Continuously

Four months. The last four months Steve, Natasha, and Sam have been searching for Barnes. One lead after another, and all leading to the same place, nowhere. It was exhausting and grueling for all of them, but have one another was truly keeping them each grounded.

Sam and Steve had an established trust being that the Falcon followed Steve on his journey deposit only knowing one another for such a short time. Steve's trust in Natasha was a granted, and Nat returned the feeling. However, Natasha being Natasha, at first she had a hard time trusting Sam. It's not like she didn't like him, she enjoyed his pleasant humor and not to mention he was a good cook, but it was hard for her to open up given her past.

One day two months into the whole investigation Natasha was in a very compromising position with a former enemy of hers and it would have been bad if not for Sam. He literally swooped her up from the ground and flew her out. From that day forward the trio became bonded and had a mutual respect and trust in one another.

Sam had even dubbed them the ‘Meadow Medley” which Natasha commented was the stupidest name ever. Sam went on to justify it because the three of them were like Bambi, Thumper, and Flower. Steve of course, was Bambi. Sam said because he's learning to navigate the new world and has a big heart. He told Natasha she is Thumper do to her awful temper and need to beat people up when angry, not to mention her sass. Sam claims that he is Flower because he is downright adorable. Natasha just said its because he smells, which earns a laugh from Steve.

The trio were all relaxing in the living room in their place of current inhabitants. A small hotel room in Melbourne is where they had taken residence for the last few days. Sam was reclining back in the arm chair while watching some silly cartoon, as Steve and Natasha were suspiciously close on the couch. They hadn’t even been watching the television as the redhead giggled whenever Steve would breathe down her neck. They were so cute, and it pissed Sam off.

Sure, he like both Steve and Natasha but it was like they were married, and he was the child they dragged along to everything. The thing that enraged him so much about the entire thing is that both of them are in such denial about their feelings. Sam knew Steve loved Natasha the minute he showed up at his doorstep more concerned for Natasha’s state than his own safety. Natasha however, was harder to get a read on. He had a few hunches about it after the events in DC and how she practically lived in Steve’s hospital room, but being in such close proximity confirmed the fact. Steve was usually a head case whenever Natasha insisted on venturing off on her own. Natasha often scolded Steve for putting himself in harm's way claiming she didn’t care how fast he heals, he needs to thin before he acts. Also, not to mention the fact that whenever the hotel room comes with two full sized beds and a pull out couch they always share a bed. Nat’s excuse is that Steve is an old man and the couch will give him a bad back.

Sam is drawn from his thoughts by a loud yelp.
“Rogers!” She jumps.
“What’d I do?” He asks with a shit eating grin.
He knew exactly what he did. His breath had been tickling Natasha’s neck for the past ten minutes and when he pressed his cold nose to her nape she squealed.
Nat glares at him and sits back down, on the other end of the couch.
Steve frowns.
“Nat come back, I’m cold.” He whines.
Natasha laughs and crawls back into his arms.
Sam scoffs audibly.
“Are you two for real? We are in Australia. In the Summer. Also, don’t you run hot Steve?” Sam challenges annoyed.
Natasha shushes him.
“Whatever Wilson, we’re trying to watch this.” The spy waves off. Steve was too busy playing with her hair to even notice Sam.
Sam rolls his eyes, and stands.
“I’m going to see if anythings come up.” He announces walking into the bedroom and reaching for his laptop.

Sam taps in his password as he clicks open the super top secret communication line Natasha set up as long as message boards deep in the dark web. It is an old shield, or Hydra computer she dug up. From investigation it belonged to Rumlow as his screen name is ‘Crossbones’, which they discover is his alias. As he skims the various tips surfacing onto the website, something stands out to him:
Winter Soldier sighting. Sources says he is heading for Belarus. Anyone who can have his body to me within twelve days time will receive fourteen million in cash upfront.
Sam rights down the finding on a notepad as he clicks the name of the man who posted it. After seeing the account he can confirm its truth, Natasha explained earlier that the man who went by ‘Vulture’ was rumored to be after Bucky vibranium arm that could make quadruple of what he is willing to pay. Jotting down the information on the small post it he walks back out into the living room to find Natasha leaning into Steves side as he draws something on his sketch pad.
“Got something.” He announces.
Natasha looks up, as Steve places down his pencil and pad.
“Vulture posted a tip about Barnes heading to Belarus. If we leave now we may be able to catch him.” Sam informs them.
Steve feels Natasha tense up and retreat from his hold quickly. Standing up, she matches into the next room and opens the communal laptop they share. Both Steve and Sam follow, eyeing her suspiciously. The red head stands over the screen looking at the post for at least ten minutes before anyone dares to speak.
“Nat?” Steve calls out concerned.
Her head snaps and her eyes look large.
“It’s real.” Is all she manages as her voice cracks slightly.
It's odd she says the fact really. They have cleared up long ago that about eighty five of the leads on the boards are significant, especially those from Vulture.
Steve turns to Sam like he would have the answer. Sam shrugs to the blonde dumbly as Natasha shuts the computer. Natasha just stands and stares at Steve, as if she is waiting for his command. Sure Steve is Captain, but when it came to these things he turned to Natasha given her experience in this. She seemed reluctant to follow this lead specifically.
“We leave tomorrow morning.” Steve instructs.
Sam looks dumbfounded, as Natasha nods slowly and pushes past them into the bathroom.

“What was that all about?” Steve asks with puppy dog like eyes.
“I dunno.” Sam said staring at the closed bathroom door.
“One of us should go talk to her.” Steve whispers.
Sam turns and furrows his brows.
“You say it like its up for debate. Last week she smacked me for asking if I could eat her oreos.” Sam points out.
Steve glares at Sam, clearly bothered by his irrelevant story during times like these.
Sam clears his throat.
“Well, I’ll just be out here.” Sam announces loudly, hoping Natasha will hear.
“Oh, and I’ll close the door too!” He finished slamming it for ample effect.
Steve face palms, and walks toward the bathroom.

“Nat?” He asks placing his ear onto the door.
He hears water running but after he calls for her it shuts off. Moments later the lock to the door clicks and the door opens. Water drips off Natashas face as she rings a towel through her hands.
“Everything alright?” He asks like an idiot.
Clearly not Steve. He scolds.
“Peachy Rogers.” She dead pans as she reaches into the drawer for a change of clothes.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to shower. I can trust you and Wilson can put your brains together and book the plane tickets.” She tells him as she pushes past him into the bathroom.
Steve doesn’t even have a chance to respond before the door is being closed in his face.

/

When Natasha had her sudden outburst the time was nearing eleven at night. Managing to take an hour long shower before the water was turning her skin an angry shade of red from the heat. Shutting off the faucet, she stepped out and wiped the condensation in the mirror as she looked at herself long and hard. Closing her eyes she gets a sudden flash from her childhood.

/

“Where are you taking me Madame?” She asked from the back of the car.
The blonde woman didn’t answer as she mumbled something to the driver.
Natasha was dumbfounded by the sight around her, the white snow covered the earth as it hung on tree branches making the sight even more captivating. Just a mere two days ago Natasha had been taken from the hospital and into the custody of a woman who who introduced herself as Madame B. Said woman explained that Natasha would be in safe hands with her.

In all honesty Natasha was scared and confused. When she woke up in the hospital the doctors explained to her that her parents would not be coming back as they were consumed by a fire that started in her house a week ago, and Natasha was the lone survivor. It was a lot, almost too much, for her to wrap her five year old brain around. ANd through her cries the staff assured her that she would be taken into good hands. Hence being placed with Madame B.

The car came to a halt as Natasha clutched the small teddy bear in her arms tighter. It had been all she had left, sure it was torn up and blackened with ash, but it was something.
“We are here Natalia.” She smiled deviously black.
Natasha opened the car door and placed her small feet at the ground looking up to the building in front of her eyes. Madame B grabbed her and hand smiled down at her.
“Where are we?” The small child asked.
“The red room.” Madame B smirks.
“Huh?” Nat asks.
“Don't worry Natalia. We will train you here, you will become exceptional, the best at what you do.” The woman tells her.
Natasha smiles.
“I finally get to dance?” The little girl asks hopeful.
When she first met Madame B, she had asked Nat what she liked to which Natasha answered ballet.
“Yes Natalia. You will finally get to dance.” Madame B says as she walks forward to the facility, Natasha’s hand in her own.

/

Natasha was hyperventilating at the memory. She clutched her chest tightly in attempts to calm herself down. After muttering the alphabet in mandarin four times (a trick Clint taught her), her breathing seemed to slow. Combing her her and changing into clothes she hung up her towel and left the bathroom. As she opened the door she noted Sam nor Steve was in the residential bed area yet, probably waiting for her to come out. Counting on the fact, she climbed into bed to avoid any further questions either may have had. Closing her eyes, she attempted to sleep.

/

Steve and Sam had managed to successfully purchase three plane tickets to where they were headed. After the fact they both lounged in the living room, Sam stuck around being he found the armchair very comforting. Steve stayed because he was hopeful Natasha would come out, but she never did. As the time neared midnight, he was growing impatient and tiptoed into the bedroom. Sam didn’t say anything since he fell asleep in the chair a few minutes before.

As he pushed the door lightly to prevent creaking he found Natasha back facing the door as the blankets were pulled up to her chin.
“Nat.” He whispered gently to see if she was awake.
When he got no response, he had concluded that she was in fact asleep as he slipped into the bathroom.
Little did he know Natasha laid facing away from the door, her eyes wide as the corners pricked with tears.

Minutes later the bathroom door opened again as the light gave the room an ominous glow. Steve gently laid next to her, as she felt the bed dip. Her eyes were closed, but she was very awake and she was hoping he didn’t notice.

He hadn’t. He assumed Natasha was asleep form the exhaustion of their mission that day and let her be. However, a bad habit Steve has had since the war, and the death of his mother is pillow talk. Even if it just to himself, or he likes to believe his mom is listening. So, as he laid in the bed he began talking aloud, figuring there were no prying ears.

“I wish she’d talk to me Ma.” He whispered lowly.
Natashas eyes snapped open.
“I just wanna help whatever it is. I dragged her along with me, I needed her here. The least I can do is be there for her” The soldier finishes sighting deeply.
“Night Ma. Love you.” He says to the ceiling as he adjusts his position to be more comfortable.
Asbetnetly as he is falling asleep he can't help but spoon Natasha and pull her into his chest. He must really be out, as he doesn’t wake up when the moisture slides from Natasha’s cheek and lands on his forearm, as her sniffles fill the room.

/

Steve begins to feel his body wake as the sunshine pours into the room. Their flight is scheduled for for 9:47 in the morning, and he reads the current time around eight. He lazily rolls over and holds his arm out to encompass Natasha with his warmth. However, his arm hits the lump of pillows. Suddenly awake, he opens his eyes to find the room empty. Scurrying up and throwing back the duvet he opens the door to the living room as Sam stirs at the sound. Looking hurriedly for Natasha he sees a loose leaf piece of paper on the counter with scrawl on it.

Went to the market to grab a few things before we leave. Will he back before extraction.
-N

Sam got up next to Steve and scanned the note himself. Steve looked nothing but relieved as a bead of sweat dropped from his forehead and his chest heaved intensely. Almost as if he were back in Brooklyn as a young boy with a terrible case of asthma.

“Woah man relax.” Sam coaxes as he grips Steve’s shoulders and sits him on the couch.
Steve continues heaving.
“Steve!” Sam calls shaking him.
Steve finally makes eye contact with Sam.
“Tell me what’s going on.” Sam says kneeling in front of him.
“Natasha.” Steve manages.
Sam eyes him confused.
“I thought... I thought she left. That she wasn’t coming back.” Steve says as his voice is hoarse.
Sam sighs sadly. He feels for the guy. Steve is clearly madly in love with this woman and the thought of losing her got to him.
Just as Sam was going to assure the soldier she wouldn’t leave him unannounced or probably at all when the door clicked.

With groceries in tow Natasha shut the hotel room door and looked at the couch. Steve was still breathing heavily and hadn’t even noticed she was there. As the red head saw the scene in front of her she dropped the bags and rushed to him.

Grabbing both sides of his face gently she tilted his head to her.
“Steve?” She asked concerned.
“Nat.” He smiled closing his eyes as he eased.
“Steve what’s going on?” She questioned but he hands didn’t move from his cheeks.
Sam took it as his cue to leave as he stood and walked into the bedroom.
“I thought,” he began.
He paused.
“What did you think Steve?” She coaxed.
“I thought you’d left. That you weren’t coming back.” He admitted.
Natasha’s heart broke a little as her hands slid down his face and her small hands found his fingers, lacing them together.
“I’m sorry.” She said honestly.
“I wouldn’t do that okay? I know you said you needed me here, that you can’t do this alone, and the truth is I need you too.” Natasha assures.
Steve looks at her with wide eyes.
“You do?” He questions.
“Yeah soldier. I do.” She breathes.
Nat squeezes his hand as she smiles to up to him.
“Nat?” He said tentatively.
“Hm.” She hums.
“Before why were you so upset? Did I do something-“ he began.
Natasha cut him off.
“No. It wasn’t you. Just bad memories.” The spy answers.
Steve nods.
“You can tell me when you’re ready. I’ll be here. I’ll listen.” He promises, as he rubs a finger over her knuckle.
Natasha’s eyes sting at the words.
God feelings were so fucking complicated.
Natasha leans in and places a kiss on his cheek. The kiss is warm and full of unspoken promises, and Steve smiles almost like he knows the fact.
“Come on soldier, lets go pack up.” She says pulling away and standing.
Steve follows.
He’d follow her to the end of the goddamn earth.

/

Natasha was having an inner conflict. She was struggling to swallow the big pill of facing her past. Facing the demons that made her into the monster she is. The assassin also was fighting herself on the fact that she couldn’t close herself off. She needed to be there for Steve, be there like he had for her all those times. And Christ it’s scary. The feeling that she wants to change at the expense of someone else’s feelings. To make them feel good. To put him first.

Natasha shakes her thoughts as she turns onto her side and faces Steve. They had landed in Belarus two hours ago, and arrived at the airport forty minutes ago. Quickly Sam and Steve settled into the ratty motel beds as the exhaustion of traveling had bested them. Natasha had no such luck. Knowing that the moment she shut her eyes, it would all come back to her, all the terrible memories held within the very territory she was in. Looking at Steve’s relaxed features she reminds herself why she is here. She’s here because Steve not only wants her to be, he needs her to be there for him and aid him on his long journey to avenge his best friend. With that in mind Natasha continues watching Steven sleep in order to ease her racing mind.

/

“Should be right through here.” Sam announces pushing past some trees.

The forest is vast and like a maze the trio will never find their way out of. Sam flew over the territory moments ago saying he found a building that may have significance being the lead would place Bucky in this central location at the time. As they pushed past the brush they were meant by a large building. One Natasha recognized easily.

Her breath hitched as she did her best to keep it together.
“Nat me and you can go in and search while Sam you can provide eyes from the sky.” Steve instructed.
Sam nodded as his wings revealed themselves with a loud shutter. Sam went to hover a bit as Steve stepped forward.
“Coming?” He asked Nat.
She shook her head.
“I think it’s best I stay out here. In case Sam misses anything since the trees can block the view from the south east point.” She said.
It was logical despite her motives. Steve nodded in response and charged at the building.
/
Twenty minutes into the operation Sam sadly announced into the comms that their was just another tip that the winter soldier had been spotted in Switzerland. Photo evidence was used as proof of the fact.
“Natasha we’re coming to you.” Steve announced.
“Affirmative.” She responded twirling her hair.
A minute or so passed and Natasha’s comm grew static in her ear.
“Natalia.” She heard in a deep whisper.
Natasha twitched.
“Who ever is doing it stop.” She announced.
If Steve and Sam replied, she hadn’t heard it.
“Natalia it’s time to dance.” The voice said again.
“Stop!” She yelled.
The taunts continued as she placed her hand over her ears.
“Get out of my head!” She shouted.
Natasha fell to her knees as Sam and Steve came running.
“Nat!” Steve called concerned.
As Natasha went to lift her head to his she heard a single word whispered in her ear.
Sambuca.
And like a light. Natasha was out.
Steve hurried to her side as tried to wake her.

/

Steve has been pacing the floor unsure what to do and why she wouldn’t respond. He had assessed her body time and time again for any injury, and for good measure had Sam do the same.

Steve recalled mentioning that this specific area had been somewhere from her past. Natasha's past was a touchy subject, they only talked about it if she brought it up. From the bits and pieces he's gathered it wouldn't be out of left field if something done to her years ago had anything to do with this. Feeling uncomfortable sifting through the files she dumped on the internet that may have answers, he opted for calling Barton.

Clint had not picked up the first few times, until about an hour later.
At the sound of his phone ringing Steve practically jumped to get it.
“Hello?” The voice asked.
“Clint! It’s Steve.”
“Okay. What’s this about?” Clint asked confused.
“It’s Natasha something’s happened.”
“What is it?” Clint asks seeming very worried.
“We were following a lead when Natasha began yelling into the comms telling someone to stop and get out of her head. When we got there she was alone and next thing she’s passing out and won’t wake up. There doesn't seem to be any visible injury. I don’t know what to do Clint I don’t know how to fix this. Please help me.” Steve begged.
Clint sighed.
“Where was this?”
“Belarus.” He answers.
Clint groans.
“She was trained there. If I had to guess you were set up Cap, or someone had easy access to the communication network. From what I have learned certain words trigger her. In the red room they wired her brain to have a physical reaction to the words. She saw someone back at shield to restrain herself but since she’s stopped I imagine things have gotten worse. You just need to give her some time, she will wake up. It won't be pretty when she does, but she will.”
“Okay Clint, Thank you.” Steve says grateful. But unsettled by the last statement.
As he goes to click the end button, Clint speaks hurriedly.
“Take care of her. I know she doesn’t seem like she needs it and she thinks she doesn’t but times like these she needs someone. She needs you, so be good for her.” Clint instructs.
Steve nods, but knowing Clint can’t see that, therefore he speaks.
“Of course.” Steve promises ending the call.
He sighs and turns to look over her face.

Steve knows Natasha had assured him earlier she needed him, but he had figured she was attempting to calm him down. He let self doubt get the best of him, not thinking what she was saying was possible. However, hearing it from someone else who knows Natasha more than anyone, he thinks: maybe she does need him.

Fuck he’s a dead man.

/

Natasha wakes hours later as said, screaming bloody murder. Begging for her life, telling them she can’t do it. And shit, Clint was right, this was indeed an unpleasant sight as her face became damp. Her hair stuck to her forehead from the sweat as her face contorted in pain.

Steve rushes to her side and grabs her hand as he shushes her. At the contact Natashas pulls away and assumes some sort of defense stance as her hands cover her face.

“Hey Nat, it’s me. It’s Steve.” He said quietly approaching.
Natasha's arms fell from where they are and at her side as she moaned in pain.
“I’m sorry Steve.” She cried.
Steve was confused, but nonetheless came closer and began pushing the damp strands from her face.
“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He says earnestly.
She nods shakily and hurriedly.
“Yes I do. I fucked it up. We could have gotten Barnes, you could;have saved him and I got in the way. I fucked it up like everything else.” She said strained.
It was Steve’s turn to shake his head.
“Bucky wasn't even there. By the time we arrived it had been too late. Despite that Natahas you do so many things right, you do so much damn good.” He tells her as his hands rest atop her cheeks.
“You’re wrong Steve. I’m not good, the things I did, I-” She started.
Steve cuts her off.
“It doesn’t matter. None of it will change how you’ve been by my side, been the perfect partner.” He says.
She sighs, as a silence falls over them
“I was trained back there. After my parents died they said it was an orphanage, that I’d get to dance. They made me do awful things, and when I wouldn’t comply they took you to this room and they made your brain go haywire. Eventually I couldn’t do it anymore and I-” She said but was stopped by her own sobs.
Steve hushed her softly.
“You don’t need to relive this, not now. When your ready Natasha, I’ll be here.” The soldier promises.
She nods sniffing.
“Get some rest.” Steve says offering her a smile.
She nods and settles back, Steve turns to leave when he hears her small voice call for him, In response he turns.
“Stay please. I don’t think I can sleep well without you.” She admits shyly.
Steve grins like an idiot.
She does need him.
Not in a way in which she isn't dependent but almost like they balance each other out. Where she struggles, he thrives. His downfalls are her upbringings. And it dawns on him in the very moment that the reason he has overcome so much, and have been able to preserve as captain, in his search for Bucky, and in this new world is for one reason. They need each other, and with that fact make each other better.

Steve cuddles Natasha as she lays her head on his chest, the sound of his heart like music to her ears. He plays with the ends of her hair as they lay in a comfortable silence.
“When I wake up we’re gonna go catch that ghost.” She speaks exhaustion in her voice.
“Together.” She finishes.
Steve’s chest squeezes at the assurance.
“Together.” He repeats whispering to himself.
He places a gentle kiss atop her hair as they let the emotional strain of the events take over them and sleep.

When they wake up, not much is certain. One thing is though, that Natasha would be there for Steve in every aspect he wished. As he searched for Bucky, needed support of the loss he's endured, or even working the toaster. Steve would do the same by teaching Nat how to draw, hold her after a bad nightmare, or listen to the awful tales of her past. If one asked the other to go to the ends of the earth for them, they’d agree. They would do what they needed for their partner.