Chapter 2
Once Tony was looking more presentable he started out of his room only for a sharp pain to stab into his gut reminding him to tell Jarvis to order some menstrual relief pills too. He remembers they used to help him a lot and he hopes they still will. He went out to the kitchen and began microwaving some popcorn and boiling water for some tea. He grabbed some blueberries, too.
It seems that he keeps remembering more and more things he wants and decides he'll just go to the store despite feeling like his lower abdomen is being burned with a flat iron. That happened once with a girl in Monaco. He figures whatever pain he forces himself through will be worth it and alleviated when he stuffs his face with chocolate and the grossest chip flavor he can find.
"J.A.R.V.I.S? Order me the weirdest, grossest chip flavors you can find that aren't readily available in stores near me."
"On it, sir."
Tony didn't realize Steve had walked in.
"Uh, why do you want gross chips? I've seen some of the flavors people eat these days."
"Uh, why not, Steve? You only live once."
"Yeah, but you'll probably die from some of the ingriedients or the flavor or-"
"Jesus, Steve, just let me have my goddamn chips." Tony snapped.
Steve held his hands up in surrender. "Sure, it's your money."
Tony sighed. "Too bad Thor isn't here. I bet he'd love them... whatever they'll be." Poptarts, he needs to add potarts to the ever growing list.
"Or he'd cause lighting to strike the tower in an event of severe distaste." Steve countered, bringing Tony back to the previous conversaton.
"Just let me dream, okay." His gaze drifted to see a new man entering the room. "Bruce! Hey, J.A.R.V.I.S is ordering some 'unique' chip flavors; wanna taste-test them with me when they come in? Until then I'm going to the store to buy whatever I can find."
"Oh. Uh, sure, Tony, why not? He gave a warm smile. "I'm not doing anything anyway."
"Yay!" He raised his arms up to show his happiness, as if his smile wasn't already obvious.
"I'm going to head out then. I'll be back later."
"Okay, Tony. Be safe."
Tony briefly wondered if he should just wear the suit out. No one would be able to see anything and even if he did leak it does have a filtration device. He'd likely draw more attention to himself though and for once he doesn't want that.
At the store he admittedly had a shopping cart full of junk food only so he evened it out with some fruits. He walked past the aisle he always dreaded a couple times before deciding to just keep going. He could always buy the smallest amount and if questioned say it's for Pepper, everyone knows who Pepper is but his luck tabloids and headlines would be screaming 'TONY STARK BUYS PADS FOR SECRETARY' and that would not go well, Pepper is so much more than a secretary. She's the reason he's still alive. Pepper is an amazing woman and should get treated as such, including her rightful job position. Not the assumed role for a woman in this shitty patriarchal world.
He'll be fine.
It was when he returned home that he realized he could always just ask Pepper if she could buy him a pack. He knows she would. She's always been very accepting of him. She's the only other one who knows now, besides J.A.R.V.I.S. but it's not like he can really hide anything from the AI anyway.
Thankfully his cramps let up when he walked onto the main floor with four of the six avengers.
"I'm back. Did you miss me?"
"Nope."
"Not at all."
"Sorry."
"Nada."
"Wow, rude. No snacks for you."
"Wait I was just kidding I want chips." Clint confessed.
"Oh, do you now? Nope." He mocked, "These are for Bruce and me. The Science Bros. Come on, Bruce." Tony plopped himself down on the luxurious sofa before patting the seat beside him, signaling for his friend to sit beside him.
"So these are cajun crawtaters, and gatortator dill or something another... Uh, this is voodoo. These are all the same brand, actually. Oh, we have some weird Pringles flavors that I can already tell are going to suck and all kinds of spicy chips."
After opening nearly twenty different containers of chips, and their mouths being on fire, and nearly gagging several times, Clint attacked desperate for a chip fix.
"CLINT, NO. THESE ARE MY CHIPS! BACK OFF."
"I JUST WANT ONE."
"NO."
They shuffled around for a bit earning sighs from Steve and Natasha and a yelp from Bruce when a stray elbow connected with his chest.
The battle didn't stop until Steve called out.
"Uh, Clint? How hard did you hit Tony? He's bleeding from his, um..." He just pointed at a large red splotch left on the white leather where Tony was sitting.
After that everyone turned to look at Tony's ass, at first it was hard to tell but they noticed the dark fabric was just a bit deeper to confirm it was indeed the billionaire who left the spot.
"Tony? Are you okay? Should you go to the emergency room? I've seen injuries but..." Steve suggested.
"That actually kind of looks like..." Clint looked at Natasha who gave him a raised brow in answer.
"Tony?" Bruce didn't get an answer.
No one did.
Tony stood there mortified.
He ran.