Chapter 10
“You just… let him go?”
Y/N looks up from where her hands are fiddling with an empty straw wrapper. “I didn’t have much of a choice.”
“You don’t know Mr. Hogan that well, if at all. Why did you choose his life over the fate of Earth?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re telling me that if you were about to see someone slit their own throat, you’d be able to just sit idly by and watch? I’m sorry, but in those moments, it’s not really the fate of the world that’s on my mind, okay? I don’t give a shit if you know someone or not. Unbelievable.” She crosses her arms and sits back in her chair, eyes narrowed as she stares at Coulson.
“That’s not necessarily what I meant. We all make spur of the moment decisions-”
“We make spur of the moment decisions every single day. Every case we take, every move we make, determines whether someone lives or dies. Sometimes that includes us. So, don’t try to make me feel better by saying you don’t know what decision you’d make in the moment, because I do. And, I have to live with that every damn day. Never mind what Sam and Dean have been through. I chose Happy’s life over the fate of the world, because, for once, I had the choice.”
“I didn’t mean to offend, I realize a hunter’s life isn’t as black and white as what ours might be.”
“I’d reevaluate what your life looks like, because no one’s life is black and white. You’re naive if you think otherwise. Maybe stupid, but we’ll go with naive since it sounds less harsh.”
“I’m not sure that that’s entirely fair-”
“It’s absolutely fair, Special Agent Coulson,” she spits out his name and he flinches at the harshness of it. “You have your super soldiers and your aliens, and your super secret government agencies, and you act like you can just wrap it all up nice and neat in a little bow. It’s bullshit. Sometimes, the good guys are bad, and the bad guys are forced into it. Sometimes, the people that are supposed to save the world are the ones destroying it, and, sometimes, you have to become a monster to defeat them. You have no idea the evil in this world, the things that have to be sacrificed to keep the world safe. You think you’ve seen monsters,” she leans forward, her palms on the table as she moves to her feet, “but you’ve seen nothing compared to what hunters see every day. So, before you get all high and mighty and judge me for putting the needs of one ahead of the needs of the many, you fucking think about how often I’ve done that before and how much I’ve lost because of it.”
Coulson stares at her for a moment, sitting as far back in his chair as he can without obviously moving. He gives a nearly imperceptible shake of his head when one of the agents standing near the door steps forward, as if to push Y/N back into her seat. After a moment, he gestures to her to sit down. “I apologize if it seems I don’t appreciate the gravity of what you do. I absolutely do, and I can imagine the horrors that you’ve seen. Judging by your family’s extensive involvement with local authorities and the FBI, state police, Homeland Security,” he picks up a folder and flips it open, “the U.S. Fish and Wildlife service, the DMV in multiple states, the Catholic church, the National Park Service, the Food Safety Inspection Service, the USDA… the list goes on, you have all lived a colorful and storied past.”
“You could say that.”
“None of which is or was legal.”
She shrugs, “Depends on who you talk to.”
He laughs, shaking his head, “The priest and nun impersonations are, at best, misdemeanors. Never mind the rest of it. I don’t think it depends on who you talk to.”
“We saved your life, didn’t we? How many members of law enforcement do you think we’ve saved, protected their towns? It matters who you talk to.”
“We’re jumping ahead. You let Crowley go, what happened next?”
She sighs, folds her arms, and sits down. “The same thing that always happens when a Winchester does something that drastic without consulting with each other.”
“I thought you said you had this, Y/N!”
“I did have it! I didn’t really have a choice, Dean!”
“You didn’t…” he looks to Sam and gestures wildly at her, “she didn’t have a choice! We had him. Normal circumstances, better luck next time, but he’s supposedly in cahoots with some alien whose entire life goal is destroy as much as he can, and you just let him go because he was going to have someone’s throat slit?”
“Dean-”
“No, Sam, don’t come at me for being too hard on her. These aren’t decisions we make on our own. Because, see, when we make a choice, people candie. We don’t choose one person over the world.”
“Oh, that’s a bunch of bullshit! How many times have you two chosen each other over the fate of everyone else, huh? How many times have you started an apocalypse because you didn’t have the heart to stop each other? Or is it because I’m not really one of you? I might be part Winchester, but I didn’t grow up on the road with a daddy that treated me like a soldier, so I’m soft? I was the lucky one, still am, because I still have my mom.”
“That’s not what this is about-”
“The hell it’s not. I’m so sick of you two babying me, or acting like I don’t know what I’m doing. I grew up in the life, just like the two of you. Saving Happy was more than just saving him. You know as well as I do that if I didn’t do what Crowley said, he would have killed Happy, then come after me, and then there would have been God knows how many demons roaming this building. Hell, who knows how many are here now, and you’re wanting to take the time to lecture me?” She turns to walk out, pausing to look over her shoulder, “Maybe I should go home. You obviously don’t think I’m useful here, and Mom could probably use my help. We’re going to have something more in common sooner rather than later.” She leaves, the room quietly watching her as she turns the corner and disappears.
“That could have gone more smoothly, I think.”
“Shut up, Tony.”
“What did she mean about having something else in common?” Dean asks Sam, who shrugs.
“I don’t know, man.”
“It’s her mom.” The quiet voice surprises them both, and they turn to see Bucky leaning against the wall, his arms crossed as he silently watches the scene.
“What are you talking about?”
“Her mom…she’s sick. Barely remembers her own name, most of the time. It’s getting worse.”
“How the hell do you know about any of that?”
“She told me.”
Dean’s fists clench at his sides and he takes a step towards Bucky, “Why would she tell you about any of that and not us?”
“I think this whole situation is a good example as to why. You need to listen more, not just assume she doesn’t know what she’s doing or that she always needs rescued.”
“You know what? Fuck you, RoboCop. You don’t know the first goddamn thing about our family or what we do.”
“That’s enough!” Both men turn to Sam, who’s shaking his head. “Dean, not that this is really the time, but I think he’s right.”
“Fine, I’ll go talk to her.” Dean turns to leave but Bucky stops him.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Oh, you don’t think it’s a good idea?” Dean chuckles, then looks back at Sam, “He doesn’t think it’s a good idea.” Before anyone can stop him, Dean punches Bucky in the face, catching the ex-assassin off guard and knocking him to the ground. Steve moves to go after Dean, but Tony puts his arm out and shakes his head. Bucky stands up with a groan, a hand to his jaw, but says nothing to the eldest Winchester.
“Dean, that’s enough. He’s right, it’s a bad idea. I’ll go talk to her, just…stay here. Try not to punch another super soldier, huh?”
“Whatever.” Sam gives his brother the look he reserves for the times he really means it, and Dean throws his hands up. “I promise, okay? We’ll try to come up with a way to stop our favorite leprechaun.”
Before Sam can walk away, Bucky stops him.
“Hey, this uh…this might help.” He reaches into his jacket for the poster he’d hidden there before and Sam looks at him, confused. “She’ll be able to explain it better than me.” Sam takes it and gives him a smile.
“Thanks…I think. I’ll be back, hopefully with Y/N.”
Bucky gives him a curt nod, then walks the opposite direction towards his room. Dean sits down and watches Sam disappear in the direction Y/N had gone, then looks at Tony.
“Well, Professor, you got any ideas?”
“Hey.”
Y/N looks over her shoulder to see Sam walking towards her, then looks back out the window, “Hey.”
“Listen, I’m sorry if we treat you like a kid.”
“Jumping straight to the point, are we?” Sam sighs but remains silent, and she turns to face him. “I’m sorry, I’m just frustrated.”
“I get it, Dean and I used to go in circles about the same kinds of things. God, the fights we used to get in.”
“Then why are you doing the same thing to me?”
Sam looks down at his hands before continuing, “Because I never knew how Dean felt before.” He looks back up, his brows furrowed, “I worry about Dean, always have, but, I never understood how he felt, being the older brother. It used to make me so angry, and then we met you…and I suddenly got it. Whatever I feel about Dean, double it for you. And multiply whatever I feel by five, and you’ve got Dean. We aren’t doing it because we don’t trust you, or think you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s because we’re terrified of losing you.”
“There are better ways to show your love, you know, rather than make asses of yourselves.”
Sam chuckles, “Yea, but we wouldn’t be Winchesters if we weren’t being asses.” He holds out the rolled up poster, and Y/N gently takes it from him, “Bucky told me to give this to you, said you’d be able to explain it better than he could.”
She slips it out of the tube and carefully unfurls it, holding it out to Sam so he can see it.
“Is that…is that Dad and your mom?”
“Yea…Nadine had it. She gave it to me.”
Sam smiles down at the photo, “They look happy.”
“They do.” Y/N stares at the picture, and both of them are silent for a moment. “It wasn’t Dad’s choice.”
“What?”
“Not staying with us. He wanted to. I heard them arguing one night, he wanted to bring you to live with us. My mom loved Dad, but she was just too nervous. Winchesters don’t really have the best of luck, and she didn’t want to put me in the crosshairs. He wanted us all together.”
“She probably had the right idea.” He hands the picture and tube back to her. “What’s going on with your mom?”
“How did you know?”
“Bucky mentioned it.” She frowns and Sam holds up a hand. “Don’t be mad at him. He’s just worried about you.”
“She’s got Alzheimer’s. It’s gotten worse, and she didn’t want me to watch.” She sniffs, quickly wiping a tear away. “I feel like a terrible person…because I’m relieved she doesn’t want me to see. I ran the first chance I got. And now this.”
“Listen, your mom knows it would be hard on you, and, honestly, it’s hard on someone, knowing their loved one is watching them waste away. Despite the circumstances, I’m glad we’re all together.”
She hugs him. “Thanks, Sam. I’m glad, too.” She closes her eyes as his arms wrap around her, and, for a moment, she basks in what it must feel like to have a normal family. “Together…” she mumbles as she pulls away.
“Huh?”
“We’re trying to do this separately. Clearly, us working with Crowley isn’t going to work. But, we have the Avengers, and we know where the gate is.”
“Yea…”
“We need to quit working against ourselves and with each other. We need to take the fight to them, so I say we’re going to need to go to plan B.”
“I didn’t think we had a plan B.”
“We do now. Come on, we need to talk to everyone. We’re going to Central Park.”