kleptomaniacs

reluctant waves of farewell, the grasp between interlocked fingertips torn apart as peter is somewhat dragged away by the strong grip of logan, whose dismissive expression at the brutal separation of teen love leaves the both of them, (y/n) and her beloved, feeling rather belittled, their ages reduced to naive toddlers in the experienced gazes of the adults they’d graciously agreed to help (there was certainly no element of coercion in the allowing of her presence, theyd practically been on their knees just begging for her assistance!) so in an attempt to appear mature beyond her years, (y/n) takes those painful steps away, turning away from the flashy vividness that was peter maximoff, though seemingly impossible, was manageable, particularly seeing as if all went to plan she’d be seeing him in less than 20 minutes. though in the rage of hormones he set alight in her, a fifth of an hour felt agonisingly long. she desperately tried to cast aside the mental images of his wounded expression at her betrayal, in favour of imagining how impressed the cynical logan and charles must be at the lack of drama their parting caused. of course she needed the approval of none other than her peter, but lets be honest approval from a figure of authority was irritatingly affirming.

‘hey, wait up!’ hank stuttered at her rather unexpected departure, catching up to her in a few short strides, ‘you feeling ready for this?’

‘i mean theres very little i need to be ready for’, she broke off into a slight giggle, the melodious sound bringing redness into hanks cheeks as he turned to look at her, ‘not that i’m not grateful for everyone allowing me to tag along of course!! i didn't mean to come across as rude-’, this strangely brought the laughter onto hanks lips, thus she looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

‘sorry, no, its just dont worry i doubt you could really be rude if you tried,’ its as though every word that passes through your lips is doused in charm and bathed in sweetness, he thought casting his glance quickly over her features. ‘i am sorry your astounding abilities couldnt be utilised further,’ he murmured, wondering if those abilities were in use currently as he attempted to swallow the lump of lovesick nervousness in his throat.

‘its alright really!!’ she overcompensated with her enthusiasm for the words, fearful she’d managed to offend him somehow, as he appeared to be avoiding eye contact at all costs. ‘i understand, its certainly not the most practical or useful mutation to be fair’, her eyes cast down as she shrunk away from the pity she deemed highly embarrassing.

‘no, not at all!’ hank exclaimed rather loudly, the note of passion creeping into his voice hurriedly crushed underneath his shyness as he muttered ‘oh god sorry i didn't mean to be so loud, i just really do think your mutation has amazing capabilities, and the possibilities you could venture to with the right training and practise are just,,extraordinary.’

a blush rose to her cheeks in reaction to the unexpected praise, his words and the way his eyes lit up as though he really did believe every word he said took her aback, if only for a second she almost believed too of the possibilities her mutation could bring, the power she could hold. yet years of venomous self-deprecation and the horrendous consequences the development of her mutation brought upon every relationship she ever held quickly took their place, morphing hank’s well-intentioned words into the same pitying dialogue other ‘kind’ souls spouted, before blaming the very mutation they once praised relentlessly for their cruelties towards her. ‘i just couldnt control myself’, ‘you placed these urges into my head, its your own fault’, ‘c’mon just this once, i just wanna see how it works i swear i wont do anything’. it had happened too many times before, and it always started like this. it was how they wormed their way in, play the part correctly and she just might fall for this pretence of closeness, before her mutation was used against her, blamed for each stray touch, for the forcefulness exerted against her. you may have thought within her words she held control, yet what use are words when hands muffle your mouth, when each element of your body is held rigid with fear and shock. her mutation became useless without her words, the way her power spread its talons then plunged those talons into her heart, into her vulnerable flesh. as when you can exert power over men by twisting their lust into heated spirals of uncontrolled desire with just a brush against your supple skin, you can inch their loss of control into your own, leeching off their autonomy to add to your own collection, building your control to unforeseen peaks. yet to exert this control they have to whipped into this tornado of ardour first, which time and time again, backfires. somehow, even in her own liberation of power, power is torn from her by the ultimate self-deserving attitude of men, surely because she has caused such lust, such need, she must bend herself willinging to their will. and as it turns out it's unwillingly, most of the time.

tears well up in the corners of her eyes, stinging her irises with torment. of course he’ll treat her the same. and if they cant get anything from her, they’ll spit venom on her, she becomes a slut, a prostitute when she attempts to make use of her gifts for her own gain. this control over people is unnatural, ungodly in the words of her mother, her all-loving mother couldnt bear to have such a sinful harlot destroy the god-honouring peace of her home. yet she never slept with men to earn this title. they fucked her. before she even had the chance to exert her unnatural, ungodly control over them. she gained nothing, but lost everything upon the development of her mutation. until he waltzed into her life. peter changed everything for her. not in a romcom-handsome-guy-completely-fixes-girls-pathetic-life-by-simply-existing way. but in a shared journey, of lessons in control taught to each other. her mutation no longer affected him unless she focused on it, her skills becoming used to his constant presence, her need for control broken down through his support and understanding. every touch was shared, was her own choice. control became mutual, shared between them in a way that slowly contributed to her healing.

yet hank’s words almost brought it all crashing down around her, reminding her too much of the pain, the abuse her mutation brought upon her. how could she ever love it, nurture it into something more powerful? every waking second she consciously pushed it down, as if she could purge her system of the destruction it wreaked. sure it was occasionally useful, yet the permanence of its effects on (y/n) were surely not worth it?

‘ar are you okay?’ hank put a stop to the thoughts consuming her, worry etched into his features. she wondered how long this daze had lasted, as they’d almost reached the main entrance of the pentagon, she could see the lines of tour groups they’d soon be joining just ahead.

‘yeah, i’m so sorry, i just drifted off there!’ she attempted a weak chuckle of reassurance, and judging by the lack of relaxation on his face, it didn't particularly work. ‘i’m just a little too used to those words of pity, i’ve heard the whole ‘oh you could be so powerful!’ spiel before i’m sorry, it tends to fall rather flat as i’m the one who has to live with this useless mutation, its never done any good for me..’ he sighed at her response and she couldn't tell if it was due to relief or disappointment. until he spoke again.

‘do you really think its useless,,?’ he mumbles, appearing scared to breach the topic further.

‘well, not entirely, it can be of use, but my experiences as to its effects and consequences are honestly awful,’ she ends the proclamation with another awkward giggle, as though to lift the uncomfortable atmosphere her words build.

‘i am truly sorry to hear that.’ he says, his attempt at empathy clear in his tone.

‘its okay,’ she replies, readying the typical apology response, ‘its not like its your fault anyway, so dont worry you have nothing to be sorry about.’ her tone falls flat after the initial over-enthusiasm of the beginning of their conversation, which was doomed from the second the typical talk of mutations was explored. they’d nearly reached the tour group they’d be joining, and in an attempt to relight the ambience, she turned to him grinning,

‘we should totally pretend to be different people on this tour, wouldnt that be fun?!’

hank undoubtedly seems a little taken aback by her quick shift in mood, but returns her smile clumsily, ‘yeah that sounds fun,’ he half laughs the words out.