They can’t know. They can’t know. They’ll take my membership away. I won’t be an Avenger anymore. The thoughts raced through Peters mind as he walked through the parking garage. He could feel his heart beating so hard, he was surprised it wasn’t beating and flopping on the ground in front of him.
He closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath. He was okay, he was walking with Captain America and Black WIdow through a parking garage. He was not in that warehouse with Adrian Toomes. There was not literal tons of concrete, and rebar and support beams on him, crushing his chest, preventing air from returning to his lungs. But why was it still so hard to breathe?
“-ter? Peter what’s wrong?” Peter snapped out of his trance, his muscles tensed up and finally gulping in a breath as he looked at Natasha. He dropped his gaze down to see his hands trembling severely.
“I can’t breathe,” he gasped out to the voice, stumbling back slightly. Natasha rushed forward to hold him by his shoulder. Steve frowned as he tried to get Peters attention.
“Hey, just look at me. Breathe with me,” Steve coached. Peters wide brown eyes looked up and focused on Steves concerned blue eyes. Each slow breath he took with Steve became easier than the previous. Eventually, it was even and deep enough that Peter almost forgot what had upset him so badly.
Steve nodded slowly after a moment.
“Okay, you’re okay. Were just in the parking garage after grocery shopping.” the soldier explained softly. Peter nodded in reply after a moment, looking around.
Shit shit shit shit-
“Let’s get out of here,” Natasha interrupted his thoughts once more, resting a hand on his shoulder, mindful to not invade his personal space and make him claustrophobic again.
Peter quickly nodded and looked around the parking garage to find the exit.
“We’re almost to the car, just a little longer,” Natasha assured, squeezing his shoulder to help keep him grounded. Peter nodded for a third time and followed between Steve and Natasha to the car. Steve opened the door to the backseat and waited for him to crawl in. Peter sat in the back seat and Natasha got in from the other side after putting their groceries in the trunk and reached for Peters hand as Steve started the car and swiftly left the garage.
As soon as the car exited the garage, Peter rolled down his window to get the breeze on his face, relaxing instantaneously with a sigh.
The relief was short lived as Peter started to think of his position, and what was going to happen because of this. He wasn’t supposed to let anyone know of this. He was okay, he was strong. He was a goddamn Avenger, he wasn’t supposed to be scared of anything.
He glanced over at his and Natashas hands, and retracted his hand from hers. He tried to ignore the frown Natasha gave, even if it was only visible for a split second before she put up her usually composed-facade.
He looked back out the window.
Eventually they made it back to the tower and Peter got out and headed for the elevator. Steve and Natasha got out as well, each taking one of the two bags of groceries and following him in.
Peter tapped his foot as they got in the elevator, waiting as they rode up. He was not going to talk about this, not now. He could tell Steve and Natasha were having a silent conversation behind him but he was going to ignore it any way he could.He wouldn’t talk about it. Not now, probably not ever. They would talk and talk to the others and then Mr. Stark would know and then he wouldn’t think he was capable of being spiderman anymore.
As soon as the doors opened, Peter was practically gone. He needed some space. He headed straight for the spare room Mr. Stark had given him to stay in when he stayed at the tower, shutting the door behind him. He didn’t think he had any reason to leave this room ever again. He didn’t want to leave and face what was lying beyond that door now.
Peter leaned against the door and took a deep breath, putting his head in his hands before standing up again. He took a few steps and collapsed onto the bed, his bed. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, drawing in a shuddery breath. This was his second home, he found a place where he might belong finally, he couldn’t lose it now.
Time seemed to go by as if he were under water, slow and blurry.
Without realizing, Peter woke with a start. When did he fall asleep? What time was it even?
A look at his phone told him it had only been about three hours since he left the store with Steve and Nat. He didn’t feel quite as bad before… but it still wasn’t great.
He realized now he was more hungry than anything when his stomach growled loudly. Well, he hadn’t accounted for food when he made his vow to never leave his room again. Guess it doesn’t hurt to leave to get food, right?
Forcing himself up to a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and yawning, Peter got up to leave the room. He could just pray that no one was in the kitchen as he escaped his sanctuary.
He didn’t think it could get any worse for himself. He was wrong. Everyone was there, waiting for him it seemed. He kept his head down and headed for the fridge to get some food out, trying to keep his head down and make food as fast as he could so he could leave again.
Everyone else was immersed in their own conversations when Peter heard it.
“You know, I’m scared of water, and I can’t stand the cold,” Steve said softly after a moment from where he sat at the breakfast bar, a few feet away from Peter. Peter stilled, unsure where the comment had come from. He didn’t lift his head, but glanced up at the captain warily.
“Ever since the plane crash… I can’t stand water, it feels like I’m suffocating.” he elaborated. Soon the others came closer as they caught on, Bucky standing behind Steve and resting a hand on his shoulder in a comforting fashion.
Peter tried to still his hands as he noticed them shaking. Steve couldn’t really be afraid of water, could he? No… yes? He let his hand drop to the counter and allowed himself to look up at Steve.
The soldier was offering a faint smile, his eyes wide and honest- so goddamn honest he couldn’t believe it.
“I can’t stand needles. Every time I need an injection, Natasha has to nearly drag me down from the rafters,” Clint said a moment later, patting Peters back as he walked passed him, and reached to steal a piece of the food Peter had set out and walked on back to the living area to watch the TV.
Peter drew a shuddery breath as he glanced around at them all. Thor spoke up next.
“I am terrified of being alone.” He said. “Even one day alone stresses me out.”
Even a god? Or… demigod? Peter still was unsure of that but the concept was still applicable. Anyways, Thor got scared?
There was a short pause before Natasha finally broke it, and Peter looked up at her.
“I don’t like dogs,” Was all she said, not elaborating any further. He could see the tension in her shoulders, and only because of his dialed-up senses he could hear her exhale. It sounded tense and slow, but he didn’t point it out.
“I hate silence,” Loki commented. Thor had brought him back to earth a while back to help Loki attone for what he had done to New York and other various places on earth, and he had slowly joined the team.
“SIlence lets me think, and it’s not good things when I do. Sometimes bad memories, other times its destructive,” he explained quietly, pressing his hands together and dropping his gaze after he was done talking. Thor set a hand on his shoulder in a comforting fashion, like Bucky had with steve earlier.
“It’s crowds for me... like parades and parties are just not a good idea. I get stressed out by the noise and how close everyone is to me,” Bruce said. Everyone simultaneously nodded in agreement, Bruce’s seemed to be the easiest to understand, he didn’t need to explain.
Bucky finally seemed to find his voice a moment later.
“Heights nearly make me sick. I can’t stand near the edge of a building, or cliff, or even diving board without wanting to scream.” his voice was gravelly, almost choked up.
Peter glanced around at them all, finally stopping on Tony, who had yet to share yet. Not Mr. Stark right now, not in this space. The genius was sitting on a barstool, a drink of something in his hand, and Peter thought maybe he didn’t have anything to share. He was ironman, he couldn’t be afraid of anything, right?
Tony didn’t look up when he spoke, and Peter nearly missed it.
“I’m scared of the dark.”
The dark. Peter almost laughed with the simplicity of it all. He didn’t, not with the mood over them all, but if it were any other situation he might have.
The team seemed to sit in silence for a moment, stewing and comprehending what happened, and what everyone had said. Peter felt a weight come off his shoulders, and his chest opened up. He supposed it was his turn to share.
Peter dropped his head slightly, taking a deep breath.
“A building dropped on me… I got pinned underneath it all, and I know no one was going to find me. I don’t like closed spaces,” he finally said, but his voice sounded a bit disembodied to him. It felt… good to finally tell someone about it.
He looked up, not sure what to expect from them but was not surprised by the sympathetic look in everyone's’ eyes.
What surprised him more was Tony getting up, walking over to him, and pulling him in for a hug. It took a second, but Peter clung to Tony like a lifeline, burying his face in Tony’s shoulder. He hadn’t realized he was crying until he shifted slightly and felt a cold, wet spot on Tony’s shirt.
“We’re all scared of something, kid. We’ll get through this together, you don’t need to hide from us,” Tony said, hugging him tighter. Peter nodded in reply. God this was embarrassing… but part of him didn’t care. This was his family now, after May of course. He could trust them. He should start to trust them from now on. He would try anyways.