you’ll never be alone
In the morning, Peter ventured into the closeset kitchen to his bedroom. It was one he had been to often, one that was frequented by all of the Avengers, since it was directly adjacent to a shared common room that the team often met at, and it was close to their bedrooms.
He let his mind go numb as he mindlessly made a waffle, until he suddenly realized how hungry he was, which made complete sense considering his heightened metabolsim and the fact that he hadn't eaten in four years.
Just as he was finishing his fifth waffle, Pepper Potts walked into the room, her hair sloppily pulled back and her face void of makeup. Peter had never seen her like this. It was nice, in a way, to see her without her public image, to remind him that even though she ran a company and was, like, one of the coolest people ever, she was just a normal person. And she was broken, too. And Peter didn't feel ashamed for being seen like this, a mess, wearing grey Iron Man sweatpants with a red tee shirt. "Hi," he said after swallowing the last bite of waffle. He wasn't expecting her to pull him into a hug, but it was not an unpleasant surprise.
"I'm so sorry," he said, to which she replied, "So am I. But I'm glad you're ok."
"Thank you, Mrs. Potts."
"Please, call me Pepper." She pulled a glass out of the cabinet, put it under the faucet, and watched it slowly fill with water. "I'm also glad the company is in good hands."
"About that," Peter started. "I don't think...”
"Tony was originally going to leave half of it to me and the rest to you and Rhodey, but we convinced him against it. We don't need the money."
"But the company... I've never even had a real job. I haven't been to college. I have no idea how to run a company. And I don't feel right taking this money."
Pepper turned the faucet off and smiled at him. "Don't worry about that. We'll teach you everything. See, Tony was going to leave the company to one of us, but... we’re not young anymore, whereas you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Rhodey and I are going to help you run the company, so by the time we can’t do it anymore, you’ll be a pro. But you’ll always have us for guidance. You’ll never be alone.”
You’ll never be alone.
That’s what Tony had told him.
Maybe if enough people told him, he’d start to believe it.
But after his parents died, that fear was like a little seed in the bottom of his gut, and when Uncle Ben died it grew and now that Mr. Stark was gone too it was too big, and it felt like it was never going to go away, just always grow and always choke him and one day devour him.
“About school, you can apply to MIT any time - you’ll surely get in - and we’ll take care of everything while you’re gone. And you don’t have to feel bad for taking the money. Tony wanted you to have it. It will be automatically transferred into your bank account so you have nothing to worry about. And I know you’ll use it well.”
“Thank you,” he said. And then a thought popped into his head. How had this not occurred to him until now? “What about Morgan? Mr. Stark mentioned her...”
“Yes. She’s four now, but when she comes of age she will inherit the other half of Stark Industries. Hopefully you won’t mind sharing the company with her.”
“Not at all.”
“Oh, perfect timing!” Pepper exclaimed as a young girl ran into the room and grabbed onto her mother’s leg. Pepper picked up the girl. “Do you want to hold her?”
“Sure!”
“Can Peter hold you?” She asked Morgan, who nodded and looked up at Peter.
Morgan dark eyelashes and dark brown hair like her father and green eyes and a small nose like her mother. “She looks like him,” Peter said. “And like you.”
Pepper nodded and smiled sadly, handing Morgan to Peter gently. The little girl immediately clung onto him tightly.
“She likes you!” Pepper exclaimed.
Pepper and Peter stood there for a few minutes with Morgan, talking and laughing and hiding their pain. Peter noticed Bucky and Steve walking into the common room adjacent to the kitchen and sit down. Giving Morgan back to her mother, he dismissed himself to join them.
“Hey Peter,” Steve said without looking up as he sorted Uno cards on the table. “Want to play?”
“Sure,” Peter said, taking a seat. “There’s actually something I wanted to ask you, both of you, if that’s ok. If not that’s fine —“
“No, go ahead,” Steve said. “What’s up?”
Peter swallowed, debating how to articulate the thought that had been throbbing at the back of his mind ever since he had come back.
“How did you do it?” Peter asked finally. “After you came out of the ice? I only missed four years and still I... I feel like everyone is expecting me to be an adult but I’m not. I don’t feel twenty-one, I feel seventeen. I’ve never even had a real job, I only just got my drivers license, and now I’m expected to run a company? I just don’t know how to do it, I don’t know how to fake it. It’s like a whole chunk of my life is missing and I don’t know how to get it back.”
Steve put his hand on Peter’s shoulder comfortingly. “In my experience,” he said, “the best thing to do is what you just said: fake it. It might seem like a cop-out answer, but I don’t think it is. If you fake it long enough, it’s going to become real.”
Peter nodded, still unsatisfied.
Bucky added, “You’re going to have to fake it for the press and the public, especially if you decide to tell the world about your wall-crawling alter-ego, but you’ll never have to fake it with us. We’ll always be here for you and you’ll never be alone.”
You will never be alone.
Peter forced a smile. “Thanks. And, Bucky, thank you. Thanks for being there for me when no one else was.” And then another thought occurred to him. Oh shit. “I’ve got to go see my aunt.”
“Want me to give you a ride?” Cap asked, but Peter responded, “Thanks, but I can walk. Or swing or whatever.”
—
After changing into jeans, Peter swung down to his apartment in Queens. He hoped May hadn’t moved.
When he finally arrived at the building, he was overcome with strong feelings nostalgia and déjà vu that made him dizzy with bittersweet relief. Peter pressed the button and the receptionist clicked on the speaker. “Name?”
“Peter Parker.”
The doors immediately buzzed in. “Mr. Parker?” The woman at the desk said. “I haven’t seen you in years... Is everything OK?” Then a thought occurred to her. “Oh. Were you one of the ones to... who...”
Peter nodded. “Can I go up?”
“Of course, dearie. Would you like me to notify your aunt that you have arrived?”
“Uh... no, that’s ok. Thanks.”
As he walked up the stairs, a million thoughts ran through his head. What would she think? What would she say? Would she be mad? She deserved to be really mad...
And then he was at the door.
He hesitated. But he didn’t know why.
And then he knocked. The special knock that only he and his aunt and uncle had used.
And then he waited.
The door opened, slowly.
And May was there. Her eyes were wet with tears.
“Peter?” The sound barely escaped her lips and then she pulled him into a hug and was crying into his shoulder and he was crying too and she hadn’t seen him in four years but here he was and he was alive and he was ok and that was all that mattered.
And after a few minutes she pulled away.
“Peter, where the fuck have you been?”
“I’m so sorry May. I was in space and then-“
“Hold on- you were in SPACE? Like, outer space??”
“Yeah, and then I kind of disintegrated.”
“You disappeared from your school trip and after a few hours Ned fessed up but then we didn’t hear from you for days and then weeks and four years Peter you were gone for four fucking years and Tony refused to admit you were gone, he kept saying they were going to get you back but they never did and then Tony died and then everyone else came back but I didn’t hear from you and oh my god Peter I missed you so much don’t you ever do that again.”
“I won’t, May, I promise. I missed you, too. But there’s some things I need to talk to you about.”
“Ok, go ahead.”
He hesitated. How to say it?
“I don’t really know how to tell you this,” Peter admitted. “When Mr. Stark died he left half of his money and half of Stark Industries to me.”
“I’m sorry, what???”
Peter relayed to her his conversation with Pepper and the video Tony had left for him.
“I think it’s time for me to reveal my identity,” he said after finally finishing.
May nodded. “It’s up to you.”
“I never wanted to do it before now because it would put you in danger. You can move into the Avengers Compound, as Mr. Stark mentioned in the video. And if you don’t want to do that, you could also just get any house you want, I mean, we have plenty of money.”
May smiled. “Thank you, Peter. But you don’t have to worry about me. I just want what’s best for you.”
And so Peter decided that it was time for the world to finally know the man behind the mask.