At first, Steve thinks it’s adorable.
They’re not supposed to stay on the farm for long, just for a week. It was supposed to be two weeks – Pepper had set out a time in Tony’s schedule for that, and both Sam and Natasha reassured Steve that they’d be able to run the team just fine without him for the time period – but they know each other too well to think they’d be able to have this much downtime without growing agitated. A week is already more vacation than either of them has taken in years.
Steve doesn’t regret agreeing to it. The farm is beautiful and calm, isolated enough that they don’t have to worry about any reporters sneaking in to get an exclusive interview with the world’s most famous superhero couple.
They spend the first two days almost entirely in bed. By the morning of the third day, Steve forces himself to untangle from Tony long enough to go for a run and check out the animals. The owners have workers that keep them fed, but Steve has a great time doing it himself. He makes friends with the cows, brushes the horses and gives corn to the chickens.
At lunchtime, he goes back to the house to attempt to convince Tony to go horseback riding with him.
“Frankly, honey, I think it’s best for both of us when you’re the only one doing the riding,” Tony says, but Steve rolls his eyes and pulls him by the hand and he complies.
When they get to the ranch, Steve goes to find the horses. He picks the calmest and oldest of them to pull towards Tony, who practically hides at Steve’s back.
“I’ve seen you fight actual homicidal aliens without batting an eye.”
Tony shrugs, wide eyes still very attentively watching the horse. “I wasn’t riding them.”
Then, it happens.
A little piglet, probably having escaped away from its mom, approaches them. It’s small, chubby and pink, and it’s apparently very excited to see Tony, so, yeah, Steve thinks: Adorable.
“Oh, hey, who are you?” Tony asks when the piglet gets very close, sniffing his shoes. “Well, that’s very forward for someone who can’t tell me their name, but because you’re adorable I’ll allow it.” He takes the piglet in his hands, and it squeaks in excitement, fighting to rub its nose on Tony’s cheek, as if it wants to kiss him. “That’s very flattering, buddy, but I’m taken.”
“Yeah, he is,” Steve says, stepping closer to Tony, crossing his arms and giving the piglet his best Captain America glare.
Tony laughs, accomplishing Steve’s goal. The piglet, not in on the joke, clings to Tony’s chest nervously. “Aww, look at that. Are you afraid of the mean scary Captain? Let’s go look for your mom and get away from him.”
Tony starts walking towards the pig pen, nodding for Steve to follow him, but, anytime he gets too close, the piglet squeaks and squirms in Tony’s arms.
That, in Steve’s opinion, is a little less adorable.
As the day goes on, it grows from “not so adorable” to “downright annoying”.
The piglet openly ignores his mom when they get to her, choosing to instead keep following Tony. Steve tells Tony that, if he wants to take the piglet inside the house, he needs to bathe him, and Tony obliges. He gives the piglet such a good clean up that by the time he finishes, Steve has to admit he doesn’t even look like a farm animal. He looks fresh and happy and smelling of soap, and stays on Tony’s lap. He’s there all day - when they eat, when they watch television, even when Tony is looking at some schematics at his tablet.
Tony doesn’t mind, though. He names him Piglet, because of a cartoon Steve hasn’t seen yet knows by name, and gladly cuddles Piglet when he wants him to, which is all the time, apparently.
Steve wouldn’t mind either, if Piglet wasn’t unable to not express his dislike for him at every opportunity. He doesn’t let Steve get any closer to Tony without squeaking, and having to stay at arms-length from his boyfriend during their vacation wasn’t really in Steve’s plans.
Tony seems to be enjoying it, though, so Steve tries to act normally. He takes a few pictures, because he’s only human, and Tony gently cradling a small animal in his arms makes him all warm inside. He reads, draws and goes horse riding on his own.
At night, though, he draws the line at having Piglet sleep with them. “Is he even clean enough for that?”
“Hey, don’t talk like that, you’re gonna hurt his feelings,” Tony says, patting Piglet’s head. He’s sitting at the bed, and Piglet’s on his lap, where he’s been for the past three hours, and where Steve would have liked to rest his head while he was getting through The Silmarillion for the third time.
Steve crosses his arms. “Put him outside, Tony.”
“Hmm, bossy.” Tony grins while standing up, taking Piglet in his hands. “Ok, buddy, this room is gonna get inappropriate for baby pigs in a moment, so I guess you’re going. Feel free to use the couch.”
He walks outside, and Steve lays on the bed, trying to not show how satisfied he feels. A moment later, Tony’s back, closing the door behind him.
“So,” he drawls, walking slowly towards the bed. “You wanted to see me alone, Captain?”
“Since I didn’t get to do it the whole day, yeah,” Steve says, grinning while sitting up. He holds Tony’s waist and pulls him closer for a slow, long kiss, basking in his warmth and scent. He isn’t even thinking about sex, focusing just on how great it is to feel Tony’s body against his, his solid and wonderful presence enveloping Steve as he throws his arms around Steve’s neck, deepening the kiss.
They’re interrupted by a loud squeak coming from outside.
Oh, come on, Steve thinks. Tony pulls away, a bit puzzled, and another squeak comes, louder and more desperate.
“Shit. Do you think he’s scared? It’s dark outside, maybe we should…”
Steve drags a hand over his face. “Bring him inside, Tony.”
Much to Steve’s chagrin, Tony doesn’t waste any time in getting away from him. He opens the door and Piglet just runs inside, squeaking happily while Tony gathers him in his arms.
Steve fights not to roll his eyes.
“There; there you go, buddy,” Tony coos, gentle and reassuring. He sits on the bed, holding Piglet carefully. Steve knows it’s ridiculous, but he can’t help but be annoyed, because he wanted to be cradled in those arms tonight. “I think he got used to the warmth. Tomorrow, I will build him a heated nest or something.”
“Okay,” Steve says, laying on his side of the bed and staring at the ceiling. He sighs, then sits up and starts gathering his covers.
“Hey, where are you going?”
“To the couch.”
“What?” Tony sounds absolutely puzzled. “Why?”
Steve gestures towards Piglet, who’s happily nuzzling Tony’s reactor. “He’s gonna be scared if I stay. He doesn’t really like me, if you haven’t noticed.”
“Oh, my God,” Tony says, slowly. He sits up and Piglet slides to his lap. “Is that why you’ve been grumpy all day?”
Steve frowns. “I haven’t been grumpy.”
“Yes, you have. A very polite type of grumpy, but still, totally grumpy.” Tony shakes his head in disbelief, smiling. “Are you jealous of a baby pig? Really?”
“No, I’m not,” Steve says, but he feels his cheeks flushing.
“Oh, my God, you totally are,” Tony says, grinning now. “That is simultaneously the most adorable and the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” He pats the bed right next to him. “Get your star-spangled ass here, right now.”
Steve looks at Piglet. “He’s going to squeak.”
“He squeaks all the time, that’s just his thing.” Tony lays down himself, holding Piglet up. Piglet, as if on cue, squeaks. “He just hasn’t gotten used to you yet. Here, hold him.”
“I can’t—“
“Come on,” Tony presses, pushing Piglet into Steve’s hands. “Hold him and give him a kiss.”
Steve has no choice but to take Piglet. His hands shake, a little worried about holding him too strongly and mushing him.
Piglet, apparently feeling his uncertainty, squeaks several times loudly.
“Oh, don’t be such a baby,” Tony chastises, rolling his eyes. He nestles closer to Steve. “He only bites when I ask him nicely.”
Piglet clearly doesn’t find that very reassuring, because he keeps squeaking and squirms against Steve’s hands.
“Tony,” Steve asks, slightly desperate. “Maybe you should—“
“Shhh. Give him time to get used to it, big guy.” Tony’s fingers hold Steve’s wrist, pulling his arms down until Steve’s holding Piglet right on top of his chest. “There, let him get settled. Then kiss him, and then I’m gonna give you several kisses for being so stupid and precious. Come on.”
Steve rolls his eyes, but he complies, lowering Piglet onto his chest. Piglet squirms a little, but then seems to relax, and Steve loosens his grip, hands hovering over the little pig as he lets him go. He half-expects Piglet to just run way to hide himself under Tony’s arm, but instead he stays, big dark eyes blinking at Steve with wariness as he tucks his little legs and lays down right in the middle of Steve’s pectorals.
“Look, he already found the best pillows of the house.”
Steve chuckles, and, in an impulse, leans forward and presses a kiss to Piglet’s head.
“Awwwww,” Tony coos dramatically. “Tomorrow I’m making you do that in front of a camera. What? I need a new phone background.”
Steve grins. He hugs Tony by the waist, careful to not bother Piglet, and pulls him closer. He’s warm and wonderful, and Steve’s grin widens until it hurts his cheeks.
“He really is cute,” Steve says, watching Piglet, who’s blinking slowly and clearly getting ready to sleep on top of his chest.
“Yeah,” Tony says, pressing a smacked kiss on Steve’s cheek. “But you’re cuter.”