Chapter 2
"Clinging to me
Like a last breath you would breathe
You were like home to me
I don't recognize the street
I use to run down the stairs, to the door
And I thought you were there
To shape to the comfort of us
Two lovers loved out of love"
Steve tries to get Bucky to eat but Bucky’s appetite was lost since the radio incident.
“Come on you have to eat something,” Steve eggs on to the ‘stranger’.
Bucky just shakes his head. “ ‘m not hungry.”
“But you haven’t eaten.”
“You care?”
“I care about people that haven’t eaten in possibly days, yes.”
Bucky doesn’t say anything else just looks at his hand. Steve orders from the drive thru anyways and puts the bag of burgers down on the floor by Bucky. Steve mumbles to Bucky that he can take whatever sandwich as he pulls back onto the road. Bucky idly stares at it as they make their way to Tony.
“Least have some fries?” Steve suggests a few minutes later
Bucky doesn’t listen.
“Tony might not feed you,” Steve starts. “He’ll probably just check you over, see if there’s anything he can do then send you home, wherever that is.”
Bucky wants to cry right there. You. You were my home. But “Yeah.” is all he says.
“Maybe he’ll fix you.” Steve says.
“Maybe he’ll find out why you can’t remember me,” Bucky says quietly to himself, thankful the radio seemed to mute his voice from Steve.
They approach a red light and Steve leans over Bucky, Bucky can smell his aftershave. He closes his eyes and tries to remember the last time he smelt it...but he can't. He opens his eyes again when he feels the bag of food in his lap.
“Please,” Steve asks once again.
And since it was a please, and since it was from Steve, Bucky finally obliges. He undoes the wrapper and takes a bite, but the food feels like sand in his mouth. He swallows it quickly and re-wraps the sandwich, sticking it back in the bag.
“Bad?”
“No… it’s just me.”
Bucky tries for the fries but he gets the same sensation. He apologizes for the second time in their car ride. Steve just shakes his head, not in anger or frustration but in understanding. Tiredness overcomes Bucky. He can’t tell if it’s from lack of food, stress, or maybe he really hasn’t slept. He passes out in the passenger seat in seconds, only waking to the screech of the car as Steve turns it into a parking space quickly. He was always an iffy driver.
“We’re here,” Steve announces and Bucky blinks up at the large building in front of them. Steve steps out and when Bucky still hasn’t he goes over to Bucky’s side, opening the door by him. He takes Bucky in. “You alright?” He asks. "James?"
“Fine.”
Steve grabs Bucky’s arm to help pull him up and Bucky wants to shake it off but it’s Steve. It’s a Steve that doesn’t know him, doesn’t care about him, but it’s still Steve.
Bucky now out of the car, just stands there and stares at the building.
“You’re not gonna run away from me are you?” Steve asks, half joking.
Bucky chuckles sarcastically. He couldn’t run if he wanted. Steve seems to realize he’s still holding on to Bucky’s bicep and quickly pulls his hand back like Bucky was fire Steve had gotten too close to.
They walk to the entrance, Bucky tripping on himself only a few times and Steve somehow still being there to catch him. He probably looked like a wreck as when he walked in first people starred because there he is, found, but they quickly turned away because god what zombie creature did he look like? It probably didn’t help that his metal arm he was usually sporting was missing either.
They, thankfully, took the elevator to what had to be Tony’s office or just general section of the building. Bucky is grateful Steve at least has that memory because Bucky was honestly lost. He knows he has been here before, many times, but it’s so distant there’s no way he can find his way around.
Steve grips the back of Bucky’s shirt, like a soldier sending in a lost man he found on the battlefield, no emotion attached, barely any warmth. It might’ve even been the touch of an enemy. Bucky watches Steve bang on the door to the room in front of him.
It opens within seconds, Steve barely gets out the last rap on the door and almost hits Tony in the face.
“Steve-” Tony says cutting himself off when he sees Bucky next to him. “Oh you found him! Thank God.”
“Yeah, sorry to bring him here I didn’t know where else to go.”
“Of course,” Tony steps to the side to let them in, he presses a button on his earpiece and takes the device out of his ear.
Steve grips Bucky’s upper arm tightly again and pulls him through the door with him. He moves Bucky to sit on the couch midway through the room, as he walks over to Tony.
“You think you can get this place on lockdown or something? I’m afraid about him trying to leave.”
Tony peaks behind Steve at Bucky on the couch. His head slumped over, his long hair falling in front of him, covering his face fully.
“Looks exhausted. I’m guessing you mean when he gets rest and maybe some…” He peaks at Bucky again. “Food?”
Steve nods. “Wouldn’t eat a thing I got him. Seems to not know when he last slept.”
Tony takes it in and looks at Steve as well. Something felt off. Steve was reporting like Barnes was an assignment. He must’ve been looking for Bucky all week. “And when’s the last time you did?”
"Did what?"
"Sleep."
Steve looks at him confused. “Last night.”
Tony stares at him, maybe waiting for the sarcasm on Steve’s face or a more blatant ‘ ...3 night’s ago’ but neither come.
“Alright. Well is he-”
“He seems…” Steve steps closer to Tony trying to get out of earshot of Bucky while still keeping an eye on him. “Unstable.”
Tony almost lets a chuckle out but see’s Steve’s face serious. “Right I mean...what else is new?” Again no reaction. Tony just shakes it off clearly Rogers isn't in the joking mood. “Describe it to me?”
Steve shrugs. “He seems to think he’s stuck in the 40’s or something.”
Tony breathes in. “Well...there are worse things right?”
Steve now looks confused. “I mean...I guess.”
“Like as opposed to the alternative...” Tony says.
“Alternative? Right. Well he als-”
Steve is cut off by a phone call, and then an announcement of that phone call. “Shit sorry. Have to take this. Give me a minute.” Tony rolls his eyes as he puts the earpiece back in. “Stark.”
Steve motions he’s about to leave and whispers for Tony to watch Bucky. Tony nods and gives a thumbs up as Steve exits the room.
Tony is off the phone a few minutes later after a few “yes’” and “no’s.” He turns to where Steve just was, his brow furrowing.
“Did I miss the kiss goodbye or did I just pretend it didn’t happen?” Tony asks to the blank space, he looks at Bucky thinking he’d at least say something back. “Sooo no joking around today, Barnes?”
Nothing.
“Right...stuck in the 40’s?”
Bucky still says nothing. Tony now assesses him more clearly and takes it in that Bucky looks on the edge of passing out on the floor. He remembers the “not eating anything” and the “not sure when he last slept” part and walks over to the hunched over man.
“Hey let's get you fixed up,” Tony suggests and tries to take Bucky’s arm. Bucky flinches and Tony steps back.
“Not him,” Bucky mumbles. Not Steve, Tony. It’s not, Steve. He tries to get out but all he can say is “Not him. Tony. Not...Tony.”
“I know we don't get along well but I really am trying to help you.”
“No, no. Not him…”
Despite what sounds like his protest Tony still tries to move Bucky to a lying position.
“Not him. Steve. Not...not him” Bucky drifts off as his body finally gives into exhaustion.
“Yeah I’ll get Steve. Don’t worry.” Tony sighs, still not sure why Steve left so quickly. Cap must be on an important mission if he wasn’t right at Bucky’s bedside or at least pacing back and forth in a nearby room. “First we’ll get some fluids in you.” He presses a button on his desk and calls in medic who are there within minutes where they transport Bucky to the medical wing.
Steve returns to Tony’s office a few hours later per Tony’s request. Mostly because he found it odd after checking in with medical that Bucky still hasn’t gotten any visitors (though luckily wasn’t awake yet to know).
“Wanted to see me?” Steve says when he walks in.
“Yeah. You must be busy? Crazy schedule for kids birthday parties this time of year?” Tony asks, trying to make the situation light again.
Steve rolls his eyes. “No.”
“Secret mission?”
“I think if there was a secret mission you’d be one of the main people to know about it.”
“Right, right?” Tony nods.
“Is this what you called me all the way up here to talk about?”
“Not exactly.”
“Then what?” Steve seems annoyed.
“I just checked in to see how Barnes was doing. Thought you’d want to know?”
Steve stands in front of Tony and crosses his arms.
“Okay...well he passed out a little after you left. He stable now they’re giving him fluids.”
Steve nods. “Well that’s good.” But there’s not the same emotion there.
“He asked for you before he did.”
And that seems to make Steve visibly uncomfortable. He un-crosses his arms.
“Look I brought him here because you’re the one that released that ‘missing’ report. I figured you’d best know how to deal with it but if that’s not true I’ll send him somewhere else okay?”
“Where did I say I couldn’t help him?” Tony asks.
“I’m just saying. I brought him here for you to help him. I don’t need hourly reports of his condition or whatever you’re trying to do here," Steve's voice is raised.
Tony swallows. What the hell was going on? Did they have a fight Tony didn’t know about?
“Okay, fine. I just have one more question?”
Steve sighs. “What is it?”
“If he’s stuck in the 40’s like you said how come he recognizes me?”
“What?”
“If anything he’d be calling me Howard wouldn’t he?”
Steve thinks for a minute. “Look I don’t know how his brain works, Tony? I just know he was talking like he was back then and kept mentioning things happening in the 40’s like it was yesterday.”
Tony nods, making a mental note.
“So you think he thinks it’s the 40’s but we’re all there with him?”
Steve shrugs. “I guess.”
“And that makes sense to you?”
“Do I look like a psychologist, Tony?” Steve's voice raised again.
Tony turns his head. “Maybe if you wore more turtlenecks.” Steve is clearly not having Tony’s remarks today. “I guess not.”
“Okay. Is that all you need me for then?”
“Yup. That’s it.”
Steve nods and goes back towards the exit.
“Oh and Steve?”
“Hm?”
“Get some rest.”
Steve does a mock salute “Yes sir.”
Okay so Steve still has some sort of humor but something is off...way off. Tony can’t quite shake it.