IM BAAAACCCCKKKKKK (chapter 6)
Tony Stark just unofficially introduced his son to the world. This is what we know so far.
The Daily Bugle
By Erica J. Fletcher
For nearly 17 years, the only things known about Iron Man and Captain America’s family life was that they had an adopted son, and that his initials had been changed to P.S-R. at his adoption. Tony Stark took advantage of his enormous amounts of wealth to shield his son from the public eye. Although the child is almost certainly past his 18th birthday by now, and can make decisions of whether or not he wants to be hidden for himself, it appears he had, up until today, chosen to keep his anonymity of the last two decades.
Today, that all changed. A group of junior students from Midtown High School, while being guided on a tour of Stark Tower by Tony Stark himself (The official statement is that they were there to begin preparations for the Stark Expo, which their group was participating in this year), were fortunate enough to, with the blessing of Iron Man himself, meet Stark’s son. They got the shock of their lives when, apparently, the mysterious offspring turned out to be none other than one of their classmates.
A few of them agreed to speak with us here at The Daily Bugle about the experience, which we are grateful for. Here are their versions of the story!
(The name provided by classmates has been concealed by the request of a Stark-Rogers lawyer)
Ashley R., 17
“It was like, totally weird, because like, we’ve all known [redacted] since elementary school, and the only weird thing about him that we ever noticed was that he had a personal driver, and he was like… hella smart [sic.]”
“Flash” T., 17
“Oh yeah I’ve been friends with [redacted] for years. Never guessed he was Stark’s son, but everyone’s got their secrets, yeah? We’re on the decathlon team together, get on great. We’re basically brothers.”
“M.J.”, 16
“Yeah I know him, what’s it to you?”
(Our reporter asked if she had ever suspected his family background)
“No. He’s weird about talking about his family, but I’m a good friend and don’t invade his personal life.”
Aiden S., 17
“Dude I was so excited to meet Stark’s son and then he turned around and IT WAS [redacted]! I HAVE READ SHAKESPEARE WITH A GUY WHO’S WORTH 10 TIMES WHAT I’LL MAKE IN MY LIFETIME DO YOU KNOW HOW TRIPPY THAT IS? [sic.]”
Well, his classmates certainly seem surprised, but unfortunately, we are limited in what we know and can publish at this time. Luckily, Iron Man has scheduled a press conference to talk about the situation this afternoon. You can stream it live here. Who knows, maybe the mystery son will make an appearance?
-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-
Steve sighed and set his tablet down, waving his hand over the surface to close the article.
“You couldn’t have waited to do this? Or even just thrown me a quick: ‘Hey Steve, gonna reveal our son’s identity that we have spent millions of dollars and hundreds of hours working to keep secret for the past 17 years’ beforehand?”
Tony pouted at him from his seat on the other side of the island. “I wasn’t thinking that far ahead, Stevie dear. All I knew was that Peter had neglected to tell me that he was going to be in the group of students, and now he was trying to sneak off without saying hi.”
Pinching the bridge of his nose and scrunching his eyes shut, Steve spoke with all of the patience he could possibly muster. “And, you thought that an equal and appropriate reaction was to out his identity to his entire class”
“It’s not like I told them he was Spider-man!”
“Yes, praise god, that idea did not cross your mind, because if it did, we would be in it much worse than we already are now.”
“Okay, have a little faith in me. I wouldn’t go that far. Besides, is it so wrong that I want to be able to be properly proud of my son to people without having to censor the fuck out of everything I say?”
Steve glared at his husband, then whirled around and started pacing up and down the length of the kitchen. “Okay, okay. I can work with this. I can fix this. There’s- Jarvis we did schedule a press conference, right?”
The overhead lights glowed a soft blue for a second to affirm that Jarvis had heard him, then the AI’s calming voice said, “Correct, sir. The press conference is set to begin at 4:00 PM EDT, with Sirs Tony Stark, yourself, and various aides and managers. Tony also said to put Peter’s name in with a question mark on the private file. The conference will be streamed to the following services: Youtube, NBC News, ABC News-”
“Okay okay, thank you Jarvis”
Tony sipped his coffee and watched his husband think for a moment. “Where is Peter anyways? This whole thing’s over him and he’s not even in the room for it.” Belatedly, he realized it may have not been the best thing to bring up.
With another glare, Steve said, “He’s with Wade, in their room. Most likely freaking out because one of his worst fears just came true. I figured it was best to let Wade be Wade and deal with him while I deal with-” He motioned vaguely around them, “-all of this.”
“Ah. Well, while you…” Tony mimicked the motion half-heartedly. “Deal… I will go check in on him.” He went to move towards Peter and Wade’s end of the floor, but Steve stopped him.
“You will do nothing of the sort. You’re the one that betrayed him to his classmates, and through them, the world.”
“I hardly betrayed him. I guess I can see that it was a bit of a rash reaction, but it’s not like I sought out the Vulture and gave him a briefing on Peter’s private life.”
“ Tony. ”
“ Steve. ”
“I’m serious, Tones. You’re his dad, you’re supposed to be on his side no matter what. That means protecting his secrets, especially when you know he doesn’t want them revealed. Remember how much you hated it when Howard would tell his business buddies all your shortcomings?” Tony made a face. “Yeah, well, this is like that for Peter, but 10 times worse. It’s like Howard telling stuff even worse than that to everyone .”
“Oh. I didn’t realize it meant that much to him.” Tony looked crestfallen. “I didn’t- I didn’t mean-”
Steve smiled sadly. “Tony. It’s alright. No one thinks you meant to hurt him. He’ll forgive you before Monday rolls around. Now. The press conference is in an hour, and you need to memorize your speech in half that time. I’ll go check on Peter and see if he wants to be part of it or not.” He gave his husband a quick side-hug and started towards Peter and Wade’s room, and then stopped and wheeled around. “Oh, and Jarvis?”
“At your service, sir.”
“Can you call Peter’s school and excuse him for… at least a week please?”
“I have already tried to contact Midtown High School, but it appears their phone lines are busy. I will try to call them again within the hour.”
“Wonderful, thanks.”
Behind him, Tony muttered under his breath, “Probably reporters trying to get ‘eXcLuSiVe iNtErViEwS’ with his teachers. Good thing I already pay that school half a million a year, or we would have a much bigger problem on our hands.”
“Indeed, sir.” If Tony didn’t know any better, he would have sworn Jarvis’s voice was tinged with sarcasm.
-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-
“Petey-pie, I understand that you’re upset, but will suffocating yourself really do any good in this situation?” Wade stood uncertainly at the foot of their bed, directing his voice towards what, at first glance, appeared to be a rather tall and somewhat misshapen pile of all the blankets in the tower.
“Yes. If I’m dead I don’t have to go to school anymore.” The blanket pile spoke in a muffled voice.
“That’s… not how we deal with our issues.”
“You used to shoot yourself in the head every time something happened that you didn’t like!”
“Ah, but that’s where we differ, my brave squire. I am immortal. Killing myself is a temporary, painful solution to my issues. You are quite mortal. Dying would make everything 20 times worse for the rest of us, AND you would never be able to experience all of those fun life things like graduating, moving out, marrying, having kids, retiring, and- well no actually I suppose you would get the dying one, but you would miss all the rest!”
Peter poked his head out of the blanket pile cautiously. “Bold of you to assume I want any of those things”
Wade gasped dramatically and collapsed next to the Peter-Blanket hybrid, pressing their heads together. “You don’t want to marry me? Im offended!”
“What?! I- that’s not what I- you-” Peter blushed furiously and stared at Wade, who grinned back. “Perfect, now I know just what to say to make you squirm.”
“You already knew how to do that.” Peter grumbled, shaking a hand out from under the blankets to throw over Wade, who leaned into him and reached for the TV remote.
They spent the better part of the next 20 minutes like that, lying peacefully on the not-at-all-made bed and watching Cartoon Network (Wade’s favourite), publicity crisis momentarily forgotten.
Just as Peter’s eyes were starting to drift shut, there was a tentative knock on their door. Neither of the superheroes moved, but they were both immediately at full attention, staring at the door.
“Peter? Wade? I’m just coming to check on you both.” Steve’s voice was soft and reassuring, and Peter visibly relaxed again.
“Aw, I’m touched! Jarvis, can you unlock the door for S-man real quick?” Wade easily slipped back into the Deadpool persona that he used with almost everyone other than Peter.
“Sir, you seem to have also referred to Tony as ‘S-man’ yesterday, are you aware of who you are talking to?”
“Jesus Christ, Stark needs to get his hologram butler straightened out. Dude’s either got a major attitude or is just plain stupid.” Wade muttered under his breath to no one in particular. “In this context, it means ‘Steve-man’. Yesterday, it meant ‘Stark-man’. Also possibly ‘Superhero-man’.” He spoke as if he was explaining something to a young child who he had explained the same thing to multiple times without any sort of comprehension.
Jarvis didn’t respond, but the door unlocked with a click and swung open to reveal a very stressed looking Steve Rogers. He nodded at Wade and crossed the room to cautiously sit next the the half-Peter, half-blanket mutant creature.
“How are you feeling, champ?” Peter merely looked at him with an expression of pure despair. “Hmm. Not what I had hoped for, but better than nothing I suppose.” Steve had always been good at translating Peter’s dramatic facial expressions into what appeared to be complex paragraphs detailing his mental state. It was a skill no one else had managed to pick up, despite all of them being around Peter pretty much 24/7 as he grew up. Steve refused to reveal the secret to his ability, although Wade suspected it had something to do with sacrificing feathered creatures atop the tower on moonless (or very moon-full) nights.
Realizing he had zoned out contemplating how hard it would be to sneak up to the tower roof for a few nights to test his theory, Wade came back into the conversation just in time to hear Steve say softly, “Well, there’s a press conference in a bit, and I thought I should ask you if you wanted to be a part of it, since it’s about you.”
Wade frowned at the thought of thousands of people seeing his boyfriend on-screen as anything other than the masked Spider-man, but kept his thoughts to himself and waited for Peter’s answer.
“I...” The teenager paused, considering it. After a moment, he set his jaw and said, “Yeah, I’ll do it. Do I have to talk?”
Steve smiled, clearly pleased with his son’s choice. “Only if you want to. You can write yourself something to prepare if you feel up to it, or you can just stand in the back with me and the PR team.”
Peter frowned. “With you? Aren’t you the one giving the conference?”
“No, that job goes to your dad. As much as I think my more… measured… speech-demeanor would be helpful for this situation, your father got us into this situation, and he needs to clean up his own mess.”
“Any other day, I would argue with you, but I’m too furious at Dad right now to defend him.” Peter grumbled.
Steve smiled serenely. “As you should be. And let it be said that you have my blessing to yell at him as loud as you want after the conference. Speaking of which…” He glanced down at his watch. “You have about a half hour until you should be ready, and another 20 minutes after that until you have to be downstairs. I’ve got to go make sure Security has enough people working today to cover this.”
“We don’t, but last I heard Jackie was already calling everyone available to get on-site, so it should be fine by now.” Wade said through a yawn. “Have fun, Cap. Peter- you have paint on you again, and you’re not gonna ruin another $5,000 suit if I can help it. Go wash it off.”
Peter rolled off the bed awkwardly, still wrapped in blankets, and gave his boyfriend a sarcastic salute. “Aye-aye, sir.”
Wade threw the remote at his head.