“Fuck!” Steve exclaims, throwing away the dirty diaper he just removed from his son. What in the hell does this kid eat that produces mass amounts of shit? He bundles the trash and immediately takes it out outside. There's no way that can stay in here.
“No, James!” Steve is now giving chase to the boy who is running around the house minus his clean diaper. The toddler is lightning quick, removing it in the seconds it took Steve to go outside and back in. He'll never get over just how quickly his little terror monster of his works.
“Come here!” James is climbing the stairs just ahead of Steve, looking back at his father and shaking his bare ass in his face; laughing and running to his room. Steve can't help but lose his composure and places his head down on the steps, laughing until he’s winded. He knows he shouldn't, but if James can't see his face, Steve thinks the laugh is acceptable.
It's quiet, but he knows he's here. Steve saw him go in. “Oh, James? James...where are you?” There's a giggle from behind the door but he acts as if he didn't hear it. “Where could he be?” Steve looks under the bed, “not here!” The laugh comes a little louder this time.
“How ‘bout...here!” He opens the closet door, “nope!” James is jumping with excitement behind the other door. As much as Steve loves his son, he's tired from today and he's ready for this game to be over.
Steve makes his way to the bedroom door, “what about...here!” He moves it just enough, and sees an excited, naked James covering his face laughing and jumping in place. “Found you!” He picks up the boy and wraps him in his arms.
“Daddy, no!”
“Daddy, yes!” Steve carries him downstairs to put the diaper back on. He looks around and sees the mess the house is in after just one afternoon with hurricane James. There are literally toys everywhere and he's pretty sure there's a stain on the carpet. How does one small child do this much damage?
“Hello?” Steve answers his ringing cell phone.
“Hey, hottie...how are my boys?”
Steve had never been happier to hear your voice. “This child is a menace! How the hell do you do this every day and why do I not know about it?” His voice is slightly panicked, and he still has the boy in his arms.
“Welcome to adulting. The messes are his, but you’re the one left cleaning it up!”
“Fuck! No--James!” Steve shouts over the phone, warm liquid running down his body. “I gotta go! He just pissed all over me!” He hangs up the phone and sets the boy down. “You're worse than your fucking uncle!”
The boy grins at his father. “Lan-gage, Cap!” He says before running away naked, leaving his father in pee-soaked clothes.