The Fallout
There Abby stood nervously, on your path home. She had one hand around her other elbow, rubbing the top of her arm. She was wearing a black crop top and a baggy blue zip-up sweater over shorts. Her hair was messier than normal, thrown up into a bun, strands of hair peeking out from every direction.
“Hey, farmer…” She said as you approached.
“What’s up, Abby?” You asked.
“I was wondering if we could talk. About yesterday.” She said, her gaze steadily on the ground.
You nodded, and led Abby to your house. You brewed two cups of peppermint tea, your mind tense as you wondered what she wanted to say. “ Maybe she’s going to apologize for kissing me, or she’s going to let me know she didn’t mean it…” Your mind ran with the possibilities.
You sat down at your small wooden table across from Abby, who wrapped her hands gratefully around the white mug you set in front of her.
“Are you alright?” You asked.
“Fine.” She shook her head, gazing into her mug. “Hey, you know, I was really obsessed with Sebastian before. My dad still kind of expects us to get married. We went on like, two dates, and then he kind of got cold feet.” She shifted uncomfortably in her chair.
“Oh. Okay.” You said. “ I’m not sure how to respond to that…” You thought.
“I’d never even considered liking girls before you moved here.” She said, still not looking at you.
“You just assumed you and Sebastian were end-game is what I’m hearing?” You clarified.
She sighed, pulling up her baggy sweater that had slipped to reveal her pale shoulder. “I guess. I just wanted to tell you… I have stuff to work through. And, I appreciate you being willing to keep this to yourself.”
“Of course, Abby. I’m not about to ‘out’ you. We’re friends.” You smiled.
Her blue eyes crinkled gratefully as she smiled. “I’m not asking for you to wait for me or anything, I don’t even know if you’re into me, I just wanted to let you know that I’m figuring out what to do with myself now that I’ve kind of accepted this.”
“Sure. If you need to talk anything through, I’m here. I’ve gone through this, too.” You thought of your first few years of college. Every time you got drunk, you used that as an opportunity to kiss another girl, and after a while you started to question why. That had led you down the rabbit hole of rethinking your entire childhood. Yes, lots of things started to make sense after you discovered your own sexuality. Including why you watched Aladdin on repeat. “ I’m not going to pressure Abby by telling her I think she’s attractive. I don’t think I even want a relationship with anyone” You thought. “ Better to let her figure it out on her own, then come to me later when she’s sure.”
You and Abby continued talking, but on lighter topics. She told you about her dream to own a bearded dragon and name it ‘Yoshi’. You vowed to be the best babysitter to her pet if she ever ended up getting one.
After a while, Abby headed home, and you needed to start your daily chores.
You put on your farming clothes and headed out to the field. You stretched while gazing at your field, procrastinating watering all of your crops. You also needed to feed the chickens, and milk the cows… “ I have a long day ahead of me.” You thought.
~
Your earlier assumption was right. Though the IV had helped, you still felt a little hungover from the night before. You finished your daily jobs around 4pm because you had slept so late at the clinic. Your stomach was growling, and you realized you hadn’t really eaten at all. So, naturally, you decided you needed something fast. “ Off to the saloon it is.”
You walked into the wooden building, the smell of fresh food wafting towards your nose. You closed your eyes and breathed deeply on instinct. When you were ready, you opened your eyes, and saw the familiar rustic walls, with the bear pelt on the wall, and the wooden counter at the back. You looked around, and saw it wasn’t busy. Only two people were at the counter talking to Gus. Pam and Shane.
Pam was wearing a greasy sweater with a few threads missing. Her blonde curly hair looked unbrushed, and she looked like she had slept in her makeup. “Hi, kid! You have fun yesterday?” She chuckled, raising her glass at you. Her aged face wore a wide grin, stretching from ear to ear.
“I learned the hard way that the punch was spiked.” You said with a trace of annoyance.
Shane looked up at you, and looked back at his drink. He looked sullen, and his usually dark circles were even darker. He seemed to slump over his beer. “Pam, you shouldn’t be doing that. Jas always tries to drink it.” Shane groaned, shaking his head.
“Teach ‘em young! That’s what my parents did with me.” Pam grinned.
Gus sighed. You knew he didn’t like calling out Pam. He had told you that the two of them were old friends, and their history together went back to childhood. You had gotten a vague comment from Gus about how hard Pam’s early years were, but didn’t ask any questions.
“Just because you had shitty parents doesn’t mean everyone else should suffer.” Shane grumbled under his breath.
You decided to step in quickly before Pam responded. “Gus, I’m hungry. Can I get a small bacon and pepperoni pizza?” You asked.
“Hey, want to make that a large and split it? I need hangover food.” Shane suggested.
“Sure.” You said, slipping into the empty stool next to him.
“Large bacon and pepperoni it is.” Gus said, turning around to work on the dough.
You sat, swirling your stool seat around. You could smell the grease from a near-by deep fryer, and could hear the popping sound it made. It reminded you of your first job, working at a fast-food chain. You either did the drive-thru window, or worked shoveling fries into cardboard containers. Even though that job had sucked, it was still kind of fun, because that's where all your friends in high school worked. Working together had kind of been like an extended hangout, where you all had common enemies: the customers. You smirked as you hoped Gus didn't think about you the same way.
Pam sat there, twirling around her glass, the fluorescent light bouncing off the side. She lowered her head, unkempt curls falling in her eyes. “I didn’t have shitty parents. I barely even had parents.”
“Oh, great, she’s drunk, we get to hear about all of her problems.” Shane said in a low voice. He took a small sip of his beer.
“I can hear you, chicken boy.” Pam spat. You whipped your head towards Pam. "Oh, God, please don't let them fight right now..." You thought. "There's only so much drama I can take."
“Good.” Shane hissed. Your heart dropped.
“Fuck this!" Pam said, throwing her pint glass onto the floor, it shattering into a million tiny pieces that scattered around the floor. They looked like little bolts of lightning, lighting up the floor of the saloon. Pam stormed out, crushing glass shards under her white sneakers, seemingly unphased by her own violence.
You turned to look at Gus, wide-eyed. He also shared the look of shock that you must also have carried. His tanned and lined face suddenly hardened, and his eyes darkened. “Sorry about that.” He said to you and Shane. “I’ll get the broom.” Gus smoothed his worn yellow coat and disappeared into the next room.
“That was crazy.” You breathed, realizing you had been holding your breath.
“That wasn’t even her at her worst. Poor Penny.” Shane said, taking another long sip of his beer.
You gazed at Shane, wondering why he had willingly provoked Pam. It was true that they probably saw a lot of each other, since they seemed to always be at the saloon.
Gus came back with a long blue broom and a dustpan, interrupting your thoughts. He carefully swept up all the shards of glass without speaking a word. All that anyone could hear was pebbles of glass being swept up, clinking together, and the music from the 70s that was playing on the jukebox. You stared at the mirror behind the counter, looking at your own face. You looked shaken up.
After a moment of awkward silence, Shane finally spoke. “Gus, why do you put up with her?”
“Same reason I put up with you.” Gus said quickly, bringing the glass shards in the dustpan to the garbage. He slid them into the can deftly, and with that, the little glass lightning bolts were no longer illuminating the floor.
“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Shane snapped.
Gus didn’t respond. He only went back behind the counter and worked on the pizza dough.
You and Shane ended up sharing the pizza, but without much words spoken between you. You had a feeling you knew what Gus meant. Every time you had seen Shane, he had a beer in his hands. You began to feel sick as you suspected that Shane, like Pam, had a history of struggling with alcohol. You remembered your conversation with Shane, where he warned you that he wasn’t good company. But why had he provoked Pam? Maybe, he didn't like that she was kind of a mirror to his own struggles. A metaphorical one, instead of the mirror behind the bar. “ Shane must be struggling.” You thought somberly.
You looked over at Shane, his barely 30 face hardened by grief. He always had such dark circles, and now you had a better inkling as to why. You thought about how rude he was to you when you had come to town, and wondered if that was his own way of keeping you from falling into similar habits. His pale skin was illuminated by the fluorescents, and you wondered how long his skin had carried the pallid color it did.
~
After you had split your pizza with Shane, you decided to go for a walk. “ Fresh air will help how sick I feel.” You couldn't help it, but the burden of suspecting someone was really struggling was difficult for you to bear.
You walked through the town, up to Robin’s, and down by the lake. You noticed the sun was setting behind the distant mountains, which lit up your path in the prettiest way. All the water reflected back to the sky the pretty sight, which meant in every direction you could see the blazing orange sun.
You saw a dark figure in the distance as you approached the lake, and a trail of smoke.
“Y/n. Hey.” Sebastian called in his deep voice. “On a walk?” He asked.
“Yeah.” You walked towards him, your view of him getting clearer. He stood tall, wearing black jeans and a black hoodie, and in his thin pale hand was a cigarette. "I didn't know he smoked." You thought.
“I’m glad you don’t look like shit. I was worried about you.” He said, bringing the cigarette to his pink lips and taking a long drag. He exhaled a cloud of smoke.
"How long have you been smoking?"
"Since I was 18. My mom gets mad at me for it, but I don't know... I like to feel something." He said nonchalantly. "How was the rest of your night yesterday?"
“Want to hear something ridiculous?” You asked with a smile, deciding to change the subject to something lighter. You needed a light mood right now after the time you had at the saloon. Sebastian nodded, so you continued talking. “I spent the night in the clinic. I was so embarrassed, but Harvey was so nice about it.” You said.
Sebastian’s jaw clenched. You wondered why. He didn’t respond right away, but looked at the river that was reflecting the setting sun like a mirror. “That guy is a creep.” He said.
“ Harvey was so nice to me.” You thought, defensively. You remembered the hello kitty bandaid he had given you. “No, he’s nice.” You argued.
“He hits on Maru all the time. She’s like 15 years younger than him.” He said, taking another long inhale of his cigarette. You could see Sebastian being reflected in the water as he inched closer to the edge of the lake. The top of his black hair poked out in the water.
“How do you know that?”
“She’s complained.” He said. His brown eyes shifted quickly, and he kicked the green grass.
“To who?” You pressed. "I'm not letting this go." You decided.
“God, are you Nancy Drew or something?” He snapped.
“Are you alright, Sebastian?” You asked, your brows furrowing.
He sighed. “Yeah, sorry." He shook his head. "I just think he’s not a good choice for you.” He threw his cigarette at the grass, and rubbed it into the earth with his black and white sneakers.
You laughed, taken aback. “All I said was that he’s nice .” You said. “ Not a good choice for me… Says who? Sebastian?” You thought.
“Y/n, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I feel like you’re the type to get taken advantage of by guys.” He said softly.
“Dude, what?” You scoffed. “I can handle myself.”
“I just want you to know I have your back, okay?” He offered.
You could feel anger rising in your chest. You remembered when he had offered to help before, and it ended with him beating up your date. You could feel heat rising to your cheeks as you said “Like you ‘had my back’ with Sam at the carnival?”
Sebastian sighed. “I thought you were over that.”
“I am! I’m just wondering why you’re so concerned with who I date.” You huffed.
Sebastian didn’t say anything, he just zipped up his motorcycle jacket. “Have you eaten?”
“Yeah.”
“How about dessert, then?”
“No?"
Sebastian smiled. “You want to go for a ride?”