Things have been perfect between them. They go on traditional, cute dates, they hold hands and Bucky has received so many kisses in the past few months, he’s surprised his lips aren’t more dry. Bucky hasn’t been this happy in a long, long time, so why does he keep doing these things?
Bucky lays back against the motel couch, the cushions are stiff and uncomfortable but the guy sucking him off, face currently buried between his thighs is distracting enough. He’s young, cute enough too, but he’s nothing special, they never are. He moans around Bucky’s cock and his hips jerk instinctively, making the guy choke a little, but he doesn’t stop sucking either, working his head up and down. Bucky fists the guys short, dirty hair and forces him a little deeper, the guy sputters and continues to moan, spit dribbling down his chin.
Bucky doesn’t even know the guys name, he just picked him up from some shady bar. He doesn’t need to know his name, it isn’t like he’ll ever see him again. They won’t exchange numbers and Bucky won’t spend the night in the hotel.
“Fuck, come on,” Bucky growls, twisting his hair sharply. The kid whines, body contorting oddly to try and move into the action instead of letting Bucky yank him around by his scalp. He laps eagerly at Bucky’s cock, eyes flicking up to meet Bucky’s. He looks expectant, tongue flicking out to swipe over the head. He looks like Steve when they do this.
Bucky shoves him off then, the guy falls back without grace and scrapes his elbows against the rough carpet. He gasps and there’s drool all over his bare chest and it’s still shiny on his lips. Bucky’s hard-on is gone already as he stands and tucks himself away.
“What- what did I do?” he stammers, pulling himself up so he’s sitting awkwardly on the floor. He’d come with the guy because he had seemed composed, but now he looks skittish and hungry for affection that Bucky isn’t willing to give.
“Nothin’,” Bucky grunts, grabbing his backpack and heading to the door. He’ll call a taxi or catch a bus, he isn’t staying in here. “You can stay here tonight, it’s prepaid.”
Bucky doesn’t glance back as he yanks the door open but he hears the guy scoff. “Seriously? Sure, dude, good luck finding someone else willing to suck your dick.”
I already do Bucky thinks bitterly and leaves, tossing the keys to him before shutting the door.
He takes two cabs and a bus to get back to his apartment. He’s quiet coming in, incase Steve is home and asleep.
“Hey, Buck, you home?” Steve calls out. He hears him no matter what, Bucky isn’t sure why he even tries.
He swallows down his guilt and smiles, and now he feels fine. “Hey, Steve.”
“You’re home late,” he comments but he doesn’t sound accusatory or concerned.
“Yeah, sorry,” Bucky says but he doesn’t comment further. He doesn’t need to, really. Steve doesn’t question him because, fuck all, he trusts him. He knows he goes drinking sometimes, goes for walks, whatever, and that’s enough for Steve.
“It’s fine, Buck,” Steve says and when Bucky walks in he can see he’s reclined on the sofa watching TV. “have fun?”
Bucky shrugs and flops down besides Steve. “I guess.” by that, apparently he means ‘I got my dick sucked by a stranger but I didn’t even finish because it wasn’t you, it’s supposed to be you’. He’s so absolutely fucked in the head and he can’t even blame it on HYDRA.
“Well, I’m glad you’re back,” he hums and snuggles into Bucky’s side. He cuddles him back and they share a gentle little kiss. “You taste like beer.”
Bucky forces a little laugh and kisses him again. “Yeah?”
“Lil bit, yeah,” he chuckles. “I love you.”
Bucky stomach twists and he smiles against Steve’s neck. Hopefully it doesn’t look as forced as it feels. “I love you too.”