“But mama!” One of the kids stood on their bed looking up at her with curious wide eyes. “You said mom would be back soon!” They giggled as Yasha scooped them into her arms lovingly messing up their hair.
“And she will be. She’s on a very important mission right now.” More tenderly than she should be the retired barbarian laid the child down.
“What if…” The other kid, a little older than the other sniffed hard, their bed across form their siblings. “What if she doesn’t come back.” A mess of tears fell down their small face. Yasha felt a panic start in her stomach. “What if mom is already-”
“Why don’t we have a sleep over in mama’s bed tonight?” Yasha interjected. She stood from the ground easily carrying each child in one arm. Two sets of giant crying eyes buried into her shirt, their tiny hands gripping the fabric as tightly as they could. “Mom’s fine, she’s the toughest lady I know.” Yasha cooed smiling down to her kids. They looked at her like she was the wisest person in the world.
“Tougher than you?” The oldest inquired climbing out of her arms into the bed. The youngest following, snot dripping down their face.
“Much tougher than me, but you can’t tell her I said that.” She chuckled wiping her kids faces on her shirt. They giggled waiting for her to lay down before clambering to cuddle her on either side.
“I think mama’s tougher.” The youngest yawned fighting to keep their eyes open. “Mama carries all the grocies.” They yawned again.
“Groceries.” The barbarian gently corrected holding tiny bodies to hers protectively. All she received was a few soft hums. She smiled seeing her kids asleep in minuets. She though, she waited until she was sure they were out before sliding her way out of bed.
Like every other night when she had trouble sleeping she went to the kitchen. The dishes still needed to be done, that was usually Beau’s job. Leaning down on the counter she hung her head a shaky breath leaving her lips her lips. She hoped the kids saw nothing but calm when they looked at her. In truth, she was terrified. Beau hadn’t made contact with her since she left. It was unlike her, and Yasha was scared of being left alone for a second time.
“Beau, it’s me again… You already knew that though. Just.” Her voice broke. “Just checking in again. I hope everything is well with you. I really love you.” Warm salty tears slowly fell down her face. There was no response.
——
The next morning Yasha groaned awake, her kids already up and playing quietly in her room. She smiled standing up from the bed. Like every other morning she chased them around getting them ready for school before she dropped them returning to an empty house.
It wasn’t unusual for her to be alone during the day. Beau worked at the soul returning hours later. But it’d never felt empty like this before. She hated how quiet it was. The dishes were still not done she knew she should do them, but… she didn’t have the energy. She wanted to garden. She didn’t want to go outside.
Veth was going to pick the kids up for the night, them and Luc were having a playdate. She felt guilty for how relived she was knowing they wouldn’t be with her until the following after noon. Looking after two young ones alone was so much more draining when she wasn’t sure if her wife was still alive.
“Beau.” She sank down onto her couch holding her head in her hands. “Beauregard.” She started her message with a cross tone. “I’m so angry with you. And I feel terrible for it. I don’t want to be so mad but.” She took a deep breath staring out a window. “I’m so lost without you.” There was no response.
She laid down on the couch letting fatigue send her into a deep dream filled sleep.
————
Yasha stood outside of the kids school holding her arms out as they to her screaming her name excitedly. She squeezed them carefully tight lifting them onto each of her shoulders.
“Look what I made!” The oldest held a crudely drawn picture as she walked obscuring her vision. It was of her and Beau standing outside of their house wearing their gardening outfits, the kids covered in mud beside them.
“Very pretty.” Yasha smiled gently moving it out of her field of vision. “How about we do a little bit of gardening when we get home hm?” She offered knowing the plants needed tending to.
“Yeah!” The kids cheered talking over each other about how school went and the hundreds of things they did with Luc. Yasha responded as needed more focused on getting back to her empty house ready to fill it with noise.
When they got there the kids ran off changing into grass stained clothes designated for outside. The angel chuckled getting her sun hat and tools setting to work on the plants. It was hard work keeping the garden tended to and alive. Though she encouraged the distraction. There was only so much weeding and picking could do before her mind began to wander and she knew it was time to head inside. Unsurprisingly the kids were filthy. Mud an dirt covered them near head as they looked up to her with shining eyes. They were smiling ear to ear giggling as she ushered them inside.
“Get in the bath!” Yasha called watching the kids run through the house chasing each other loudly.
“No!” The youngest protested stomping on the ground. “I don’t wanna!” They stomped again, dried and dried mud falling off of their clothes to the ground.
“That’s too bad. You have to take a bath.” Folding her beefy arms Yasha shepherded the whining kids towards the bath.
“This is why mom isn’t back yet! She doesn’t want to be with you cause you’re mean!” The youngest shouted sobbing hard. Yasha froze in place. The oldest took the youngest by the hand and dragged them away leaving Yasha to stand dazed in place. Without realizing she’d found herself in the kitchen again gazing out the window. She sighed heavily. They hadn’t meant it, she knew that but her feelings were still hurt and she still had to act like she was okay.
Taking a moment to compose herself she made her way to the bathroom finding both kids already washed and dressed in their pajamas. The youngest was sniffling wiping their face not looking at Yasha.
“You did this by yourselves?” She asked softly. The oldest nodded proud of themselves. “Lookout you two, so grown up.” Smiling happily the sentiment didn’t reach her eyes. She lead the way to the dining room already knowing what to make for dinner.
With the kids put to bed Yasha was still awake into the late hours of the evening just staring at the ceiling in her room. She couldn’t sleep, the worry sitting heavy on her chest.
“Me again. It’s been a very long time and I’m more worried than ever. Just make it back to me. I miss you so much.” A sudden clatter from further in the house sent her running to find the danger. For once her mind was on something other than her wife.
When she found the source of the sound her heart swelled. Her oldest was standing on a chair looking at her with terrified eyes, a pile of dried dishes set sloppily on the counter beside the sink.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to drop it.” They slide off the chair picking up the dropped wooden bowl from the ground. “I saw how sad you looked and I wanted to surprise you-” Yasha hugged them picking them up. She sat down the chair, her child in her lap.
“That is very sweet of you, thank you so much.” The gentle woman took her child to their room. “It’s very late though, you should get sleep before school.” She lightly chided tucking them in.
“Did mom respond to you?” They caught her arm as she stood to leave.
“Mhm, she said she’d safe and will back as soon as she can.” Yasha pulled her lips upwards. They sighed out relived then let go of her hand. She tried not to rush out of the room to quickly. She tried to make it to her room as normally as possible making sure she was alone. When she was sure she let herself breakdown. Let pent up tears flow freely down her cheeks until exhaustion took over her body forcing her asleep.
————
It was weeks later now. Yasha was beginning to think the worst. Sleep was a luxury she gave up on knowing she’d just have nightmares. The kids were getting restless waiting for their mom to come back, Yasha did her best to keep them happy and distracted but it was getting harder and harder by the day.
Sitting in the dark she held a recently down portrait of her family staring serenely. Beau was at her side, one kid having off of her flexed arm as she stared at Yasha like she was the universe. It made her chest ache.
“Me… again.” The retired barbarian let out a scoff of a laugh setting the picture down. “I miss you, so much. The kids miss you so much. Please come home soon. I can’t wait to kiss your face off.” She let out a tight held breath.
“That a promise?” A familiar voice filled the too silent living room. Yasha’s head snapped up, eyes nearly popping out of her head. Standing in the entry of their house was a very disheveled Beau. She was covered in dust and dirt and looked near identical to when they first met Caleb. She was the most beautiful woman in the world.
Yasha couldn’t contain herself. She charged towards her monk lifting her around the waist. She was laughing and crying unsure of which emption was important. Lips connected when she set Beau down and it felt like finding the fountain of youth. She felt rejuvenated, refreshed, found after being so lost. Everything was right again with Beau kissing her neck. She never felt better shoving her wife against the door behind her just taking a long moment to look at her in the no longer empty house.
“You smell terrible.” She whispered out laughing lightly at her wife’s bewildered face.
“No ‘welcome home Beau, I missed you so much?’ I see how it is.” Playfully the monk crossed her arms pretending to be hurt. Her smirk gave her away.
“Welcome home Beau. I missed you so much.” Yasha was kissing her wife again. All those touch starved terrified nights made themselves known through wondering hands and longing touches.
“If we’re quiet the kids-” Beau looked up into two colored eyes finding them half lidded holding dark circles beneath them.
“Mom!” As if on cue both of their kids screamed trampling down through the house with arms wide open. “We were worried you were dead.” The youngest said bluntly. “But mama said you were tough and we shouldn’t be scared.” They contained before beau could respond, a bit of guilt eminent on her face.
“Well she was right. I kicked so much aaaaa” Yasha shot her a pointed look. “So much butt.” Beau corrected standing with each kid hanging off of her.
“Sleep over in mama’s bed?” Yasha offered. The kids nodded furiously wrangling themselves out of Beau’s loving hold. They ran off racing to be the first ones in bed.
“They have school tomorrow, right?”Beau asked shaking off her dirty outer clothes. Yasha nodded with a raised eyebrow. “We can catch up~ then.” Husky and deep she wrapped herself around Yasha’s neck, the both of them lighting up in deep red blushes.
“I’d love nothing more.” The angel rested her hands on her wife’s waist pulling her in for passionate loving kiss.