A flower upon my heart
Peter is looming above him at three in the morning, his skin pale and covered in a sheen of sweat.
"Dad, I don't feel good, and I don't know what's happening," he cries, voice tiny as he clutches onto Tony's nightstand.
At one moment Tony is blinking himself awake, but at the sound of Peter's panic, he's leaping out of bed and grabbing the boy before he can collapse. "Shh, Baby, it's fine, we're going to get you some help okay?" Tony tries to reassure him, sitting back in bed and drawing Peter into his arms, his ear against his chest. "Listen to my heartbeat, okay? Can you try to breathe with the beats? Let's try it."
Peter's breaths come out shallow and harsh, his shaking hands clutched in Tony's night shirt as he sobs quietly. The brunet whispers quiet little nothings into his hair, rocking his baby boy from side to side to try to comfort him. Peter's anxiety had always put a lot of stress on his body, and manifested physically sometimes too, it's why he tried to keep the house as neutral as possible, and why they had had to leave the Tower in the first place. Maximoff had never assaulted their dreams, but Tony's nightly screaming and panic-fuelled inventing hadn't gone unnoticed by Peter.
After a few minutes of rocking in the dark, the boy's breathing starts evening out, his dad stroking his hair. Reaching over to grab his phone, Tony dials a familiar number.
"Med bay, Shauna speaking."
"Hi, Shauna," Tony says lowly, a hand cradling Peter's head. "This is Tony Stark, I need you to put me through to Dr Kemp please."
"Dr Kemp is unfortunately not on duty tonight, Mr Stark, but Dr Park is. Should I put you through?"
"Yeah that's fine, thanks." Tony pulls the duvet up, tucking it around Peter. Despite his feverish temperature, he's shaking like a leaf.
The line connects. "Mr Stark, how can I help you tonight... uh this morning?" Dr Park asks in his deep accented voice.
"Dr Park, we have a Code Blue, and Peter seems to have a really high temperature," Tony informs the doctor, listing off his symptoms. "Can I bring him in right now, or should I try to let him sleep the worst of it off?"
"We haven't had a Code Blue in a while, has he been taking his meds?" Peter had been taking Prozac since he was thirteen, both for his anxiety disorder, and to help him with a PMS disorder he'd been suffering from since he was thirteen.
"He always does, things even got better once he got the liquid valium last time."
"Tell you what," Dr Park starts, and Tony can hear shuffling on the other side of the line, "let's see how he fares tonight and then you bring him by in the morning. Do you have anything to help him sleep?"
"I have some heavy sleeping pills, but I don't want to give him that, is ibuprofen safe?"
"That's fine, make sure he takes his meds before you come over too, I'll get in contact with his therapist."
Tony thanks the doctor, peeking down to see Peter was fast asleep and drooling on him. Now that he has the chance to look at him more closely, even jn the dark Tony can see where Peter has been picking at his skin, and that he's been biting his nails again. While these didn't completely set his radar off, a full-blown panic attack in the middle of the night wasn't something they could ever take lightly.
Carefully, Tony shuffles them around, laying Peter against the pillows and crawling out of bed to go search for the medicine.
*
On his way back to the room, he spots Morgan standing up in her crib, staring at him with wide, wet eyes.
"Did you have a nightmare, baby?" Tony coos, cradling her in his arms and grabbing her baby blanket. Immediately she starts mouthing at his chest, and he let's out a laugh.
"Now we both know there's nothing in there, Pickle," he says, grabbing a bottle out of the bottle warmer.
When he's just outside the room, a door opens and a voice startles him. "Is Peter going to be okay?" Harley's gnawing at his lip, his brows furrowed in worry.
"Of course he is, what are you doing up, honey?"
"I heard him crying," the boy admits, fingers curled around his doorframe. "But he was already with you, I didn't want to disturb you guys..."
Seeing the boys worried look, Tony glances into the room, Peter still sound asleep. "Listen, Bud, you have nothing to worry about," Tony tries to reassure him, squatting down in front of the boy. "Do you remember when Peter was getting sick all the time a couple of years ago? His tummy was weak and he had to spend some time in the hospital?"
Harley nods. "I remember. You had to sleep at the hospital too, and me and Jaime stayed with Pops at the Tower."
"Yes, then. Peter didn't just have a cold or flu, what he has probably won't ever go away, but that doesn't mean he isn't able to manage it in a few ways," Tony explains, grabbing Morgan's hand as she starts leaning back out of his hold. "Every now and then, it gets really bad for him though, so I'll have to take him to the doctor in the morning."
"Will you guys have to stay there?"
At the boy's outward show of sadness, Tony stands back up, drawing him into a hug between him and Morgan. "You don't have anything to worry about, kiddo, and if we do have to stay, I'm sure it won't be for months."
"Do you promise?" he asks softly, voice thick with unshed tears.
"I can't promise that, baby, because we don't know how severe Peter's condition may be, but how about I promise to let you be the first one to know any news?"
"Okay."
"Okay? That's good. How about you come sleep in my room too? We can get the sleeper couch out and get Jaime too, does that sound like a plan?"
Wiping furiously at the tears that now streaked his cheeks, Harley grabs onto the back of Tony's shirt. "Yeah."
***
Tony feels like he's unravelling a bit at the edges.
"So you see, the meds aren't the problem. Peter's anxiety is physically manifesting because he's been under a lot of stress for a prolonged period of time. Whatever it is he's going through, he hasn't been working through it," Dr Park explains, running through the blood tests he had done with Peter. "I wouldn't recommend him using his binder any time soon either, he's likely to continue having panic attacks."
"Okay, but what do we do? What do I do?"
"For now we're going to admit him for a few days until we see a change in his condition, he'll be undrr twenty four hour care so there will always be someone checking up on him," Dr Park informs, sliding his spectacles up his nose. "All you can do is be by his side supporting him, Mr Stark."
***
Peter is glaring at the phone in his hand, like he has ever since he found it in his locker. He had remembered to grab it last minute, afraid his Dad would find it if he had to go back and pack for him.
Ned had told him to smash it, or throw it off of the side of a building, anything to just get rid of it, and Peter should, really. It would be the smart thing to do, he just... couldn't though. Not yet.
A small part of him (that he would never admit to it, or even acknowledge) felt relieved that he was only a call or a text away from his dad, despite the anger and resentment he felt towards him. His therapist had told him to cut off where his limits stopped, to not stand by the door waiting for him to come home (metaphorically and literally), but Peter's sure that isn't what he was doing, right?
He had barely gotten through the first paragraph before he had tossed the letter; it was just some junk about coming home and things going back to the way they were, but Peter knew any possibility of things going back to normal was impossible. Too much had happened, too much had been said, and it struck him that his father could be so naive, or maybe he was just wilfully obtuse.
Peter had been there at the airport, had taken his dad's shield, and brought the Giant Man and Sam and Barnes down - Rhodey had been proud of him, and even his parents had praised him (though his Pops didn't technically know it was him at the time). He had finally gotten the chance to show them what Spider-Man could do on the field, that he was an asset, but even that was for nothing. What good did it do that Spider-Man was great when Peter Stark wasn't?
Blowing out a breath of frustration, he flips the burner open, going to messages and furiously punching out a text.
From: Peter
November 23, 01:34
I'm in the hospital. Do you care?
From: Steve
November 23, 01:35
What happened? Are you okay???
Of course I care Peter. You're my son.
From: Peter
November 23, 01:42
My anxiety disorder is getting worse. The doctor says it's because I've been stressing too much.
I don't know if I can ever be okay.
From: Steve
November 23, 01:44
Does your dad know? Why isn't he doing anything about this? He knows how bad it can get for you.
I'll call him. It's irresponsible of him to just ignore this.
From: Peter
November 23, 01:46
OMG can you hear yourself?!
Who do you think brought me here, and why would I be in a hospital if dad didn't know about it?
You're saying dad knows how bad it gets for me, but do YOU even know?
This was a mistake.
From: Steve
November 23, 01:48
Peter please don't go!
I'm aorry
*sorry
I shouldn't have implied that about your dad. It was stupid of me.
Your dad is the best parent I know. Do you know how I know that?
He raised you guys, and you're all perfect.
From: Peter
November 23, 01:53
How would you know we're perfect? You're not even around to see.
From: Steve
November 23, 01:55
That's not fair Pete.
We're all in a difficult position right now. I'm doing everything I can to get back home to you guys.
Besides, it's not like your dad would even take me back...
From: Peter
November 23, 01:56
So? He shouldn't have to take you back after everything that happened.
That doesn't mean you should just abandon us. We're your children. Your family. We should come first.
Do you even know what my sister's name is?
From: Steve
November 23, 01:59
I would never abandon you guys!
You do come first. You guys are all I've ever wanted, even before Captain America.
You're my reason for living.
The situation just can't be helped right now. When Morgan and I finally meet, and I can explain to all of you the situation, you'll understand. I promise.
From: Peter
November 23, 02:03
Then what do you call leaving without a word to become an international fugitive with your pals? What do you call prioritising them over us?
Did we really mean so little to you?
I want to understand now.
From: Steve
November 23, 02:04
I sent the letters, you said you got them??
Things are complicated buddy, I didn't have a choice.
So much went on that I can't explain to you. Don't ever think that I don't love you Peter, or that you aren't important to me.
Incoming Call: Steve
From: Steve
November 23, 02:06
Please answer the phone kiddo.
I can't type out what I want to say, it won't come across how I intended it.
Incoming Call: Steve
Incoming Call: Steve
Incoming Call: Steve
From: Peter
November 23, 02:12
I'm going to head to bed now.
Don't call me again.
And with that, Peter shoved the cell phone under the mattress, turning over to stare out at the sky. That definitely wasn't a good idea.
***
When his Dad brings the kids to visit him the next day, he can't bring himself to look at him. The phone feels like it's burning a hole through the mattress and at any time might just make itself known.
"Show Petey what you guys brought him," Tony says, noticing Peter's aversion to him.
Jaime climbs up on the bed beside Peter with his pictures, splaying them out across his covered legs. "I brought me!"
"Oh? That's real cute, Jaime, can I keep them all?"
"Yeah, I brought sticky stuff. You can put it up by your bed."
"You're so thoughtful kiddo, give me a snuggle." And with that, they fall into a pile of giggles.
***
"I don't mean to badger you, kiddo, but what's up?" Tony asks as he helps Peter lift his hospital gown.
"Huh?" comes his sleepy reply, staring at Tony with drooping eyes. "What do you mean, Dad?"
Tony injects his thigh with the syringe, soothing the area with a wet cloth after. "You think I don't notice things but I do, and..." Tony hesitates, "I don't think I can hold my tongue anymore."
"Dad?"
"You're not in trouble, kiddo," Tony rushes to reassure him, running a hand through his hair and over his ears. "We... haven't really talked much, huh?
"We talk all the time."
"Yeah, I guess we do, but we're always just scratching the surface. I think that has a lot to do with me. I'm too scared to push you."
Peter stays quiet, staring up at Tony with an identical pair of brown eyes.
"Everyone's been telling me to give you time, that eventually you'd come around, and really, I've been trying. I've been trying so hard to give you the space work out your feelings," Tony says clasping their hands together. "So I didn't meddle, and I didn't push, I didn't ask Friday to keep eyes on you and report your every move to me, I tried to give you the space you needed, hoping you'd find your way back to me on your own."
Tony pauses, swallowing back emotion. "But that was wrong of me, Peter, not the parts of giving you your space and time, but expecting you to be the one to reach out to me. And I'm sorry about that, I really am. You are one of the best parts of my life, and the most amazing person I know. I don't want you to do anything, or say anything, I just want you to know that when you're ready, if you're ever ready to talk, I'm here, waiting for you with open arms.
"I know that, dad. You've always been." Peter pulls Tony into a hug, and for a short moment, the rest of the world goes quiet.
***
The buzz he and Matt had heard before, became a hum, and Tony found himself getting ambushed from every angle all at once.
He misses a meeting a January, but from the minutes, some general had opened the floor to discussing the Rogue's return, and not in a 'we need eyes on them and a way to make sure they don't cause international tensions' way. Tony has to move fast, and with Matt and Jennifer Walters, gets the council to agree on capturing them with the intent of sending them to trial, instead of the manhunt that had started up after Barton and Lang had appeared. Some factions wanted them back, but there were many more who wanted to see a reckoning, so there Tony was trying to find a middle ground.
The US had always been greedy, had always wanted more and always had to have the bigger guns. Tony wasn't dumb, he could tell congress was getting shiftier with their alliances because of the manpower they saw in all the superheroes popping up. Tony wouldn't put rehabbing the image of disgraced American heroes passed them.
Time stretches on both too slow and too fast all at once, he's not sure how long they have to prepare for things on the ground, or how to navigate people into preparing themselves for a threat that may never come in their lifetimes, but he tries nonetheless. Ben, Charles and Stephen travel as envoys to meet the Inhuman king and queen, and share as much of the plans that might affect them, without giving too much away and compromising their position.
There's still so much to do.