
‘I did indeed, Stark. A fine young lad he was too. Very eager to fight. Eager to get himself killed if you ask me. He was lucky though, he had that friend. Oh, what was his name?’ Stan closed his eyes for a brief second as he tried to recall Steve’s friend. ‘Barnes! Sargent Barnes. Without him Rodgers would have been shot dead many a time.’ He sighed wistfully. ‘Rodgers was rightly shaken up when Barnes died. He was a different man after it.’ The captain paused before adding something else. ‘One needs misfortunes to live happily.’
Captain Potts winked as he delivered the Wilde quote. No wonder Steve never spoke of Barnes with Tony.
‘That was quite the misfortune for Ste-’, Tony cut himself off before he used Steve’s given name. That would imply intimacy that they no longer shared, ‘Rodgers to endure.’
‘It was indeed. Watched him die.’
Tony leaned back in his chair as the servants served the first course. Tony ate as quickly as he could while being polite. The conversation lulled as the party relished the delicacies that caught their eye.
Tony took the opportunity to learn more about his fellow guests. He’d noticed was that everyone was male. He noted the fact that he, Steve and Stephen were the only guests that appeared to be under thirty. The man two seats down from Captain Potts had barely eaten anything. The man across from that fellow was clearly stomping on the foot of his neighbour.
When everyone had ceased to gorge themselves, the servants reappeared and cleared away the unwanted delph. Tony dabbed at the corners of his mouth with a napkin. He may not have slept in two days and he might have been sitting across from the man he once loved, but no matter to the situation, Tony Stark took pride in his appearance.
The servants returned, gripping enormous platters of delectable foodstuff. The upside of dinner parties.
Tony tucked in and observed the interactions in the room. Mr. Potts was talking to a slightly important member of government. Captain Potts was regaling somebody with the tale of why he had had to purchase a new horse last week. Steve was talking to the rich doctor, Stephen Strange.
As discreetly as he could, Tony surveyed the man. He looked regal with his straight posture and slicked back hair. His cheekbones were truly amazing. He was beautiful. There was no denying it. Tony wouldn’t mind sharing his bed with this man, this masterpiece. Pepper wouldn’t mind.
He wished Pepper here now. He needed to have a decent conversation soon or he was going to combust.
‘Mr. Stark.’
Tony smiled as he racked his brains for a name. Stone. Obidihah Stone. He worked with Tony’s father.
‘Mr. Stone. How are you?’
‘I’m fine, Stark. One gets by. You’ve been busy since our last encounter. I read about your machines in The Times.’
Tony laughed internally. “One gets by.” When one is a millionaire one gets by just fine.
‘Yes, I’ve been busy. Which machine did you read about?’
‘The man of iron.’
‘That’s a mere idea, sir.’
‘I have some suggestions.’
Tony’s attention drifted away at the word suggestions. He nodded at what he deemed to be the appropiate times. Men were often trying to “suggest” changes to his inventions. They thought they were cleverer than him. Tony humored them.
Tony’s attention shifted to Steve. The man who broke his heart. When he looked at him, all of his previous emotions threatened to resurface. Tony pushed them down. Deep down. He wasn’t anything to Steve now. Steve had moved on. So had Tony.
He listened to their conversation. Strange was speaking passionately about his work. Tony admired him. He saved lives. Tony’s family specailised in weapons manufacturing. Tony desperately wanted to change that. He wanted to change the world for the better with his inventions. Steve was sitting there with a dumb look on his face. Tony knew that he didn’t understand a word of what the doctor was saying.
As if Steve sensed Tony’s eyes on him he rotated his head in Tony’s direction. Tony twisted away faster than sound. He received a more than a few curious looks. He ended up staring directly into Strange’s glimmering eyes.
‘Doctor Strange.’
‘Mister Stark.’
‘Tell me, what is it that you do again?’
‘I am a medical man, Stark. I do worthwhile things, such as saving lives. Quite unlike yourself.’
‘Pardon me?’
‘Stark Weaponery does the opposite, my good man. I don’t suppose you’ve noticed? Too busy posing for the press?’
‘I am not the Weaponry, Doctor. I am engineering the future. Machines to make the world a better place to live. My father insists on leveling the world to cure it.’
Strange studied Tony’s hazel eyes. He must have seen something in them that Tony couldn’t articulate because the ice blue of his eyes melted slightly.
‘Do you mind if I ask who you lost, Doctor?’
‘Who said I lost somebody, Stark?’
‘Most people disagree with Stark Industries. You harbour a strong repulsion.’
‘How clever. You should work for Scotland Yard.’
Tony locked eyes with Stephen. Stephen did not shy away from his gaze as the ladies did, instead he stared back. Tony studied his sly smile, his intimidating cheekbones, an impressive jawline, the slight curl of hair that had escaped its moorings. Tony waited for Strange to answer. At long last, he did.
‘My mother. She was on holiday in America with my aunt and- I’m sorry I-’ Strange sucked in a breath. ‘Long story made short, they were killed with Stark weapons.’
‘Fuck.’ Tony whispered, forgetting his status and surroundings. Hearing about the damage his father caused always hurt. Tony knew how close he had been to going down that road.
‘I apologise for my vulgar language. What my family has done is unforgivable.’
‘It’s quite alright. Don’t bear that immense weight yourself Stark.’
‘What we’ve done is not quite alright.’
‘It’s not. But it’s not your fault.’
‘I appreciate you saying that, Strange.’
‘Stephen.’
‘What?’
‘I’m Stephen. Makes me feel less like I’m going to end up as one of these stuffy old bastards. So I’m Stephen to you, Stark.’
Tony smiled, wide and real. Stephen seemed like less of a prick now.
‘Well, Stephen, you simply must return the favour. I’m Tony.’
Tony and Stephen returned to their meals, each surprised by the interaction. Before long, Mr. Potts struck up a conversation with Tony and Stephen.
‘Anthony, how are you and my daughter?’
Tony imagened he saw something flash in Stephen’s eyes – shock? disappointment? ..desire? Surely not. Tony refused to let his hopes rise, only to be dashed down.
‘Pepper is positively lovely. She and I are meant for each other, sir.’
‘Yes, she does say the same. It’s such a pity she had previous arrengements this evening. With her lady friend Miss Parker, was it?’
‘Yes, they are very close.’ Tony glanced at Stephen who raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. Tony pondered how Stephen’s forehead could be so wrinkle-free. He was so very fond of raising his eyebrows.
‘You have spoken with the doctor, of course?’
‘Yes, Strange is quite the conversation. Which is why, I assume, you seated him next to the most dazzling individual in the room.’
Mr. Potts guffawed. ‘Yes indeed, Anthony.’
‘Mr. Stark here certainly is dazzling.’
Tony met Stephen’s eyes and was awarded a dry smile.
‘And I must introduce both of you to Captain Steve Rodgers. He fought in the war with my father. They’re not the same age though! Alas, perish the thought!’
Mr. Potts laughed as if he had said the most hilarious thing this century. Tony suspected that Mr. Potts couldn’t handle his brandy. Mr. Potts began to speak with Stephe- the Doctor. He musn’t get attached. Potts spoke with the Doctor and Steve about the state of the war.
Tony tried to block Steve’s attempts at making conversation. Strange noticed but said nothing. He gave Tony a quick once over and distracted Mr. Potts by gesticulating wildly every time he said something. Tony gave Str- fuck it- Stephen a tiny smile in gratitude.
‘Tony, talk to me. I’m sorry. There was this girl, Peggy. When she found out what I’d done she left me. Said it was despicable to leave you without saying a word. But I was scared, Tony. I know that I shouldn’t have left you. But I miss you.’ Steve’s voice dropped below a whisper. ‘I love you.’
Tears formed in Tony’s eyes. Wasn’t this exactly what he had wanted to hear for so long? Now that it was there, hanging in the air, he didn’t want it. Steve’s apology was nothing against all the pain that he had caused. Tony felt sorry for this Peggy. Maybe she had loved him as much as Tony had.
Had. Past tense.
Tony wasn’t ready to admit that. He couldn’t deal with any of this. Not here. Not now. Steve left. He ended it. He left Tony in pieces. Tears threatened to overflow. Steve had no right to come back here after three months with half-thought-out apoligies. To say he loved Tony. No. This was not happening.
Tony leaned across the table and whispered sharply at Steve.
‘I loved you. But you when you left you threw it all away. I’m done Steve’
‘But Tony.’ Steve outstretched a hand.
Tony yanked back his hand and stood up. His chair squealed against the ground. Tony was aware that he had the full attention of the table. He didn’t care.
‘You’re too late, Steve. It’s too late.’
Holding back the river of tears that threatened to burst out at any moment, Tony raced out out of the dining room.
Tony heard footsteps follow him into the hallway. He was far enough from the dining room that whatever he said now wouldn’t be overheard. Whipping his head around, fresh fury ignited inside him as he found himself face to face with Steve, just inches from his lips. Somewhere he had always felt safe. He pulled away and wrapped his arms around himself.
‘What do you want Steve? You left me. I loved you. You broke my fucking heart. What more could you possibly want?’
‘Tony. I want you.’
‘Like you wanted me before? Like you wanted me when you left without a single word? Like you wanted me when you were with Peggy?’
‘How many times do I have to apologise Tony?’
‘You can’t apologise enough, Steve. It’s just finished. You had some nerve coming after me. Go back to the dinner party, Steve,’ Tony’s voice cracked, ‘I loved you so much, even if you never loved me.’
‘Tony. I- I did love you.’
Tony kept his remaining composure as Steve walked back to the party, back to normality. As soon as Steve’s back disappeared, the floor rushed up to greet Tony. Tears leaked from his eyes: slowly, and then all at once. He sat on the floor with his back pressed to the wall. Tie loose and his hair a mess, Tony was not fit for a dinner party.
He’d gotten used to Steve not being around. He could look at the bed they shared or the sofa they sat on and be alright. But Steve Rodgers felt that he had the fucking right to rip his wounds open and make them hurt all over again.
Tony sat in the dark and allowed the tears to flow through him, rip through him, burst from him. He wanted everything to do with Steve out, gone, cleansed. Voices rolled over him, the gentle cadence and lilt of dinner party conversation carried down the corridor. His departure was clearly the topic in discussion.
Footsteps clicked towards him, dress shoes on the marble floor. Tony glanced up, expecting to see Steve looming over him, in a last attempt to win Tony back. Thanks to the heavens, it wasn’t. It was Pepper.
‘Tony! God, what’s happened? Why are you on the floor?’
‘Steve. Steve his here.’
‘Oh Tony. Come with me. I’m so sorry’
She outstretched a hand and pulled Tony from the ground. He followed her down the hallway to her rooms. For an ordinary lady and gentleman this would be scandalous, for them, not so much. Pepper led him in, shut the door, and turned around.
Tony almost lapsed into a fresh bout of tears. He didn’t deserve Pepper or her kindness. Pepper motioned to the bed and they both sat down, satisfied, if only for a moment, in each other’s company. Tony turned to face Pepper.
‘I-I just don’t know what I’m going to do.’ Tony whispered softly. ‘Oh God. Pepper. He said he wanted me. Fuck. Why is he here?’
‘I don’t know, Tony, I don’t know.’ She looked him dead in the eyes. ‘You can always come back to me, alright? Come here. You don’t need him’
Tony leaned forward and rested his head on her shoulders. She stroked his hair and wrapped her arms around him, rocking him gently. ‘It’s okay, Tones. It’ll all be okay.’
They stayed like that for a while, Tony in Pepper’s protective arms. Tony looked up at her and felt a rush of affection for this wonderful woman. ‘Thank you.’
‘Any time, Tony. Now I’m going to fix you up and you are going to go back in there and talk to that doctor fellow.’ She noted his confused look. ‘He’s attractive Tony. Just because I love May, you think I’m blind.’
‘How is May?’
‘She’s great. She was asking about you.’
Pepper got to her feet and straightened Tony’s attire and hair. ‘You’re good to go. Have fun! And don’t even look in his direction, do you hear me? I love you Tony.’
‘I love you too Pep.’
In a daze, Tony stumbled back to the dining room. Mr. Potts greeted him as he entered, as of this was a regular occurance. Tony nodded in response. His sadness had been replaced by a white-hot fury that he was trying desperately to contain.
He took his seat beside Stephen and grabbed a brandy from the nearest servant. Stephen apprehended him warily. Tony supposed that was fair, he had run out of the party for apparent reason. The reason had the nerve to try to catch his eye now.
‘Would you care to share the reason why you ran out a few minutes ago?’
‘Not particularly.’ Tony downed his drink and moved ever-so-slightly closer to Stephen.
‘Any special lady in your life, Stephen?’
Startled by Tony’s sudden change in course, Stephen took a moment to respond.
‘No. Not at all, actually.’
Grabbing another drink, Tony winked at the high-cheekboned wonder before him. He was the most attractive person in the room, besides Tony. And he was blushing. Tony was going to end up with Doctor Stephen Strange by the end of this party.
‘A special gentleman perhaps?’ Tony brushed his fingers oh-so-lightly over Stephen’s slender ones, under the pretence of reaching for some bread.
The blush deepened.
‘One may deem that improper.’
Tony smirked. ‘Do you, Doctor?’
The doctor smiled. ‘Do you, clever man?’
‘I make exceptions for beautiful men, Stephen.’ Tony’s voice had lowered, almost to a growl.
‘Do you want any beautiful man at the moment, Tony?’
‘Only if he makes exceptions too.’
‘Who hurt you Tony? Was it Rodgers over there?’
With great skill and expertise, Tony managed not to spit out his drink.
‘I’m sorry, what?’
This was not a direction he had forseen the conversation taking. The most personal question Stephen could possibly have asked. Tony was most certainly not prepared to answer it. He glanced over at Steve, who had been watching the pair with disturbing focus since Tony had started to chat with Stephen.
‘Of course it was him. That was why you both left?’
‘It’s unimportant.’
‘I’d like to know.’
Sensing that Stephen Strange was not going to give up easily, he relented.
‘We were lovers. He left me three months ago without a word and professed his undying love for me in the hallway just there.’
‘Oh.’
Tony waited for Stephen to add to his extremely elequont statement.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘You are?’
‘Yes. Tony, are you okay?’
Tony finished his drink. He wasn’t quite sure what it was, but it did the job. Tony felt Stephen’s eyes roving over him.
‘With you? Of course.’
Stephen expressed a brief look of relief. Tony wondered when he’d become so attached.
‘A drink, perhaps, Doctor?’
Stephen took the drink from Tony. His eye contact was fierce with desire and his touch sent shivers down Tony’s spine. All thoughts of Steve had fled Tony’s mind. He wanted Stephen. He needed Stephen.
Dessert appeared and with it the drinks flowed. Stephen loosened up considerabely, Mr. Potts got loud.
‘Will you be staying with Ms. Potts tonight then Stark?’
Tony made up the smallest of lies, not that he wanted to lie to Stephen. But it wasn’t his secret to tell.
‘She pretends for me. So that nobody knew about Steve.’
‘Do you love her?’
‘There’s somebody else I’d rather spend my nights with, Stephen.’
‘And will you be with them tonight?’
‘It’s up to him.’