“Sithandwa sam.”
The King's gaze entwines with his and a breath of relief sips out of N'Jadaka’s mouth.
“N’Jadaka my love,” T’Challa calls to him, mouth shifting to a fond smile.
The tension of missing his lover like a weight on his shoulders, finally melts away upon hearing T’Challa’s voice. He's waited months for this, ever since the first time he offered himself to his sovereign.
His nights the past few months were marred with dreams of his lover. Behind closed lids, he pictures his face hidden in the man's neck, nose infused with hints of lavender and the sweetness of white tea. His body’s temperature rises as his spirit and body chases pleasure, chase the familiar comfort of T’Challa’s arms and skilled hands. Chasing the feeling of those big warm hands as they slid under the waistband of his pants, clings to the tight grip of them as they hold his cheeks with greed, a promise of what would come next. N’Jadaka whines in the dead of the night and secrecy of his bed as he remembers the time he got on his knees to swallow the king and let the man use his mouth. He remembers and misses the feeling of his love, as they held each other and feels his heart sinks everytime he has to leave T’Challa.
Still, even if it always ends with N’Jadaka longing for a man he could never truly have, his heart refuses to listen.
And so it’s always the same thing. Months of him longing for the full lips of his king crushing against his, of their tongues sliding together, of hands entwined in curls and dreadlocks. The guttural sounds coming from T’Challa are hitched in his mind, he cradles them because they belong to rare moments. Those moments to him are a victory, for it is he, in the darkness of the night, who draws them from the usually quiet man. While yes the king is quiet, he's also a firm man, a fair king, and a passionate lover.
He's also a beautiful man and the most eligible bachelor in the entire country, a heart many souls fight for. N'Jadaka knows, soon those secrets meetings in the night will be taken away from him once the king finally finds his consort. And he shudders and buries the sadness of this eventuality in the depth of his mind every time he thinks of it, for he also knows he could never be the king's consort. His father, N'Jobu is the most powerful Shaman of the kingdom, second to Zuri. He’s also the father of what many believe, is a cursed child and for that, his entire bloodline shall always be considered as "other." In N’Jadaka’s case his curse is that his mother died in childbirth, a sign many see as the arrival of evil. An evil so great it killed its own mother. And it's absolutely out of the question for an "other" to ever become the king's consort.
And since the heart wants what it wants, N'Jadaka had the misfortune to fall for a man he could never have. Especially in recent years, since his father decided to retire and let the position of Kingdom's Shaman to his son. He comes to the royal palace weekly to meet with the king and the five other tribes, and searches for the king's eyes then avoids them when the interest is returned. He sees the numerous women and men competing for the king's attention and swallows the jealousy down his throat once the sovereign obliges. He seeks and avoids T'Challa at the same time, in a permanent envy to find out what could be, but anxiousness at the prospect of breaking what already is. N'Jadaka knows he is other, an untouchable and whatever he and T'Challa could be is already doomed and bound to end in pain.
So he pulls back, but T'Challa pushes, like that one time when everything changed, when he gave into his heart’s desires.
"Could you come for a second after the event?" the king calls, raising a hand as Erik turns to leave the palace."There are some details about that curse your father broke I'd like to know more about."
N'Jadaka hesitates, confusion in his eyes as the King's interrupts a conversation with guests when he could ask him right now what he wants to know. But the intent in T'Challa eyes, the silent plea to agree makes the Cursed one nod and stay put. Then for the following hours, he greets and discusses with various people all the while ignoring the buzz of excitement under his skin. He's full of unease during the evening, surrounded by his people who at the same time, consider him as an outsider. He hears the whispers of younger ones and knows he's the subject of their gossip. He sees the disdain in older people's eyes as they wonder why someone like him, is allowed to mingle with them. Their eyes meet several times again, and the glint of mischief in T'Challa's tells the night is far from over. Once the last guests finally leave, accompanied to the door by the king himself, the tension in the room reaches its highest level.
“Please N’Jadaka tell me what is it you want,” he begins, vulnerability bleeding into his voice, “for sometimes I believe you may feel the same way I feel about you, then other times it just feels like you’d rather be anywhere but here.”
“Have I pushed you, made you uncomfortable in any way?” he asks, sincere and even without an answer, ready to apologize.
N'Jadaka stares at T'Challa's back and pays attention to the pretty curls on the man's nape then startle when he turns back. The mischief he saw earlier in the king's eyes has now let room for something less confident, like hesitation. It seems the man acted on an impulse and didn't plan for anything to actually happen. The way N'Jadaka appears to look for and avoid him altogether must've messed up with him and left him to think he interpreted those furtive glances the wrong way.
"You didn't!" N'Jadaka clarifies immediately, the words barely formed in his mind but already out of his mouth. He curses himself and his emotions for getting the best of him,"my apologies, kumkani, I-" he's never been the best with words, and tonight is no exception.
"Don't apologize N'Jadaka," the king stops him and gets a bit closer,"It seems I've put you in an uncomfortable position with how I've acted around you lately. It's just well..."The man chuckles upon seeing that he too, has issues with talking about his emotions. "While everyone looks at me like a prize to win you are the only one who looks at me like a man to get to know. It's refreshing, I appreciate it," he confesses a smile on his pretty mouth,"I'd like to get to know you too."
N’Jadaka steps back and breaks the eye contact, momentarily at loss for words. They both know what he means by saying they should get to know each other, and it's not in the prospect of friendship. It's to see if the attraction between them could lead to something else. That possibility is where the problem lays.
"I'd rather not, my king," he finally lets out and sees from the corner of his eyes, the man falters in his steps,"we both know how this would end."
"Oh, so we shouldn’t try at all then?” T’Challa says, stepping closer to him. “It’s just-well I can’t help but think there’s something between us or at least, could be.”
N’Jadaka sighs and a small smile appears on his face as he feels his resolve fade away. T’Challa nudges his arm away to slide a hand on N’Jadaka’s waist, drawing the two of them together close.
"You have a duty to the kingdom, the people," the warlock tries to reason again, even as their closeness allows the king’s musk to overtake his senses,"Someone with a curse like me can't ever get in the way of that."
T’Challa rolls his eyes floored that they’re still talking about this,”You’re not cursed! This is just some mystical nonsense!”. He puts a hand on N’Jadaka’s shoulder, "you're part of Wakanda and its history. Your ancestors have helped mine fight off several enemies with those special abilities you all have."
"Yet I'm still an outsider somehow." N'Jadaka finally lets out.
T'Challa's deep brown eyes reflect sadness upon realizing N'Jadaka doesn't feel like he belongs here, then slides a warm hand to the man neck and joins their foreheads together,"let me welcome you in then."
“Let me care for you, let me show you belong here,” he pushes, millimeters of space between them but then stops, and the message is clear, they can’t still end this if N’Jadaka wishes to.
He takes a deep breath and before he can back out again, T’Challa kisses him. The man accepts and presses their mouths together in a searing kiss, grabs the king’s collars and embraces the warmth he receives. Feels big hands travel to his upper body, one settling on his hips while the other glides up his neck, face, to finally stop at his scalp. Though it’s a chaste kiss, mouth closed, he knows it’s only a glimpse of the real thing. As he starts to pull away, T’Challa’s mouth chases him and he can’t help but chuckle at the man’s eagerness. Then it’s a different type of kisses, these ones are insistent all tongue and hands pulling at hair.
This time its T’Challa who pulls back, the question of consent clear in his eyes, N’Jadaka chases his mouth as the answer.
Instants later, grabby hands shed clothes and possessive hands map each other’s body in the heat of their newly declared feelings. It turns into more, and soon N’Jadaka feels his lover slide into his own heat, tight whole around the man’s cock, clumping on it to keep him there forever.
Releasing shaky breaths, he forces himself to relax, to will his body to accept the intrusion and whines high in his throat at the feeling of being stretched by T'Challa's dick. It burns, the skin around his rim not used to be stimulated like this. Then he chokes as he’s spread wider, almost feels like he’s being split in half when finally, his walls accept the slide of his lover’s thick member, they welcome him in, in the warmth of tight hole. Still, he feels pain taking over his lower back and whimpers when his lover lowers himself to kiss his earlobe and whisper praise. “You’re taking me so well my love, so good.”
N’Jadaka is laying on his stomach, ass up in the air and cock leaking on the vibranium sheets. He’s open and spread to T’Challa’s will, to T’Challa’s dick.
Under the wave pleasure his body can’t keep up and suddenly he’s falls head first, landing on the pillow and ass in the air. “Come on, kumkani, harder, » he orders, taking two over the man's fingers in his mouth and sucking languorously, ”you said you dream of this, show me then.”
“You know how long I’ve been waiting for this? For you?” T’challa asks, ramming in all the way and bottoming out. N’Jadaka cries out at how full he feels and tightens around the member, chuckles when he gets a deep moan in return. «Nights I’ve spent on the brink of losing my mind because I could not run to you because you were across the world. » he stills after that and the intensity of his gaze is too much for the man under him who closes his eyes “My love won’t you stay with me always?”
(Won’t you say you love me back even though we both know you do?)
“Don’t do this T’challa, please” he voice breaks on the last word as his eyes open, « not now » and sees in his lover's eyes that it’s not the end of it. He pushes at him till the man pulls out and he feels strangely empty, his hole already used to being full. Then he presses on his shoulders till T’challa lays on his back and offer the beautiful view of his naked body. Lets his hands explode the expense of glowy dark skin, hard planes of muscle and small curls leading to engorged dick. “don’t talk, fuck me, that’s all you gotta do.”
N’Jadaka discards any insecurity he has left and moans high pitched and so loud, he knows the entire floor must hear him. Every thrusts hits his prostate and sends jolts of pleasure up his spine and he really feels like his soul is about to leave his body.
-----
It takes an elder, the leader of the River tribe and his arrogant mouth. It takes another time of this man taking a jab at N’Jobu’s lifestyle, how he’s recluded to his house and rarely comes out. The next words sting the most, “He’s offering healing and prayers to poor foolish souls, while he has a cursed child running around and whoring himself to the king!”, the man said hands lifted upwards as if to say “is this not the truth?”. And Erik knows where this is coming from because he’s seen how T’Challa used to look at Nakia before his gaze turned to Erik. So he knows he’s interrupted something that could’ve turned to courtship and then marriage. Something that could’ve secured D’Kar, the River tribe elder, a close seat to the crown and even more notoriety than he already has.
T’Challa tries to calm him, but it’s simply too much.
“You hear what you’re asking me?” N’Jadaka shouts, tears in his eyes “you don’t want me to fight people who’ve always made it clear they can’t stand me and for what? So I can be your consort and have to submit to what they think for the rest of my life?!”
He sees T’Challa jump back like he’s been slapped and truly the harshness of his words feel even to him like he physically pushed him away. Though it hurts to say that to the man he loves, it’s the truth, in all its hideosity and honesty. He loves T’Challa with all of his heart, wants to cling to what they have for as long as he can but can feel deep inside, that being with his lover mean he’ll lose himself.
“Do I look like some fucking fool who’ll accept you banging random chicks so you can have an heir?!” He presses, feels the uneasiness of his doubt spread through his body and pressing on his lungs like it’s trying to choke him. Like the truth is trying to choke him. He’s heard the elders gossip, heard the enamored women plan to get T’Challa alone, so they can get a royal baby out of him.
“I love you T’Challa, you know this I-” he lets before cutting himself, feeling tears in his eyes and sees T’Challa is in the same state of mind, “I ain't never loved anybody like I love you...but I gotta look out for myself and that means I can’t be with you.”
He takes a step back when he feels hands reach for him, to keep him there because they both know he’ll leave Wakanda tonight (and maybe never return). Erik lifts his eyes and sees T’Challa, teary-eyed, eyebrows lifted in confusion because he doesn’t understand what’s happening. Except he does, but to Erik, that’s just how he shows doesn’t accept the words said. It doesn’t matter, Erik has already made his choice.
That day as the sun comes down and enlights the Golden City in a spread of orange and pink, N’Jadaka gets on an airship, forces himself to not look back as he leaves Wakanda. He’s not sure he’ll ever come back, though he knows he has to because his father will retire soon.
Six months later, he wakes up to the news of an engagement. The title in bold reads; King T’Challa of Wakanda and Lord M’Baku of Jabariland are engaged, their wedding will be celebrated in the coming weeks by all of Wakanda. Suddenly the idea of coming back to Wakanda distances itself from Erik’s mind as he manages the alturidge center in Oakland, and he figures maybe he’ll never go home at all.