Standing Steady

The coffee felt lukewarm in Bucky's hand but somehow still burned his tongue. He muttered a curse under his breath as he opened the door to Peter's hospital room. 

Steve was sitting in a chair next to the bed, book in hand, but it was clear he wasn't reading. His eyes shifted from Peter's comatose form to the window, where the moon was rising in the sky. When Bucky walked into the room, he plastered a smile on his face, "You have a nice shower?"

Bucky only shrugged. He really hadn't taken pleasure in being away from his injured son for so long, although he did appreciate the hot water on his aching muscles, "Did the doctor say anything?"

Steve stood and cast a glance at Peter, "They're sure they got all the bullets and bullet fragments out. They said he--"

"Wait, hang on," Bucky interrupted, "What do you mean, bullets?"

Steve sighed and set his book on the table, "Buck, don't-"

"No, I don't understand. What do you mean?"

Steve ran a hand through his own messy hair, "Doc says he was shot 4 times."

Bucky closed his eyes, using all his energy to suppress the rage that was boiling up.

Steve's voice pulled him out of his trance, "Don't go down this road, Buck. Tony's looking into it; they'll find this son of a bitch."

Bucky opened his eyes and looked over to Peter. He was surrounded by so many machines and wires. What scared Bucky the most was how pale he was. The doctor says that was to be expected, though, so Bucky tried not to worry.

It did not work.

A silence passed through the room like a ghost, leaving Bucky suddenly freezing. He shivered unconsciously, and Steve picked up his jacket, which had been lying over the back of the chair, and draped it around Bucky's shoulders. A soft hand came to rest on Bucky's cheek and Bucky leaned into the touch, "He'll be okay."

"I know." Bucky hesitated, selfishly wanting Steve to stay and hold him until this all blew over. But one look at Steve's greasy hair, rumpled clothes, and tired eyes and he knew what he had to do, "Go shower. Take a nap at home. I'll stay with him."

Steve looked like he really really wanted to, but he turned around to look at Peter's unconscious body, "Go. I'll call if anything changes."

Steve looked back at Bucky, then pulled him into a pure and hopeful kiss before grabbing his book, kissing Peter on the forehead, and leaving.

Bucky slipped his arms through Steve's jacket and wrapped it around himself. It was still warm from when Steve had been wearing it before. He stretched his legs out, resting his feet at the end of the bed, right next to Peter's blanketed legs. He watched Peter sadly, feeling his heart clench. Someone had shot his kid. Multiple times.

A memory rose from deep in Bucky's subconscious.

"It's just a graze, Mr. Winter Soldier, sir. I'm fine."

The wince that Peter gave as Bucky dragged him into the alley, away from the action, said otherwise.

"Okay, kid, sure. You know, I wish you'd stop calling me that." Bucky replied in an attempt to distract Peter from the bleeding wound at his side.

Peter looked up and he almost looked fearful, "Stop calling you what?"

"Mr. Winter Soldier. And sir. You make me feel old."

"Well, technically-"

"I want you to rethink the ending of that sentence." And Peter fell silent, smiling to himself.

Bucky pulled a clean towel from the small first aid bag he kept at his side. Peter was adjusting his position again, clearly in pain.

"Hey, look at me."

"What-" Peter cut himself off with a yelp of pain as Bucky pressed the towel to Peter's side. He pushed away, but Bucky placed a firm hand on his shoulder to keep him steady.

"Look at me." When Peter obeyed, his eyes were watery, "Take a deep breath."

Bucky smiled a bit at the memory, despite remembering the fear rising in his throat as he dragged Peter out of the line of fire and back towards the Quinjet.

God, that was only a few weeks after the last time he had been in this hospital.

"Bucky." Bucky's eyes snapped open and Peter was standing in the doorway.

"Pete? Is something wrong?"

Peter sniffed, "Um, I need you to drive me somewhere." Peter was wiping at his eyes, "I just-um, I just got a phone call from New York Presbyterian in Queens. They-they said that-Aunt May's been in an accident."

Bucky was wide awake now and he set about turning on a lamp, pulling on his sweatshirt and searching for a pair of jeans, but Peter kept going, "Mr. Stark left for Hong Kong last night or I'd ask him, and I couldn't find Captain Rogers, or I would've asked him. I just thought that I know it's late but-"

Bucky cut him off as he pulled a pair of jeans over his boxers, "Go get dressed. 5 minutes."

Peter gave Bucky a surprised look, tears streaking his face, but he nodded, "Okay." and ran back to his room.

True to his word, Bucky was ready to leave 5 minutes later, and he grabbed his car keys off the hook. Peter was standing in the garage next to Bucky's car, clutching his phone close to his chest.

It was clear he hadn't stopped crying since he got the call. Even now, tears were drenching his face. Peter looked up as Bucky walked across the garage and unlocked the car.

Still trying to wake up, Bucky decided not to say anything to Peter as the pulled out of the garage at the Tower and into traffic. The roads were surprisingly clear for...Bucky cast a glance at the clock...1:26 AM.

Peter hadn't said anything either, which was a marvel. Normally, Bucky couldn't get the kid to shut up (not that he minded). He was trembling like a leaf and his breathing was irregular, almost like he was taking 2 breaths in and releasing 1.

So, Bucky reached one hand over and placed it on top of Peter's, rubbing his thumb over the back of Peter's warm hand.

Just like he suspected, Peter burst into tears all over again. The kind of tears where you cry for a minute before the sob comes out, heartbreaking and gut-wrenching. The kind of tears that make you hunch over and hug yourself. Which is exactly what Peter did.

Bucky moved his hand to Peter's back to gently stroke his back, "It's okay, pal." He whispered gently as they pulled into the hospital parking lot, praying he was right, "It's gonna be okay." 

Bucky was startled from his thoughts by a nurse entering the room. She smiled at Bucky but kindly didn't make small talk with him. 

She walked straight over to Peter to read his monitor. She jotted down a few notes. Then, she turned her attention to his IV bag. She squeezed it a little bit and smiled happily, "His vitals are doing really well. The doctor is expecting him to wake up any time now. He should make a full recovery."

He smiled softly at her, "Thank you." She nodded politely and left, closing the door quietly behind her.

He stared at the spot where she had just been standing.

"I'm very sorry, Mr. Parker. Unfortunately, all we can do is make her comfortable now."

Peter was frozen, staring at the door of his aunt's hospital room, where she lay unconscious. If Bucky hadn't known any better, he would've just thought she was sleeping.

Peter just nodded, and the doctor excused herself.

Peter went from breathing normally to hyperventilating. Bucky stood in front of him, crouching to be at eye level and placing both hands on Peter's shoulders.

"Peter, look at me."

Peter did but his eyes were wild, "I don't want to go in there, please, don't make me go in there." He rambled.

"Peter, focus on me." And their eyes met, "Take a deep breath with me and listen, okay?" Bucky didn't leave any room for Peter to start talking again, "I know you love her, and I know this is your worst nightmare, but not going in there does not mean that she won't die. All it means is that you won't be there for her in her last moments. I know you want to be there for her like she was always there for you."

Peter looked helpless and it struck Bucky that he was talking to a 16-year-old kid who was about to be orphaned for the second time in his very short life.

"I'm scared."

Bucky softly ran his hands over Peter's shoulders and arms, "I'll be right there with you the whole time. You're not going to be alone." Bucky hoped Peter caught the double meaning in that.

Peter didn't make a move, so Bucky reached slightly behind Peter and turned the handle, pushing it open ever so slightly. Peter looked at the door like it was the entrance to his own execution and Bucky was almost sure that was how he felt.

Peter took a step inside and froze again. Bucky, right behind him, put a hand on his shoulder, "Go on, kid. It's okay."

So, Peter tiptoed over to the bed. Then, much to Bucky's surprise, he climbed in bed next to her and curled up. Bucky was sure his heart was going to disintegrate when Peter pushed her limp hand into his hair.

Bucky stood by the door, trying to give the boy some privacy but also letting him know that he was there for him. He could hear Peter talking to her faintly. Bits of promises of staying in school, saving people, and being a good person reached Bucky's ears. This woman had raised a good kid.

But then the monitor's beeping started to slow, and Peter's breathing became rapid, "I'll be good. I won't cause too much trouble for Mr. Stark or anyone else. I'll bury you next to Ben and Mom and Dad. And I'll visit you and bring you flowers like we used to do for Mom on Mother’s Day."

Slower.

Peter was sobbing now, gripping May, "Please don't leave me. I don't know what to do."

Slower. A nurse and doctor had entered now.

Bucky's heart ached. He was reminiscent of finding Steve holding his sick mother's body as though he could will her back to life.

His phone buzzed. Speak of the devil.

Hey, where are you? Peter's not here either. I just got back from being out with Sam.

Long story. Won't be home for a while. Will explain later.

Then there was solid beeping and Peter let out an agonizing wail. The doctor felt her pulse without jostling Peter, then turned to the nurse, "Time of death: 3:49 AM."

“No!” Peter moaned, burying his face in her shoulder, “No, please, don’t leave me. Please, don’t go.”

Bucky moved in closer as the doctor offered her condolences. There was a chair near the bed and he pulled it closer, so he could place a gentle hand on Peter’s back.

They sat for a full hour before a nurse beckoned Bucky outside.

“I’ll be right back.” He whispered to Peter, not sure if he could hear him over the sound of his own crying.

He stepped into the hallway and closed the door, “There’s an influx of patients being directed here. I’m very sorry, but we need the bed.”

Bucky hesitated, not quite understanding, then it hit him like a truck and a deep feeling that he could only describe as black hit him, “Oh.”

He opened the door and the nurse hung back in the open doorway.

Peter jumped a bit as Bucky put a hand on his back again, “Peter?”

As though he knew what Bucky was going to say, Peter shook his head weakly, “No. Please. Please just let me stay with her.”

Bucky cast a glance at the nurse and her face was sympathetic, but she shook her head sadly, “I’m sorry, buddy.”

“Please, Bucky, I’m begging you. Don’t make me leave her.”

At that moment, a group of people arrived, presumably to remove May’s body. Bucky reached his arms under Peter’s side and pulled him into his arms in a bridal carry.

“No!” Peter’s screams shattered the room, “Bucky, please! Don’t-you can’t take her!”

Bucky sat back down with Peter in his lap. He was crying hysterically, and Bucky half expected him to try to jump back out of his arms and into the bed, but he was weak with grief and burrowed closer to Bucky.

“It’s okay. I know. You’re gonna be okay, Peter, I promise.” And Bucky was sure if he closed his eyes, it would be Steve in his arms, not Peter.

One of the people pulled the sheet over May’s face and Bucky knew that was their cue to leave. He hoisted Peter up and carefully maneuvered the crying teen through the doorway and into the hall.

“Sir, we need to have Social Services evaluate the situation.”

Anger flared up in Bucky. May’s body was barely cold, and they already wanted to throw this kid into social services, “Contact the lawyers of Tony Stark. They’ll fill you in on the arrangements.”

Without waiting for an answer, Bucky carried Peter, who’s sobbing had lowered in both volume and intensity.

By the time they reached the car and Bucky had helped Peter into the passenger seat, he was in a nearly catatonic state. He was silent, staring at his hands, for the entire car ride home.

Steve met them at the door and Bucky presumed FRIDAY had notified him they had arrived. He looked happy to see them, until Bucky emerged with Peter’ in his arms. Steve’s face shifted to worry, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Bucky shook his head and Steve didn’t speak.

Bucky went back to his own floor and lay Peter in his bed. He paused to sit on the edge of the bed next to Peter. He hesitated, “Peter…Peter, I’m so sorry.”

Peter didn’t answer.

“We’ll take care of you. You know that. I’ll call Tony and tell him what happened. He’ll take care of it. Nobody is taking you from us. You know that, right?”

Bucky expected no response, but Peter nodded slowly, staring straight ahead at the wall.

Someone cleared their throat and Steve was at the door. His face was pinched with worry.

“I’ll be right outside, Peter, if you need anything. I’ll be back in a minute.” No response.

Bucky rubbed his back for a moment, then stood and met Steve in the hallway, closing the door, “FRIDAY, make sure Peter doesn’t hear this.”

“Activating Protocol 827.”

When they were sure the protocol was activated, Bucky sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands, “Peter woke me up at like 2 this morning. May got into an accident. She passed away like 2 hours ago.”

An emotion passed over Steve’s face that Bucky couldn’t quite identify. He knew Steve was thinking of his mother and Peggy. Hell, he was probably even thinking of Bucky.

“How’s he holding up?”

Bucky sighed again and shrugged, “I mean, the kid just got orphaned for the second time. He’s doing about as well as can be expected.”

Steve just nodded, eyes drifting to the floor.

There was a silence as Bucky’s mind raced with thoughts of what to do.

“Will you call Stark? Fill him in? I meant to call and didn’t get the chance. I told the nurses at the hospital to contact his lawyers for custody arrangements. I wouldn’t be surprised if Tony is named in the will anyway.”

Steve looked up and Bucky could see in his eyes that he wasn’t talking to Steve anymore; he was talking to Captain Rogers. Steve nodded, “I’ll get in touch with him.” He glanced at the clock, which read something past 5 AM, “It shouldn’t be too late there anyway.”

While Steve left to go finish his task, Bucky went back into the room.

The shades were still drawn, and the sun hadn’t risen yet. It was dark, but Peter had turned on the lamp on the nightstand. Bucky came to his side.

There was a silence as Peter stared ahead for a minute longer, then looked at Bucky with bloodshot eyes.

“Tell me what I can do, Peter. Anything.”

Bucky was sure that if he hadn’t been listening so intently, that if it hadn’t had been so quiet in that damn room, he never would’ve heard it.

“Please just hold me.”

Bucky paused to make sure he’d heard Peter correctly but wasted no more time in laying down next to Peter. 

Steve opened the door and came straight over to Bucky, “How’s he doing?”

Steve's hair was still wet, but he’d had the sense to comb his before leaving the Tower. He was wearing new clothes and carrying another jacket, presumably to replace the one Bucky was currently wearing.

“Good.” Bucky adjusted his position, letting his back pop, “The nurse said he should be waking up any time now.”

Steve let out a breath of relief, “Good. Good.”

Peter was laying on Bucky’s chest when the sun finally rose all those hours later. They’d received word from Steve that Tony was due back later that day and that his lawyers were taking care of custody arrangements, but Bucky and Tony would need to talk when Tony returned.

And Bucky held Peter the whole time. Peter slept in half-hour increments, always fitfully and always waking up with a whimper. When that happened, Bucky held him a little closer and spoke softly.

Steve had slept, much to Bucky’s relief. He knew he’d have to go and comfort him at some point as well. When he entered the room to offer Peter and Bucky something to eat, he looked semi-rested and Bucky was glad.

When Peter refused breakfast, Bucky did the same.

The day was spent in bed. Both Bucky and Peter slept, but not for very long.

When Tony finally arrived, FRIDAY alerted them. Peter did not move, even when Tony entered the room wearing sweatpants, t-shirt, and a sad look.

He bent down to be at Peter’s level, meeting the teen’s eyes as his head lay on Bucky’s chest, “Hey, kid.” Peter didn’t respond or react, even as Tony pushed a hand through Peter’s hair.

Then he stood again, “Barnes, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Bucky looked down, “Is that okay, Pete?”

Peter nodded and reluctantly moved his head from Bucky’s chest to the pillow behind him. Bucky rolled out of bed, giving Peter’s arm a quick squeeze before following Tony down the hall.

Tony sat down on the couch and Bucky had a feeling this wasn’t good news, “The lawyers are concerned about me adopting or fostering Peter. Their concern is that the court will review my very public history and deny it. If they do, Peter won’t be allowed to stay here anymore.”

Bucky’s heart sank. This poor kid could not catch a break, “So, what does that mean for him?”

Tony let out a long sigh, “Well, they had an idea.” He met Bucky’s gaze, “You.”

“Me?! They won’t let you have him, but they’ll give him to a hundred-year-old former assassin with PTSD.”

Tony nodded and walked over to meet him in the center of the room, “Provided you continue with the therapy you’re already doing. After your work in Wakanda, the courts are willing to work with you on it or even overlook it entirely, depending on the case we make.”

Bucky brought his hands to rest on his hips and shook his head incredulously, “Are we even sure this is what he wants?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he’s not really in any state to be telling us exactly what he wants, and we have to move quickly before the courts retract the offer. If Cap co-signs, they’ll absolutely grant you custody.”

Bucky paused to think.

He was making the biggest decision of his life. He’d have a kid who would completely rely on him for everything.

When Bucky met Tony’s gaze, his eyes were burning with tears, “Do you really think I can?”

“If I didn’t, I’d be arguing with the court right now, not you. I’ve already exhausted all my options.”

Another silence.

“Okay.”

Buck.”

Steve’s voice was breathy, shocked. When Bucky refocused, Peter was twisting in bed, getting comfortable. His eyes fluttered open sleepily.

“I’ll go get a nurse,” Steve said, already halfway to the door.

Peter yawned and Bucky moved closer to rub his hair, “How’re you feeling bud?”

Peter yawned again and gazed at Bucky through half-lidded eyes, “Like I got shot 4 times.”

Bucky chuckled, feeling tears touch his cheeks for the first time in a long time, "Figures." He replied sarcastically, pressing a kiss to the top of Peter's head, "You idiot."

The nurse and Steve entered again. The nurse checked his vitals, his memory, and looked at his incision site. When he was happy with the results, he invited Steve back out to the desk to fill out some forms.

"'M sleepy, Buck," Peter said as Steve and the nurse exited.

Bucky's hand was firmly planted in Peter's hair, rubbing it gently, "Okay, bud. You can go to sleep. I'll be here."

As sleep pulled him under, Peter snuggled into Bucky's touch, "Love you, Buck."

"Love you too, Peter."