Tony let out a slow, broken sigh. He leaned forward, body groaning in protest as Tony forced his fingers to cooperate, fiddling with the Iron Man helmet until it flickered on, lights scanning over him.
“Is this thing on?” Tony asked, breathing out another sigh. “Hey, Sergeant Barnes.” The formal name made Tony almost want to smile if he had the energy for it. Memories that felt thousands of years old pressed at the back of his mind, reminding him of a life that was already slipping between his fingers.
“Nice to meet you, Sergeant Barnes.” Tony tossed an absent smile towards Bucky’s direction from where he stood in the corner of the room, twitchy and nervous and refusing to leave Steve’s side.
“Bucky,” he forced out.
Tony glanced up. “Hm?”
“Just Bucky. My name of Bucky.” He pushed hair out of his face, blue eyes finally looking up to meet Tony’s gaze.
“I don’t know, I kinda like Sergeant Barnes.” Tony poured his cup of coffee. “It’s what I called you growing up when I had a poster of you on my wall.” Tony blinked. “Which is a bit embarrassing to say out loud, now that I think about it.”
Bucky frowned. “You… what?”
Tony shrugged. “Everyone else was big into Captain America. But I thought you were cooler. I collected your action figures. Probably still have them somewhere. Screw Steve -no offense, Cap- you were my hero when I was little.”
Bucky’s soft, shy little smile was one of the cutest things Tony had seen in a long time.
“If you find this recording, don’t feel bad about this.” Tony rested his head against the cool metal. He didn’t want Bucky to blame himself for Tony’s death. He wanted Bucky to find peace, happiness, even without Tony. “Part of the journey is the end.”
Even as Tony was coming to the end, he couldn’t help but think about the beginning. The beginning of Tony and Bucky being… well, Tony and Bucky. The first time they kissed. It felt like yesterday, it felt like the oldest memory Tony had. It felt like the only memory Tony had.
“You know, I’m flattered, but there are other ways to get my attention.” Tony arched an eyebrow at Bucky standing sheepishly in his lab, metal arm facing a way that was not at all natural.
“I was fighting Sam and I landed on it wrong,” Bucky insisted, but he had that same shy smile Tony was growing to love just a little too much.
Tony walked over to Bucky, inspecting the twisted metal. “You might as well let me build a new one, at this point. You really fucked yourself up, didn’t you?”
Bucky gave a lopsided shrug. “That’d be nice. I trust you with my body.”
“Is that an innuendo?” Tony arched an eyebrow with a playful grin.
Bucky laughed. God, it was a nice laugh. “Maybe,” he mumbled, so gently Tony almost didn’t hear it.
Tony blinked. Even he didn’t have an answer to that. He looked up at Bucky for a long moment. His hand reached up to brush Bucky’s bangs out of his face, showing off those goddamned gorgeous blue eyes.
And then Bucky kissed him. Hesitant and awkward at first, like he’d forgotten how to do it. But with guidance from Tony, they both melted into the perfect touch. Tony had kissed a lot of people -probably too many if he were honest- but this, this was perfect.
Bucky was perfect.
Tony looked around the spaceship, all broken and desolate metal. It looked as lonely as Tony felt. “Just for the record, being adrift in space with zero promise of rescue is more fun than it sounds.” Tony wasn’t really sure if he was trying to keep up his usual humor for Bucky’s sake, or his own.
“Food and water ran out four days ago.” Tony’s hands fiddled at his thighs, despite barely having the energy to even move. Old habits died hard, didn’t they? “Oxygen will run out tomorrow morning.” Food. Food would be nice right now, according to Tony’s stomach. Maybe one of Bucky’s pies.
“Have you always liked baking?” Tony asked, resting his chin on his hand as he watched his boyfriend peel apples. Boyfriend. God, it was nice to be able to call Bucky that.
Bucky smiled at him. “It was hard, in the 40s. We never had the stuff for it. But I always wanted to be a baker. Thought I’d get the chance when I got my payments from the military after the war.” He trailed off with pursed lips.
Tony jumped up from his kitchen stool, curling an arm around Bucky’s waist. “Well now you’ve got all the supplies you could want, and more than enough people to eat what you make.”
“Yeah.” Bucky smiled.
“I love you, cupcake,” Tony said. “Almost as much as I love your criminally delicious pies.”
Bucky arched a playful eyebrow. “Almost? I’m flattered, doll.”
“They are good pies.” Tony defended. “It’s like a slice of heaven.”
“Better than the slice of heaven that I gave you last night?” Bucky purred in his ear with a soft kiss to Tony’s temple.
Tony hummed. “Still unclear. I need to run more tests on both to be sure.”
Bucky rolled his eyes. “I love you too, sugar.”
The memories were enough to make Tony’s heart warm a bit, forget his impending doom. “That’ll be it.” Another quiet sigh. “When I drift off, I’ll dream of you,” Tony promised.
Dream of Bucky, pretend that he was asleep next to Bucky, in their bed, together. Hell, Tony didn’t even need the bed, just Bucky. They never needed a bed. More memories only made Tony ache now. They were a reminder that it was all Bucky was going to have left of Tony. Memories. “It’s always you.”
Tony found Bucky on the roof of the Avengers Tower, staring up at the starry night.
“Hey.” Tony sat down next to Bucky. “What’s up?”
Bucky glanced at him, eyes flickering with worry. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just had a bad dream. Needed to think.”
“Well, then we can sit and think together.” Tony wiggled himself under Bucky’s arm, snuggling into his touch. “Because no matter what you’re going through, I’m here to do it with you.”
“Why?” Bucky looked actually confused, eyebrows drew together.
Tony stared at him. “Because it’s you. It’s always been you. Everything important in my life just seems to lead to you. And I’m not one to fight fate, sweetheart. I’m here with you until you get rid of me. Or I die a horrific and gruesome death.”
Bucky made a face. “Don’t talk like that.” He shook his head. “I need you too, okay? Please don’t talk like that.”
“I need you too,” Tony promised.
Bucky settled down on the roof so that they were lying down in a tangled mess of limbs, staring at the stars until they fell asleep. Together with the stars watching them, protecting them. Beautiful.
Tony turned off the helmet.
Tony looked out the window at the stars. They used to be beautiful. Made Tony safe and warm with his heart amongst them every time he thought about Bucky.
But now, they were only a reminder that he was alone.
Tony had hoped that fate would be kind enough to let him die in his sleep. Unfortunately, not even in death could Tony be that lucky.
Instead, Tony woke up gasping. It was strange, to be dying from a lack of oxygen while still breathing in air. He’d been choked before, knew what the desperate burn in his lungs felt like when he was denied the ability to breathe.
This was different though. Tony’s body kept gasping and panting, but nothing was happening. His head started to hurt, body straining for air. The adrenaline that had Tony shaking was useless, too much energy with nowhere to go, only using up the traces of oxygen he had left even faster.
Tony’s vision started to fuzz around the edges. He had to blink hard to keep the black from taking over everything, claiming his sight.
“Tony?”
The voice. Bucky’s voice. Tony didn’t have enough brain power to question it. He was hallucinating. It was what it was. Just proof that he was getting even closer to death. Minutes, maybe even seconds away now.
“Oh my god, Tony.”
The voice was stronger now. So strong that Tony could even feel a phantom hand on his shoulder trying to shake him. Tony closed his eyes. It wasn’t that bad, really. At least he could pretend Bucky was with him in his last moments.
Bucky. Tony loved Bucky. He wanted that to be his last thought.
Loving Bucky.
Bucky.
“Tony, look at me.”
Tony opened his eyes when his chest didn’t burn anymore out of pure confusion. There was a bright light all around him, grass underneath his knees. And-
And Bucky, standing right in front of him.
“Hey cupcake,” Tony slurred, staring up at Bucky.
Bucky smiled. It seemed oddly sad, for some reason. He hugged Tony, pulling him so tight that Tony was surrounded by the scent of Bucky. “Tony.”
“Yeah, yeah. It’s me.” Tony hugged Bucky back. “I’m here.” He pulled back frowning. “Which is… where is here, again?”
“You… god, Tony.” Bucky ran a hand through his hair. “This is… soul world. That’s what Strange called it. It’s where all the dead are. You’re dead, Tony.”
Tony nodded. “Yeah, well, death does tend to happen when one’s spaceship runs out of oxygen-” He stopped, eyes widening. “Oh. Oh no. Oh god no.” Tony stumbled backward, rubbing his face. “Oh god.”
“Sweetheart?” Bucky reached out for him, a gentle hand on Tony’s cheek that was meant to be comforting, but only made Tony’s gut twist even more.
“That means you’re dead too.” The words were hollow on Tony’s tongue.
Bucky nodded, sighing. “Yeah, I died in the snap.”
It… it shouldn’t have been that surprising. Half of the universe, right? Bucky, everyone had a 50/50 chance. Tony should’ve thought about that. Should’ve prepared himself for that realization.
But after watching the Guardians die, after feeling Peter turn to dust in his arms, Tony didn’t want to think about the idea that others he cared about were likely dead too. He forced the thought away, drove it out of his conscious. Tony needed something to fight for. Needed the thought of coming home to Bucky to fuel him enough to try to get him off of that damned planet.
After all, it had almost worked. Kind of. Barely.
Tony didn’t realize he was shaking until Bucky had taken him into his arms, rubbing Tony’s back.
“I’m sorry,” Tony whispered. “I’m so sorry.
“It’s not your fault,” Bucky said, kissing his temple. “It’s no one’s fault. Strange said that we might get brought back, all of us. We’ve still got a chance.”
Tony shook his head. He didn’t have anything else to say. What else could he say?
Half the universe was gone. He didn’t have it in him to be optimistic anymore. The universe had stolen his spirit, taken away any of the fight he had left. All he could do was sit in Bucky’s arms, shaking.
His dead lover’s arm. Because Bucky was dead. Tony was dead. They were all dead.
Tony laughed bitterly. He got his wish though, didn’t he? He was with Bucky again. They were together.
Til death did them part, right?