Chapter 5
At this point the others had dispersed into their own rooms, so he went to each individually.
First was Bruce.
Tony's original intention was to gather everyone in one room but he feared he'd get overwhelmed and felt it would be better to tackle each individual's questions one on one.
"Before you say anything, just let me explain. I'm a guy. A man. Got it?"
Bruce nodded his head.
Tony took a breath. "I'm...," a sigh. "trans. Transgender. A transman." He saw the doctor's confused look. He sighed. "Ask away."
"I'm not trying to be offensive or anything, but what is- what does that mean exactly? I just want to make sure I understand."
"It means that my body isn't completely, I don't know, accurate? It means I'm not comfortable in my own body, or at least I used to not be. And not in a way girls want bigger boobs or blonde hair for example. In a way as in, I don't want to be a girl." He waited for that to sink in, watching the cogs turn in Bruce's head until he hit realization.
"Oh, okay. So earlier was just a menstrual cycle mishap, right?"
"Yes."
"Okay, that makes sense. So you weren't born Tony then you were born...?"
"Okay, hold up. That's not something you ask a trans person, Bruce. You can't just ask or call them by their deadname. Got it?"
"Oh, shit. Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I accept you, Tony. Okay? I won't ask any other questions, they're not my business. You're still you. I'm sorry we all pried. Have you told the others?"
"No, you were the first. Avenger, at least."
"Okay. Thank you for telling me." He gave a genuine smile.
Tony smiled back.
One done, three to go.
Next was Clint.
He stood, refusing to sit. Clint staring expectedly.
"Jesus, can you not stare into my soul?"
"Then talk."
"You know you're an asshole."
"And you're emotional."
That shut Tony up. Howard used to tell him that. 'Stop being so emotional like a bitch. You said you didn't want to be a girl, you wanted to be a boy. Then man up and be one.'
"Shut the fuck up." Tony gritted out through clenched teeth.
Clint saw how serious he was and obeyed before giving him a hand signal to go on.
"How do you feel about the lgbt community?"
Clint raised a brow.
"They're fine? If you're asking me if I'm a homophobe then no. You should be able to be with whoever you want to be with."
Okay, good start.
"And the t part?"
"Trans people? Yeah they're cool, too. They're not hurting anyone."
"So you'd be cool if someone you knew was trans?"
"Tony, if my teammates came out as trans or Nat or my wife or kids or anyone even Director Fury, I'd be fine with it."
"I'm trans."
Clint nodded. "Okay, I accept you."
"That's it? No questions?"
"No questions. It's not my business." He paused before adding, "Sorry for calling you emotional."
Tony smiled. "Thanks, Clint."
Two done, two more.
Unlike the others Tony actually expected Natasha to accept him, and he was right.
The conversation went extremely well. Since Nat is a spy she knows a lot of information about different people and how they live. So she knows all about the lgbtqa+ community. Tony thinks she might have actually already known about him, and he wouldn't doubt it.
She even gave him a hug afterwards.
Just one left.
He's actually most scared of Steve, they tend to clash anyway so his luck Mr. Oldtimer would be the biggest transphobic asshole to ever asshole.
Steve wasn't in his room like Tony expected, instead he was in the gym. Great. He's probably mad and all adrenaline rushed, and Tony will probably get punched.
Steve was punching the crap out of a punching bag, when Tony looked he saw there were already several laying busted on the floor.
"Hey, Steve." Tony greeted.
The captain turned his head. "Hey, Tony. You good?"
Tony rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I'm fine." The medicine he'd taken was still in his system thankfully and he was wearing clean clothes. His other encounters had left him feeling more confident than he originally was, but looking at Steve had that dissipating.
Better now than never.
"So, the forties, huh?"
Steve gave him the eyebrows of disapproval.
"Yes. What about them?"
"A lot's changed since then."
"I suppose."
"You ever get around to googling human rights and equality?"
Steve had not, he did notice women and people of color did have it better than they used to though; it could still use work.
"No. Why do you ask?"
"Uh, um. So you know gays and lesbians?"
"Yes. They were a big part of the holocaust victims."
Tony realized he was feeling lightheaded, his chest tight. He tried to regulate his breathing.
Steve must have noticed because he reached a hand out to rest on Tony's shoulder.
"Hey, deep breaths. It's okay."
After Tony got his breathing under control he just shook his head. Screw it. He just won't tell Steve. It's not important.
"You have something to say, you can say it. It's legal now, right? I've seen relationships on tv and in person in the public."
"Yes, it is legal now." His face was red.
"Tony," he paused "are you gay?"
His face got impossibly redder, he can feel the heat. "No, no, no. Uh, no I'm not gay. But see my point in bringing it up was now there's a broad amount of sexualities out there and the people as a collective group are referred to as the lgbt community, or lgbtqa or lgbt+, etcetera. There's a lot of different ways to say it but you can never really include all of the sexualities so a lot of people say 'plus' at the end. I'm one of the people, er, in the community. I'm the 'T' in lgbt."
Steve nodded. "And the T means..?"
Tony took a breath, "So like sexualities there are different genders, as well. Binary genders and nonbinary genders. The binary genders are male and female or boy and girl basically. The nonbinary genders are combinations of girl and boy, or none. They vary from person to person. T stands for transgender. It means you don't feel like the binary gender you were given at birth, meaning your sex."
"So you aren't male?"
Tony bit his lip and looked away.
"Uh, no.."
"Are you- do you feel like a woman? Or something- wait, someone else?"
Tony's eyes widened. This wasn't what he meant. "Wait, no. I see how I confused you. I am a man. Okay? A guy. A dude. When someone is transgender, or just trans for short, and they're a binary gender they're referred to as a transman or a transwoman. I'm a transman. Or transmale, I guess. That means that I have the, uh, parts of a born female. Kind of like how you have the parts of a born male. Do you understand?"
Steve's mouth turned formed an 'o'.
"Okay, I get it now. If transpeople are called transpeople then what are the others called? The... Real people?" He scrunched his face up at his poor choice of words.
Tony frowned. "Dude, not cool. I know you don't really know any better but just because I wasn't born with a dick doesn't mean I'm not a real man. And for people who are comfortable with their genders they're born with, like you I'm assuming, you're cis. I'm a transman and you're a cisman, but we're both 'real men', got it? The same applies for women, too."
Steve nodded his head.
"I'm glad you cleared this up for me. I'm sorry you had to inform me."
Tony shook his head. "It's okay, I didn't expect an oldtimer like yourself to understand. Or accept me. You accept me right?"
"Of course, Tony. Who wouldn't?"
Tony let out a humorless laugh. One Steve quickly caught onto. "You'd be surprised, Steve. Lgbtqa+ people may be legal in some places but nonbinary gender identities are barely recognized, so are other sexualities that aren't strictly gay or straight. And trans people, man. It's bad for any one of us, to be honest. It's illegal in a lot of places and legal to discriminate against in others. The murder and suicide rates are sky high."
"I'm so sorry, Tony. I can't even begin to understand how hard it must be for you and the others."
"There's only so much people can do about it. Don't worry about it."
Tony didn't notice Steve's thought process continue to focus on it. And what Captain America is going to do about it.
"Oh," Tony continued. "Just another thing. Never assume someone's gender, or pronouns. And never ask if it's their 'real name' or birth name or anything. And don't ask for their old names either. Those are called deadnames. They're dead to us, and never deadname or misgender someone on purpose. And don't ask what parts people have."
"Noted. I wouldn't do that anyway."
"Thanks. So, I guess that's it unless you have any questions..?"
Steve thought for a few seconds before shaking his head. "No I don't think so. Thank you for telling me." He smiled.
Tony smiled back.