Himself
It was so obvious, how could he not have seen it before? The way he'd feel uncomfortable hearing his name or when someone called him 'she'? Its so obvious to him now, maybe hes always know.
He probably has, he just hoped to god he was wrong, that he really was just some tomboyish girl.
Transgender: adjective
denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.
He stared at himself in the mirror, he was already beginning to look more and more womanly every day and it was killing him. Tony reached for the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off.
He dropped it to the floor and he could already tell he was going to start needing a bra soon, his mother kept going on and on and on about buying him one. She seemed so excited to buy Antoinette her first bra, a step forward in womanhood. His mother liked to remind him that soon he'd start his period and finally he'd be a woman, his mother was excited. Tony wasn't.
The idea of being on his period or developing breasts sickened him because it just wasnt him. He wasn't Antoinette, he was Anthony and he'd been saying it for a long time but nobody besides Jarvis ever listened to him.
Nobody took him seriously. Why would they? They dont care.
He grips onto the sink, his knuckles turning white, he never thought about looking up a term for how he felt and it wasn't until biology this morning at school did he make the connection with his feelings; when one kid from the front asked 'why are we learning about trannys?' and he was thrown back to that moment when he was eight and he tried to tell his father that he didn't want to be a girl.
He took notes on everything the teacher said, hid them away when Pepper asked what he was writing about and never brought it up with Rhodey when they waited for Tony's car to pick him up. He didn't even tell Jarvis about what he learnt, instead he went straight to his room and took out his notes. Which is what lead to his near panic attack in the bathroom.
He needed to stop this, stop becoming a woman but he didn't know how. He poked his body and hated the way he was already begin to get curves, he was eleven for gods sake, even Peps looked more like a boy because she was so skinny and tall and Tony was shapely and small and boys were beginning to look at her and only seeing girl and... And... And... And all he needed to do was become more like Pepper? He couldn't control his height but he could control the way he looked, he just needed to be skinny like Pepper and he'd be able to pass more.
He smiled to himself in the mirror, it was so simple; eat less and exercise more and he'd be fine, he didn't have to do it all the time, just enough until he felt better.
It was such a simple and perfect plan.
It took a couple of weeks for Jarvis to fully notice anything was wrong, or maybe he noticed right away and was looking for for the right time to say anything.
"Sir, can we talk?" Jarvis said, standing in Tony's doorway. Tony finished his sit ups and nodded, he grabbed his water bottle and sat on his bed.
"Sure Jarvis, what's on your mind?" Jarvis entered the room and closed the door, walking over to Tony's bed and sat down next to him.
"What's going on, Sir?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're losing weight, you're not eating and I'm getting a little concerned, Sir."
"There's nothing to worry about there Jar, just had a self discovery and I'm trying to fit myself to it," he didn't need to say 'I'm transgender', Jarvis knew, of course he did and he probably understood it a lot longer than Tony has, "It's all under control."
"But Master Tony... It's not healthy what you're doing to yourself, would you like me to arrange a talk with someone? Under the radar of course sir."
"No thank you," Tony said, the idea sounded nice but he knew he was better off doing it his own way, "Not worth the risk."
"Sir..."
"Honestly Jar, I'm fine, I just want to keep in shape and feel more like me, everything is under control," Tony flashed him a smile, "Trust me." Jarvis sighed and Tony knew he had won.
"Just take care of yourself, Master Tony."
"Promise."
Once Jarvis had left, Tony reached under his bed and pulled out his Captain America figure and note that Jarvis gave him three years ago. He held both items close, something he did to provide comfort.
Everything will be fine.
Tony was almost giddy, he ran straight into his room and took his top off. Opening the bag he felt his fingers shake, he was so excited he almost wanted to cry.
He found a store a couple of towns over that created chest binders and while his parents were away he snuck off to order one and finally, finally it was ready.
He slipped it on over his head and took a deep breath before attaching the fastenings on the side, almost missing a few as his fingers continued to shake.
When it was fastened his looked up quickly to look at himself in the mirror and for the first time in a while he felt like he could breathe. He was thin, his curves almost unrecognisable and now his chest was pretty much flat and he never felt happier looking at his reflection before. The one thing he hated the most in it was his hair, if he could just cut it all short he'd be almost perfect.
He was thinking about what would happen if he did just cut his hair when he felt a large hand clamp down on his delicate shoulder.
"What the hell are you wearing?" Tony met his father's eyes in the mirror and Tony found himself clueless as to what excuse he could use next.
"What are you doing back?" Tony's voice was shaky.
"That doesn't concern you, this is my house and I'll come and go as I please," His father snapped, "So you better fucking answer my question before you find yourself out on the streets."
"It's... It's just, um, a binder of sorts," Tony explained, "To give an illusion of a flatter chest."
"And why the fuck would you want that?" His father spun him round quickly, Tony lost his footing and fell into the mirror; he felt the glass crack under the force.
"To... To just feel mord comfortable with myself."
"Don't tell me, you want to be 'a boy'," His father's eyes bore into him, "You're disgusting, an utter waste of space, you're a girl and will always be a girl, you will not disgrace my name with such a vile way of life."
"Dad..." his father hit him, Tony realised the downside of being skinnier; he barely had the strength to hold off his pain showing.
"Don't dad me, what is wrong with you?"
"I'm not wrong! I think I'm transgender and if you just paid attention to me then you'd realise that." Tony's mouth snapped shut, he never said he was trans out loud before and the relief he felt getting it off his chest was cut short by the pain when his father punched him in the stomach, the chest, the face until Tony was on the floor. Howard stood up straight.
"You're not, you're just a stupid confused girl and you better start realising that." he spat on Tony and left the room as if he never nearly beat his child half to death.
Tony laid there too weak to move until Jarvis found him. The older man helping him up and helped him with his injuries, muttering under his breath about pulling the plug on the abuse but Tony held his wrist.
"Just call Angie, everything will be fine." Jarvis nodded and went to call their doctor and Tony laid on his bed, where he remained for a week, and he couldn't stop thinking about that lie.
Nothing was fine.