It's been over 3 months since he and Tony got back together. The rest of the Avengers were happy to see them in a relationship again, and Steve was honestly happy about it too; he's missed Tony more than he realized. But Steve was at a bit of a crossroads.
And Bucky knew it. As he walked into his friend's room, he groaned softly; Steve was absorbed in his drawings, making countless sketches of Tony. "Will you stop stewing over there? The angst is starting to make me feel sick." Bucky piped up, making Steve jump and spin around in his chair, letting out a long sigh after a moment. "Sorry, Buck. I...just have a lot on my mind." "Clearly." Bucky's sarcastic remark got a pencil thrown at him, which he easily caught and set on Steve's nightstand. "What's bugging you so much?" Barnes asked as he sat on the end of the bed, worry on his features.
Steve once again sighed, leaning back in the chair. "...It's Tony." "You two have a fight or something?" Steve shook his head. "No..." Rogers let out another sigh and glanced over to his friend when he heard him pat his bed, silently telling Steve to sit next to him. With a defeated breath, he did so, getting Bucky's metal arm draped over his shoulders. "Tell me what's going on." Bucky softly cooed, not liking how uneasy his long time friend was. "I..." Steve started, sighing for like the millionth time that day, "When Tony and I got back together, there was something that I realized I never did."
"Which was?" Bucky tried, but only got a head shake in response. "...And I'm guessing you still haven't done this thing yet?" "No. And I know I need to. But... Well, it's taken me up until two weeks ago to realize and come to terms with something." "...When did you become Captain Vague?" Bucky teased, getting an annoyed grunt instead of the laugh or smack he was expecting, Steve slipping out from under his arm, hands threading into his hair. "This isn't funny, Bucky." "Whoa. Hey, I wasn't trying to make fun of you, or your situation, Steve." Bucky spoke, standing up and moving to Rogers's side.
"I wanna help you, but if you don't tell me any details, there's not much I can do." Steve knew his friend was right, but how was he suppose to say it? "...I need to do something with Tony that I've done with Howard." Bucky instantly knew what that something was.
Apologize.
"But Tony isn't his father, Stevie." Bucky stated, getting his friend to snap his head towards him. "Howard would straight up ignore you if you didn't apologize for something you did that was wrong; Tony still gives you everything you want and need without you having to apologize first." "But I still need to, Buck!" Steve barked, Bucky understanding why this has been affecting Steve for so long. "...You're scared he won't forgive you. You're scared that you've waited too long and now things can't be mended." Bucky flatly said and he knew he was right when Steve chewed on his lip.
Steve glanced to his friend when he cupped his face in his hands, giving him a reassuring smile. "Go to him. Let him know you wanna talk to him about something, and apologize." "B-But, what if--" "Don't you think about the 'what if', Steve." Bucky countered, cutting off whatever Steve was going to say. "You focus on what you know needs to be said, and then you work on things afterwards. Don't try to fix everything all at once, Stevie; it's what got you in trouble before when you were with Howard."
"...You think he'll even hear me out?" "Steve, Tony's your boyfriend. Yes, you two do have your days when a bad fight breaks out between you guys, but you always manage to work it out in the end; this is gonna be no different." Bucky grinned warmly when he saw Rogers's shoulders start to droop and relax. "...You're right. Thanks, Buck." "Anytime, punk." "Heh, you jerk."
Steve took a calming breath before he knocked three times on Tony's door, taking a step towards it when he didn't hear a response, and it slid open with ease. He was greeted to the sound of rain and soft jazz that Steve swears should belong in a lounge. Tony was at a desk in his room, fiddling with some kind of new gadget or equipment, engrossed in his work enough that he didn't appear to have heard Steve knock nor enter his room.
"Tony?" Name man jumped out of his skin, snapping around so fast you think he'd break his spine. "Steve? Oh, fuck, don't scare me like that." "Well, I did knock." Steve said with a shrug. "Well, now that you have my attention, what can I do for you, Captain?" Tony spoke, a little cocky smirk on his lips, but it faded when Steve took a few more strides into his room and sat on the edge of his bed. "...Can we talk?" "...Yeah. Yeah, um... Yeah, just, uh..." Tony quickly removed his gloves and goggles, setting them on the desk before beginning to stand, but he sat back down when Steve raised a hand, Tony scooting the chair closer to his bed instead.
"...What's going on?" Tony asked after a long moment of silence. "Do you remember back when we were hiding out at Clint's home and you said you don't trust someone who doesn't have a dark side?" Tony nodded his head. "You said I hadn't seen it yet." "But now you have." Tony raised a brow. "I'm confused. What do you mean I have?" Steve sighed. "...Bucky." The name fell off Steve's lips with the weight of too much guilt to be healthy. "Bucky is my dark side. You've seen, experienced, the lengths I will go to to protect him.
"Clint, Wanda, Sam, and Scott all knew the risks that came with helping me and they did it anyway. You tried to convince me to sign the accords, knowing to only a minor degree how much Bucky meant to me; you tried to help us find and catch the guy who set everything into motion." Steve reached out, taking Tony's hands in his own, giving them a reassuring squeeze when he felt them shake a little. "Are you still mad about how I acted back in Siberia?" "No. I'm actually mad at myself." Tony tilted his head, lost once again.
"Your anger towards Bucky when you found out he was puppeted into killing your parents triggered my own dark side, and I attacked you so I could protect Bucky. I fought you, nearly killed you, in order to protect my friend and that's not okay." Steve broke his eye contact with Tony, unable to stop the tears from swelling in his eyes. "It took me two and a half months after we got back together to realize that you weren't breaking the truce we had; to realize that your anger was rational given what you had just found out, and then you add in the fact that I had lied to you, that I already knew what Bucky had done during his years of being under HYDRA's control."
Steve squeezed Tony's hands a little tighter, seeing as the man scooted his chair a little closer. God, Steve was trying so fucking hard to keep his voice even right now. "I know you have trust issues given everything that's happened in your life, and I knowingly betrayed that trust by keeping the fact I already knew a secret. And that's not okay." "Steve? Steve, can you please look at me?" Tony softly spoke and he sucked in a breath when tears slid down Steve's cheeks when he did, his eyes already starting to rim red.
"I lied to you, I hurt you physically and emotionally, and I betrayed your trust. And for that, I am truly and deeply sorry. I know there is nothing I could ever do, to make up for everything I have done to hurt you, but...I'm hopeful that you maybe will accept my apology." Steve swore his words sounded like begging, but he knew it wasn't. He wasn't going to beg and plead for Tony's forgiveness. "A-And... And I know I might sound like I'm trying to beg or plead for your forgiveness, but I'm not." Steve locked his blues with Tony's brown hues. "It is your choice to forgive me or not, and I will accept whatever you wish to do. If you want to forgive me, then I'm okay with that. If you don't want to forgive me, then I'm okay with that. If you want to take a break to figure things out, then I'm okay with that. Whatever you want to do, I'm okay with it."
Tony didn't even think. He pulled Steve into his arms and buried his face into his neck, fighting off his own tears. "You got any idea how hard it is to not cry when you are?" Tony asked, barely choking back his tears and trembling voice. Steve's arms wrapped around him in comfort. "Heh, sorry." "No. It's...it's okay. I forget sometimes that none of us are immune to our feelings, and the stress of the world; that we're all human, one way or another, and that we have moments of weakness." "But it's not." Steve softly countered, getting Tony to pull back just enough to see his eyes again. "It's not a weakness to become overwhelmed by your emotions, it's not a weakness to need to just let everything you're feeling out in that moment." Steve reached up and gently wiped away a tear stain off Tony's cheek, smiling softly.
"It's perfectly normal and healthy to act like you did when you found out the truth. But what I did, willingly ignoring your trust issues and lying to your face, is not okay. Even if we weren't dating anymore at the time, you're still my friend, and I hurt you. I betrayed our friendship and lied to try and protect Bucky. Yes, I may have also done it to try and protect you--not knowing that he was going to show us that footage--but I still did it, and it wasn't right." Tony scooted out of his chair and carefully climbed into Steve's lap, wrapping his arms around his shoulders while he felt the Captain's strong arms coil around his hips and back, holding him tightly. "So we both betrayed each other. But the accords didn't make it easy on or for either of us. I signed because I knew they could be amended and changed; you didn't sign because it went against your morals and put the people you cared about at risk. We each had our reason for doing what we did. Was it right? Probably not. But we both did it."
"...You think it pushed us further apart?" Steve asked and Tony gave him a soft chuckle. "I think...it might have brought us a little closer." "Heh, really?" "Sure! We now know what kind of bullshit you won't tolerate, and what I'm willing to sign just to get people to shut up." Steve broke out into that warm, full laugh of his, Tony melting a little at the sound. "Ah...you're right. But, you...still haven't given me an answer." Tony sighed, shifting a little in Steve's lap, before resting his forehead against the other man's. "...Yes. I accept your apology, and I do, truly, forgive you." "...Thank you, Tony. That means a lot more than I can honestly tell you."
"If what Bucky told me was true, then I understand better than anyone just how much that does mean to you." Steve groaned deeply, but Tony just laughed sweetly, playfully rubbing their noses together. "Perhaps I should figure out a way to keep you two apart from now on." "Heh, not a chance in hell, pal." The duo snapped their heads to the door to find Bucky leaning against the frame, arms folded and a brilliant smile on his lips. "I told you it would all work out." Steve rolled his eyes at his friend, spotting the warm grin Tony had as he looked at Bucky. "...When was the last time you two had pizza?" "Tony, we had pizza for dinner four nights ago." Tony scoffed. "That was from a fast food joint. No, I mean pizza that can nearly beat New York pizza." "There's no such thing!" Bucky exclaimed, but Tony's smirk was indicating otherwise. "...Come on. I think it's time I introduce you two to my favorite pizza place in all of Rome."