Resources for the Mutant Underground was pretty sparse. Be it money, food, medicine, books, board games or blankets. Even toilet paper. But for some, these were trifling things compared to the collection of movies available to the members and refugees of the Underground.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Andy muttered darkly.
Lauren sighed. "Sorry, but it is what it is, Andy."
They were in the lounge area by themselves. Everyone was doing everything and anything else, and both the Strucker siblings had done their chores around the building.
The grumpy teen slumped on to the tattered couch as Lauren slid the disk into the old DVD player. "But fucking Bio-Dome, dude?!"
Lauren fell on to the couch beside her brother. "It's either that or the Sarah Silverman movie."
Andy shuddered at the thought of watching anything involving Sarah Silverman. "No, I'm not watching that shrill, unfunny hag, again." He lifted his feet on to the couch. "Whatever, let's watch 'the Weasel' and the shit Baldwin brother!"
Lauren half-smiled at her brother. He could be quite a snob when it came to comedy and movies. She pressed the play button on the remote and shared in a bag of popcorn with Andy.
"You know, Andy," ventured Lauren. "I'm really not seeing how this is any different from the films you usually watch."
"It's okay if you don't" Andy replied as he threw some popcorn in his mouth.
Lauren winced at his condescension. "Well come on, fart jokes and innuendo are right up your alley, aren't they?"
It was Andy's turn to wince. "Sure, Lauren, that's all I laugh at!" He declared sarcastically.
His older sister shrugged. "You laughed at those jokes whenever you were with Scott and that some-time Ian friend of yours."
"Cos' I didn't want to embarrass them," Andy explained.
Lauren rolled her eyes. "Hey, if you say so!"
Andy curled up on the couch. I don't mind dirty, puerile humour as such, but there's more to engaging the audience than just referencing dicks, farts and whatever..."
"Well yeah," Lauren cut in, "I mean, I agree with you there. It just seems to be all you listen to."
Andy continued his thought. "But this," Andy thrust his finger at the TV screen, "This is just fucking nonsense and childish antics. Plus, Pauly fucking Shore, who's like the main character of this shit, he's been playing the EXACT SAME CHARACTER FOR YEARS!"
Andy took in a sharp intake of breath before he launched into an impression. "Woo-oh, I'm Paul-ly Shore! The Weeeea-sel! Aaaaa-oooohhhh..." Andy howled before continuing to speak in a dopey stoner's voice while purring to punctuate his sentences. "I'm in my fif-ties, bro, but still play the same stupid-ass, twenty-something stoner dipshit, dude! I'm a rel-ic of the 80's whose stale act never e-volved, bruh! I'm the Weea-sel, bruh!"
Lauren couldn't resist giggling at her brother's impression of the main star of the movie. "Holy shit, Andy...." She sighed.
Marcos walked in the lounge area. "Hey, what are we watching?"
It was Lauren who replied. "Bio-Dome."
Marcos tiredly collapsed on the couch beside the siblings. "Any good?"
"It was nominated for a Golden Raspberry," Andy told him.
Marcos frowned. "So it's shit?"
"Pure dogshit!" Andy confirmed.
Marcos shrugged. "That's fine, I like bad movies."
They sat in silence for a while. They witnessed the scene where Squirrel and Stubs entered the bio-dome in the belief that they were in a shopping mall.
"Jesus," Marcos sighed, "these are some some frigging dumb guys, huh?!"
Lauren offered Marcos some popcorn which he accepted. "I don't know what their girlfriends see in them," she said in response.
Andy was hugging his knees on the couch. "It says more about them that they would choose to go out with guys like that."
Marcos chuckled. "Yeah, maybe!"
The movie continued past the scene where the stoners realised that they were going to be trapped in the dome for the next year. "They should have been locked inside a lead casket for a year," observed Andy.
Marcos smirked at the boy's words. "Maybe they could put them in those nuclear waste barrel things and launch them into space?" He suggested.
Andy shook his head. "Nah, we can't risk that. Sometimes, these rockets will suffer from engine failure, and having them crash back to Earth would spread that all ash and radioisotopes around."
Lauren made a face. "Yeah, good point. Nearly as bad as re-infecting the Earth with the ashes of these bozos."
"They're like a cut-price Cheech and Chong," exclaimed Andy. Lauren and Marcos laughed.
"Hey, dude, don't even compare them to Cheech and Chong," Marcos told Andy in mock reproof. "Those guys are legends!"
"Yeah sorry," smirked Andy. "They, at least, made me laugh. Still waiting for that to happen, here."
"He's always been like this," Lauren told Marcos regarding Andy. "He's a total know-all about these things. He's a frigging sourpuss when we watch Happy Gilmore or The Waterboy. Anything with Adam Sandler in it."
"Hey man," Marcos teased Andy, "I love Waterboy!"
The boy shrugged. "Okay, dude. I guess someone has to like that schlock!"
Lauren held her hand to her mouth to stifle her giggles. Marcos was widemouthed, "Ooh, listen to him! 'Schlock', huh?! Getting a little big for your britches, Andy, hmm?!"
Lauren playfully locked her forearm around her younger brother's head and tousled his hair. "Got ourselves a mini-Roger Ebert, here!" Lauren jested.
"Get off me," Andy protested as he shook his head from Lauren's grip. His sister kept teasing. "You love Adam Sandler, bitch!"
"Fuck off!" Andy hissed.
"You love Adam Sandler, And-yyyyyy!" Lauren was enjoying herself.
"Ooooh, I'm Adam Sandler!" Andy suddenly exploded while adopting a high voice. "I t-yalk like LEEEESSSSE in most of my FEEE-ILMS! I make shitty movie which make only enough money at the box office to cover the production costs, so I can pocket twenty million dollars for EEEEVV-EREEE MOVIE I make! Every CAWACTER I play is an OVERTHETOP BUFFOON! I'm worth over 400 million dollars, all of it earned from years of cinematic mediocrity, because I'm Adam fucking Sandler!"
Lauren was leaning against Andy, her body shaking from helpless laughter. "Oh, fucking Jesus, Andy!" She squeaked.
Marcos was shaking his head in denial. "You're just jealous he's worth four hundred mill, kid!"
"Uh, no fucking shit, dude!" Andy admitted fearlessly. "It's millions of dollars of absolute sheeeit!"
Marcos sucked in air through his teeth. "You're a jelly little boy, Andy! Jealous of his genius," he shook his head. "It's sad, man!"
Andy smiled cheekily. "I find it sad you think he's a genius."
Marcos turned sharply on the boy. "Trust me, kid, you've felt nothing until you've seen 50 First Dates for the first time."
Andy nodded his head. "I did actually, Marcos," he told him, suddenly looking solemn as he gazed at the older man.
"Oh?" Marcos replied.
The boy nodded again. "Yeah, dude, I actually felt like Drew Barrymore." Then, Andy's face suddenly lit up into a broad grin. "I wish to God I could forget watching that fucking movie!"
Lauren yelped uproariously with laughter, beating Andy on the chest. Marcos just rolled his eyes and leaned sideways on the couch. "Behave, children." He retorted bitterly.