The Roof
Steve was giving everyone his best smile while noticing that the corner of his lips had started to twitch from the strain some time ago. Perhaps in the last hour of this charade.
He wasn’t good at this.
Talking to cameras. Watching his every move and word in front of all those lurking reporters, who were officially allowed to show on the gala, and therefore, make his life miserable. At least for few more hours until he could vanish and have a long, long shower and even longer sleep in the clean sheets.
Once more Avengers had become a sensation. The re-united group of superheroes who had put aside the grudge held against each other and saved the world from Thanos – that still seemed not to be enough for the headlines of some newspapers. People wanted stories and insight, but they received neither when Tony Stark, Iron Man, had decided not to share what happened – and what only he knew about - with anyone.
The only person on Earth who remembered how half of the universe perished and who held all the infinity stones in his hand bringing everyone back to life was not willing to tell a word about it. Not to reporters, not to Fury, not to new or old Avengers, not even to Pepper or Rhodey. The Sorcerer Supreme, Steven Strange, seemed to at least understand little bits here and there from his own experiences with time manipulation, but even he didn’t have a full picture.
Steve was kept in the dark like everyone else. The doctors placed a PTSD sign on the engineer’s head along with many other mental illnesses – some of them Steve had never heard about before. That alone was giving Tony a solid backup for his behavior for quite some time. But Steve and the other Avengers knew it won’t hold forever.
However, Tony looked so fragile these days that no one dared to approach him with the matter despite the fact that it would be probably better if he got it out of his system before he would be forced to answer the questions in front of the council.
It was easier to be said than done.
Since the day Avengers had helped him drag the gauntlet off his burnt hand, Tony had become a different person. He didn’t talk much. De didn’t let anyone touch him beside the doctors he already knew. He barely interacted with others. Sometimes he didn’t even acknowledge their presence. At first Steve thought he in particular deserved this treatment for everything he’d let happened between them with Bucky and Siberia – something he beat himself over every single day. But it wasn’t just him. The engineer closed completely to the outside world. He didn’t just simply ignore it, he had even troubles to start focus on it in the first place. There were clearly so many things wrong with Tony that it was hard to find a way how to pick and fit the broken pieces back together.
Still, it had been only few weeks, barely a month, so no one felt the need to really start pushing. Therefore, Steve didn’t even dared to hope that Tony would appear in the gala tonight but causing the shock for everyone present, he did. He was wearing a fine fitting suit when he entered the room - immediately followed by stares and gasps from every side. The suit outlined his body perfectly as per usual. The nano-technology wasn’t visible beneath it, but Steve knew it was there.
The good thing was that Tony looked much better.
Some color had returned to his face and the big dark circles under his eyes were not so apparent. Steve didn’t want to let his hopes up and assume he would speak with the man tonight, but then Tony started to walk around the room and greet some people. Still ignoring any stranger who dared to throw themselves in his way, he talked only with people he knew.
Steve watched him from the other side of the room. He saw Pepper giving him a big smile and Tony returning it before they hugged. And like that Tony continued with Rhodey, new Avengers, saving most of his time for the kid – Peter. On Steve’s surprise, after them Tony approached Natasha and Clint. But those were only brief words and handshakes which looked stiffened and uncomfortable from Tony’s perspective.
When the genius finally turned his way and their eyes met, Steve’s breath got stuck in his throat.
He met Tony halfway on his journey through the room. They stopped in front of each other, Tony simply outstretching his hand, and in that moment Steve’s heart jumped up and down with the same hope he’d felt before.
Steve had apologized to the genius more than on one occasion, actually almost every time he’d got a chance. This small gesture of acceptance, of a possible new beginning, melted his heart.
“I forgive you. I haven’t told you yet and I think you should know. I also apologize if I ever made you feel bad or hurt you. It wasn’t my intention.”
Steve didn’t let go of the other man’s hand immediately. He liked the warmth of Tony’s skin on his.
“Thank you,” he replied, unsure of how to react to the sincerity in Tony’s voice. This was the longest sentence he’d got out of Tony since Thanos.
“I know I failed you and I regret it. I also know it can’t just go to how things were before, but still… I’m here Tony,” Steve said, “if you decide you can accept me in your life again, I will do anything to deserve your trust.”
Tony nodded slowly, thoughtfully, and he smiled with something horrible written all over his face. Steve just stood there unable to ask what was wrong. Tony gave him a long look that Steve couldn’t read out and then nodded again, letting go of Steve’s hand.
Slowly.
It was like if everything was happening in a slow motion. Tony turned away, and Steve still couldn’t draw in a proper breath.
He let him go. He didn’t have a right to force Tony into the contact with him or to try to prolong it. The engineer disappeared from the room soon after.
Steve was glad that at least one of them had managed to escape.
He returned to the bar, ordering a beer and getting a seat further from people. He knew that eventually someone would come and try to talk to him, but it didn’t mean he needed to attract the attention. When Strange from all of the people took the seat next to him few minutes later, it was a small victory.
“Doctor,” he greeted the man and took a sip from his beer.
“Captain,” Strange replied, clearing his throat like there was something bothering him.
“What is it?” Steve asked straightforward, he knew Strange appreciated it that way.
“It’s Stark,” he said carefully. Steve thought something around the lines: isn’t it always? But he didn’t say it out loud worried that it could be misunderstood.
“He is behaving oddly.”
Steve frowned. “He finally started to talk.”
“Yes,” Strange agreed, “but I highly doubt it’s a good sign.”
Steve turned fully his way. “What do you mean?”
Strange had spent a lot of time with Tony while he’d been recovering, he was one of the few doctors allowed to treat his injuries. Maybe partly because he’d been the first on the set when Tony had fallen to his knees, infinity stones glaring on his hand.
“Stark is strong, but he is not invincible. His mind is… rather damaged, I guess you noticed,” he started.
Steve nodded, not sure where this conversation was aiming.
“When I was attending to him, he had a fever and was talking all the time. He said few things…” Steve took the way Strange’s body stiffened. He clearly didn’t want to talk about it. So why was he?
“Some were disturbing, some were quite enlightening,” he continued, “he said that I gave up the time stone to save his life because I knew he would save us all in the end. I couldn’t believe that at first, but it had to be true.”
Strange looked up straight into Steve’s eyes, pursuing his lips while playing with his glass on the desk.
“He didn’t believe it either, but he still tried. According to his words there were years of preparations. He thought that all he had to do was to revise the Snap itself. He tried, but the stones were too much to handle in this manner. Instead it was easier to just focus on the one of them – the time stone. In the end, what he did was to bring us back in time to Titan – with combined force of the stones and our help we were able to win. But I assume that something very bad happened then. Something he hadn’t taken into account when he’d been making the decision. We won but his past… The five years of preparations were suddenly gone… No one remembers them anymore. No one, but him.”
Steve clearly underestimated how much information Strange had about this matter.
“I assume,” Strange went on, “that during that time he was only able to choose and remain on the right path with a help of a very close person.”
Steve frowned. Strange couldn’t mean him, could he?
“And he told you all of this?”
“Some of it,” Strange admitted, “I and Wong figured out the rest.
Steve started to shake his head.
“No. He wouldn’t even look at me until today. You have to be wrong.”
“The question is why.” The sorcerer looked a bit uncomfortable to evaporate on that.
“Do you think that it was because he didn’t want to see you? Or was it because he wanted to see that other Steve which had kept him sane during those months but knew he was gone?”
Steve shut his mouth. Could it be? The way Tony had looked at him just few minutes back.
“What did you mean that him talking isn’t a good sign?” Steve blurted out. He got a bad feeling in his guts about this.
Strange leaned a bit closer away from the curious ears.
“Isn’t it a bit odd that Mr. Stark approached everyone from his friends tonight, and to most of them he said the words that had been left unspoken between them? What did he say to you? Didn’t it sound like he was giving you a goodbye? Because to me it sounded pretty much like that.”
Steve’s brain was a fuzz. His blood was freezing with a new revelation which haven’t truly reached his mind yet. Oh my god.
“Where did he go?”
“Good, you understood quickly, Captain. I do not posses that information, unfortunately nor do I have an access to the any other floors of this tower.”
Steve stood up and Strange’s cloak followed his sudden movement.
“He will go with you. He was a loyal companion to him after my death.”
Steve nodded briefly, trusting that the magic artefact would keep a pace with him when he more ran than walked away from the room.
“Friday, where is Tony?”
He was walking to the lifts, surprised about an odd delay in the AI’s answer.
“I can’t tell, Captain. Sir is in the locked-out zone. No one has the permission to make a contact. Not even me. Captain, I’m scared.”
Okay, this didn’t sound good. Tony could block away people, but not his own AI, that screamed trouble.
“Can you at least point me in the right direction?”
After a pause a soft woman’s voice said: “up” and Steve walked into the lift with Cloak flying after him.
“I can take you only on your floor, Captain. You have to take the stairs from there, the door will be locked. You will need to use the force.”
Steve paced in the enclosed space; the cloak as nervous as it was doing the same on the other side.
Steve was taking five stairs at the time, stopping only when he hit the door on Tony’s floor. They didn’t open for him just as Friday had said. He braced himself and started to punch the glass. It was thick and strong, ready to stop supersoldiers, maybe even gods, but not combined power of said supersoldier and a very old magic artefact. Steve would swear that Cloak gave him a snort when he glanced at it admirably.
“Come on. Few more doors to break.”
Tony wasn’t on his floor, so “up” had to only mean the roof. Both him and Cloak looked at each other when they realized what it possibly led to. They approached the last door with even more brutal force than before.
“Captain,” Friday called out suddenly, and Steve stopped.
“What?” Lets it not be too late. Please. Lets it not be too late.
“Sir knows you are here, he canceled the lockdown, you can enter.”
Steve froze on the spot for a second, looking at Cloak and back at the demolished door. Another second passed, and it opened up for him. He slowly entered feeling the cold breeze seep through his skin. He looked around and his eyes immediately stopped on the dark figure standing on the ledge of the building. His heart probably missed some heartbeats with the sight.
Tony wasn’t looking at him when he spoke up with a weak and wavering voice. He was swaying from side to side. The half empty bottle in his hand might have been the reason.
“I didn’t plan it for today. It just happened,” he said to the infinite depth in front of him, “I was too obvious. It won’t happen next time.”
“What… what do you mean?” Steve made a step forward, just one. “Tony, please, step down. Please.”
The engineer sighed and then slowly turned to face him. His attention, however, was momentarily claimed by the levitating piece of cloth tugging at his sleeve urgently. Steve didn’t notice when Cloak had left him.
Tony smiled and petted it affectionally. Cloak didn’t stop to pull until Tony it forced Tony to step down and then it climbed up on his shoulders and stayed there. Tony looked up at Steve, giving him a broken, painful smile.
“Don’t expect me to jump in front of you. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“Tony,” Steve groaned.
“No, Steve. It’s okay. Really. You see? I’m good. Do I look like I’m crazy? Or that I need saving? No… I’m fine. Really, I am. I chose this.”
Steve just stood there, watching the engineer with bumps in his throat and widened eyes.
“I know how it looks to you, but I thought it through. It’s not a harsh decision made in the haze. I don’t belong here. I just need to fix it like I fixed everything else.”
Tony’s eyes were darting to the both sides but beside the obvious nervousness, he sounded completely fine. Best in a while. And that terrified Steve to the core.
“You belong here, Tony. You saved everyone. You. The world is saved.”
Tony just laughed bitterly glancing up on the stars like he’s just remembered something.
“Do you recall us watching a movie together? Lord Of The Rings trilogy? Do you remember the last movie?”
“Why are you…”
“No,” Tony interjected him gently, “no, just answer.”
Steve nodded. He remembered the story about hobbits very well because it was Tony’s choice and he’d loved the way the engineer had talked to him through the movie, energic and passionate.
“I do.”
Tony gave him a fond smile. “I hoped you would. You see… this is like Frodo… I mean me,” he pointed at himself, the cloak only wrapping itself tighter around his body, “the world was saved, but not for him, and neither it is for me.”
His brown chocolate eyes were glassy when returning back to Steve’s.
“I don’t know how to live here. I’ve seen too much, done too much. But no one remembers beside me. And I can’t tell anyone because I would never want to give another person nightmares to live with.”
Steve took a deep breath, making his legs move forward. He stopped in front of the engineer.
“Why not? Tell me. I can take it. I will take it. You don’t need to be alone in this.”
“I can’t be that selfish, Cap.”
“You can, Tony. You have every right to be. Please.”
Tony just let the air leave his lungs in a shallow, torn exhale.
“You don’t understand, Steve. Even if I told you, you wouldn’t be you anymore, not in the way I knew you… God, I don’t even make any sense…”
The desperate look on Tony’s face was the last thing Steve needed to see to let his hands gently grab the engineer by his arms.
“Strange told me something. He said that we were doing this together. That in those horrible months I stood by your side. I can do this again, Tony, if you let me. I can be that person.”
Cloak wrapped around his fingers like it was holding him in place. Tony shook his head stubbornly.
“No, Steve. You don’t get it. Those weren’t months. Years. We’ve been fighting for years. We’ve done some horrible, horrible things to make it work.” He made a painful grimace and Steve tightened his grip. “You’re saying “we” like us together? The two of us?”
Something in Tony’s eyes made his heart crack. The engineer placed his cold hand on Steve’s.
“Yes. Pepper was gone. And don’t take me wrong, it broke me, but we had to go on for the sake of everyone, even for her. You were there with me. You were my anchor. You were… everything I had left.”
A tear dropped from the corner of Tony’s eye, and Cloak wiped it away quickly.
“You said you loved me.”
Steve froze. His eyes darting over Tony’s face.
“You said it because you knew I needed to hear it in order to save the world. I told you about Strange sacrificing the stone and his life for me. Everyone knew it was me. The chosen one. We just didn’t know how. And I was so out of it when we returned to Earth. For a long time, I thought that everyone agreed it is you who need to pick up the broken pieces. And you did. You went with it for my sake and for the sake of humanity. You were everything I needed. And even if it wasn’t real, it was for me.” Tony was shaking or maybe Steve was. “And I lost it. I lost everything with the first snap, and then I lost everything again when I reversed it.”
Tony was clinging to him more and more and Steve let him, welcoming the closeness.
“How long were we together?” he asked, his voice unsteady.
“More than three years.”
Steve groaned with frustration. “And you think I could lie to you like that for such a long time?”
“Yes, Steve, for as long as I needed you to.”
“That’s bullshit.”
Steve saw the surprise on Tony’s face regarding his chosen words and then a small smile forming on his lips.
“My Steve learned how to curse too. I think I’m really a bad influence after all.”
“It’s not your Steve, Tony. It’s me,” Steve opposed. “He and I are the same person. Why do you think it wasn’t real?”
Tony shrugged.
“Because you wouldn’t do it in normal circumstances.” Steve hissed inwardly when a wounded look returned to Tony’s face. “Because you told me when I was leaving. You said it shouldn’t be so hard to return because it wasn’t real. There were tears running down your face when you said it, when you watched me go, and in the worst times I imagined it was because you really cared about me, that you wanted to make it easier for me.”
Steve nodded. “That sounds more like what I would do, Tony, and you know that. It sounds about right that Tony Stark made someone fall in love with him at the end of the world.”
Finally, a spark of Tony’s personality sparkled through the mist when he laughed.
“Maybe, Steve. But honestly… I’m so tired.”
Steve didn’t realize he was about to touch Tony’s face until the man flinched away from his touch.
“No, please don’t.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t mean it.” Tony sighed. His eyes full of longing and affection. “You are doing the same thing now. You are willing to start something with me only because I was on that damn ledge 5 minutes ago. I should have never told you about this.”
Steve could see it now.
Tony not believing it was possible for Steve to fall in love with him.
It was Steve’s fault he let him think that. Because he’d thought Tony would not be interested in him in that way he’d never approached the man scared that their friendship would be damaged. And then Accords and Siberia happened, the biggest mistake in Steve’s life. And now he learned that despite that Tony still trusted him and maybe loved him in the time lost between their two worlds.
“How can I prove myself to you?” Steve pleaded, raw emotions hardening his voice.
“You can’t,” Tony answered, “it’s gone. Tony Stark you knew doesn’t exist anymore. And I shouldn’t be here, it’s wrong, unnatural. I can feel it. The funny thing is that despite the whole apocalyptic atmosphere, those three years with you were amazing. Thank you for that, but you have to let me go now.”
Let him go? No way.
Steve’s fingers automatically sank deeper into Tony’s suit and Cloak also tightened its embrace.
“No.”
“No?”
“No,” Steve almost yelled.
“No, Tony. Please, give me at least tonight. Give me the time to listen to you, and if I can’t make you change your mind, then I will…” He couldn’t even say it. “I will let you do what you want.”
Tony gave him a long knowing look. “No, you won’t.”
Steve’s stomach tightened in the knot.
“Please, just tonight. You remember that story? A Thousand and One Nights? I told you about it once.”
There was again that soft smile on Tony’s lips. “You used to read it to me.”
“Give me one night.” And maybe I will make it a thousand. “Please, if what you’re saying is true, let me have at least this.”
He could see Tony was considering. Cloak tugged at his shirt like it encouraged him to go with the plan. It took some time until Tony opened his mouth again to speak.
“Okay.”
“Yes?” Steve asked worried he didn’t hear correctly. But then he shook his head regretting the stupid question. He didn’t want to wait for the response just in the case Tony would change it.
“But just tonight.”
Steve nodded enthusiastically. With the help of Cloak he pulled Tony into the warm room. Maybe Tony’s room. He wasn’t sure. Further from the roof the better.
They both sat down on the bed in silence.
Mentally Steve prepared for the biggest fight in his life.
Tony Stark saved the universe. Now it’s time for someone to return the favor.