Battle all around. Chaos. Death. An unimaginable cold feeling at seeing his closest friends die. His love's body broken and contorted in a way no living could be. As Tony stared at all this he felt a cold dagger pierce his back.
Jerking around he saw... nothing. Tony turned and turned looking for who harmed him, but everything had disappeared. Everything grew dark. He couldn't see.
Pain slowly bloomed within Tony's head as his mind went hundred miles an hour. What was going on? What happened? Everything was fine a few minutes ago. They, the Avengers, were fighting some low level villain, nothing too interesting. Tony didn't even remember his name, the guy was no fun at all. He'd rather be back home and have fun with...
Oh nooo.... He was hit by that guy and was thrust into a building... Everything came crashing down and suddenly breathing seemed so much harder. Tony tried looking at himself, but he still couldn't see. And as soon as he started remembering the intense pain radiating from his stomach as his armor was pierced... by something. He didn't know. How could he not know? He crashed into the building, everything came falling down and... pain.
Oh fuck. Is this death? Tony really hoped this wasn't death. That would really ruin his mood. Tony Stark killed by a low rank villain, because he was not paying attention to the boring battle and instead flirted with his boyfriend. Who was he to blame for that? That was a way better use of his time than that villain. Even though that had probably killed him now.
Well. No regrets then! Tony thought through his headache. Seriously. If this is death why does he still have a headache? And why does his stomach still hurt like a bitch? ...ok, so maybe he wasn't dead, but honestly the situation didn't seem good either. The pain in his stomach reminding him very acutely that if he survived this, it was a close call. Too close actually.
“Anthony...” A low voice murmured in the back of his mind... hey, he knew that voice! It was his incredibly handsome boyfriend, no one else could have a wonderful, soothing and sexy voice like that! Now that beautiful guy was chuckling in his mind.
“Yes, it's me Anthony. And may I say that even unconscious your words are the most flattering?”
Tony preened at that compliment, hard as it was to get them out of his boyfriend. Wait, unconscious, duhh, this was just an imagination. He could think of worse unconscious nightmares like all his dead friends and his lover contorted in a way no living could...
“Hey hey, Anthony! No drifting off here. I know it seems completely crazy, but I'm actually talking to you unconscious as you may be, so concentrate on me, the real me and nothing else. I was not injured badly and neither were any of your friends. So just stay with me for a while, yes?”
Oh. Sure, Tony could do that, if he didn't need to worry about his friends. But what would he want? Why talk to Tony like this and not wait until he woke up?
“You might not wake up, Anthony. You got injured very badly and they... they're not sure you'll make it, Anthony.”
So almost dead? Tony could handle that. Been there, done that. That kinda thing. Nothing to worry about that badly. Maybe he'd just sleep for a bit longer before waking up...
“Anthony! I'm serious! Please... stay with me. Come on, I need to ask you something, love.”
Tony perked up then. Had Loki just given him an incredibly cheesy pet name? Yes, seems like he did. Being Loki's boyfriend for a while now, he knew that pet names were rare if not nonexistent, but that didn't matter. Tony gave him enough pet names to make up for that. Still, this made him incredibly happy.
Loki in his mind snorted adorably at that. “Yes, you do give me more than enough pet names for multiple life times, love. Are you fully with me again?”
Tony would have nodded now, if he were not, well, unconscious and unable to move his actual body in any kind of way. So it was more like a mind nod. If that was even possible.
“Ok, that's good enough. Anthony. The doctors aren't sure you'll make it, so here I am to offer you a way in which you'll definitely survive, you understand?”
Surviving did sound nice. Tony could think of a ton of better things to do right now then be surrounded by complete darkness... or maybe the darkness was ok if he could also feel his boyfriend's touch...
“Anthony, you have more important things to think about right now than sex. And I know you're about to interrupt me again and continue to drift off, but let me ask you my question first, understood?”
Tony rolled his imaginative eyes. Fiiiine, he would listen to Loki. But only because he had a beautiful voice.
Loki sighed and his next words came to Tony's mind with a weird sense of urgency. “Anthony, will you allow me to feed you a golden apple, my love?”
Golden apple? Like in those old stories?
“Yes, exactly like that, Anthony. The apples have healing powers too. If you let me feed it to you, you'll definitely survive. You'll survive and be as immortal as any other Asgardian. What do you say, love?”
He didn't need that. Why would Tony need a golden apple when Loki was right there?
“Anthony, I'm speaking to you with magic. That's how you can hear me, otherwise you wouldn't. This is a serious situation. Stay with me, please, Anthony.”
Whoa, that was the second time Loki said “please” in one conservation! This really had to be serious then, seeing Loki's usual despise of the word. Tony could get used to hearing Loki use it so often, in all kind of situations- No, he didn't need a golden apple. He got out of way worse alive, he didn't need an apple to survive now.
Loki stayed quiet for a while and Tony began to suspect he might be gone when he heard Loki's voice again, sounding somehow strange... “Ok... ok. I won't... feed you the apple. I won't. But please, Anthony, promise me. Promise me you'll stay alive, please. I don't want to lose you, not so soon.”
Tony hummed in confirmation. Of course he'd survive for Loki. His beautiful, gorgeous boyfriend and his heavenly voice that had said the magic word so often by now.
Tony thought he kept hearing Loki saying please -as if the word was really magic- and other soothing things as Tony's mind sank back into the deep dark. His mind falling as unconscious as his body once again.
When Tony next became aware of something, he heard a low murmur tickling his ears. Warm breath on his nose and a warm hand in his own. Oh and yeah, the pain his stomach was also still very much there. Ouch.
Loki was next to him and whispering sweet nothings to him though. A great distraction for the pain.
Shifting his head to the side, so that he could catch those beautiful lips of his lover in his own, he opened his eyes. Catching a glimpse of Loki's wonderfully green eyes, before Tony snapped his own shut again. You could warn a guy that there was way too much light in the room! Not like he could have predicted that, seeing how long he was obviously out.
Carefully opening his eyes again Tony saw Loki's filled with so, so much emotion and the other man caught his lips in a soft kiss.
When they parted Loki's eyes were still brimming with tears, but a small smile played across his lips. “You survived.” Loki's voice barely more than a whisper and hoarse from talking to Tony the whole time he was unconscious and on death's doorsteps.
“Of course I did, silly. I said I survived much worse before, didn't I?” Tony grinned at Loki. Though he let if drop again pretty quickly. The pain in his stomach making itself known again.
“You are incorrigible, love” Loki said with a laugh and pressed one soft kiss after the other to Tony's face.
From that day on Loki kept calling him his love and every time it made Tony's heart flutter way more than he would ever admit. They may have already admitted to their feelings for each other before, but this constant reminder... it made Tony happy.
But despite their love, bad things always happened in the life of one Tony Stark.
And immortality? Tony didn't understand why Loki offered that... The god would leave him sooner or later and Tony didn't want to spend all that time alone.
Half a year later Tony got attacked during a business meeting. Caught unaware, they managed to kidnap him.
Though Tony never found out for what reason they did. Barely five minutes could have passed since Tony woke up again in an empty room besides the chair he was sitting on, chained to actually, when he started hearing a hectic commotion outside.
Suddenly the door opened and one of the henchmen of the day entered. He seemed quite frantic and panicked, but looking towards Tony he laughed cruelly. “Hello, Mr. Stark. Our secret base here doesn't seem as secure as we thought. You know. Since your boyfriend is currently killing everyone here.”
Tony couldn't help snorting at that. What did these guys expect Loki to do? Just sit around and wait until they contacted him nicely about conditions to get Tony back? Yeah, no. Tony was about to say something about that, but the guy lost his laugh and approached Tony.
Oh, he sure hoped Loki would come get him before this guy did whatever he was planning to do. You know, with that crazed look already telling Tony too much. This was a guy that knew he'd be dying in a few minutes and had nothing to lose anymore. Tony gulped and worked against the restraints that kept his hands behind his back, but it didn't help.
The guy only started grinning again. “Oh, Mr. Stark. You know as well as me that that's not going to help.” The man was right in front of him now. Tony tried to kick him but his feet were also chained to the chair. “And I know running won't help me anymore. So I thought since I'm going to lose everything in a few minutes, I'll let Loki lose something precious to him as well.”
With that the guy pulled the arc reactor out of Tony's chest, turned around and exited the room.
Killed by a random henchmen without a name. Tony didn't even know what kind of organization this was.
Tony laughed bitterly and slumped back in the chair.
Tony chocked on the laugh as the pain set in and his vision became blurry. Dying a useless death in order to spite his boyfriend one last time. It wouldn't even hurt Loki that bad, he was sure. He knew Loki would mourn, but with the age of that guy and how long of his lifespan was still left? Loki would move on quickly. Find new lovers here and there... Tony just a part of the masses. Thor had warned him in the beginning after all that Loki usually didn't keep lovers for long. Tony was grateful to at least have been a bit of an exception before his death...
As time slowly went on agonizingly slow, Tony's mind slipped further and further.
Startling awake Tony realized he was trapped all around, but... that were arms hugging him tightly. It was an easy guess who this was and Tony moved his weak arms to hug his boyfriend in return. Loki sobbed when Tony squeezed the others back lightly.
“Anthony, I swear to you if you do something like this again, you'll regret it until the day you die.” Loki told Tony later, once they were back at the tower, alone. After they managed to calm everyone down again.
“What? Not gonna threaten me that you'll kill me?” Tony teased Loki lightly with a shit-eating grin that faltered again at the face Loki made. Tony scratched the back of his head and his eyes strayed to the side. “Sorry, that was probably too soon, huh?”
“Yes, it was.”
Time passed and both of them kept quiet, immersed in their own thoughts of that almost loss.
That man, still nameless and he will forever be, managed to almost kill Tony so easily. Too easily. Just because he slipped in that one meeting and was caught unaware. That wouldn't do, Tony decided. Wouldn't do at all.
“I think it's about time.” Tony said in the end, tapping his reactor. At Loki's confused look Tony clarified his thoughts. “Time to finally get this reactor taken out. It's gonna be a risky procedure still, but by now that risk is smaller than random villains somehow taking it from me.”
For a second Loki's face brightened, but soon it was filled with worry again. Tony understood it. A small risk is still a risk, but taking it would yield more good than bad in the long run.
Later that night Loki asked him again. “Would you eat a golden apple then? With it you'll be sure to survive the operation, Anthony.”
“Nah, I'm confident I'll survive that with my own strength, Lokes.”
And of course he did. He always did.
He didn't need Loki's apple, because the other would only regret giving it to Tony in the end. He was sure.
A few years later the two of them married.
Tony had been the one to ask the question and Loki immediately agreed, a bright smile on his face.
Now on their wedding night they lay next to each other peacefully after a long day with a lot of fun.
It was only later when Tony was on the brink of falling asleep that Loki spoke up again. “Anthony, would you like to eat an apple?”
Tony snorted. “An apple? Where'd that come from, sweetheart?” Loki kept quiet until Tony's brain caught up with what Loki meant. “You mean a golden apple? Do I need to worry, Lokes? Last time you offered me I was almost dying. But I'm not right now, so why would I need one now when I didn't need it then?”
Loki looked up at the ceiling, quiet again. Only when Loki almost fell asleep again did Loki answer. “I suppose you're right. If you say you don't need one, then I won't ask again, love.”
It's warm and cozy.
If everything would go Tony's way he could just lie there forever. A cozy, warm bed. Sunshine coming in from the window to warm his face. A slightly cool hand holding one of his own, it's a good temperature. Grounding him a bit when his mind is so prone to wander.
Even while everything was so comfortable and telling him to sleep, he didn't.
Though he also didn't open his eyes.
Just listening to his wonderful husband telling him stories. Funny stories about his past. His best pranks. Stories of their time together. Their best dates. The best pranks they did on the other Avengers together.
From time to time Loki stopped talking and Tony liked to imagine it was because he was out of breath from talking so much while Tony only listened. Though he knew it wasn't like that. That didn't mean he'd have to admit it to himself. He could pretend to not hear Loki crying. He did so quietly after all and Tony was old.
Did Loki know that Tony only listened about half the time while drifting in a comforting haze the other time? He was about to tell Loki, but it was so warm and nice...
Tony didn't say anything and continued savoring the feeling.
The sun slowly wandered over his face until it's setting and it turned dark.
Loki must have left at some point, because when Tony woke up again he was alone in the dark of his room.
Tony tried to sit up, but he knew it to be useless. He'd been too weak to stand up for a few months now and in the past week he hadn't even been able to sit up on his own.
He knew that the doctors didn't think he had a lot of time left and that they didn't want him to know.
Loki also knew. He's been sitting next to him every day. Would probably stay glued to his side the whole day if Thor or someone else didn't get him.
A few months ago living in the tower had become too hard for him and while he would never admit it out loud, it was better in this retirement home now.
Being surrounded by everyone had just become too painful at some point. You know, things just get weird when a lot of your friends age at a different rate, may it be due to being space alien gods or due to taking some kind of serum in the past. Besides Tony felt like he was aging faster than all the others after a life with his irresponsible lifestyle. Oh yeah, not to forget the thing he carried around in his chest for years. That had never helped his health either, besides keeping him from immediately dying.
So now he was here. In a retirement home and alone in the middle of the night with too much time to think and not enough time left overall.
Wryly smiling Tony turned his head to look out of the window. He was alone and it was the middle of the night. No one watching him, giving him a privacy he didn't have in daytime with Loki. It was just pathetic. To regret things like this now in the quiet and dark without his husband he still loved so much and he missed Loki's slightly cool body next to his. His breathing. His beating heart.
Why had he refused the three chances that he had? He didn't understand his younger self. Actually that's a lie. He did understand, but he just couldn't feel the conviction behind his reasoning anymore. The logic was still solid and ground. Loki was bound to grow tired of Tony at some point and leaving him, but if he had chosen to be as immortal as Loki he could have always found someone else. Only that he knew that there never would be someone else.
In the end, Tony regretted leaving Loki before the other had grown tired of him. No matter how many years they had been together, Tony would never believe that what they had would be forever. But like this...?
Tony left Loki behind grieving and it frustrated him. He hated it that he would do that to his sweetheart. Wished that Loki had just grown tired of him sooner, wished that Loki wouldn't have to go through this heartbreak. Wished he didn't hear him cry by his side every day...
Didn't matter what Tony himself thought about it in the end though. Since he was the one dying and all. No time for regrets anymore.
In the privacy of his dark room with only the stars watching him, Tony quietly let his emotions flow. He was an old man after all, there was no use in lying to himself anymore. Soon Tony fell asleep again in the warmth of his room.
Tony woke up well into the afternoon to Loki telling him about the first time they went to Vegas. They tried every possible game out together back then and it had turned out that Loki was horrible at any machine based game. Lady Luck just wasn't with him in that regard. But card games, ohhh card games. Tony remembered the first time Loki played poker, he'd cleared the whole table and later that evening they had continued that game in their hotel suite with slightly different prices. Definitely one of their best nights together early on in their relationship.
Tony sighed happily at the memory, smiling at Loki. Beckoning the other man closer he gave him a chaste kiss, not one of Tony's best, but he was old and Loki didn't seem to mind, only resting his forehead against Tony's and looking him into the eyes.
“Did you want something, love?”
“No, only wanted to see your eyes, sweetheart. You know I love them. I love you.” Tony bit on his lower lip, wincing minimally. Here he was making it harder for Loki again. He didn't need to love a dying man, while looking so young himself.
Loki laughed softly and Tony averted his gaze from Loki's face to the outside . “I love you too, Anthony”
Following Tony's gaze Loki looked outside as well and a soft smile spread over his face. “It's a beautiful day, huh? Fall really is starting to kick in now and beautiful like always. All the leaves falling from the trees, the days getting shorter...” Tony heard the unsaid comment about winter being around the corner as well. Though Loki probably didn't think of only one type of winter...
Days also getting shorter for Tony...
Looking out, Tony wished he was there, outside. Looking back at Loki, he saw the other had already returned his gaze to him. Grinning crookedly, Tony weakly gestured to the window. “Wanna take me on a walk outside, Lokes?”
“Of course!” Loki was up immediately and helped Tony into the wheelchair that had stood in the corner of his room, just waiting to be used. As Loki pushed him to the exit some doctors looked at them as if they wanted to protest, but a glare from Loki shut all of them up.
Outside Tony breathed in deeply. He knew that air inside had been just as good as out here, but it still felt so much more freeing out here.
A comfortable silence reigned between Loki and Tony, as Loki pushed Tony through the fallen leafs. When was the last time Tony actively enjoyed nature like this? He'd forgotten how beautiful fall truly was.
He thought about mundane little fall dates. Walking through a forest, seeing all the different colors of the trees. Walking close to another, holding hands to seek slight comfort from the chilly wind heralding the winter. Getting insanely sweet coffee while talking about the most inane thing. Slowly transitioning to wearing scarfs and beanies to keep the head warm. Still holding hands. Always holding hands. Hot coffee, hot cocoa... anything hot and sweet. Walking, laughing, happiness.
Tony doesn't know when they came to a stop, but Loki was standing next to him, hand on his shoulder between two big trees, watching out at the landscape and a sun that was beginning to set.
It was breathtakingly beautiful.
The sun turned golden on the horizon, reminding Tony oh so much of an golden apple and without thinking he raised his weak hand, as if wanting to pluck the sun from the sky and take it into his hands.
With this sight, Tony suddenly couldn't keep his mouth shut and words unwittingly left it.
“I regret it. I regret refusing you so many times. Selfishly thinking about how I don't want to live to see the day when you leave me, I... I was selfish. Choosing to die, rather than facing my own fears. Fears of you leaving me, but here I am! The asshole that is leaving you. Breaking your heart. You don't hide it as well as you think, dear. I'm hurting you. This is hurting you. I don't know what I did to deserve a wonderful person like you that could love a selfish guy like me.”
Tony didn't know at what point he had started crying. But tears were falling from his eyes now, just like the words were.
“God, Loki, how don't you hate me?! You asked me on our wedding night if I'd want to be married to you for a time longer than a normal human could comprehend. And I refused!! How did you not dump me right then? I've broken your heart over and over again, by refusing and refusing and refusing once more, only to start growing old without you! And now I'm old, broken and as good as dead and you still care for me so much... I just...”
Without Tony realizing Loki had kneeled down in front of Tony, carefully wrapping long arms around his husband.
Tony sobbed, old and broken.
“I just wish I had said yes to that damn apple.”
Loki gasped softly. Gingerly cradling Tony's face in his long fingers, Loki shushed him. “Anthony, shhh. It's alright, love. It's alright. Come on, dear. Your smile has always been more beautiful than your tears. Even though you're still stunning like this, but I want to see your eyes clearly. Everything's alright, dear. Hush now and look at me.”
Tony rolled his eyes through the tears. “Am not a little child, sweetheart.”
Laughing more lightly than in a few years, Loki wiped the tears from Tony's face. “If you don't want me treating you like one, then you should stop behaving like one, love.”
Tony snorted at that. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry, Lokes. Guess I'll continue acting my age now, huh? Wise and old and all that crap.” Winking Tony put on his best public smile. “Though technically you're the older one here, so get your act up, sweetie!”
Loki's laugh was music to Tony's ears and he was grateful to be able to hear it again, even if it would be one of the last times.
Loki sobered up quickly though and pinned Tony with a serious look. “Anthony.”
Tony squirmed lightly under Loki's gaze. “Yes, Loki?”
“Anthony.” Loki gently took Tony's hands in his own. “Just because I stopped asking... doesn't mean I stopped wanting. I didn't think anything could ever change your mind after those three times. So I told you I wouldn't ask again, so that you wouldn't have to break my heart over and over. I never wanted you to feel guilty for that... There was nothing you could have done at that time, Anthony.”
Brushing over Tony's palms, Loki opened his hands and gently placed something in them. “But there is something you can do right now, love. Just answer me honestly and I'd be the happiest man alive.”
Tony just nodded. Somehow he was not able to look anywhere but Loki's eyes. It felt like this was so important. How could something so important still happen now? He was as good as dead... Tony couldn't wrap his mind around what Loki was talking about.
“Anthony Stark. I'll ask you this again, once more, because previously I didn't make it clear enough that I'd never stop offering this to you.”
At that Loki lifted Tony's hands up, showing him what he put into them.
“Will you eat this golden apple, my love?”
Tony looked from the golden apple in his hands to Loki and back multiple times, before breathlessly saying, “yes.”
Loki smiled brightly, but continued. “And will you marry me the old Asgardian way?”
Startled Tony stared at Loki with wide eyes. Thor had mentioned that before. Back in the old, old days Asgardians bonded for life... in a much more permanent way than human marriage. Loki couldn't be serious, could he? So Tony just stared, uncomprehending to what Loki could mean.
The other only smiled more brightly. “Anthony. I don't know how else to tell you this, but you are the light of my life. I'd happily be bonded with you forever. I'm never going to leave you. Your fears aren't real... But you don't need to answer right now. We still have forever after all and if you ever change your mind, please don't tell me on the cusp of death again, you infuriating mortal.”
Well, not actually forever yet. Tony thought and lifted the apple to his mouth taking a small bite and chewing slowly to savor the flavor. He was never an apple guy, but this one actually tastes amazing. And Loki? Loki somehow seemed even happier now, Tony couldn't quite wrap his head around how the guy hasn't hit peak happiness yet, but he's not complaining. He loves seeing his, well, love happy after all.
Is there too much love going on right now? Probably not, Tony decided as he took another bite of the apple.
Not even sparing the apple even a glance as he ate it, Tony fully concentrated on Loki. The apple was only a means to an end for him, after all. He's not done with Loki yet and Loki didn't seem to be either. Speaking of which...
Tony finishes the apple, core and all, he even licked his fingers savoring the last tastes of the apple. Somehow Tony felt more refreshed than he has in many years after eating it if he was honest. Immortality, huh?
Looking at Loki's happy face gave Tony a push he didn't know he needed.
He loved Loki. Loki loved him. Tony hoped that was enough.
“So, when did you wanna marry again, sweetheart? In your old as fuck Asgardian way I mean.”
Commitment issues and fear of being left be damned, he already ate that damn apple and that seems like a pretty final nail in the coffin, so why not do this too?
And if that didn't make Loki hit peak happiness, then it was at their second wedding, this time more final, a few weeks later.
And Tony realized he wasn't scared anymore, but happy as well.