Chapter 6
Once again, the traumatic tale of Loki’s (and his peoples’) life was retold. It never got easier, explaining or hearing what had happened. Loki had started tuning out whenever he wasn’t speaking; he couldn’t bear to listen for longer than was needed.
If he was getting strange looks from the others he was none the wiser. Blank eyes, blank mind. He’s cried enough these past few days, why embarrass himself further?
Loki felt a light tap on his shoulder, but it felt distant, like it wasn’t real. He ignored it. The tapping didn’t occur again until what felt like eons later, though realistically, it was most likely only a few seconds.
He wanted to snap the finger tapping him, it felt too persistent, too invasive. It was too much. Loki snapped out of his thoughts and whirled around to the tapper and glared him down.
Barnes was unphased. The rest of the group was still in conference, so they weren’t immediately aware of the two men’s interaction.
“Do you need some air? I could make up an excuse for you if you don’t want them to know what’s up.” His voice was soft and low, barely above a whisper and honey sweet. His eyes carried a kindness Loki swore he would never see from someone other than his mother and brother.
Barnes was worried, and though the act of somebody treating him respectfully had considerably warmed Loki’s chest, he refused to allow that warmth to show.
“I am fine.” He snapped, “Please so mind your business next time.”
He had intended for that to be the end of it, but Barnes had taken to the conference.
“Uh, not to break up the conversation, but I’m gonna take Loki outside. The guy’s gotta piss and I ain’t too keen on the idea of lettin’ him roam free like that.”
Crude.
The Captain and Thor exchanged a suspicious glance towards each other, but relented nonetheless. Loki and Barnes were dismissed, regardless of the fact Loki didn’t ask to be.
As they reached a spot behind the ship, Barnes turned to Loki with an apologetic smile.
“You don’t gotta lie, ya know. Death is heavy, if you need a breather you can always—“
“Once again, I would kindly ask that you mind your business. I was fine, I have always been fine during these discussions, and I always will be fine.” He was snapping— he really shouldn’t be.
Barnes was right, he did need to get fresh air, but he hated when people could see through him. How could he see through him so easily?
“Buddy, I have post-traumatic stress. I know what that spacey look in your eyes is.” He carefully reached a hand out to rest on Loki’s forearm. Loki tensed, but allowed the contact.
“I’ve seen it in others, I’ve seen it in myself. You can’t weasel your way outta this one.” He gave a gentle, reassuring squeeze to Loki’s arm before cutting the contact.
How starved for touch was he that the moment the other man’s warm hand left he was craving more? The sudden lack of pressure was leaving Loki feeling hollow.
“We can stay out here for as long as you need, and I ain’t about to hear no more ‘I’m fine’ nonsense.” Such a persistent man.
Loki wouldn’t smile. No he would not.
“Hey, I see those dimples comin’ in!” The soldier beamed with joy just from seeing the twitching of a smile being held back by the prince.
“C’mon, Lokes, let me see that smile!”
This man made it so hard for Loki to stay upset. What was it about him that was so determined to make everyone around him happy? Overcompensation? A con? What was his deal?
Needless to say, the prince’s wall cracked for a split second. But his smile was gone just as it had come. Barnes was happy all the same, though. Just that mere millisecond worth of a smile was enough to start his verbal-praise-vomit.
A spewage of “There we go’s” and “Such a pretty smile’s” pouring from his mouth. Loki wasn’t a child, he needn’t be coddled like one, but the praise made him… happy.
By the Norns, what is this man trying to do to him?
…
The cycle continued. Loki brought Barton and the witch and then the conference commenced. James noticed when he wasn’t feeling well and would make up a lie to get them out. Loki would pretend to be angry while James tried to make him smile.
Even with all of the good (his secret moments with James) Loki still felt a cloud of dread settle over him with each passing day.
Why was this taking so long? They should have come up with a solution by now— unless… unless the ‘Secret’ Avengers were stalling. Waiting for the soldiers they ratted Loki out to to come and take him away. Would they have jeopardized their secret organization just to arrest Loki?
That.
Was a foolish question in hindsight.
Of course they did— that was why James was buttering him up! He wanted to make sure Loki wouldn’t suspect anything, but Loki is no fool. He’s caught on to their little game and he won’t be the loser this round.
A chill took over the prince’s body. Where once milky white flesh had been was now taken over by an icy blue. Jagged white markings adorned his face and body, and a deep red bled into his eyes completely taking over any and all color within.
The body of a monster. Sharp teeth, claw like nails, miniature horns barely protruding from his head— like a juvenile buck. Anyone within their right mind would be scared, any sane person would kill him on sight— but he won’t let them get the chance.
Prince Loki, of Asgard and Jotunheim, will not allow these mortals to—
“Oh shit, you turn blue?”
—defeat him.
“Hey, Stevie! Did you know Loki could turn blue? Why am I always the last to find this type of shit out!” James turned his attention back towards the frost bitten Loki.
“I’m not gonna lie, this? Works for you. You should go blue more often, really brings out the red in your eyes.”
The Jotun prince snarled, “You dare make a mockery of me? I should kill you where you stand, you mewling—“
“Call me a ‘quim’ and I knock those pearly whites outta your mouth, okay pal?”
A crowd had gathered around them, on the defense— waiting for Loki to strike. He rapidly glanced around, everyone was watching. They would all get to watch as their Prince tore out the throat of the conniving mortal who dared to fool the God of Tricks.
He shall show no mercy.
“What’s gotten into you? You’re acting all pissy—“ Loki lunged for the soldier’s throat.
James had just barely dodged.
“What the fuck!” The soldier yelled.
Within an instant Loki was surrounded by the Secret Avengers and his own team. Fists, arrows, shields, lighting, and swords coming together in battle.
The witch cast a spell his way, he deflected it back to her. Being but an amateur she mistakenly deflected her own spell in the way of Thor. Effectively blinding him for a moment, long enough for Loki to swipe his feet from underneath him.
From his crouched position he was given an easy vantage point of the archer’s neck. He quickly lunged upward, but the Falcon grabbed him by the ankle and tossed him aside.
Now the Jotun was trapped between two soldiers of equal strength, he prepared a defensive stance as they both charged towards his person. The wind was knocked out of him as two 200 pound men collided into him from either side. His stance buckled and right as the two men were about to take a swinging punch, a shout roared out from the crowd.
“Enough!”
The voice was powerful and deep— it shook their cores. They turned to see who had called out to see Heimdall standing on the sidelines of the scuffle.
“Are you all incapable of talking? Of using your words instead of your fists? This was an easily avoided conflict, and yet none of you stopped to think of the consequences— there are children present!”
The group took one look around and noticed the fearful eyes of the children peering out from behind their guardians’ legs. A pang of guilt struck Loki harder than ever before.
Not only had he lost his temper and exposed the children of his broken kingdom to more violence, he also exposed them to his monstrous form.
Sure, all of Asgard was aware of Loki’s race by now, but that can’t erase eons of propaganda.
All these children knew were horror stories of the evil Frost Giants, told by parent and sibling alike, that would come into their rooms at night and steal them away if they so much as fussed about supper.
The heroic tales of Aesir warriors slaying the horrendous beasts of Jotunheim, successfully sabotaging the monsters’ plans to eat all of the Aesir boys and girls and rape the fair, innocent Aesir ladies.
Now there Loki was, their greatest nightmare, attacking their King and his allies.
His fault.
It’s his fault.
The fear in their eyes, the tears threatening to break free.
He did this.
“I… You don’t understand I—“
His people flinched as he moved towards them.
His fault.
He did this.
This is all his fault.
“I… I’m sorry…” His voice cracked.
He couldn’t bear this.
It was always his fault.
He teleported.
…
Bucky was pissed. Pissed as hell! What was that asshole’s problem? Bucky had been nothing but kind to him— except for that rock thing, but he liked to pretend that never happened.
He offered him comfort, support, and lied for him— sure they were very inconsequential lies, but he still lied.
Bucky hadn’t stopped pacing since he got back to the ship. First, Loki attacks him, then he has the audacity to teleport away from the consequences of his actions? What a brat!
“Buck.” Steve said.
But he didn’t hear, he was too busy being pissed off. Seriously, what the hell?
“Buck.” He said a little sterner.
“What a dickhead! He has a lotta nerve coming to us for help with those crocodile tears and then trying to kill us— or at least do serious damage! Speaking of damage, what’s his? Huh? What kind of—“ He was ranting, loudly. Ranting and pacing, with the occasional arm flail.
Was he overreacting? No, Loki was an asshole.
“Buck!”
“What?!” The soldier snapped back.
His pacing stopped as he whirled around to face his friend. They were both glaring at each other, both annoyed at the other for snapping.
“I know you’re new to this whole Loki thing, but I’ve got experience. This ain’t new. From what Thor’s told us this is just what Loki does.” He crossed his arms over his chest as he explained, “He tricks people into trusting him and then he attacks. He’s unpredictable and down right crazy. No need to have a fit over it, we’ll just find him and lock him up.”
That. Did not sit well with Bucky.
Even though he was pissed as all hell, he still didn’t like the idea of immediately locking someone up who had unexpectedly snapped.
Now that he thought about it— isn’t that exactly how he used to be before he got help?
Steve didn’t want him locked up, but he sure seems eager to lock Loki up.
Are their situations so different? They barely know anything about Loki, but in Bucky’s opinion it would be pretty difficult to pretend to cry. To pretend to have a sensory overload— to pretend to dissociate…
Something’s up with Loki, he just knows it.
He’s gotta find that son of a bitch before the others. He’s gotta talk to him about what had gone down earlier.
The soldier is considerably less pissed off now.
…
“I saw you coming.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t get less creepy the more you say it.”
He stopped a few steps away from the darker man. Heimdall was it? Ah, he had no clue with those Asgardian names.
“Since you saw me coming, I guess you already know what I’m gonna ask?” He crossed his arms.
Seriously, as nice as this guy was his power, or whatever, really gave him the heebie-jeebies.
“No, actually,” Heimdall turned around to face him, “I don’t have the power to read minds.”
Hm…
“Oh— well I uh, wanted to know if you knew where Loki was— I’m uh—“ Why was he stuttering? Get it together Barnes, it’s not as embarrassing as you’re making it out to be!
“He’s found himself a little pond to relax by. Follow the frost, you’ll find him in no time.” Heimdall gave the other man a kind smile.
“You know it would be easier for me if you gave me like, a specific location.”
“It would also be a breach of privacy.”
Oh. Right. Morals.
“Uh… Right, okay. Follow the frost. Got it.”
And with that measly information, Bucky was off on a man-hunt. An alien-hunt? Blue-man-hunt? Whatever.
…
“‘Follow the frost!’ He said. ‘You’ll find him in no time!’ He said!” The amount of frost Bucky’s seen would qualify for a desert.
Yeah, no frost! Nowhere! He’s definitely on the wrong track. Maybe he should have asked which direction he should have taken…
Just as Bucky was about to give up and turn around that’s when he saw it. Frost! On the tree bark— oh hell yeah! Now he’s getting somewhere!
He continued like that for possibly an hour— meticulously checking every tree, bush, rock, and animal for any trace of frost.
The temperature started to drop the farther along he went; Loki was close. Or, a random cold-flash was scheduled for today. But he’s pretty sure it’s Loki.
He will get answers out of that brat if it’s the last thing he does! Though— if he says the wrong thing… it may actually be the last thing he does. Yikes.
Keep your cool, Barnes.
“Hey, dickhead!”
Or don’t. No big deal.
Loki jumped at the sudden shout. He turned around warily, clearly anticipating the worst.
“So you’re just gonna attack me after how nice I’ve been to you— and then run away? Huh? Is that how this is gonna be played?” Remember how Bucky wasn’t as pissed at Loki? Yeah, consider that over with.
Loki had the right mind to actually look guilty. Good! He should feel guilty! That little greaseball—
“You better have a real good explanation, mister or I oughta—“ With the little memory he had, Bucky was certain he was sounding like his mother.
“I’m sorry…” It was such a small voice, Bucky wasn’t sure if he heard correctly.
Upon closer inspection, Loki’s eyes were puffy. He would call them red, but… it would be hard to tell.
His blue skin was flushed a soft purple, man. He really was upset with what he did.
Well… good! He should be upset! He caused a lot of harm.
“Come again? I don’t think I heard you right.”
“I’m sorry.” His voice quivered.
Jesus— he was really making this hard to stay mad at him. Alright. He’ll bite.
Bucky cautiously made his way towards the Frost Giant— Frost Runt? He crouched down to be eye level with Loki.
“Seriously, tell me what’s wrong. The other’s are super pissed, so your best bet is to be honest.”
The other man broke eye contact as he guiltily stared at the ground. He was seated on the grass cross legged, with his arms wrapped tightly around his middle.
Why did he have to look so cute?
“I never had friends before.”
Oh… kay?
“I’m not certain what it means to have or to make friends— and with how long this whole debacle is taking I had thought…”
Oh? Oh! Oh…
“I apologize I— I shouldn’t have lashed out. I’m trying to be better, but it seems I still have a long ways to go.”
His lips were quivering— oh no don’t cry again! Bucky hates it when he cries.
“Hey now.” He reached over and put a finger under Loki’s chin, gently tilting his face to look at him.
“I wasn’t any better when I was recovering— hell I’m still recovering. Healing is messy, it really is. You’re gonna fuck up from time to time, and the best thing you can do is apologize, learn, and make sure not to repeat those mistakes.” The soldier made sure to keep his voice level and calm, like a mother would to a frightened child.
“But I’m gonna need you to be honest with us. And I mean— scarily honest. The more we’re aware of, the easier it’ll be for us to forgive you. But from our perspective you’re just a crazy guy with one too many tricks up his sleeve. And I wanna help you, Loki, full truth.”
He could see the fear and suppression in the other’s eyes. He could tell he wanted to be honest, but he wasn’t ready.
“It’s okay if you can’t yet, I didn’t mean to rush you. Just… think about it, okay? Now,” he stood up, “let’s get back before the others start another war.”
…
Bucky made sure to take the long way back to camp, just in case the others were searching for them. He didn’t want to run the risk of another ‘fight first ask questions later’ scenario.
By the time the two reached camp the sun was low in the sky, casting a beautiful orange-red color over everything its light touched.
He couldn’t see his friends, alright, so he made the right decision taking the long way.
Sneaking Loki back to the ship will be another story though. There would be too many refugees to get passed— would they try to start anything? He was unsure, but didn’t want to risk it regardless.
“Dilemma?” Loki asked.
“Yeah— how the fuck are we gonna get to the ship without being noticed?”
“Invisibility spell?”
“Don’t say it so matter-of-factly, you pompous witch.”
“Not a witch.”
“Cast the spell, dollface.”
So he did, with a twinkle and a glitter they were now invisible. Or so he hoped— otherwise this would be really embarrassing.
They crossed through the camp and didn’t encounter any problems, so the spell worked, thank God. Crossing the threshold of the ship Loki dropped the spell.
There was nobody around.
“The others will be back soon.”
Bucky did not scream. No he did not.
“When the fuck did you get here?!” He yelled.
“I… was here the entire time.”
Heimdall made a beeline straight to Loki.
“You’re well now, my prince?”
“For now, yes. Thank you… for asking. You needn’t worry yourself.”
“I wasn’t worried.”
Bucky often forgets how close Thor and Loki actually are to Heimdall. They grew up together, and yet it doesn’t always feel like it when he watches their interactions. So formal.
“Uh, how fucked will we be when the others get back?” Bucky interjected.
“Wildly.”
As expected…