Whispers
Dex had arrived for work earlier then usuall, his thoughts had haunted him all through the night. The conversation between him and Fisk had repeated itself again and again inside his head. He looked for you, even asked if others had seen you before it dawned on him that it was not even time for your shift yet. He remembered how Dr. Mercer had told him to concentrate on his breathing to keep himself calm, and that was what he did. Dex ignored the buzzing he was hearing, as he took a seat in the surveillance room. He watched the minutes go by, until the minutes turned to hours. The buzzing in his ears was getting louder when he decided to get up and ask around if anyone had seen you arrive. He had even asked Agent James if he had seen you today. He made his way to the room where Nadeem had his office, he knocked quickly but did not wait for an answer as he walked inside. Nadeem looked up from some file he was holding in suprise “Dex. I was not expecting you.” “Ray. Yeah.. uhm I was wondering if you have seen (y/n) today? Or if you had heard something from her yet ?” he hoped his distress was not visible to Nadeem. “No, I have not heard anything from her yet, or seen her. Perhaps she’s just running late, Dex.” Nadeem looked at his watch for a moment “I’m sure she’ll be here soon. Alright, Dex?” he looked at Dex worried for a moment. Dex rubbed his hand on his jacket as his palms were starting to sweat “Yeah. Sure. Thanks, Ray.” Dex felt a heaviness fall on his shoulders as he left Nadeem’s office. It was not like you to be late he thought as he sat back down on the chair in the surveillance room. Or perhaps it was and he never knew the real you. He tried his best to shake the thought but it was scratching at the surface, leaving deep claw marks. He held his clenched hand against his mouth. The buzzing was getting louder and it soon turned to be deafening. His eyes focused on the screens in front of him as the buzzing got louder, it became whispers. Your internal compass isn’t broken, Dex. He heard Dr. Mercer’s say it just works better with a North Star to guide you. She will abandon you. Fisk’s voice echoed in Dex’s mind and he leaned toward the screens. Then you’ll rely on our structure. A tidy physical space. A disciplined… Dr. Mercer’s voice reminded him. Dex, I need you to know that whatever happens I’ll always be here for you. He heard your voice as he remembered what you said. Fisk’s voice was becoming stronger, louder over the others She is using you to help Daredevil get to me, you are but a pawn in their game. She never would’ve understood you, the real you. She would never have accepted you, and society won’t either. “It’s all over the papers. Dex? Dex? DEX!” He looked up and saw that Agent Alvarez was trying to get his attention. She gave him a worried look. Dex cleared his throat and leaned back in the chair “What?” he asked her as she was holding a tray with two coffees. She was reluctant to show him the newspaper she was carrying with her “They’re throwing you under the bus.” she finally says and Dex takes the newspaper from her hands. FBI INVESTIGATES ONE OF THEIR OWN was written in bold white letters on the front page. A picture of himself under it. His eyes widened in shock when he saw it. “I’m sorry, Dex.” she said as she placed a coffee on the table for him “ It isn’t right..” She left the room and Dex was trembling as he couldn’t take his eyes off of the newspaper. Dex felt like he was drowning and without the light of his North Star he didn’t know if he was reaching for the surface or descending to the bottom. It was as if a fog had found it’s way inside his head. He couldn’t see clear anymore, as the whispers were the only thing keeping him company in the fog. He was sitting at the table, Special Agent Hattley and supervisory Special Agent Winn from OPR were in front of him. Their voices barely reaching him through the fog. “Seems unfair. It’s an optics thing.” Hattley’s voice reached him. “I can assure you, there will be an immediate investigation into how this leaked.” Winn told him. Dex tried to concentrate on their voices but they barely reached him, the whispers were demanding his attention. “Think of it as a paid vacation.” he heard her say. “Take a minute, if you need, to pack things up.” He took took his gun and badge and as he placed it on the table he heard Dr. Mercer’s voice in the whispers. We prepared for this. You’re gonna get a job..with a nice rigid structure. You’re gonna stick to your meds. Learn to stay calm. He stood up in silence, not uttering a word to Winn or Hattley as he left the room. He knew the other agents were talking about it when he stepped outside the room as he saw the newspapers in their hands. His eyes still sought yours but part of him already knew he would not see them anymore. Nadeem walked into the room, he must know too by now. “You got a minute ?” Dex asked him. Nadeem kept his voice low “ Yeah. Sure, Dex.” he said as he walked with him to the side a bit. “They’re..they’re puttin’ me on leave, Ray. They’re..they’re.. uh” Dex stammered as he spoke. Nadeem noticed Dex’s panicking “ Hey, First thing you have to do is take a breath, all right ?” But Dex couldn’t, he was barely hanging on “Did you hear anything from (y/n) yet?” Nadeem shook his head “No, I haven’t, I’m sorry, Dex. But.. hey.. everything’s is gonna be okay.” Dex noticed how Nadeem avoided to look at him. “Then look me in the eyes when you say that.” Nadeem’s eyes snapped to his “Hey, I’m on your side here.” “I can’t get shut out, man. I need this job. Please. There’s gotta be something you can do.” he pleaded to him. “ I made a point to commend your conduct in my shooting report. So did Agent (y/n)." Dex heard Dr. Mercer’s voice surface in the whispers again making the sound of Nadeem’s voice fade out. You see how alone you are? Dex, Tell me..what’s making you scared? It’s just you surrounded by all this emptiness. You see how alone you are? He heard your voice say. “You got nothing to worry about.” Nadeem patted him on the shoulder before he walked away. Dex’s breathing was rapid again.