In which Tony regrets a recent life choice
Tony rubbed his chin absentmindedly. It just wasn't the same as scratching an actual beard. He missed his beard. Tony excused himself from the Avengers meeting.
What had he been thinking? He had been growing and trimming, and perfecting that thing for over 12 years, then the idea had wormed its way into his head and he had shaved. To say the very least he regretted it.
It had been two weeks since he had shaved, and there was any hair to show for it. He should have weighed all the possible out comes of shaving. He should have cued into the fact that his beard had already been pretty sparse before he shaved it, and that it might not come back.
Tony was inconsolable.
Clint watched Tony leave the room rubbing his face. Tony had seemed depressed for the past two days. Clint didn't like it. He had an idea.
"Hey guys," He interrupted the meeting.
"Clint! I am talking!" Steve scolded.
"Yeah, well can it. I want to say something," Clint snarked. Steve huffed, but clamped his mouth shut all the same.
"Am I the only who's noticed stark has been down for the past few days?" Clint started.
"He's always down," Everyone turned bug eyed to Peter who had just spoken. Peter was the last person on Earth that Clint expected to hear roasting Tony. The kid shrugged, "What?"
"Okay, more down?" Clint corrected himself.
"Yeah, I get what you're saying," Nat nodded in agreement.
"Why do you think that is?" Peter asked innocently.
"It's because he shaved," Rhodey answered the question frankley.
Thor snorted.
"Now guys, we don't know that for sure. It could be any number of things," Steve said exasperated, "It's not nice to gossip."
"Oh shove it Rogers," Pepper laughed from across the table. All eyes turned to the billionaire's wife, "We all know you were thinking it."
"Can we please get on with the meeting?" Steve mumbled shifting his feet. No one liked being called about by Pepper.
"Guys! You didn't let me finish!" Clint blurted, "I was going to suggest a way to cheer him up."
"Do tell," Pepper said keenly, and folded her hands on the table.
"Okay, it's been two weeks since he's been trying to grow the thing back, and he's got nothing to show for it," Clint looked around the room for dramatic effect and took in the nods of agreement, "Well the idea hit me yesterday when the lady's started talking about synced periods in that meeting."
"Oh gosh Clint! that disgusting! Why would you bring that back up!" Bruce spoke up for the first time. Bucky and Sam backed him with vigorous nods.
"You didn't let me finish!" Clint exclaimed angrily, "Let me explain. Women sync their periods when they like neer each other, because their bodies sense it right?"
"Clint how do you know so much about this?" Scott asked from his corner.
"Shut up Scott! I have a daughter. You hear things when you have a teen, Trust me buddy it won't be long before Cassy starts," Clint shut Scott up, "Any way they have like a sympathy period because of hormones. What if it works like that with beards? What if we all grow beards to get Tony's to grow back so he'll quit moping around?"
Pepper let out a laugh.
So did everyone else.
Clint didn't know what he had said that was so funny.
"I don't think that's how it works," Nat patted Clint's arm comfortingly.
"Oh."
"Let's do it anyway," Steve spoke up.
"Did I just hear you properly?" Bucky questioned Steve.
"Yeah... but I was thinking what if we did it more like a competition," Steve looked hurt by the shocked silence, "Oh, come on guys I can be fun!"
"May I interrupt this meeting?" FRIDAY interrupted the choruses of laughter.
"What is it?" Pepper asked. The TV turned on. It was the news.
"We are here to day at the 12th annual New York Pylon Race, and we have just received news that Tony Stark will be piloting his company's plane."
Pepper let out an audible gasp.
"How the hell did he even get there that fast?" Rhodey stood up so fast his chair tipped over. Clint buried his hand in his face as the camera panned over to the Stark Industries plane. Tony was perched on top of it smiling and waving. The view zoomed into where he was being interviewed from atop the plane.
"Well you see I have been thinking lately, that sometimes you have to get out and live a little," Tony was smiling for the camera.
"You're Iron Man, is that not living a little?" The reporter asked.
"I mean yeah, but I decided I wanted to do something new. You know? So I was thinking back to when I drove my race car in Monaco, and while that was a poor decision, I had the right idea."
The reporter nodded nervously.
"Plus, I'm sober this time!"
"Oh my dear goodness. We need to get his beard back," Clint said not taking his eyes off the TV.
Bruce was already springing to his feet.
"I might be able to make some kind of formula," Bruce volunteered. The beard competition had left everyone else's minds.
"Get on it, before my idiot husband gets himself killed," Pepper barked and stormed out of the room. She was probably leaving to try to put an end to Tony's little escapade. Clint hoped the woman succeeded.
Peter stared horrified at the TV. Why couldn't Mr. Stark be like most men, and just buy another sports car? Why did he have to shave and fly airplanes? Peter was actually convinced that the beard shaving was due to the midlife crisis, and the pylon racing was in reaction to the regret of the midlife crisis action.
"Well anyway. I am up! Wish me luck!" Peter watched in dismay as Mr. Stark gave two thumbs up, and closed himself in the plane.
"Son of a bitch is actually doing it," Steve breathed, eyes glued to the TV. Peter couldn't watch. He went to help Bruce.
3 hours later...
Tony had miraculously survived his little exploit in pylon racing (barely, he had clipped a pylon, and almost crashed and died).
"What the hell were you thinking???" Pepper roared, and Tony just sat silently on his hands not saying anything. (He had really enjoyed himself today even while almost crashing into the ocean)
"I don't know, I needed a change," Tony shrugged. He didn't get why she was so pissed. He hadn't actually died.
"You shaved your fucking goatee! that was a big change! Maybe to big a change!" Pepper was still roaring.
"The beard has nothing to do with this!" Tony shouted back. He suddenly felt a whole lot more defensive.
"Bull Shit!!!" Pepper shouted back.
"Bull shit to your bull shit!" Tony snarled back. Why did she have to bring up the goatee, or lack thereof?
"Gosh you are unbearable!" Pepper screamed. Tony suddenly got the feeling he should abort this argument. It was going down a bad path, "You are acting like your hair will never grow back! You are overreacting! Gosh you only given it two weeks!"
"This isn't about the beard!" Tony shouted back, "I was bored, and I wanted something new!"
"Tony, I swear to everything good on Earth if you are dying of something again and you don't tell me-"
"Dying?! WHAT??? No! I am just bored!"
"Well you need to find A HEALTHY WAY TO VENT!!! NOT TRYING TO FLY A FUCKING PLANE AT RIDICULOUS SPEEDS THROUGH PYLONS!!! I DON'T WANT YOU DEAD!!!" Pepper's voice was only getting loader. Tony just shook his head. He didn't feel like putting up with this right now.
"You know what Pepper? I flew that plane earlier," Her glare increased, "And guess what, I ENJOYED it!" Tony spat.
Pepper gasped.
"Oh I know! It is so horrible that I actually enjoyed myself!" Tony hopped up onto the stool he had been sitting on. Pepper got a dangerous look in her eye. "You know what Pep? I am actually HAPPIER without my beard! This is the new me! The me that has fun for a change!"
"You know what asshole!" Pepper's words stung and Tony wasn't sure why, "I am not dealing with your bullshit tonight! I am going to go to bed, and when you are calmed down and not being a fucking suicidal maniac you can come join me in bed."
With that Pepper left.
It dawned on Tony then that was their biggest fight since they had been married. Tony resigned himself to liquor cabinet.
The truth of the matter was, he wanted his goatee back. He didn't like the new Tony.
Pepper woke around 3 A.M. Tony was not in bed next to her. Pepper sat up disturbed. They had never had a fight that big, at least not since they got married. She slipped out of bed. She should probably check on him.
Pepper discovered Tony sitting at the counter with a bottle of vodka in front him. He staring at the glass with the clear liquid in it. Pepper opened her mouth to fuss at him. He should not be drinking.
"Nah-ah" Tony held up a finger and shushed her, "I haven't touched it."
Pepper was confused.
"Then may I ask what you are doing?"
"Calming down," Tony said still not breaking his gaze away from the glass.
"By not drinking?" Pepper asked slowly.
"Exactly."
"So why do you have the-"
"Sssh Pep. It's a process."
Pepper wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to know. After a few more intense minutes, Tony slid the glass away, and let his head flop down onto the counter.
"You were right."
"I know," Pepper stated. She knew very easily how to tell when Tony was regretting something.
"Sorry I was so stupid," Tony said still not picking his head up from the counter. Pepper sighed and decided it was probably time to be less harsh and more loving. She walked over and sat next to him.
"Wow the new you is apologetic," Pepper joked.
"It was all bullshit," He banged his head on the counter a few times, "I am getting too old to do stupid stuff now."
Pepper patted him on the back.
"I just got-- I didn't like it so I thought 'hey if I shave I might feel younger!' and 'hey if I do stuff I younger me would do maybe I won't feel so old'" Tony looked up at Pepper sadly.
She nodded understandingly.
"Mid life crisis?" Pepper joked.
"Mid life crisis." Tony confirmed.
Pepper put her hand on his cheek soothingly, and smiled. It was rough. Hair was growing back.