Coming out

The first time Tony laid his eyes on Steve he swore he nearly passed out. The man was basically a God, or at least made by the gods.  They met by mistake, he was supposed to meet his friends and Steve was supposed to meet his own but instead they both ran into each other. It was awkward at first, both boys were going to meet their friends at a cafe and both save a table for them. Only when they both sat down they realised they sat on the same table. 

"Oh god, I'm sorry I'll move." Tony said pushing his chair back and standing up, the guy opposite him grabbed his wrist.

"No, it's perfectly fine." Tony looked up to see the guy properly and his heart felt like it was tightening. The guy was down right gorgeous. He fell back down into his chair, not because he wanted to (he did) but because his knees felt weak. 

"Uh, okay.."

"Oh my," He let go of Tony's wrist and Tony nearly whined, "That was so forward of myself, my names Steve," He held his hand out for Tony to shake, which he did. Steve's hands were much larger than his own and he never wanted to let go.

"Ton... Antoinette." Tony tried his best not to pull a face saying his birth name but he didn't know Steve. He couldn't go around telling everyone he was Tony. 

"Well, Antoinette, can I get you a coffee or something? I mean, I'm just waiting for friends so I have nothing planned right now... If you're interested?"

"Yeah, coffee sounds perfect." Tony hoped that his voice didn't sound as love struck as he felt right now, but how could he pass up the opportunity to have coffee with a guy who was probably the human embodiment of a golden labrador puppy? The answer is, he couldn't.

"Brilliant," Steve smiled, "What type?"

"Uh... Just black is fine right now thank you." Steve nodded and got up from the table. Tony couldn't help but allow his eyes to follow Steve's ass as he walked.

Only a few minutes later, Pepper and Rhodey walked in and Tony felt his stomach drop. They couldn't ruin this for him now, no way. They spotted him but Tony made frantic hand gestures to show them not to sit with him. They looked confused but they sat on a table opposite and just stared. They both gave knowing smirks when Steve joined him again, passing him his coffee and sitting down. 

"Thank you," Tony said, avoiding the looks of his friends, "I got to say though... I'm really surprised you had to ask for my name."

"Huh? Why's that?"

"You really don't know me?"

"Why have we met? I'm certain I'd remember you if we already had." Tony smiled again. 

"No, I've never had the pleasure. My last name is Stark." it took Steve a few seconds before he gasped. 

"Antoinette Stark? Like Stark Industries Stark?" Tony laughed. 

"Yes, that Stark. It's not a problem is it? I was debating on telling you but I figured you'd find out at some point."

"Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, probably down to the whole 'lets be friends because you're rich' sorta thing."

"Well, I'd hate to know that people have done that to you but I can assure you, I wouldn't do such a thing." Steve smiled again and Tony couldn't stop giggling into his cup. He couldn't stop this swell of happiness inside him, "What do you say about getting to know each other?" Tony felt butterflies in his tummy. 

"Yeah, I'd like that."

They spent three hours in the coffee shop together. Tony couldn't stop the smile as he saw Steve do the exact same thing to his friends and he had done to his own.When they parted ways, they traded numbers with promises to do this again and Steve kissed his cheek. 

Tony was on cloud nine when he walked back inside to go see Rhodey and Pepper again, Steve's friends having left with Steve.

"Someone looks happy." Pepper commented. 

"I just got the number from a guy who could probably rival Captain America in looks, body and everything else in between, what is there not to be happy about?"

"Valid point. So who was he?"

"Steve Rogers, art major in our year." Tony replied staring at the paper in which Steve wrote his number on, who even does that? Don't you normally just write it into phones? But it was a cute old fashioned gesture that Tony adored.

"So he's nineteen?"

"Of course."

"He knows you're seventeen right?" Rhodey asked.

"Of course, duh. He congratulated me on being so smart that I started early." Tony said with a proud smile. 

"Did he meet Antoinette or Anthony?" Tony's smile faltered and he sunk back in his chair. 

"I just met him... I couldn't blurt out 'by the way I'm actually a guy I just don't look like one, call me Tony'."

"Why not?"

"Come on man, you both knew how hard it was to come out to you guys and I've known you nearly my whole life. You've also seen my parents reactions. I didn't want to fuck it up before I even got a second date out of him and if he took it badly... Well, I'm still kinda in recovery and I don't want to mess that up."

"You know, if you really like him you've got to tell him at some point." Pepper said calmly, "I know it's hard but it won't be fair on you and if he doesn't take it well then we'll be there to make sure you don't fall again, you're doing so well." Tony nodded, thankful for his friends and their support. 

"I know, okay tell you what. I get on a third date with the guy and I'll tell him." Pepper smiled.

"Okay, and we'll be here for you."

"Sure will." Rhodey seconded with a smile. 

"Thank you both, I mean it. Thank you."

"It's no problem."

~*~

Tony didn't come out on the third date. Or the fourth. Or the fifth. Or even in the sixth month of dating.

"You have to tell him Tony." Pepper said as she sat on Tony's bed, watching him mess with the hooks on his binder as he tried to take it off in a hurry.

"I know Peps I know, but I could also just not tell him." he made a small noise of triumph as he got it off and flung it on the bed near where Pepper was sitting, quickly replacing the binder with a bra, "It'd be easier on us both."

"How would it?"

"Well, he can have the illusion I'm his girlfriend and I get to keep my boyfriend. It's a win-win."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say. So much for a genius."

"Hey! That's just rude."

"Tony listen, Natasha and I were talking..."

"About me?" Tony spun quickly on his heel to face his friend.

"I think you keep forgetting you've already come out to Nat."

"That was an accident. Not so you two can gossip about me behind my back." Tony would be lying if he said he didn't feel a little betrayed. 

"No, not gossiping. We were just talking and we feel like it's just unfair on you to have to live like this because we know you're happy with Steve..."

"The happiest I've been in a long while."

"Yes, I know but that doesn't change the fact you're still depressed. It doesn't change the fact you still cry on the phone to me at three in the morning when your body dysphoria gets so bad you don't know what to do. It doesn't change the fact you have to force yourself into dresses to keep this appearance up when you're with him even though you'd rather lounge in your jeans and binder. Tony, you have to admit even though you're happy with Steve. You're not happy with yourself." Tony was at a loss for words. He stared at the outfit on his bed, looking at the pretty dress that lay there next to the tights and pumps.

"I can't wear that." he whispered, his happy feeling about spending time with Steve disappeared, replaced with self disgust, "I can't..."

"Tony it's okay," Pepper stood up and walked towards him, taking him in his arms and holding him close, "It's okay, you just can't keep putting yourself through this. If you aren't ready to come out publicly then you should make this a little easier and come out to your boyfriend so you don't have to pretend." Tony shook his head, "Why not?"

"Because Peps... Jesus Christ, if I lose him..."

"You'll have Rhodey and I, always. Natasha will be there too and I'm sure you've stolen the hearts of Sam and Buck..."

"I'm in love with him." Tony paused before beginning to sob in realisation, "I'm so in love with him I'd be willing to spend the rest of my life unhappy as Antoinette if it meant I got to keep him."

"That's... That's pretty huge Tony."

"I know and I'm so scared."

"You have to tell him, Tony please. You can't live like this." Pepper held him tighter, "You can't live to make him happy, you have to do this for yourself. I'm sure everything will go okay."

"It's not every day your fucking girlfriend tells you she's actually your boyfriend. Dad was right, I'm just a freak. I don't deserve Steve." Pepper bit he lip for a few moments to stop herself from crying. 

"You are not a freak, you're father was wrong about that, and one day you'll be happy in your body, one day you'll be able to show the world who you are and I believe that on that day Steve will still be stood beside you." Pepper kissed the side of his head, "It's okay, calm down Tony."

"I just... I..."

"I get it, I understand." she ran her fingers through his hair, "One day you'll be able to do what you want despite what your parents think and you can be happier and I'll always be there, as well as Rhodey and believe me when I say I thinks Steve will be too," Tony nodded. 

"Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me." They stood like that together while Tony controlled his tears, "Are you telling Steve?" before Tony could answer there was a small knock on the door and it opened. 

"Telling Steve what?" Tony's breath hitched as he looked up to see his boyfriend stood in the doorway, a look of concern on his face, "Darling are you okay? I'm sorry if I'm intruding, Jarvis let me in and said you were here but if you need a moment I can come back another time." Tony and Pepper pulled apart. 

"No, it's fine I was just leaving." she kissed Tony's forehead and smiled, "It's okay, I'll see you soon and you can call me if you need me okay?" Tony nodded his head and Pepper walked past Steve, saying a quick hello and goodbye as she did. Steve stepped into the room and shut the door and Tony picked the shirt up from the floor which he was wearing earlier. He felt so awful wearing his AC/DC shirt which was several sizes too big with trackies and his hair tied back. Not really screaming beauty.

"Darling, are you okay?" 

"Uh... There's something I have to tell you..." Tony felt his throat tighten, "And... And I think it's best if you sit down for it."

"Okay, is your bed okay? To sit down on I mean?" Tony smiled softly at his overly polite boyfriend. 

"Of course it is, here let me... Let me move this stuff." Tony turned to the bed and threw the outfit he was supposed to be wearing. He held the binder in his hands for a few seconds before throwing it to the floor with the other stuff. He knew Steve would scold him for it later 'it will crease though babe!' but it was okay for now. Maybe by the end of this Steve won't have time to complain.  Steve sat on the bed and faced Tony, patting the space next to him. Tony sat down. 

"What's been bothering you sweetheart?" Steve asked softly. 

"I, it's something I should have told you from the beginning but I panicked and I didn't want to lose you looking back it would have been easier to tell you back then so it would have hurt much less than it would hurt now if you walked out but I..."

"Tones, calm down." Tony felt a smile on his lips at the nickname Steve gives him, "What is it that you need to tell me?"

"I... I uh..." Tony looked at Steve and couldn't help it when the words came out without his consent, "I'm gay." Steve paused and Tony wanted to punch himself. I'm gay?  While it is true it was the wrong time to say it.

"You... Uh, like girls?" Steve looked confused, his brows scrunched together. 

"No... I don't like girls."

"But you said you were gay?"

"And I'm not a girl." Tony choked on a sob when he realised he said it, it wasn't supposed to sound so careless.

"Babe, are you okay?"

"No, no I'm not okay. I just blurted out the fact I'm not a girl to you. God, this wasn't supposed to be how it goes."

"I don't understand?"

"I'm transgender, Steve. I was born a girl but I've never been a girl. I like to go by Anthony, which is why Pepper calls me Tony. I'm so sorry, I'm awful I know, it's just I..."

"I guessed."

"You... You what?" Tony turned to face Steve in shock, looking at his warm eyes and soft smile.

"Babe, I guessed. Well, I didn't know for sure and I wasn't going to bring it up until you felt more comfortable to tell me."

"How...?" "It was just simple things, just with the way you acted and spoke, I didn't know if you realised it when you were fully relaxed with me you would refer to yourself with male pronouns if talking about yourself in third person. I could see you were uncomfortable in your dresses, especially the ones you were made to wear at galas. Plus, whenever we made out the only part I could grope is your butt, you get very tense if I go anywhere near your, uh, chest which is why I don't. I knew there had to be a reason behind not wanting to be touched there." Steve explained and Tony couldn't believe it.

"You... You basically knew and still stayed?" Tony asked, "Why? Hopefully one day I won't look like this. I'm a guy Steve."

"And I'm bisexual."

"Wait what?"

"Yeah, I like guys too. Well, I like one guy and that's you." Steve blushed slightly, "I love you Tony." Tony opened and closed his mouth in a goldfish like manner. He was in shock, Steve doesn't care? He's okay with it? He loves him?

"This isn't me dreaming right now is it? You're being serious when you say you like guys right? That you still like me?"

"I think the correct term I used was love." Steve was still smiling, even if it was a little shy. Tears filled Tony's eyes, blurring his vision and he couldn't stop the happy sob from passing through his smile.

"I love you too." he whispered, "I was willing to never tell you in case I lost you, I was willing to pretend to be Antoinette if it made you happy."

"Tony," Steve held his hands in his own, "You are amazing, trust me, and I'm so glad you told me because I would hate to have to you live so unhappy for me. I love you for you and I've always liked the boyish charm about you. I love your attitude even when you're being a stubborn brat, I love your personality, the way you think... God, I love you so much and the only thing this will change is the fact you can be happier and more comfortable. No more trying to feel okay in dresses, not with me you can be yourself and I'm going to be here supporting you."

"Jesus... Steve, what have I done to deserve you?" Steve leaned in and kissed his lips softly.

"You deserve the best life can give, I'm just hoping I can live up to that."

"You can, you are, oh man... I still have a boyfriend." Tony whispered, smiling even wider.

"And I also have a boyfriend, and I love him." it felt so good to hear those words from Steve that this time when he made a sobbing noise he could hold back his tears.

"I love you."

"I love you too," Steve held him close and rubbed Tony's back, "However, you do need to pick up the clothes from your floor. They'll crease you know."